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Born and raised in Wales, she started her career in London, as a music journalist for uproarious rock ’n’ roll magazine, \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kerrang.com/features/an-oral-history-of-alternative-tentacles-40-years-of-keeping-punk-alive/\">Kerrang!\u003c/a>\u003c/em>. In America, she got her start at alt-weeklies including \u003ca href=\"https://archives.sfweekly.com/sanfrancisco/ArticleArchives?author=2127078&excludeCategoryType=Blog\">\u003cem>SF Weekly\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and the \u003ca href=\"https://www.villagevoice.com/author/raealexandra/\">\u003cem>Village Voice\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and freelanced for a great many other publications. Her undying love for San Francisco has, more recently, turned her into \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/tag/bayareahistory/\">a history nerd\u003c/a>. In 2023, Rae was awarded an SPJ Excellence in Journalism Award for Arts & Culture.","avatar":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/d5ef3d663d9adae1345d06932a3951de?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twitter":"raemondjjjj","facebook":null,"instagram":null,"linkedin":null,"sites":[{"site":"arts","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"news","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"pop","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"bayareabites","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"science","roles":["editor"]}],"headData":{"title":"Rae Alexandra | KQED","description":"Staff Writer","ogImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/d5ef3d663d9adae1345d06932a3951de?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/d5ef3d663d9adae1345d06932a3951de?s=600&d=blank&r=g"},"isLoading":false,"link":"/author/ralexandra"}},"breakingNewsReducer":{},"campaignFinanceReducer":{},"firebase":{"requesting":{},"requested":{},"timestamps":{},"data":{},"ordered":{},"auth":{"isLoaded":false,"isEmpty":true},"authError":null,"profile":{"isLoaded":false,"isEmpty":true},"listeners":{"byId":{},"allIds":[]},"isInitializing":false,"errors":[]},"navBarReducer":{"navBarId":"arts","fullView":true,"showPlayer":false},"navMenuReducer":{"menus":[{"key":"menu1","items":[{"name":"News","link":"/","type":"title"},{"name":"Politics","link":"/politics"},{"name":"Science","link":"/science"},{"name":"Education","link":"/educationnews"},{"name":"Housing","link":"/housing"},{"name":"Immigration","link":"/immigration"},{"name":"Criminal Justice","link":"/criminaljustice"},{"name":"Silicon Valley","link":"/siliconvalley"},{"name":"Forum","link":"/forum"},{"name":"The California Report","link":"/californiareport"}]},{"key":"menu2","items":[{"name":"Arts & Culture","link":"/arts","type":"title"},{"name":"Critics’ Picks","link":"/thedolist"},{"name":"Cultural Commentary","link":"/artscommentary"},{"name":"Food & Drink","link":"/food"},{"name":"Bay Area Hip-Hop","link":"/bayareahiphop"},{"name":"Rebel Girls","link":"/rebelgirls"},{"name":"Arts Video","link":"/artsvideos"}]},{"key":"menu3","items":[{"name":"Podcasts","link":"/podcasts","type":"title"},{"name":"Bay Curious","link":"/podcasts/baycurious"},{"name":"Rightnowish","link":"/podcasts/rightnowish"},{"name":"The Bay","link":"/podcasts/thebay"},{"name":"On Our Watch","link":"/podcasts/onourwatch"},{"name":"Mindshift","link":"/podcasts/mindshift"},{"name":"Consider This","link":"/podcasts/considerthis"},{"name":"Political Breakdown","link":"/podcasts/politicalbreakdown"}]},{"key":"menu4","items":[{"name":"Live Radio","link":"/radio","type":"title"},{"name":"TV","link":"/tv","type":"title"},{"name":"Events","link":"/events","type":"title"},{"name":"For Educators","link":"/education","type":"title"},{"name":"Support KQED","link":"/support","type":"title"},{"name":"About","link":"/about","type":"title"},{"name":"Help Center","link":"https://kqed-helpcenter.kqed.org/s","type":"title"}]}]},"pagesReducer":{},"postsReducer":{"stream_live":{"type":"live","id":"stream_live","audioUrl":"https://streams.kqed.org/kqedradio","title":"Live Stream","excerpt":"Live Stream information currently unavailable.","link":"/radio","featImg":"","label":{"name":"KQED Live","link":"/"}},"stream_kqedNewscast":{"type":"posts","id":"stream_kqedNewscast","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/RDnews/newscast.mp3?_=1","title":"KQED Newscast","featImg":"","label":{"name":"88.5 FM","link":"/"}},"pop_105940":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_105940","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"105940","score":null,"sort":[1539090988000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-millennials-and-chrissy-teigen-are-tearing-up-the-rules","title":"How Millennials (and Chrissy Teigen) Are Tearing Up 'The Rules'","publishDate":1539090988,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>On a recent episode of \u003cem>Watch What Happens Live\u003c/em>, Real Housewife of Orange County \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/RHOC_KellyDodd\">Kelly Dodd\u003c/a> was asked if she slept with her current squeeze on the first night. \"No, not at all,\" she said quickly. \"We didn't at all.\" She was contradicted almost immediately by the man in question. \"Just a little bit,\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.linkedin.com/in/frank-acosta-30882917/\">Frank Acosta\u003c/a>, also a guest on the show, blushed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dodd's jaw dropped and she began vehemently denying it. It was left to third guest, Chrissy Teigen, to calm the madness. \"It's fine,\" she said casually. \"I closed the deal the first [night].\" Teigan then explained in more detail the first day she met (and had sex with) her husband, John Legend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=FT1YO-0VtRg\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The difference between 42-year-old Dodd and 32-year-old Teigen's approaches to discussing first-night sexual encounters represents a wider generational difference across America. And oh what a difference one decade makes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For many heterosexual American women who came of age in the '90s, like Dodd, there were literal rules to follow when it came to having sex with a new person. \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules\">\u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider\u003c/a> came out in 1995 and gave single women an extraordinarily harsh set of behavioral restrictions to live by. Feminists were outspoken against the book at the time, and others suggested it was also insulting to men. \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> was still a smash hit that sold millions of copies and was translated into 27 languages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The book's 35 rules are reasonably astonishing to look back on now. Chapter titles include:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Tell Him What to Do\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Be Easy to Live With\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>In 2001, \u003ca href=\"https://www.theguardian.com/world/2001/mar/27/gender.uk\">Katie Roiphe wrote in \u003cem>The Guardian\u003c/em>\u003c/a>: \"I have noticed \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> on all sorts of intelligent people's bookshelves... I have noticed smart women buying it and following its ethos… I have heard educated, liberal women talking about how long to wait before calling a man back, or whether the date should be in her neighbourhood, or how long to wait until sleeping with him, as if there is... some mathematical principle to romantic happiness that she has yet to divine... It is strange that the '50s courtship rituals our mothers fought so hard to get away from should come to be so appealing, so necessary, to a new generation.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No matter how crazy it seems now, \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> really did shape a generation of daters, and, in some corners at least, the old guard is still hanging on. \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.yourtango.com/201174240/8-modern-dating-rules-every-single-should-know\">Your Tango\u003c/a> \u003c/em>says, \"Don't go all the way. At least not until well after your first date.\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.meetmindful.com/modern-dating-rules/#\">\u003cem>Meet Mindful\u003c/em>\u003c/a> advises, \"Hold the sex.\" \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://thoughtcatalog.com/elizabeth-overstreet/2018/02/10-non-negotiable-rules-for-dating-smart-in-2018/\">Thought Catalog\u003c/a> \u003c/em>agrees, \"I advise my female clients to hold out at least past the first date. Give him a chance to get to know you outside the bedroom.\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.muscleandfitness.com/women/dating-advice/the-new-rules-of-dating\">\u003cem>Muscle & Fitness\u003c/em>\u003c/a> even offers some surreptitious slut-shaming: \"She says, 'Let's go to yours.' She means, 'You're sexy, but I probably won't return your calls after we've spent the night together.'\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the people who came of age in the new Millennium though, attitudes are wildly different. In a dating world dominated by apps, swiping, texting and sexting, \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> feels positively Dickensian. Multiple dating websites reflect this. \u003ca href=\"https://www.eharmony.com.au/dating-advice/blog/the-no-rules-rules-of-dating#Q5o3pgcVeA6Pr4rA.99\">Australian eHarmony\u003c/a> has stated outright that\u003cem> The Rules\u003c/em> was \"all about playing hard to get and manipulating to get what you want.\" Earlier this year, \u003ca href=\"https://uk.match.com/pages/advice/dating-guide/dating-advice/20-new-rules-dating-2018\">\u003cem>Match\u003c/em> UK also announced\u003c/a> that \"Waiting rules are dead and gone. The three-day rule? Don’t text immediately after an amazing date? These ancient games are history.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Women's publications back up that trend, including: \u003ca href=\"https://www.bustle.com/p/9-dating-rules-you-dont-have-to-follow-according-to-love-experts-10212970\">\u003cem>Bustle\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (\"Just as rules should be thrown out the window, so should 'scheduling' when you'll have sex for the first time\"), \u003ca href=\"https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2147/new-dating-rules-for-getting-guys/?slide=4\">\u003cem>Cosmopolitan\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (\"If it doesn't work out, it's not because you hooked up too soon\"), \u003ca href=\"https://shesaid.com/13-dating-rules-need-rethink-2018/\">\u003cem>She Said\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (\"Have sex whenever you damn well please\"), and the \u003ca href=\"https://nypost.com/2017/02/08/youre-doing-it-wrong-10-new-rules-for-dating/\">\u003cem>NY Post\u003c/em> \u003c/a>(\"Old rule: No sex until the third date. New rule: Test out the chemistry as soon as you feel like it.\") One man told \u003ca href=\"https://www.glamour.com/gallery/10-dating-rules-men-wish-you-would-break#2\">\u003cem>Glamour\u003c/em>\u003c/a>: \"If you like us, there is no reason to hold back. If you don't like us, don't sleep with us. When you know, you know.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There has been such a swift turn around in societal attitudes that the two different schools of thought sometimes find themselves clashing in ways far more dramatic than we saw on \u003cem>Watch What Happens Live\u003c/em>. One episode of \u003cem>The Doctors\u003c/em> last year proved how contentious things could get, when two male panelists fundamentally and passionately disagreed on the topic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPsOpqpMrwo\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the end, it's pretty obvious which side of this argument is going to win out eventually. Not only does Teigen's successful relationship offer concrete proof that the old rules are nonsense, but Kelly Dodd also relaxed immediately and visibly as soon as Teigen nonchalantly made her first-night admission.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Truthfully, as much as its influence remains, \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> came during the last gasp of pre-internet living and, arguably, was probably the last time such unreasonable restrictions could be willingly adopted by so many women. We're still seeing them because old habits die hard and sex-shame is hard to shake off once it's been ingrained. But the internet and rule-free modern dating have made these kinds of vacuums much harder to maintain, and women much harder to control—and that can be nothing but a good thing.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"'The Rules' may have dominated dating in the 1990s, but in 2018, no rules is the only rule. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1539111526,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":14,"wordCount":1000},"headData":{"title":"How Millennials (and Chrissy Teigen) Are Tearing Up 'The Rules' | KQED","description":"'The Rules' may have dominated dating in the 1990s, but in 2018, no rules is the only rule. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Millennials (and Chrissy Teigen) Are Tearing Up 'The Rules'","datePublished":"2018-10-09T13:16:28.000Z","dateModified":"2018-10-09T18:58:46.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"105940 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=105940","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/10/09/how-millennials-and-chrissy-teigen-are-tearing-up-the-rules/","disqusTitle":"How Millennials (and Chrissy Teigen) Are Tearing Up 'The Rules'","path":"/pop/105940/how-millennials-and-chrissy-teigen-are-tearing-up-the-rules","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>On a recent episode of \u003cem>Watch What Happens Live\u003c/em>, Real Housewife of Orange County \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/RHOC_KellyDodd\">Kelly Dodd\u003c/a> was asked if she slept with her current squeeze on the first night. \"No, not at all,\" she said quickly. \"We didn't at all.\" She was contradicted almost immediately by the man in question. \"Just a little bit,\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.linkedin.com/in/frank-acosta-30882917/\">Frank Acosta\u003c/a>, also a guest on the show, blushed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dodd's jaw dropped and she began vehemently denying it. It was left to third guest, Chrissy Teigen, to calm the madness. \"It's fine,\" she said casually. \"I closed the deal the first [night].\" Teigan then explained in more detail the first day she met (and had sex with) her husband, John Legend.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/FT1YO-0VtRg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/FT1YO-0VtRg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>The difference between 42-year-old Dodd and 32-year-old Teigen's approaches to discussing first-night sexual encounters represents a wider generational difference across America. And oh what a difference one decade makes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For many heterosexual American women who came of age in the '90s, like Dodd, there were literal rules to follow when it came to having sex with a new person. \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules\">\u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider\u003c/a> came out in 1995 and gave single women an extraordinarily harsh set of behavioral restrictions to live by. Feminists were outspoken against the book at the time, and others suggested it was also insulting to men. \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> was still a smash hit that sold millions of copies and was translated into 27 languages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The book's 35 rules are reasonably astonishing to look back on now. Chapter titles include:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Tell Him What to Do\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Be Easy to Live With\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>In 2001, \u003ca href=\"https://www.theguardian.com/world/2001/mar/27/gender.uk\">Katie Roiphe wrote in \u003cem>The Guardian\u003c/em>\u003c/a>: \"I have noticed \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> on all sorts of intelligent people's bookshelves... I have noticed smart women buying it and following its ethos… I have heard educated, liberal women talking about how long to wait before calling a man back, or whether the date should be in her neighbourhood, or how long to wait until sleeping with him, as if there is... some mathematical principle to romantic happiness that she has yet to divine... It is strange that the '50s courtship rituals our mothers fought so hard to get away from should come to be so appealing, so necessary, to a new generation.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No matter how crazy it seems now, \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> really did shape a generation of daters, and, in some corners at least, the old guard is still hanging on. \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.yourtango.com/201174240/8-modern-dating-rules-every-single-should-know\">Your Tango\u003c/a> \u003c/em>says, \"Don't go all the way. At least not until well after your first date.\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.meetmindful.com/modern-dating-rules/#\">\u003cem>Meet Mindful\u003c/em>\u003c/a> advises, \"Hold the sex.\" \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://thoughtcatalog.com/elizabeth-overstreet/2018/02/10-non-negotiable-rules-for-dating-smart-in-2018/\">Thought Catalog\u003c/a> \u003c/em>agrees, \"I advise my female clients to hold out at least past the first date. Give him a chance to get to know you outside the bedroom.\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.muscleandfitness.com/women/dating-advice/the-new-rules-of-dating\">\u003cem>Muscle & Fitness\u003c/em>\u003c/a> even offers some surreptitious slut-shaming: \"She says, 'Let's go to yours.' She means, 'You're sexy, but I probably won't return your calls after we've spent the night together.'\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the people who came of age in the new Millennium though, attitudes are wildly different. In a dating world dominated by apps, swiping, texting and sexting, \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> feels positively Dickensian. Multiple dating websites reflect this. \u003ca href=\"https://www.eharmony.com.au/dating-advice/blog/the-no-rules-rules-of-dating#Q5o3pgcVeA6Pr4rA.99\">Australian eHarmony\u003c/a> has stated outright that\u003cem> The Rules\u003c/em> was \"all about playing hard to get and manipulating to get what you want.\" Earlier this year, \u003ca href=\"https://uk.match.com/pages/advice/dating-guide/dating-advice/20-new-rules-dating-2018\">\u003cem>Match\u003c/em> UK also announced\u003c/a> that \"Waiting rules are dead and gone. The three-day rule? Don’t text immediately after an amazing date? These ancient games are history.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Women's publications back up that trend, including: \u003ca href=\"https://www.bustle.com/p/9-dating-rules-you-dont-have-to-follow-according-to-love-experts-10212970\">\u003cem>Bustle\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (\"Just as rules should be thrown out the window, so should 'scheduling' when you'll have sex for the first time\"), \u003ca href=\"https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2147/new-dating-rules-for-getting-guys/?slide=4\">\u003cem>Cosmopolitan\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (\"If it doesn't work out, it's not because you hooked up too soon\"), \u003ca href=\"https://shesaid.com/13-dating-rules-need-rethink-2018/\">\u003cem>She Said\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (\"Have sex whenever you damn well please\"), and the \u003ca href=\"https://nypost.com/2017/02/08/youre-doing-it-wrong-10-new-rules-for-dating/\">\u003cem>NY Post\u003c/em> \u003c/a>(\"Old rule: No sex until the third date. New rule: Test out the chemistry as soon as you feel like it.\") One man told \u003ca href=\"https://www.glamour.com/gallery/10-dating-rules-men-wish-you-would-break#2\">\u003cem>Glamour\u003c/em>\u003c/a>: \"If you like us, there is no reason to hold back. If you don't like us, don't sleep with us. When you know, you know.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There has been such a swift turn around in societal attitudes that the two different schools of thought sometimes find themselves clashing in ways far more dramatic than we saw on \u003cem>Watch What Happens Live\u003c/em>. One episode of \u003cem>The Doctors\u003c/em> last year proved how contentious things could get, when two male panelists fundamentally and passionately disagreed on the topic.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/EPsOpqpMrwo'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/EPsOpqpMrwo'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>In the end, it's pretty obvious which side of this argument is going to win out eventually. Not only does Teigen's successful relationship offer concrete proof that the old rules are nonsense, but Kelly Dodd also relaxed immediately and visibly as soon as Teigen nonchalantly made her first-night admission.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Truthfully, as much as its influence remains, \u003cem>The Rules\u003c/em> came during the last gasp of pre-internet living and, arguably, was probably the last time such unreasonable restrictions could be willingly adopted by so many women. We're still seeing them because old habits die hard and sex-shame is hard to shake off once it's been ingrained. But the internet and rule-free modern dating have made these kinds of vacuums much harder to maintain, and women much harder to control—and that can be nothing but a good thing.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/105940/how-millennials-and-chrissy-teigen-are-tearing-up-the-rules","authors":["11242"],"categories":["pop_1041"],"tags":["pop_3014","pop_159","pop_3056","pop_160"],"featImg":"pop_105972","label":"pop"},"pop_105852":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_105852","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"105852","score":null,"sort":[1537426841000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"the-26-year-old-virgin","title":"The 26-Year-Old Virgin","publishDate":1537426841,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>This week, we're talking about the newly anointed Bachelor. He's \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">everything you'd expect: in his 20s, cute enough (if you’re into that sort of thing) and aggressively white. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But there's a twist: he's a…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-37767\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tenor.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"496\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">(Okay, fine, he may very well be able to drive.) \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Inspired by this virginal reality star, we are talking virgins in pop culture, which countries hit the sack earliest, and revealing way too much information about our own V cards.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-105876\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/escandalo-beyonce-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"258\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On this week's episode of \u003cem>Insecure\u003c/em>, Molly revealed one of her relationship dealbreakers: she refuses to date a man who isn't black. We get into some of our own.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-87685\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/06/oprah-won-t-accept-it.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We also learn about a gross 19th-century beauty procedure...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-105877\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/marilyn-monroe-ew-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"302\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and worship at the altar of Rihanna because duh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-105878\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/rihanna-queen-crown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"245\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to hear all about it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[audio src=\"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/thecooler/2018/09/Virgin.mp3\" title=\"The 26-Year-Old Virgin\" program=\"The Cooler\" image=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/Virginity-Purity-Ring.jpg\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1041117499\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Subscribe and rate us five stars in iTunes\u003c/a>! And find us on \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQED-Pop-336039936485067/timeline/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/kqedpop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Inspired by the new Bachelor, we talk virgins in pop culture, share which countries hit the sack earliest, and reveal way too much info about our own V cards.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1544744811,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":15,"wordCount":201},"headData":{"title":"The 26-Year-Old Virgin | KQED","description":"Inspired by the new Bachelor, we talk virgins in pop culture, share which countries hit the sack earliest, and reveal way too much info about our own V cards.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"The 26-Year-Old Virgin","datePublished":"2018-09-20T07:00:41.000Z","dateModified":"2018-12-13T23:46:51.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"105852 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=105852","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/09/20/the-26-year-old-virgin/","disqusTitle":"The 26-Year-Old Virgin","audioTrackLength":1913,"path":"/pop/105852/the-26-year-old-virgin","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/thecooler/2018/09/Virgin.mp3","audioDuration":1913000,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>This week, we're talking about the newly anointed Bachelor. He's \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">everything you'd expect: in his 20s, cute enough (if you’re into that sort of thing) and aggressively white. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But there's a twist: he's a…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-37767\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tenor.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"496\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">(Okay, fine, he may very well be able to drive.) \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Inspired by this virginal reality star, we are talking virgins in pop culture, which countries hit the sack earliest, and revealing way too much information about our own V cards.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-105876\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/escandalo-beyonce-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"258\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On this week's episode of \u003cem>Insecure\u003c/em>, Molly revealed one of her relationship dealbreakers: she refuses to date a man who isn't black. We get into some of our own.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-87685\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/06/oprah-won-t-accept-it.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We also learn about a gross 19th-century beauty procedure...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-105877\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/marilyn-monroe-ew-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"302\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and worship at the altar of Rihanna because duh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-105878\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/rihanna-queen-crown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"245\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to hear all about it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"audio","attributes":{"named":{"src":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/thecooler/2018/09/Virgin.mp3","title":"The 26-Year-Old Virgin","program":"The Cooler","image":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/Virginity-Purity-Ring.jpg","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1041117499\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Subscribe and rate us five stars in iTunes\u003c/a>! And find us on \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQED-Pop-336039936485067/timeline/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/kqedpop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/105852/the-26-year-old-virgin","authors":["27"],"categories":["pop_2793"],"tags":["pop_159","pop_195","pop_1028","pop_2859"],"featImg":"pop_105875","label":"pop"},"pop_25107":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_25107","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"25107","score":null,"sort":[1464706879000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"want-to-text-back-and-forth-with-a-made-up-significant-other-try-invisible-boyfriend-girlfriend","title":"Want to Text Back and Forth with a Made-Up Significant Other? Try Invisible Boyfriend / Girlfriend","publishDate":1464706879,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>Do you ever find yourself alone on a Saturday night, watching Netflix and scarfing down a bunch of snacks, while compulsively checking your phone, desperate for a text from some cutie you’ve been pining away for? Do you wish you had a boyfriend or girlfriend who’d text you consistently and ask about your day? Well, there’s an app for that, and I don’t mean Tinder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://invisibleboyfriend.com/\">Invisible Boyfriend\u003c/a>/\u003ca href=\"https://invisiblegirlfriend.com/\">Girlfriend\u003c/a> offers users the opportunity to choose a name and “selfie” for a fake significant other—the pictures are of real human beings—then select a personality for their imaginary love, such as “sweet and shy” or “saucy and sarcastic.” The minimum rate is $14.99 to exchange 100 texts, or you can pay $24.99 for 200 messages and one “note.” \u003ca href=\"http://www.techtimes.com/articles/27915/20150121/meet-invisible-boyfriend-a-k-a-the-worlds-saddest-dating-app.htm\">\u003cem>Techtimes\u003c/em>\u003c/a> has called Invisible Boyfriend “the saddest dating app.\" But CEO and co-founder Kyle Tabor claims, “Our users are simply looking for someone to talk to… Our users just want an empathetic ear to listen to them about the mundane parts of their day. They want to be able to let their guard down and be themselves without fear of judgment.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The concept of paying for intimacy is nothing new. The difference is the involvement of more advanced technology and the absence of sexual fulfillment. (Sexting your invisible boyfriend or girlfriend is a no-no).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fans of the futuristic-dystopian Netflix series \u003ca href=\"https://www.netflix.com/title/70264888\">\u003cem>Black Mirror\u003c/em>\u003c/a> might remember the episode in which a grief stricken widow signs up for an AI service that offers texts and phone calls from an electronic amalgamation of her dead husband. The virtual husband is eventually upgraded to a fully-formed bot made in the deceased’s likeness. The romance, however, reaches an inevitable point of decline because the artificial husband lacks the one true element that would make him believably human: free will.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the case of Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend, falling in love with one’s pseudo beau also proves problematic. The company doesn’t recommend developing feelings for your custom-designed partner, who is powered by a team of writers. Tabor comments, “A few [users] have asked if they could meet their partner in real life. Unfortunately that isn’t really possible because we use different writers so we can provide a seamless service around the clock.” Clients who seek to contact the writer behind the texts may either not realize more than one person is acting as their significant other, or perhaps are having trouble distinguishing between the illusion of connection and the reality of a paid service. Either way, they are destined for disappointment of \u003ca href=\"http://www.herthemovie.com/#/home\">\u003cem>Her\u003c/em>\u003c/a>-like proportions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So far, 200,000 significant others have been generated since the app’s inception. It’s possible that some users are looking to fake a relationship for reasons outside of companionship, such as warding off prying, match-making aunties at a family wedding, but the app markets itself as a means of exploring “a relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend but without all the baggage that comes with dating.” In this way, you avoid the pitfalls of popular dating apps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“With Tinder,” Tabor says, “people are typically looking to hook up. Our users are tired of the dating game, and are sick of always trying to impress someone else. We are the opposite of Tinder or other dating apps. You can have a human connection, but without the baggage that comes with dating. Several users have joined online dating services because our service has taught them what a healthy relationship can be like.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The word “baggage” comes up repeatedly in Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s selling points, as if the lack of luggage is what makes an imaginary human a viable replacement for a real one. Nevertheless, it’s possible Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s users end up going back to dating sites, not because the app has taught them how to manage a good relationship or how to handle conflict and set boundaries, but because there is something deeply unsatisfying about paying people to text you, even if those texts still give you the same dopamine rush as the ones you get for free. Minus the dick pics, of course.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Need to fake a relationship? Want to have a breakdown over a fake person like in 'Her'? There's an app for that.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1464393318,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":10,"wordCount":738},"headData":{"title":"Want to Text Back and Forth with a Made-Up Significant Other? Try Invisible Boyfriend / Girlfriend | KQED","description":"Need to fake a relationship? Want to have a breakdown over a fake person like in 'Her'? There's an app for that.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Want to Text Back and Forth with a Made-Up Significant Other? Try Invisible Boyfriend / Girlfriend","datePublished":"2016-05-31T15:01:19.000Z","dateModified":"2016-05-27T23:55:18.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"25107 http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=25107","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/05/31/want-to-text-back-and-forth-with-a-made-up-significant-other-try-invisible-boyfriend-girlfriend/","disqusTitle":"Want to Text Back and Forth with a Made-Up Significant Other? Try Invisible Boyfriend / Girlfriend","nprByline":"Lindsay Merbaum","path":"/pop/25107/want-to-text-back-and-forth-with-a-made-up-significant-other-try-invisible-boyfriend-girlfriend","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Do you ever find yourself alone on a Saturday night, watching Netflix and scarfing down a bunch of snacks, while compulsively checking your phone, desperate for a text from some cutie you’ve been pining away for? Do you wish you had a boyfriend or girlfriend who’d text you consistently and ask about your day? Well, there’s an app for that, and I don’t mean Tinder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://invisibleboyfriend.com/\">Invisible Boyfriend\u003c/a>/\u003ca href=\"https://invisiblegirlfriend.com/\">Girlfriend\u003c/a> offers users the opportunity to choose a name and “selfie” for a fake significant other—the pictures are of real human beings—then select a personality for their imaginary love, such as “sweet and shy” or “saucy and sarcastic.” The minimum rate is $14.99 to exchange 100 texts, or you can pay $24.99 for 200 messages and one “note.” \u003ca href=\"http://www.techtimes.com/articles/27915/20150121/meet-invisible-boyfriend-a-k-a-the-worlds-saddest-dating-app.htm\">\u003cem>Techtimes\u003c/em>\u003c/a> has called Invisible Boyfriend “the saddest dating app.\" But CEO and co-founder Kyle Tabor claims, “Our users are simply looking for someone to talk to… Our users just want an empathetic ear to listen to them about the mundane parts of their day. They want to be able to let their guard down and be themselves without fear of judgment.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The concept of paying for intimacy is nothing new. The difference is the involvement of more advanced technology and the absence of sexual fulfillment. (Sexting your invisible boyfriend or girlfriend is a no-no).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fans of the futuristic-dystopian Netflix series \u003ca href=\"https://www.netflix.com/title/70264888\">\u003cem>Black Mirror\u003c/em>\u003c/a> might remember the episode in which a grief stricken widow signs up for an AI service that offers texts and phone calls from an electronic amalgamation of her dead husband. The virtual husband is eventually upgraded to a fully-formed bot made in the deceased’s likeness. The romance, however, reaches an inevitable point of decline because the artificial husband lacks the one true element that would make him believably human: free will.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the case of Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend, falling in love with one’s pseudo beau also proves problematic. The company doesn’t recommend developing feelings for your custom-designed partner, who is powered by a team of writers. Tabor comments, “A few [users] have asked if they could meet their partner in real life. Unfortunately that isn’t really possible because we use different writers so we can provide a seamless service around the clock.” Clients who seek to contact the writer behind the texts may either not realize more than one person is acting as their significant other, or perhaps are having trouble distinguishing between the illusion of connection and the reality of a paid service. Either way, they are destined for disappointment of \u003ca href=\"http://www.herthemovie.com/#/home\">\u003cem>Her\u003c/em>\u003c/a>-like proportions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So far, 200,000 significant others have been generated since the app’s inception. It’s possible that some users are looking to fake a relationship for reasons outside of companionship, such as warding off prying, match-making aunties at a family wedding, but the app markets itself as a means of exploring “a relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend but without all the baggage that comes with dating.” In this way, you avoid the pitfalls of popular dating apps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“With Tinder,” Tabor says, “people are typically looking to hook up. Our users are tired of the dating game, and are sick of always trying to impress someone else. We are the opposite of Tinder or other dating apps. You can have a human connection, but without the baggage that comes with dating. Several users have joined online dating services because our service has taught them what a healthy relationship can be like.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The word “baggage” comes up repeatedly in Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s selling points, as if the lack of luggage is what makes an imaginary human a viable replacement for a real one. Nevertheless, it’s possible Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s users end up going back to dating sites, not because the app has taught them how to manage a good relationship or how to handle conflict and set boundaries, but because there is something deeply unsatisfying about paying people to text you, even if those texts still give you the same dopamine rush as the ones you get for free. Minus the dick pics, of course.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/25107/want-to-text-back-and-forth-with-a-made-up-significant-other-try-invisible-boyfriend-girlfriend","authors":["byline_pop_25107"],"categories":["pop_1155"],"tags":["pop_1068","pop_159","pop_160"],"featImg":"pop_25109","label":"pop"},"pop_8951":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_8951","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"8951","score":null,"sort":[1381516796000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating","title":"How Selfies Have Changed the Face of Dating","publishDate":1381516796,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/10/11/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating/photo-29/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8952\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-8952\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/10/photo-29-1024x1024.jpg\" alt=\"photo (29)\" width=\"368\" height=\"368\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"text-align: left\">Just about all of my friends seem to be involved in happy, committed, long-enduring relationships. In some circles, I’m one of the few single stragglers. It doesn’t bother me \u003cem>that\u003c/em> much, but when the conversation inevitably turns to the trials and tribulations of we single-folk, I sometimes want to tear my hair out. Since they’ve been cosy together for quite some time, my coupled-up pals want to know what it’s really like out there in the dating scene. “Bleak,” is usually the word that comes to mind. I don’t say this simply because every OkCupid date I’ve endured has not only made me cringe and also earned each of my dates a nickname (e.g. Drug Rug, Forrest Gump fan, and Sneaker Pimp), but because dating in the digital age just seems like a bunch of smoke, mirrors and blurred boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m pretty sure people still meet for the first time in real life sometimes, but more and more people are turning to the world wide web to seek a snuggle buddy and that means an alluring profile pic is essential. Ok, fine, we all get that. It makes sense to put your best face forward, so to speak, to reel ‘em in with your perfectly positioned, self-snapped shot. We’re all (likely) guilty of it at some point, it’s the way of our modern world, it’s acceptable. However, when we get too carried away with the photographic self love, I see an issue. Even if you initially met your love interest IRL, chances are cell phones and selfies have been a significant part of your courtship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since we’re all glued to our smartphones, it stands to reason that we use them as a tool in our quest to procure dates. Not only do all dating websites boast their own mobile apps, our phones are our cameras and with us 24/7. That means there’s plenty of opportunity to \u003ca href=\"http://duckometer.com/photo-181\">snap a sassy selfie\u003c/a> and flirtatiously release it to the world instantly. People abuse this luxury and sometimes it gets weird.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Exhibit A: Brody\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brody is a cute dude living in Los Angeles. Brody met a pretty girl at a Starbucks and successfully scored her phone number. Brody was sitting pretty...until he blew it by sending her this unsolicited video selfie:\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdS9pdiYF4o]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>She responded by sharing it with her friend, \u003ca href=\"http://instagram.com/djbroc\">DJ Ben Roc\u003c/a>, who then posted it on Instagram inspiring an avalanche of parody videos all aimed at ridiculing the Brode-man. Talk about your all-time backfires! Poor Brody was just trying to add a little intrigue though he seems to have misjudged his audience. Chances are, Brody isn’t the first person to think a video-selfie was a good idea, he’s just the most famous for it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I decided to conduct a poll of my single friends to find out what their experiences have been like dating in the Selfie Age. Almost every single one of them, male and female (and including me), have been on the receiving end of an unsolicited selfie. Some were harmless, some were scandalous. Their reactions to these photos vary somewhat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For one of my female friends, it was a major turn off. She received an unsolicited “glamour shot” style selfie from a guy she’d been chatting with via OKC. They had never met in person when an image of his face suddenly appeared on her phone. She felt confused, and then, when he asked her to return the favor, she felt uncomfortable and pressured to respond. She chose not to. Later, he sent her a photo of his legs/crotch with the TV on in the background. It’s unclear what this photo was attempting to do but it succeeded in ensuring she would discontinue their correspondence and never meet him in person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I asked her if she would ever be into receiving photos like this from a guy. “I would be if I already had something going with the guy and was digging him,” she said. “But not unsolicited, especially before meeting!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My male friend had a similar experience. After meeting a gal on OkCupid, she began sending him unsolicited photos of her..ahem...anatomy. He wasn’t necessarily bummed by the visuals, but the immediacy of their arrival, before they’d ever met in person, really weirded him out. According to him, “it actually wasn’t that much of a turn on to get these images. I would have happily met her without the pics.” It sounds like both women could benefit also from Erin Gloria Ryan’s advice in her July Jezebel article “\u003ca href=\"http://jezebel.com/should-you-send-a-lady-a-dick-pic-a-guide-for-men-885697791\">Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic? A Guide For Men\u003c/a>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, another pal showed me an image his friend received from a guy. The guy had taken the time to photoshop a picture of himself split screen with a picture of Patrick Dempsey. Across the bottom of the photo he etched, “McDreamy.” His not-so-subtle attempt to draw a comparison between himself and a celebrated television star was, unsurprisingly, not well received.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the \u003ca href=\"http://guyselfie.com/\">pics keep on coming\u003c/a>. This is now, apparently, how we do things. We “introduce” ourselves through photos and sometimes we forcibly insert ourselves into other’s lives with unsolicited ones. And when something like that becomes the norm, we shouldn’t be surprised that we have to see things like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_8953\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 225px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/10/11/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating/geraldoselfie/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8953\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-8953 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/10/geraldoselfie-225x300.jpg\" alt='Geraldo declares, \"70 is the new 50!\" via <a href=\"https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera\">Twitter</a>' width=\"225\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Geraldo declares, \"70 is the new 50!\" via \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera%E2%80%8E\">Twitter\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>But hey it’s not so bad if you’re prepared for it, I guess. From now on don’t fool yourself. The dating game isn’t just about finding common ground for conversation or learning which pick up lines actually work. It’s now about virtual visual stimulation as well. And I guess that’s ok, I suppose it’s the wave of the future. But listen, I think you’re real pretty and I dig the confidence, but please, use a little discernment before you send that unsolicited selfie. Or, if you don’t want to end up like poor Brody, stick to Snapchat for your flirty self-indulgence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do you have a cringe-worthy selfie story? We’d love to hear all about it.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"From duckface selfies to Snapchat, our narcissism has changed the face of dating.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1552277306,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":16,"wordCount":1106},"headData":{"title":"How Selfies Have Changed the Face of Dating | KQED","description":"From duckface selfies to Snapchat, our narcissism has changed the face of dating.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Selfies Have Changed the Face of Dating","datePublished":"2013-10-11T18:39:56.000Z","dateModified":"2019-03-11T04:08:26.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"8951 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=8951","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/10/11/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating/","disqusTitle":"How Selfies Have Changed the Face of Dating","path":"/pop/8951/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/10/11/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating/photo-29/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8952\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-8952\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/10/photo-29-1024x1024.jpg\" alt=\"photo (29)\" width=\"368\" height=\"368\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"text-align: left\">Just about all of my friends seem to be involved in happy, committed, long-enduring relationships. In some circles, I’m one of the few single stragglers. It doesn’t bother me \u003cem>that\u003c/em> much, but when the conversation inevitably turns to the trials and tribulations of we single-folk, I sometimes want to tear my hair out. Since they’ve been cosy together for quite some time, my coupled-up pals want to know what it’s really like out there in the dating scene. “Bleak,” is usually the word that comes to mind. I don’t say this simply because every OkCupid date I’ve endured has not only made me cringe and also earned each of my dates a nickname (e.g. Drug Rug, Forrest Gump fan, and Sneaker Pimp), but because dating in the digital age just seems like a bunch of smoke, mirrors and blurred boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m pretty sure people still meet for the first time in real life sometimes, but more and more people are turning to the world wide web to seek a snuggle buddy and that means an alluring profile pic is essential. Ok, fine, we all get that. It makes sense to put your best face forward, so to speak, to reel ‘em in with your perfectly positioned, self-snapped shot. We’re all (likely) guilty of it at some point, it’s the way of our modern world, it’s acceptable. However, when we get too carried away with the photographic self love, I see an issue. Even if you initially met your love interest IRL, chances are cell phones and selfies have been a significant part of your courtship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since we’re all glued to our smartphones, it stands to reason that we use them as a tool in our quest to procure dates. Not only do all dating websites boast their own mobile apps, our phones are our cameras and with us 24/7. That means there’s plenty of opportunity to \u003ca href=\"http://duckometer.com/photo-181\">snap a sassy selfie\u003c/a> and flirtatiously release it to the world instantly. People abuse this luxury and sometimes it gets weird.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Exhibit A: Brody\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brody is a cute dude living in Los Angeles. Brody met a pretty girl at a Starbucks and successfully scored her phone number. Brody was sitting pretty...until he blew it by sending her this unsolicited video selfie:\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/vdS9pdiYF4o'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/vdS9pdiYF4o'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>She responded by sharing it with her friend, \u003ca href=\"http://instagram.com/djbroc\">DJ Ben Roc\u003c/a>, who then posted it on Instagram inspiring an avalanche of parody videos all aimed at ridiculing the Brode-man. Talk about your all-time backfires! Poor Brody was just trying to add a little intrigue though he seems to have misjudged his audience. Chances are, Brody isn’t the first person to think a video-selfie was a good idea, he’s just the most famous for it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I decided to conduct a poll of my single friends to find out what their experiences have been like dating in the Selfie Age. Almost every single one of them, male and female (and including me), have been on the receiving end of an unsolicited selfie. Some were harmless, some were scandalous. Their reactions to these photos vary somewhat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For one of my female friends, it was a major turn off. She received an unsolicited “glamour shot” style selfie from a guy she’d been chatting with via OKC. They had never met in person when an image of his face suddenly appeared on her phone. She felt confused, and then, when he asked her to return the favor, she felt uncomfortable and pressured to respond. She chose not to. Later, he sent her a photo of his legs/crotch with the TV on in the background. It’s unclear what this photo was attempting to do but it succeeded in ensuring she would discontinue their correspondence and never meet him in person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I asked her if she would ever be into receiving photos like this from a guy. “I would be if I already had something going with the guy and was digging him,” she said. “But not unsolicited, especially before meeting!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My male friend had a similar experience. After meeting a gal on OkCupid, she began sending him unsolicited photos of her..ahem...anatomy. He wasn’t necessarily bummed by the visuals, but the immediacy of their arrival, before they’d ever met in person, really weirded him out. According to him, “it actually wasn’t that much of a turn on to get these images. I would have happily met her without the pics.” It sounds like both women could benefit also from Erin Gloria Ryan’s advice in her July Jezebel article “\u003ca href=\"http://jezebel.com/should-you-send-a-lady-a-dick-pic-a-guide-for-men-885697791\">Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic? A Guide For Men\u003c/a>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, another pal showed me an image his friend received from a guy. The guy had taken the time to photoshop a picture of himself split screen with a picture of Patrick Dempsey. Across the bottom of the photo he etched, “McDreamy.” His not-so-subtle attempt to draw a comparison between himself and a celebrated television star was, unsurprisingly, not well received.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the \u003ca href=\"http://guyselfie.com/\">pics keep on coming\u003c/a>. This is now, apparently, how we do things. We “introduce” ourselves through photos and sometimes we forcibly insert ourselves into other’s lives with unsolicited ones. And when something like that becomes the norm, we shouldn’t be surprised that we have to see things like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_8953\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 225px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/10/11/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating/geraldoselfie/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8953\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-8953 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/10/geraldoselfie-225x300.jpg\" alt='Geraldo declares, \"70 is the new 50!\" via <a href=\"https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera\">Twitter</a>' width=\"225\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Geraldo declares, \"70 is the new 50!\" via \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera%E2%80%8E\">Twitter\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>But hey it’s not so bad if you’re prepared for it, I guess. From now on don’t fool yourself. The dating game isn’t just about finding common ground for conversation or learning which pick up lines actually work. It’s now about virtual visual stimulation as well. And I guess that’s ok, I suppose it’s the wave of the future. But listen, I think you’re real pretty and I dig the confidence, but please, use a little discernment before you send that unsolicited selfie. Or, if you don’t want to end up like poor Brody, stick to Snapchat for your flirty self-indulgence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do you have a cringe-worthy selfie story? We’d love to hear all about it.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/8951/how-selfies-have-changed-the-face-of-dating","authors":["2438"],"categories":["pop_1155","pop_5","pop_1041"],"tags":["pop_159","pop_161"],"featImg":"pop_110281","label":"pop"},"pop_8306":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_8306","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"8306","score":null,"sort":[1379012206000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars","title":"Fix Your Dating Life with Pretty Little Liars","publishDate":1379012206,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/pll/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8312\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8312\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/pll.jpg\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/pll.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/pll-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>Post by contributor Alex Vikmanis\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Pretty Little Liars\u003c/em> isn’t the most intelligent of shows and it’s certainly not the most well written, but I won’t deny the fact that I’ve learned a lot from it (not just fashion and accessory tips). A scene in Season 3 actually contributed to a major breakthrough in my love life (or lack thereof).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hannah and the randomly-appearing British doctor, Wren, taught me about “ambiguous loss.” He diagnoses Hannah with the term as she’s struggling with Mona’s silent stare in a mental institution. Ambiguous loss occurs when there’s no closure to a relationship, like when a relative is suffering from Alzheimer’s or with the disappearance of a family member. The person is either there but uncommunicative or gone but not buried. The grieving process is disrupted. The girls deal with numerous cases of ambiguous loss on PLL, not least of which is the disappearance of their friend and former ringleader, Allison, the crux of the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The moment the term was defined in that episode, I realized I had been dealing with numerous small cases of ambiguous loss on a continual basis as a result of my attempts at online and app dating. It’s the grindr cycle: you chat, have a decent conversation, maybe send naughty pics, maybe meet for coffee or a drink, maybe hook up once or twice, and then inevitably, communication will stop without further explanation, not even a polite rejection. You can still see their little picture every time they’re near you, you know the exact distance they are from you, you can still look at your conversations and extra pics, and maybe you will even see them randomly on the street, but never ever will you talk to them again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It makes me feel at once angry, sad, humiliated, cynical, and hopeless. I am definitely suffering from ambiguous loss and the more I date online, the more it piles up. Just as I’ve recovered from the loss of one boy, the next loss is soon to come. Technology speeds our relationships up so quickly that they are over before they begin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So instead of just crying myself to sleep while watching \u003cem>Pretty Little Liars\u003c/em>, I’ve channeled each of the four girls on the show to teach me ways of coping with my ambiguous loss.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Emily\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/tumblr_mslxw5n9q61r78fh8o4_250/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8307\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8307\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Emily\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Look confused. Furrow your eyebrows. Look sad. Look really confused. Spread ointment on your sore shoulder that has become sore because you’ve been rejected without actually being rejected. Be confused. Talk to your platonic male friend. Talk to your other platonic male friend who actually has a creepy thing for you. Talk to your girlfriend. Talk to your friends. Get an ulcer. Don’t talk to your friends. Be the weakest link. Look confused. Look sad. And then swim it off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Aria\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/shayleybitch/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8308\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8308\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/shayleybitch.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Aria\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pout. Pout in the mirror. Pout into a pillow. Pout while putting on three inch black leather heels. Put on huge dangling earrings. Put on some chunky bracelets and maybe a fringe necklace. Don’t forget copious amounts of lip gloss. Stalk hurriedly out the door. Stare off moodily during class. Look distracted while your friends chatter around you at lunch. Tell them “nothing” when they ask what’s wrong with you. Find your mom and have a heart-to-heart with her and then go pout some more. Because with you it will never really be over and they will never really go away.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Hanna\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/tumblr_m69e6quzm11roixyoo1_500/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8315\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8315\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_m69e6qUZm11roixyoo1_500.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Hanna\" width=\"500\" height=\"258\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Refuse to style your hair. Wear sweats. Hunch over the kitchen table, gazing listlessly into a box of takeout that your mom insists you eat, but just throw it in the trash as soon as she’s gone. Bake cupcakes. Be tempted to eat all of them in one sitting but refrain and eat none. Finally stop feeling sorry for yourself and get angry instead. Get fire in your eyes. Decide that you can’t take it any more and stomp over to the culprit, either in person or digitally and tell them that you can’t take it anymore. Tell them what you really think. Try to use some big words and do so only slightly off mark. And then just call them a really bad name (or as bad as can be said on ABC Family) like “jerk.” Storm off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Spencer\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/tumblr_mqgd5lym7u1rfzqobo8_250/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8310\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8310\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Spencer\" width=\"160\" height=\"160\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250.gif 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Drink coffee. Drink another coffee. Google search them. Find them on Facebook and creep on their feeds, but don’t actually friend them. Find them on Twitter. Read every tweet. Find them on Instagram. Be meticulously careful not to accidentally like any of their photos. Talk to friends of their friends. Ambush a co-worker in the parking lot and act surprised and flustered even though you are obviously not. Drink coffee. Randomly see them get in their car one night and follow them as they pick up groceries and drive home. Sit outside their house until the lights turn off. Go home and realize you’ve been acting like a crazy person and find someone new to crush on. Delete or block their profile, message history, phone number, and email address. Realize this is what you should have done all along. Read an interminable Russian novel. Stay up all night. Drink coffee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though the show is primarily about lies, the truth always seems to come out, whether it comes from the mouths of the four girls, the infinitely mysterious “A,” or some other shady character. This maybe isn’t the best advice and could leave you feeling as awkward as the liars in the gifs above, but suppose we tell the truth to each other, even those people we barely know on those tiny screens that fit in our pockets. Whether we’re rejecting or think we’re getting rejected, let’s just say something direct and true. For a change.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Online and app dating can leave you feeling angry, sad, humiliated, cynical, and hopeless. Thankfully, Pretty Little Liars can help you with that.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1382054117,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":13,"wordCount":1018},"headData":{"title":"Fix Your Dating Life with Pretty Little Liars | KQED","description":"Online and app dating can leave you feeling angry, sad, humiliated, cynical, and hopeless. Thankfully, Pretty Little Liars can help you with that.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Fix Your Dating Life with Pretty Little Liars","datePublished":"2013-09-12T18:56:46.000Z","dateModified":"2013-10-17T23:55:17.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"8306 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=8306","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/","disqusTitle":"Fix Your Dating Life with Pretty Little Liars","path":"/pop/8306/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/pll/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8312\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8312\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/pll.jpg\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/pll.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/pll-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>Post by contributor Alex Vikmanis\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Pretty Little Liars\u003c/em> isn’t the most intelligent of shows and it’s certainly not the most well written, but I won’t deny the fact that I’ve learned a lot from it (not just fashion and accessory tips). A scene in Season 3 actually contributed to a major breakthrough in my love life (or lack thereof).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hannah and the randomly-appearing British doctor, Wren, taught me about “ambiguous loss.” He diagnoses Hannah with the term as she’s struggling with Mona’s silent stare in a mental institution. Ambiguous loss occurs when there’s no closure to a relationship, like when a relative is suffering from Alzheimer’s or with the disappearance of a family member. The person is either there but uncommunicative or gone but not buried. The grieving process is disrupted. The girls deal with numerous cases of ambiguous loss on PLL, not least of which is the disappearance of their friend and former ringleader, Allison, the crux of the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The moment the term was defined in that episode, I realized I had been dealing with numerous small cases of ambiguous loss on a continual basis as a result of my attempts at online and app dating. It’s the grindr cycle: you chat, have a decent conversation, maybe send naughty pics, maybe meet for coffee or a drink, maybe hook up once or twice, and then inevitably, communication will stop without further explanation, not even a polite rejection. You can still see their little picture every time they’re near you, you know the exact distance they are from you, you can still look at your conversations and extra pics, and maybe you will even see them randomly on the street, but never ever will you talk to them again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It makes me feel at once angry, sad, humiliated, cynical, and hopeless. I am definitely suffering from ambiguous loss and the more I date online, the more it piles up. Just as I’ve recovered from the loss of one boy, the next loss is soon to come. Technology speeds our relationships up so quickly that they are over before they begin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So instead of just crying myself to sleep while watching \u003cem>Pretty Little Liars\u003c/em>, I’ve channeled each of the four girls on the show to teach me ways of coping with my ambiguous loss.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Emily\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/tumblr_mslxw5n9q61r78fh8o4_250/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8307\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8307\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Emily\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mslxw5N9q61r78fh8o4_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Look confused. Furrow your eyebrows. Look sad. Look really confused. Spread ointment on your sore shoulder that has become sore because you’ve been rejected without actually being rejected. Be confused. Talk to your platonic male friend. Talk to your other platonic male friend who actually has a creepy thing for you. Talk to your girlfriend. Talk to your friends. Get an ulcer. Don’t talk to your friends. Be the weakest link. Look confused. Look sad. And then swim it off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Aria\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/shayleybitch/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8308\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8308\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/shayleybitch.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Aria\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pout. Pout in the mirror. Pout into a pillow. Pout while putting on three inch black leather heels. Put on huge dangling earrings. Put on some chunky bracelets and maybe a fringe necklace. Don’t forget copious amounts of lip gloss. Stalk hurriedly out the door. Stare off moodily during class. Look distracted while your friends chatter around you at lunch. Tell them “nothing” when they ask what’s wrong with you. Find your mom and have a heart-to-heart with her and then go pout some more. Because with you it will never really be over and they will never really go away.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Hanna\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/tumblr_m69e6quzm11roixyoo1_500/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8315\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8315\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_m69e6qUZm11roixyoo1_500.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Hanna\" width=\"500\" height=\"258\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Refuse to style your hair. Wear sweats. Hunch over the kitchen table, gazing listlessly into a box of takeout that your mom insists you eat, but just throw it in the trash as soon as she’s gone. Bake cupcakes. Be tempted to eat all of them in one sitting but refrain and eat none. Finally stop feeling sorry for yourself and get angry instead. Get fire in your eyes. Decide that you can’t take it any more and stomp over to the culprit, either in person or digitally and tell them that you can’t take it anymore. Tell them what you really think. Try to use some big words and do so only slightly off mark. And then just call them a really bad name (or as bad as can be said on ABC Family) like “jerk.” Storm off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Spencer\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/09/12/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars/tumblr_mqgd5lym7u1rfzqobo8_250/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8310\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8310\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250.gif\" alt=\"Pretty Little Liars Spencer\" width=\"160\" height=\"160\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250.gif 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/09/tumblr_mqgd5lyM7U1rfzqobo8_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Drink coffee. Drink another coffee. Google search them. Find them on Facebook and creep on their feeds, but don’t actually friend them. Find them on Twitter. Read every tweet. Find them on Instagram. Be meticulously careful not to accidentally like any of their photos. Talk to friends of their friends. Ambush a co-worker in the parking lot and act surprised and flustered even though you are obviously not. Drink coffee. Randomly see them get in their car one night and follow them as they pick up groceries and drive home. Sit outside their house until the lights turn off. Go home and realize you’ve been acting like a crazy person and find someone new to crush on. Delete or block their profile, message history, phone number, and email address. Realize this is what you should have done all along. Read an interminable Russian novel. Stay up all night. Drink coffee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though the show is primarily about lies, the truth always seems to come out, whether it comes from the mouths of the four girls, the infinitely mysterious “A,” or some other shady character. This maybe isn’t the best advice and could leave you feeling as awkward as the liars in the gifs above, but suppose we tell the truth to each other, even those people we barely know on those tiny screens that fit in our pockets. Whether we’re rejecting or think we’re getting rejected, let’s just say something direct and true. For a change.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/8306/fixing-your-dating-life-with-pretty-little-liars","authors":["2421"],"categories":["pop_3","pop_1041"],"tags":["pop_1214","pop_159","pop_1074"],"featImg":"pop_8312","label":"pop"},"pop_7179":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_7179","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"7179","score":null,"sort":[1375362022000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"love-me-tindertinder-the-new-normalbored-and-single-tinder-is-the-app-for-that","title":"Bored and Single? Tinder Is The App For That","publishDate":1375362022,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/BVary7lyBq0\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>I. A Woman Walks into a Bar\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She approaches a man she does not know and tells him to leave. She approaches another man. \u003cem>Leave\u003c/em>, she says, and points to the door. And then another and another and another and tells them all to leave. Finally, she sees a man in a pink Banana Republic button down and, before she before the word \u003cem>Stay\u003c/em> exits her mouth, a tall blondish man approaches her. \u003cem>Leave\u003c/em>, he says, and points to the door.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If Tinder emulated real life and our interactions with others -- \u003ca href=\"http://www.gotinder.com/about/\">as it markets itself to do\u003c/a> -- this is perhaps the real life it’s looking to emulate. And this, of course, does not exist. And if it did, well, that bar would totally suck. The new-ish dating app recalls \u003ca href=\"http://hotornot.com/\">Hot or Not\u003c/a>, which heavily influenced this thing called Facebook. With Tinder, users are shown a photo of another user in their area and they must either swipe left (Adios!) or swipe right (Hey there, stud cake!). If both users have swiped right on each other, it is considered a “match” and then and only then are they able to spark up a conversation. And if you care, below each user's photo are your shared Facebook friends and interests, if any. This will probably not influence your decision on whether you swipe left or right. If the person is hot and they like \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em>, swipe right. If the person is a dog and likes \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em>, you’re swiping left for sure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once a match is made, the team at Tinder decided to give some words of both encouragement and light-hearted taunt for you to start the chat up. \u003cem>Staring at this screen won’t start a convo... \u003c/em>, Tinder remarks. \u003cem>Conversations don’t write themselves\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Are your hands tied?\u003c/em> Once a hello is made on either end, only chat is allowed. No naughty photos or video, just good old-fashioned words and phrases. This should lead to a text or a phone call, a date, a friend, a kiss, a baby. And so on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/Q-gu1KETjVY\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>II. Matchy Matchy\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While I am no expert on dating apps as I am in a loving LTR, I decided to download this hype machine to get a better sense of what it has to offer. I was definitely three sheets to the wind when the download was made and the tiny flame appeared on my phone’s home screen, which in return made it even more fun. After just a minute or two of setup I began my left swipes. And they continued pretty consistently until I realized I had no chance of a match if my standards were so unimaginably high. And thus began some right swipes here and there and finally, to my surprise, a match. What a nice feeling! While of course, \u003cem>match\u003c/em> has many definitions in different parts of speech, I couldn’t help but feel as though Tinder had discovered something, when in fact this Erick character simply liked the way I looked. This trendy word has taken on meanings on two sides of the spectrum. In its rawest form as on Tinder, two similar actions were rewarded with a nice feeling as though turning over two orange cards in a game of Memory, while in its more complex form as on Match.com, the word has come to mean a life partner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a few more right swipes and ten times more left swipes, I headed to bed. In the morning I woke to even more matches and some chat greetings as well. The gratification is so instant and fun that I went on to swipe through all the men looking to be matched with men within 100 miles of myself, seriously! There’s gotta be some hotties in Stanford and Mountain View, I thought, and nope, I went through them all. Tinder is a game that has the ability to yield deeper results, if you’re game for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/Ypkv0HeUvTc\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>III. Don’t Hate the Game, Hate the Playa\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The reality of life is that some people are better looking than others. Remember the controversy over the website \u003ca href=\"http://www.beautifulpeople.com/en-US\">beautifulpeople.com\u003c/a>? In this model, users submit one (!) photo of themselves, set up a small profile and wait 48 hours for the rest of the community to vote them in or out. According to \u003ca href=\"http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1222973/The-dating-agency-looks-absolutely-everything.html\">\u003cem>The Daily Mail\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, only 20% of applicants are accepted, just about the \u003ca href=\"http://www.ivywise.com/admission_statistics.html\">same rate\u003c/a> as getting into Middlebury or Wesleyan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I decided, since I was on a roll, to sign up for this as well. What was most surprising and not surprising at all was that there's a countdown that appears right in your face in large numbers as soon as you sign on as an applicant. It counts down the time until you find out if you are accepted onto the website a.k.a. until you find out if you are beautiful enough. Yikes! Below the over-sized clock are votes given so far under the categories: Beautiful, Hmmm Okay, No, Absolutely not. Thus far, I’m teetering between Hmmm Okay and No with 25 hours to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In January 2010, the website dumped thousands of members who had gained weight over the holiday season and made them reapply. Over 5,000 of these re-applications were rejected. The site has elicited adjectives like “disgusting” and “inhumane” and the founder has received a number of \u003ca href=\"http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/worlds-most-exclusive-dating-site-beautifulpeoplecom-launches-dedicated-german-site-94720669.html\">death threats\u003c/a>. While Tinder and beautifulpeople.com are obviously different platforms, there is this sentiment of rejection by your community if you are not pretty enough. Tinder and beautifulpeople.com are not making us shallower humans, we were shallow to begin with, and that’s why these sorts of apps and websites exist.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/D2HPRaM6FHg\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>IV. A Tinder Tale\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As I mentioned, I had been drinking the night I signed up for Tinder. Since then, I have been Tindering (verb!) sober and on the regular in order to write this article. My matches have been semi-consistent, but I haven’t struck up conversation much. The addictive quality is still there, but I am unsure if I am addicted to the swiping or to the matching aspect. It’s probably both. A friend of mine who I would consider a fan of Tinder has taken it to the next step and met some dudes in person, which is great, and the eventual objective of the app. “Surprisingly,” she tells me, “Tinder has enabled a more mature way of dating. You cut to the chase -- let’s meet if we’re interested. And if it doesn’t work out, it’s reassuring to know there are lots of other guys out there open to meeting you. So you don’t need to waste your time if there’s no compatibility or chemistry in-person.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meeting someone in person can be a daunting thing, especially someone you don’t know. Tinder seeks to lessen the nerves by providing users with shared interests and friends. If you meet another person for coffee, you could always talk about the fact you both like The Cure, \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em>, or your friend Tina. “Shared friends is way more interesting and definitely influences my decision,” my friend says. “If I’m on the fence, but you know a ton of cool people I know, then right swipe. You’re probably pretty cool, too.” However, shared interests don’t carry quite as much weight unless there’s one specific “like” you made on Facebook such as a band that’s only well-known in Canada and you were in Vancouver once and you saw them play live and it was amazing. Otherwise, the shared interests serve more as an afterthought or a conversation starter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tinder could be the next generation of dating apps providing users with an easy, low-commitment way to meet new people in their area or it could be just another platform for us to satisfy our pleasure-seeking selves and boost our egos. But one thing is for certain, Tinder does not emulate real life, it is real life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Editor's note: An earlier version of this story said that Facebook was founded by the creators of Hot or Not. That is untrue and the story has been edited to reflect that.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"How the new dating app is trying to emulate real life.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1382053808,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":18,"wordCount":1428},"headData":{"title":"Bored and Single? Tinder Is The App For That | KQED","description":"How the new dating app is trying to emulate real life.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Bored and Single? Tinder Is The App For That","datePublished":"2013-08-01T13:00:22.000Z","dateModified":"2013-10-17T23:50:08.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"7179 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=7179","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/08/01/love-me-tindertinder-the-new-normalbored-and-single-tinder-is-the-app-for-that/","disqusTitle":"Bored and Single? Tinder Is The App For That","path":"/pop/7179/love-me-tindertinder-the-new-normalbored-and-single-tinder-is-the-app-for-that","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/BVary7lyBq0\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>I. A Woman Walks into a Bar\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She approaches a man she does not know and tells him to leave. She approaches another man. \u003cem>Leave\u003c/em>, she says, and points to the door. And then another and another and another and tells them all to leave. Finally, she sees a man in a pink Banana Republic button down and, before she before the word \u003cem>Stay\u003c/em> exits her mouth, a tall blondish man approaches her. \u003cem>Leave\u003c/em>, he says, and points to the door.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If Tinder emulated real life and our interactions with others -- \u003ca href=\"http://www.gotinder.com/about/\">as it markets itself to do\u003c/a> -- this is perhaps the real life it’s looking to emulate. And this, of course, does not exist. And if it did, well, that bar would totally suck. The new-ish dating app recalls \u003ca href=\"http://hotornot.com/\">Hot or Not\u003c/a>, which heavily influenced this thing called Facebook. With Tinder, users are shown a photo of another user in their area and they must either swipe left (Adios!) or swipe right (Hey there, stud cake!). If both users have swiped right on each other, it is considered a “match” and then and only then are they able to spark up a conversation. And if you care, below each user's photo are your shared Facebook friends and interests, if any. This will probably not influence your decision on whether you swipe left or right. If the person is hot and they like \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em>, swipe right. If the person is a dog and likes \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em>, you’re swiping left for sure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once a match is made, the team at Tinder decided to give some words of both encouragement and light-hearted taunt for you to start the chat up. \u003cem>Staring at this screen won’t start a convo... \u003c/em>, Tinder remarks. \u003cem>Conversations don’t write themselves\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Are your hands tied?\u003c/em> Once a hello is made on either end, only chat is allowed. No naughty photos or video, just good old-fashioned words and phrases. This should lead to a text or a phone call, a date, a friend, a kiss, a baby. And so on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/Q-gu1KETjVY\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>II. Matchy Matchy\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While I am no expert on dating apps as I am in a loving LTR, I decided to download this hype machine to get a better sense of what it has to offer. I was definitely three sheets to the wind when the download was made and the tiny flame appeared on my phone’s home screen, which in return made it even more fun. After just a minute or two of setup I began my left swipes. And they continued pretty consistently until I realized I had no chance of a match if my standards were so unimaginably high. And thus began some right swipes here and there and finally, to my surprise, a match. What a nice feeling! While of course, \u003cem>match\u003c/em> has many definitions in different parts of speech, I couldn’t help but feel as though Tinder had discovered something, when in fact this Erick character simply liked the way I looked. This trendy word has taken on meanings on two sides of the spectrum. In its rawest form as on Tinder, two similar actions were rewarded with a nice feeling as though turning over two orange cards in a game of Memory, while in its more complex form as on Match.com, the word has come to mean a life partner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a few more right swipes and ten times more left swipes, I headed to bed. In the morning I woke to even more matches and some chat greetings as well. The gratification is so instant and fun that I went on to swipe through all the men looking to be matched with men within 100 miles of myself, seriously! There’s gotta be some hotties in Stanford and Mountain View, I thought, and nope, I went through them all. Tinder is a game that has the ability to yield deeper results, if you’re game for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/Ypkv0HeUvTc\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>III. Don’t Hate the Game, Hate the Playa\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The reality of life is that some people are better looking than others. Remember the controversy over the website \u003ca href=\"http://www.beautifulpeople.com/en-US\">beautifulpeople.com\u003c/a>? In this model, users submit one (!) photo of themselves, set up a small profile and wait 48 hours for the rest of the community to vote them in or out. According to \u003ca href=\"http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1222973/The-dating-agency-looks-absolutely-everything.html\">\u003cem>The Daily Mail\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, only 20% of applicants are accepted, just about the \u003ca href=\"http://www.ivywise.com/admission_statistics.html\">same rate\u003c/a> as getting into Middlebury or Wesleyan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I decided, since I was on a roll, to sign up for this as well. What was most surprising and not surprising at all was that there's a countdown that appears right in your face in large numbers as soon as you sign on as an applicant. It counts down the time until you find out if you are accepted onto the website a.k.a. until you find out if you are beautiful enough. Yikes! Below the over-sized clock are votes given so far under the categories: Beautiful, Hmmm Okay, No, Absolutely not. Thus far, I’m teetering between Hmmm Okay and No with 25 hours to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In January 2010, the website dumped thousands of members who had gained weight over the holiday season and made them reapply. Over 5,000 of these re-applications were rejected. The site has elicited adjectives like “disgusting” and “inhumane” and the founder has received a number of \u003ca href=\"http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/worlds-most-exclusive-dating-site-beautifulpeoplecom-launches-dedicated-german-site-94720669.html\">death threats\u003c/a>. While Tinder and beautifulpeople.com are obviously different platforms, there is this sentiment of rejection by your community if you are not pretty enough. Tinder and beautifulpeople.com are not making us shallower humans, we were shallow to begin with, and that’s why these sorts of apps and websites exist.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003ciframe src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/D2HPRaM6FHg\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>IV. A Tinder Tale\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As I mentioned, I had been drinking the night I signed up for Tinder. Since then, I have been Tindering (verb!) sober and on the regular in order to write this article. My matches have been semi-consistent, but I haven’t struck up conversation much. The addictive quality is still there, but I am unsure if I am addicted to the swiping or to the matching aspect. It’s probably both. A friend of mine who I would consider a fan of Tinder has taken it to the next step and met some dudes in person, which is great, and the eventual objective of the app. “Surprisingly,” she tells me, “Tinder has enabled a more mature way of dating. You cut to the chase -- let’s meet if we’re interested. And if it doesn’t work out, it’s reassuring to know there are lots of other guys out there open to meeting you. So you don’t need to waste your time if there’s no compatibility or chemistry in-person.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meeting someone in person can be a daunting thing, especially someone you don’t know. Tinder seeks to lessen the nerves by providing users with shared interests and friends. If you meet another person for coffee, you could always talk about the fact you both like The Cure, \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em>, or your friend Tina. “Shared friends is way more interesting and definitely influences my decision,” my friend says. “If I’m on the fence, but you know a ton of cool people I know, then right swipe. You’re probably pretty cool, too.” However, shared interests don’t carry quite as much weight unless there’s one specific “like” you made on Facebook such as a band that’s only well-known in Canada and you were in Vancouver once and you saw them play live and it was amazing. Otherwise, the shared interests serve more as an afterthought or a conversation starter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tinder could be the next generation of dating apps providing users with an easy, low-commitment way to meet new people in their area or it could be just another platform for us to satisfy our pleasure-seeking selves and boost our egos. But one thing is for certain, Tinder does not emulate real life, it is real life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Editor's note: An earlier version of this story said that Facebook was founded by the creators of Hot or Not. That is untrue and the story has been edited to reflect that.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/7179/love-me-tindertinder-the-new-normalbored-and-single-tinder-is-the-app-for-that","authors":["2416"],"categories":["pop_1155","pop_5","pop_1041"],"tags":["pop_1068","pop_159","pop_1067"],"featImg":"pop_7224","label":"pop"},"pop_1368":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_1368","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"1368","score":null,"sort":[1360862468000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"5-reasons-why-npr-should-start-a-dating-site","title":"5 Reasons Why NPR Should Launch a Dating Site","publishDate":1360862468,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>You're single, and it's Valentine's Day. All Things Considered, you're feeling a little blue. You want to have a driveway moment with someone. Not just Car Talk, but an evening that ends with you sharing tomorrow's Morning Edition over breakfast.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So you turn on the radio for solace. You hear this, and it makes things seem just a little bit better...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[soundcloud url=\"http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79225024\" params=\"color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Maybe you could use an NPR dating site.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's an idea that's been discussed by public media folks on occasion. What if there was a site where you could meet others interested in \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/world/\">foreign affairs\u003c/a>, the genius of \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2013/02/13/171116703/keplers-genius-letting-nature-have-the-last-word\">Kepler\u003c/a> and Ira Glass's \u003ca href=\"http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/480/animal-sacrifice\">dog\u003c/a>? A few stations - including St. Louis Public Radio and WNYC - have organized dating events for listeners. Perhaps it's time to try matching public radio fans online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Valentine's Day KQED asked its Facebook and Twitter followers if they thought NPR should start a dating site. KQED's Aarti Shahani also interviewed public media executives and online dating experts about the idea for a story you can find\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2013/02/14/should-public-radio-start-an-online-dating-site/\"> here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Combined, the story and the comments received via social media make a pretty compelling case for a site that would allow This American Life listeners to find love with Terry Gross groupies. Here are five reasons why NPR should start a dating site.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. There are a lot of people who share an interest in public radio.\u003c/strong> About 26.8 million Americans listened to NPR newscasts every week in 2011, according to the \u003ca href=\"http://www.niemanlab.org/2012/03/nprs-audience-shrunk-a-hair-in-2011-pushing-public-radio-further-toward-a-digital-future/\">Pew Research Center\u003c/a>. And they're not all run-of-the-mill librarians. Some of them are sexy librarians. Some of them are sexy pop stars and actors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_1370\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 620px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1370\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clooney620.jpg\" alt=\"George Clooney hearts NPR.\" width=\"620\" height=\"550\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clooney620.jpg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clooney620-400x354.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">George Clooney hearts NPR.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_1369\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 620px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1369\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/jtnpr.jpg\" alt=\"Justin Timberlake, photo via NPR.org\" width=\"620\" height=\"412\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/jtnpr.jpg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/jtnpr-400x265.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Justin Timberlake, photo via NPR.org\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>OK, so J.T. is \u003ca href=\"http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/06/jessica-biel-justin-timberlake-marriage-elle_n_2250224.html\">off the market\u003c/a>. Still, there are other \u003ca href=\"http://pinterest.com/ianhillmedia/sexy-men-support-npr/\">sexy men\u003c/a> and women who like NPR.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's a pretty big group and there's got to be several million who are single,\" NPR President and CEO Gary Knell told Shahani. \"They're hungry for a connection and a community of people who, like them, want to engage in and are curious about the world, which is really complicated, and can be really lonely.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Lonely listeners have something in common they can talk about: NPR.\u003c/strong> This NPR fan noted that public radio can be a great conversation starter on dates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[soundcloud url=\"http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79228187\" params=\"color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not convinced? The next time you're out with a fellow public radio fan, try beginning the conversation with the questions posed by real NPR headlines like \"is the Internet making us stupid?\" and \"did North Korea test a 'miniature' nuclear bomb?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you're not sure that the person you're dating is a bona fide public radio aficionado, you can just ask them to identify the name of the NPR staffers who have been name-checked on \u003ca href=\"http://nprfreshair.tumblr.com/post/36890814522/in-the-opening-scene-of-parks-and-recreation-last\">\u003cem>Parks and Recreation\u003c/em>.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. As the conversation continues, NPR listeners might find they have a lot in common.\u003c/strong> Listener Katherine Lee says she thinks many NPR listeners might share the same worldview.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[soundcloud url=\"http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79226058\" params=\"color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/about/aboutnpr/audience.html\">Audience studies\u003c/a> seem to back her up. In general, NPR listeners are described as middle-aged college graduates whose households earn nearly twice the income of average American households. According to stats reported by \u003ca href=\"http://www.onthemedia.org/2006/sep/01/the-listeners-of-national-public-radio/transcript/\">On the Media\u003c/a> in 2006, NPR listeners are likely to...\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Be liberal\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Be curious\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Drink soy milk\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Drink French wine\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Own a Volvo\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. If you hook up at the end of the date, you might help create a race of super-beings.\u003c/strong> That's what NPR's Chicago station WBEZ hopes will happen. They launched an ad campaign recently that \u003ca href=\"http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/npr-station-urges-listeners-have-sex-and-make-more-listeners-147082\">made waves\u003c/a> by asking listeners to \"go make babies\" with other \"interesting people.\" Those \"interesting people\" would hypothetically be future NPR listeners.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1386 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/DoIt.jpg\" alt=\"DoIt\" width=\"484\" height=\"291\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/DoIt.jpg 484w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/DoIt-400x240.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 484px) 100vw, 484px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listener Alex Soros called these \"interesting\" babies an \"uber race.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[soundcloud url=\"http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79229701\" params=\"color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. And even if you don't get lucky, your date is still bound to be interesting.\u003c/strong> Because it will probably be with somebody like this guy:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[soundcloud url=\"http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79228031\" params=\"color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"You want to have a driveway moment with someone. Not just Car Talk, but an evening that ends with you sharing tomorrow's Morning Edition over breakfast.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1486775220,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":24,"wordCount":780},"headData":{"title":"5 Reasons Why NPR Should Launch a Dating Site | KQED","description":"You want to have a driveway moment with someone. Not just Car Talk, but an evening that ends with you sharing tomorrow's Morning Edition over breakfast.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"5 Reasons Why NPR Should Launch a Dating Site","datePublished":"2013-02-14T17:21:08.000Z","dateModified":"2017-02-11T01:07:00.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"1368 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=1368","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/14/5-reasons-why-npr-should-start-a-dating-site/","disqusTitle":"5 Reasons Why NPR Should Launch a Dating Site","path":"/pop/1368/5-reasons-why-npr-should-start-a-dating-site","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>You're single, and it's Valentine's Day. All Things Considered, you're feeling a little blue. You want to have a driveway moment with someone. Not just Car Talk, but an evening that ends with you sharing tomorrow's Morning Edition over breakfast.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So you turn on the radio for solace. You hear this, and it makes things seem just a little bit better...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79225024&visual=true&color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false'\n title='http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79225024'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Maybe you could use an NPR dating site.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's an idea that's been discussed by public media folks on occasion. What if there was a site where you could meet others interested in \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/world/\">foreign affairs\u003c/a>, the genius of \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2013/02/13/171116703/keplers-genius-letting-nature-have-the-last-word\">Kepler\u003c/a> and Ira Glass's \u003ca href=\"http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/480/animal-sacrifice\">dog\u003c/a>? A few stations - including St. Louis Public Radio and WNYC - have organized dating events for listeners. Perhaps it's time to try matching public radio fans online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Valentine's Day KQED asked its Facebook and Twitter followers if they thought NPR should start a dating site. KQED's Aarti Shahani also interviewed public media executives and online dating experts about the idea for a story you can find\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2013/02/14/should-public-radio-start-an-online-dating-site/\"> here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Combined, the story and the comments received via social media make a pretty compelling case for a site that would allow This American Life listeners to find love with Terry Gross groupies. Here are five reasons why NPR should start a dating site.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. There are a lot of people who share an interest in public radio.\u003c/strong> About 26.8 million Americans listened to NPR newscasts every week in 2011, according to the \u003ca href=\"http://www.niemanlab.org/2012/03/nprs-audience-shrunk-a-hair-in-2011-pushing-public-radio-further-toward-a-digital-future/\">Pew Research Center\u003c/a>. And they're not all run-of-the-mill librarians. Some of them are sexy librarians. Some of them are sexy pop stars and actors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_1370\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 620px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1370\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clooney620.jpg\" alt=\"George Clooney hearts NPR.\" width=\"620\" height=\"550\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clooney620.jpg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clooney620-400x354.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">George Clooney hearts NPR.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_1369\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 620px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1369\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/jtnpr.jpg\" alt=\"Justin Timberlake, photo via NPR.org\" width=\"620\" height=\"412\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/jtnpr.jpg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/jtnpr-400x265.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Justin Timberlake, photo via NPR.org\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>OK, so J.T. is \u003ca href=\"http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/06/jessica-biel-justin-timberlake-marriage-elle_n_2250224.html\">off the market\u003c/a>. Still, there are other \u003ca href=\"http://pinterest.com/ianhillmedia/sexy-men-support-npr/\">sexy men\u003c/a> and women who like NPR.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's a pretty big group and there's got to be several million who are single,\" NPR President and CEO Gary Knell told Shahani. \"They're hungry for a connection and a community of people who, like them, want to engage in and are curious about the world, which is really complicated, and can be really lonely.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Lonely listeners have something in common they can talk about: NPR.\u003c/strong> This NPR fan noted that public radio can be a great conversation starter on dates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79228187&visual=true&color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false'\n title='http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79228187'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not convinced? The next time you're out with a fellow public radio fan, try beginning the conversation with the questions posed by real NPR headlines like \"is the Internet making us stupid?\" and \"did North Korea test a 'miniature' nuclear bomb?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you're not sure that the person you're dating is a bona fide public radio aficionado, you can just ask them to identify the name of the NPR staffers who have been name-checked on \u003ca href=\"http://nprfreshair.tumblr.com/post/36890814522/in-the-opening-scene-of-parks-and-recreation-last\">\u003cem>Parks and Recreation\u003c/em>.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. As the conversation continues, NPR listeners might find they have a lot in common.\u003c/strong> Listener Katherine Lee says she thinks many NPR listeners might share the same worldview.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79226058&visual=true&color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false'\n title='http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79226058'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/about/aboutnpr/audience.html\">Audience studies\u003c/a> seem to back her up. In general, NPR listeners are described as middle-aged college graduates whose households earn nearly twice the income of average American households. According to stats reported by \u003ca href=\"http://www.onthemedia.org/2006/sep/01/the-listeners-of-national-public-radio/transcript/\">On the Media\u003c/a> in 2006, NPR listeners are likely to...\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Be liberal\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Be curious\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Drink soy milk\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Drink French wine\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Own a Volvo\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. If you hook up at the end of the date, you might help create a race of super-beings.\u003c/strong> That's what NPR's Chicago station WBEZ hopes will happen. They launched an ad campaign recently that \u003ca href=\"http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/npr-station-urges-listeners-have-sex-and-make-more-listeners-147082\">made waves\u003c/a> by asking listeners to \"go make babies\" with other \"interesting people.\" Those \"interesting people\" would hypothetically be future NPR listeners.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1386 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/DoIt.jpg\" alt=\"DoIt\" width=\"484\" height=\"291\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/DoIt.jpg 484w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/DoIt-400x240.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 484px) 100vw, 484px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listener Alex Soros called these \"interesting\" babies an \"uber race.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79229701&visual=true&color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false'\n title='http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79229701'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. And even if you don't get lucky, your date is still bound to be interesting.\u003c/strong> Because it will probably be with somebody like this guy:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79228031&visual=true&color=ff6600&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false'\n title='http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/79228031'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/1368/5-reasons-why-npr-should-start-a-dating-site","authors":["2421"],"categories":["pop_7","pop_6","pop_155"],"tags":["pop_159","pop_182","pop_183","pop_157","pop_164","pop_67","pop_158"],"featImg":"pop_63703","label":"pop"},"pop_1206":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_1206","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"1206","score":null,"sort":[1360708148000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"8-things-to-know-before-you-start-dating-online","title":"8 Important Things to Know Before You Start Dating Online","publishDate":1360708148,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>Conversation hearts and chocolate samplers fill the grocery aisles, your inbox is filled with coupon deals for roses and romantic dates, and your grandmother has yet again asked if you have a \"special friend.\" Dan Slater, author of \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Love-Time-Algorithms-Technology-Meeting/dp/1591845319\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Love in the Time of Algorithms\u003c/a> \u003c/em>visited \u003ca href=\"http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201302061000\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">KQED's Forum\u003c/a> to discuss the world of online dating and how it is changing our relationships. Here are some highlights from that show that we hope will help you make sense of the online dating scene.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Online Dating is Still Dating (Read: Awkward)\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Online dating gets so much buzz, you might get the impression that once you post a profile you will be flooded with hundreds of potential partners and that meeting them will be void of stress and awkward moments. You are wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Technology can be a very useful tool, but it's not a cure-all, it's not a panacea for everyone's relationship ills, and I think that often times people approach it with very high expectations; they expect to be able to hit a button and their soul mate pops up, but, you know, it takes a little more work than that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Don't Invest Too Much Time Before Meeting in Person\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Anna, who met her husband online, called into the show and offered this advice: \"Read a little bit, send [potential dates] a message, and meet for coffee for a half an hour.\" Anna said that setting limits takes a lot of the fear away because \"you're not investing as much\" in any one profile.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Limiting interaction before you meet someone in person also ensures that you won't steal all of the magic away from that first meeting—something that Slater said a lot of the people he interviewed for his book felt was lacking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a sense of discovery that is lost in the online process,\" said a caller named Jennifer. \"You read [someone's] entire life story on their summaries about who they are, what they're looking for. The authenticity of that first meeting—the mystery is kind of lost for me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Decide if the Story of How You Met is Important to You\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"People put a lot of stock in the meeting story,\" said Slater. \"If you go to a cocktail party and talk to couples, often times the conversation will go to how they met, and if you don't have that fun story to tell, maybe, for some people, it feels like they've been deprived of something.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before venturing online, figure out if the idea of a serendipitous meeting, however mundane is \"preferable to what [can feel like] an overly structured way of meeting online.\" Because if you can't imagine telling your grandmother that you met your \"special friend\" on \u003ca href=\"http://www.match.com/\">Match.com\u003c/a>, and the thought of lying makes you cringe, you might want to stick to the old-fashioned way of meeting someone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. The Claims on Long Term Compatibility Aren't Proven\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a fair amount of debate, both within the industry itself and outside of the industry, as to what these algorithms [used by online dating sites] actually do,\" said Slater \"and can they actually predict anything, or is it all just a bunch of smoke?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater specifically questioned \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\">eHarmony\u003c/a>'s claim that it can \"predict whether or not a couple of strangers—a man and woman who have never met—can be happy together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The evidence may be a bit weak,\" said Slater. He cited a study that found social scientists can predict the long term compatibility of a couple that's already together with a fair amount of accuracy, but that predicting how two complete strangers will stand the test of time is something entirely different.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No one has shown an ability to do that with strangers because before two people have come together, there are so many things you don't know about them,\" said Slater. \"You don't know how they're going to handle stress together. So right now, what seems to be the case is that dating sites are getting better and better at predicting whether two people will hit it off on a first date. And that, in my mind, is a pretty amazing innovation.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Expect Some Untruths\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a little bit of lying everywhere,\" said Slater. \"If you meet someone offline, there's going to be a little bit of lying that takes place. I think the online world obviously makes it a bit easier to kind of fudge your stats: men will tend to add a couple inches to their height, women will tend to shave a few pounds off their weight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Casual Sex is Not Just for Men\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Joseph shared this perspective:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I joined [an online dating site] in 2003 and I was looking for love, and what I discovered is that an amazing number of women would come straight over to my house for the first date; I mean, it became like ordering take-out. And of course I was absolutely delighted with the experience, and also really shocked about it… If I told you the number of women who would just come straight over to my house for sex—no date, no coffee, thirty minutes, it's happening—you would find it hard to believe.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater says that online dating might expose the theory that only men want casual sex as just that—a theory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We don't know at this point whether men do, in fact, pursue more short-term sex than women. Certainly the stereotype and belief all along has been that men are sort of biologically wired to pursue more short-term sex—I don't believe that's the case and I believe that online dating is starting to expose a little bit of that lie.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Don't Pay Too Much Attention to Photos… at First\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy shared this experience on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQEDForum\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Forum Facebook page\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I found my girlfriend of nearly 14 months on \u003ca href=\"http://www.okcupid.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">OkCupid\u003c/a>. The key is to go beyond the 10-20 percent of users who get the vast majority of the messages. [Try to] ignore the pictures at first and just focus on the profile, then take a look at the picture once you have a better sense of who the person is. The problem most online daters face is that they judge based on looks (as determined by a couple of thumbnail pictures) and don't make an attempt to contact people who could be great matches if they met in person. If you go beyond that your chances of success dramatically increase.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When you post your photo—choose one that's in-focus and sans sunglasses. The purpose of the profile picture is to let people know what you look like, so you may as well pick a photo that does the job.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. There's a Dating Service for Every Type\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chances are, if you've got a type, \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/fashion/06Niche.html?_r=0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">there's a site for it\u003c/a>. Are you a\u003ca href=\"http://cupidtino.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> Mac\u003c/a> of PC person? A Democrat or a Republican? Jewish or Catholic? Before investing in a paid subscription, be sure to look beyond the big name sites like Match.com and \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">eHarmony\u003c/a>, especially if you there's a characteristic that's a must-have for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/201302061000/is-online-dating-changing-our-relationships\">Listen to the complete interview with Mr. Slater!\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"It's February, which means love is looming large. If you want to play along with the season's preoccupation with pink and partnering, maybe it's time to considered online dating.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1552083824,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":32,"wordCount":1250},"headData":{"title":"8 Important Things to Know Before You Start Dating Online | KQED","description":"It's February, which means love is looming large. If you want to play along with the season's preoccupation with pink and partnering, maybe it's time to considered online dating.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"8 Important Things to Know Before You Start Dating Online","datePublished":"2013-02-12T22:29:08.000Z","dateModified":"2019-03-08T22:23:44.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"1206 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=1206","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/12/8-things-to-know-before-you-start-dating-online/","disqusTitle":"8 Important Things to Know Before You Start Dating Online","path":"/pop/1206/8-things-to-know-before-you-start-dating-online","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Conversation hearts and chocolate samplers fill the grocery aisles, your inbox is filled with coupon deals for roses and romantic dates, and your grandmother has yet again asked if you have a \"special friend.\" Dan Slater, author of \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Love-Time-Algorithms-Technology-Meeting/dp/1591845319\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Love in the Time of Algorithms\u003c/a> \u003c/em>visited \u003ca href=\"http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201302061000\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">KQED's Forum\u003c/a> to discuss the world of online dating and how it is changing our relationships. Here are some highlights from that show that we hope will help you make sense of the online dating scene.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Online Dating is Still Dating (Read: Awkward)\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Online dating gets so much buzz, you might get the impression that once you post a profile you will be flooded with hundreds of potential partners and that meeting them will be void of stress and awkward moments. You are wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Technology can be a very useful tool, but it's not a cure-all, it's not a panacea for everyone's relationship ills, and I think that often times people approach it with very high expectations; they expect to be able to hit a button and their soul mate pops up, but, you know, it takes a little more work than that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Don't Invest Too Much Time Before Meeting in Person\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Anna, who met her husband online, called into the show and offered this advice: \"Read a little bit, send [potential dates] a message, and meet for coffee for a half an hour.\" Anna said that setting limits takes a lot of the fear away because \"you're not investing as much\" in any one profile.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Limiting interaction before you meet someone in person also ensures that you won't steal all of the magic away from that first meeting—something that Slater said a lot of the people he interviewed for his book felt was lacking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a sense of discovery that is lost in the online process,\" said a caller named Jennifer. \"You read [someone's] entire life story on their summaries about who they are, what they're looking for. The authenticity of that first meeting—the mystery is kind of lost for me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Decide if the Story of How You Met is Important to You\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"People put a lot of stock in the meeting story,\" said Slater. \"If you go to a cocktail party and talk to couples, often times the conversation will go to how they met, and if you don't have that fun story to tell, maybe, for some people, it feels like they've been deprived of something.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before venturing online, figure out if the idea of a serendipitous meeting, however mundane is \"preferable to what [can feel like] an overly structured way of meeting online.\" Because if you can't imagine telling your grandmother that you met your \"special friend\" on \u003ca href=\"http://www.match.com/\">Match.com\u003c/a>, and the thought of lying makes you cringe, you might want to stick to the old-fashioned way of meeting someone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. The Claims on Long Term Compatibility Aren't Proven\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a fair amount of debate, both within the industry itself and outside of the industry, as to what these algorithms [used by online dating sites] actually do,\" said Slater \"and can they actually predict anything, or is it all just a bunch of smoke?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater specifically questioned \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\">eHarmony\u003c/a>'s claim that it can \"predict whether or not a couple of strangers—a man and woman who have never met—can be happy together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The evidence may be a bit weak,\" said Slater. He cited a study that found social scientists can predict the long term compatibility of a couple that's already together with a fair amount of accuracy, but that predicting how two complete strangers will stand the test of time is something entirely different.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No one has shown an ability to do that with strangers because before two people have come together, there are so many things you don't know about them,\" said Slater. \"You don't know how they're going to handle stress together. So right now, what seems to be the case is that dating sites are getting better and better at predicting whether two people will hit it off on a first date. And that, in my mind, is a pretty amazing innovation.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Expect Some Untruths\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a little bit of lying everywhere,\" said Slater. \"If you meet someone offline, there's going to be a little bit of lying that takes place. I think the online world obviously makes it a bit easier to kind of fudge your stats: men will tend to add a couple inches to their height, women will tend to shave a few pounds off their weight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Casual Sex is Not Just for Men\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Joseph shared this perspective:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I joined [an online dating site] in 2003 and I was looking for love, and what I discovered is that an amazing number of women would come straight over to my house for the first date; I mean, it became like ordering take-out. And of course I was absolutely delighted with the experience, and also really shocked about it… If I told you the number of women who would just come straight over to my house for sex—no date, no coffee, thirty minutes, it's happening—you would find it hard to believe.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater says that online dating might expose the theory that only men want casual sex as just that—a theory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We don't know at this point whether men do, in fact, pursue more short-term sex than women. Certainly the stereotype and belief all along has been that men are sort of biologically wired to pursue more short-term sex—I don't believe that's the case and I believe that online dating is starting to expose a little bit of that lie.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Don't Pay Too Much Attention to Photos… at First\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy shared this experience on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQEDForum\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Forum Facebook page\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I found my girlfriend of nearly 14 months on \u003ca href=\"http://www.okcupid.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">OkCupid\u003c/a>. The key is to go beyond the 10-20 percent of users who get the vast majority of the messages. [Try to] ignore the pictures at first and just focus on the profile, then take a look at the picture once you have a better sense of who the person is. The problem most online daters face is that they judge based on looks (as determined by a couple of thumbnail pictures) and don't make an attempt to contact people who could be great matches if they met in person. If you go beyond that your chances of success dramatically increase.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When you post your photo—choose one that's in-focus and sans sunglasses. The purpose of the profile picture is to let people know what you look like, so you may as well pick a photo that does the job.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. There's a Dating Service for Every Type\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chances are, if you've got a type, \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/fashion/06Niche.html?_r=0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">there's a site for it\u003c/a>. Are you a\u003ca href=\"http://cupidtino.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> Mac\u003c/a> of PC person? A Democrat or a Republican? Jewish or Catholic? Before investing in a paid subscription, be sure to look beyond the big name sites like Match.com and \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">eHarmony\u003c/a>, especially if you there's a characteristic that's a must-have for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/201302061000/is-online-dating-changing-our-relationships\">Listen to the complete interview with Mr. Slater!\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/1206/8-things-to-know-before-you-start-dating-online","authors":["70"],"categories":["pop_6","pop_155"],"tags":["pop_159","pop_162","pop_99","pop_157","pop_161","pop_160","pop_158"],"featImg":"pop_110092","label":"pop"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. 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On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"On Our Watch from NPR and KQED","officialWebsiteLink":"/podcasts/onourwatch","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"1"},"link":"/podcasts/onourwatch","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw","npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/onourwatch","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0OLWoyizopu6tY1XiuX70x","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/On-Our-Watch-p1436229/","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/show/on-our-watch","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510360/podcast.xml"}},"on-the-media":{"id":"on-the-media","title":"On The Media","info":"Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. 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