From the Beatles to One Direction: How to Identify a Boy Band
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Back in the '90s, the U.S. had the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, while the U.K. and Ireland had Take That, Boyzone and Westlife. It was a feast—nay, a cornucopia—of hair gel, dance moves, winks and fingers pointed at camera lenses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The current undisputed boy band kings are BTS, though truthfully, with their trap beats and big hooks, they are significantly cooler than the cheesier boy bands of yore. But one boy band isn't enough to fill the void, so we're left to wish that these parody boy bands from television were real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Boyz 4 Now, \u003cem>Bob's Burgers\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCTXlerK8M0\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Probably the greatest recurring characters on \u003cem>Bob's Burgers\u003c/em> are Boyz 4 Now. With catchy tunes like \"I Love U So Much (It's Scary),\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgT0WhguhaQ\">\"(I Wanna Hear Your) Secrets\"\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2MJX81I67s\">\"Coal Mine,\"\u003c/a> Boo Boo, Allen, Matt and Griffin aren't afraid to get real about love, the private things you do in the bathroom and the commercialization of Halloween. Sadly, Boyz 4 Now disbanded in 2016, after Boo Boo left to pursue a solo career, with \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_jhWTgqm5o\">\"Tall Enuff 2 Ride Your Heart.\"\u003c/a> Typical!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>\"Girl, You Don't Need Makeup\", \u003cem>Inside Amy Schumer\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyeTJVU4wVo&t=7s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Imagine a world in which boy bands got really real with us. Happily, Amy Schumer already did! \"Girl, You Don't Need Makeup\" is a brilliantly catchy parody that styles itself loosely on One Direction's \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_v9MY_FMcw\">\"Best Song Ever.\"\u003c/a> It pairs all of the beautiful things boy bands tell girls about themselves, with the harsh realities of real-life societal pressures heaped on women. The final result is a very danceable critique of unreasonable beauty standards. Hurray!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Boyz 12, \u003cem>American Dad\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYtMYspzKBg\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Girl You Need a Shot (of B12)\" by Boyz 12 features every single element of 1990s boy band greatness—rapping, overuse of the word \"girl,\" a sweet chorus and every type of boy demographic to maximize appeal. The dizzying array of band members makes you wonder: What would a 12-piece boy band look like in real life, and goshdarnit, why don't we have one of those already?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>\"I Want It That Way,\" \u003cem>Brooklyn Nine-Nine\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=69&v=ffyKY3Dj5ZE\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the world of boy bands, there's always one edgy rebel in the mix, so it's remarkable that no one has thought to put together an entire group of bad boys. Think of the costume possibilities! The stage backdrops! There could be entire concept records about how crime doesn't pay! Sadly, the closest we've come to this brilliant concept is an episode of \u003cem>Brooklyn Nine-Nine\u003c/em>, in which Jake makes a line-up of potential murderers sing \"I Want It That Way\" by the Backstreet Boys. Number 3 would be worth the price of a ticket alone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Party Posse, \u003cem>The Simpsons\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nrpEgGEbGo\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Party Posse are \"real funky but not threatening,\" proficient spellers and endorsers of the U.S. Navy. \"Recruit my heart,\" they sing, \"Four sweet years of love.\" Sure, the Village People had a sailor, but wouldn't the world feel a little safer with an entire boy band in uniform? Make it happen, Marines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>No Refunds,\u003c/strong> \u003cem>\u003cstrong>Saturday Night Live\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_106135\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-106135\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"*NSYNC as No Refunds on 'Saturday Night Live' (NBC)\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-768x576.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-520x390.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">*NSYNC as No Refunds on 'Saturday Night Live' (NBC)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In 2000, Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan and Chris Parnell played a boy band named \u003ca href=\"https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/7-degrees-celsius-on-tour/2861358\">7 Degrees Celsius on \u003cem>Saturday Night Live\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. The best part about the skit was when they introduced their support band, No Refund. No Refund was actually *NSYNC, wearing fast food restaurant uniforms and singing romantic metaphors about takeout food. If *NSYNC ever reforms and starts touring again, it should be a contractual obligation for Joey Fatone to shout \"Hold the pickle!\" in\u003cem> everything.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Let's take a journey through the best boy bands TV has to offer.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1539195684,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":10,"wordCount":679},"headData":{"title":"All of TV's Fake Boy Bands We Wish Were Real | KQED","description":"Let's take a journey through the best boy bands TV has to offer.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"105850 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=105850","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/10/10/all-of-tvs-fake-boy-bands-we-wish-were-real/","disqusTitle":"All of TV's Fake Boy Bands We Wish Were Real","path":"/pop/105850/all-of-tvs-fake-boy-bands-we-wish-were-real","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In 2018, it's sometimes hard to not feel a little deprived when it comes to boy bands. Back in the '90s, the U.S. had the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, while the U.K. and Ireland had Take That, Boyzone and Westlife. It was a feast—nay, a cornucopia—of hair gel, dance moves, winks and fingers pointed at camera lenses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The current undisputed boy band kings are BTS, though truthfully, with their trap beats and big hooks, they are significantly cooler than the cheesier boy bands of yore. But one boy band isn't enough to fill the void, so we're left to wish that these parody boy bands from television were real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Boyz 4 Now, \u003cem>Bob's Burgers\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/vCTXlerK8M0'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/vCTXlerK8M0'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Probably the greatest recurring characters on \u003cem>Bob's Burgers\u003c/em> are Boyz 4 Now. With catchy tunes like \"I Love U So Much (It's Scary),\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgT0WhguhaQ\">\"(I Wanna Hear Your) Secrets\"\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2MJX81I67s\">\"Coal Mine,\"\u003c/a> Boo Boo, Allen, Matt and Griffin aren't afraid to get real about love, the private things you do in the bathroom and the commercialization of Halloween. Sadly, Boyz 4 Now disbanded in 2016, after Boo Boo left to pursue a solo career, with \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_jhWTgqm5o\">\"Tall Enuff 2 Ride Your Heart.\"\u003c/a> Typical!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>\"Girl, You Don't Need Makeup\", \u003cem>Inside Amy Schumer\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/fyeTJVU4wVo'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/fyeTJVU4wVo'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Imagine a world in which boy bands got really real with us. Happily, Amy Schumer already did! \"Girl, You Don't Need Makeup\" is a brilliantly catchy parody that styles itself loosely on One Direction's \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_v9MY_FMcw\">\"Best Song Ever.\"\u003c/a> It pairs all of the beautiful things boy bands tell girls about themselves, with the harsh realities of real-life societal pressures heaped on women. The final result is a very danceable critique of unreasonable beauty standards. Hurray!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Boyz 12, \u003cem>American Dad\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/yYtMYspzKBg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/yYtMYspzKBg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\"Girl You Need a Shot (of B12)\" by Boyz 12 features every single element of 1990s boy band greatness—rapping, overuse of the word \"girl,\" a sweet chorus and every type of boy demographic to maximize appeal. The dizzying array of band members makes you wonder: What would a 12-piece boy band look like in real life, and goshdarnit, why don't we have one of those already?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>\"I Want It That Way,\" \u003cem>Brooklyn Nine-Nine\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/ffyKY3Dj5ZE'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/ffyKY3Dj5ZE'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>In the world of boy bands, there's always one edgy rebel in the mix, so it's remarkable that no one has thought to put together an entire group of bad boys. Think of the costume possibilities! The stage backdrops! There could be entire concept records about how crime doesn't pay! Sadly, the closest we've come to this brilliant concept is an episode of \u003cem>Brooklyn Nine-Nine\u003c/em>, in which Jake makes a line-up of potential murderers sing \"I Want It That Way\" by the Backstreet Boys. Number 3 would be worth the price of a ticket alone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Party Posse, \u003cem>The Simpsons\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/9nrpEgGEbGo'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/9nrpEgGEbGo'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Party Posse are \"real funky but not threatening,\" proficient spellers and endorsers of the U.S. Navy. \"Recruit my heart,\" they sing, \"Four sweet years of love.\" Sure, the Village People had a sailor, but wouldn't the world feel a little safer with an entire boy band in uniform? Make it happen, Marines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>No Refunds,\u003c/strong> \u003cem>\u003cstrong>Saturday Night Live\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_106135\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-106135\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"*NSYNC as No Refunds on 'Saturday Night Live' (NBC)\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-768x576.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed-520x390.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/9e8ce1b0dd52de04d265331fd066b0ed.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">*NSYNC as No Refunds on 'Saturday Night Live' (NBC)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In 2000, Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan and Chris Parnell played a boy band named \u003ca href=\"https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/7-degrees-celsius-on-tour/2861358\">7 Degrees Celsius on \u003cem>Saturday Night Live\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. The best part about the skit was when they introduced their support band, No Refund. No Refund was actually *NSYNC, wearing fast food restaurant uniforms and singing romantic metaphors about takeout food. If *NSYNC ever reforms and starts touring again, it should be a contractual obligation for Joey Fatone to shout \"Hold the pickle!\" in\u003cem> everything.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/105850/all-of-tvs-fake-boy-bands-we-wish-were-real","authors":["11242"],"categories":["pop_4","pop_3"],"tags":["pop_352"],"featImg":"pop_106132","label":"pop"},"pop_2370":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_2370","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"2370","score":null,"sort":[1363028155000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"from-the-beatles-to-one-direction-how-to-identify-a-boy-band","title":"From the Beatles to One Direction: How to Identify a Boy Band","publishDate":1363028155,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">I have a 13-year-old cousin who I carefully monitor on Facebook, both for her safety and my edification. Not long ago, she began posting pictures of members of One Direction, a band I had specifically avoided even knowing about because, as far as I could tell, they were a boy band totally made up by some producer somewhere to sell records (downloads?) and get little girls whipped up into a frenzy. I'd seen that before and made a point of hating it (see: middle school). But then I happened to watch their adorable video for \"Kiss You\" and something snapped in my brain. Suddenly, I was the 13-year-old I absolutely wasn't at 13 (Counting Crows was my favorite band back then, obviously). I started going back into the annals of boy band-hood and wondering: What makes a boy band a BOY BAND and not just a group of dudes playing music together? Why are 'N Sync and One Direction boy bands but Counting Crows and Mumford and Sons just bands? Here, my friends, is what I discovered:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>To be a boy band, you have to sing catchy tunes about girls.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMNPPwq8I2Y]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Most people will tell you that The Beatles were the first boy band. I wasn't always convinced of this because they are MUSICIANS and wrote their own stuff and went on to each have pretty amazing individual careers. However, on closer inspection, I realized that they STARTED as a boy band and then morphed into just a band. Back in the \"I Want To Hold Your Hand\" British Invasion days, when they all dressed the same and had those cute haircuts, they were definitely a boy band. And the first clue is the peppy and sweet songs about girls. Songs that say: \"Hey, we're just a bunch of nice, approachable dudes, hanging out together, talking about you, the girl we love, in a really respectful way.\" As a person who knows a lot of dudes well enough to know that generally when they are alone talking about girls the subject of holding hands RARELY comes up, I think this must be part of the appeal of boy bands. A horde of teenage boys can be quite a terrifying thing to a young girl in real life. And individually too, boys are scary. They hurt your feelings, don't ask you to dances, break-up with you on Valentine's Day because you won't have sex with them, etc. But not boy bands. They are always a group of cute dudes who just want to hold your hand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>There can't be a real front man.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fndeDfaWCg]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>I use Backstreet Boys as an example here because clearly, IN MY OPINION, this is the Nick Carter show. BUT, the band isn't \"Nick Carter and the Backstreet Boys,\" just as The Monkees isn't \"Davy Jones and the Monkees.\" Someone is always going to be \"the cute one\" and \"the goofy one,\" but the lack of a front man is crucial because it shows that you are all on the same level, there are no divas (even if there are) and, in support of the subject matter of your songs and the non-threatening vibe you are going for, none of you are the silver back gorilla or the alpha male. You're just a group of good-time-loving beta bros, hanging out, not hurting anyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>You can be a group of brothers, but only if you are still somehow sexualized.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho7796-au8U]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>One of the great debates I had with myself and others while coming up with this list is: Can a group of brothers be a boy band? My main question was Hanson. They seem in some respects like a boy band. They are cute and have matching haircuts and sing happy music. But they also were missing something. I originally thought it was that they were brothers, but then I thought of The Jackson 5 and The Jonas Brothers, both CLEARLY boy bands. Why one and not the other? As my friend Kevin Hobson put it: \"Jackson 5 and Jonas Brother count because they were sexualized by their handlers. Hanson never really was.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Your music has to be dance-able, especially at high school dances. It helps if you have dance moves that can be emulated.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbIEwIwYz-c]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>The boy bands that stand the test of time all have this in common: Their music makes you want to dance. I missed out completely on the New Kids on the Block craze because I had no TV and my parents at that point were playing a lot of Paul Simon, Emmylou Harris, Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson records around the house. However, there was a girl down the street who knew ever single move to the \"The Right Stuff\" dance and she would do it on her front stoop every day. She also wore a side ponytail, which I couldn't do since I had a bowl cut. I was, of course, consumed with jealousy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>You have to be a little sexy. Not TOO sexy, but definitely sexy.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV8vB1BB2qc]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Boyz II Men is by far the sexiest of all the boy bands, but they are also an example of how to do boy band sexiness right. Since, as you know, the goal is to be as un-intimidating and approachable as possible, while remaining masculine and heterosexual (ish, see the next requirement), boy bands must strike the right balance of sweetness and romance with straight-up sex. Spoiler: they always err on the side of romance. Can you imagine Lil Wayne singing: \"I'll make love to you, like you want me to, and I'll hold you tight, baby all through the night?\" Answer: no. Because his music is for straight men and Boyz II Men is for everyone else.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>You've got to have a little (or a lot) homoerotic tension.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4cdfRohhcg]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Teenage girls have always loved to see boys showing each other a little love. And by \"always\" I mean since at least 1998 when wrestling inexplicably became my favorite spectator sport. Somehow boy on boy hugging (\"wrestling\") and butt patting makes the participants seem a little more benign and maybe, a little more likely to hug/\"wrestle\" us or pat us on the butts IN A FRIENDLY WAY. Basically, boys who can show they love each other can show they love us too! They can talk about feelings! When they are angry, they'll probably cry instead of punch a wall. And we like that! Granted, One Direction takes it pretty far with \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/ranking-which-two-members-of-one-direction-are-most-likely-i\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">their genital-touching and kissing\u003c/a> but somehow, doesn't this make them even cuter? Even if they are all in love with each other and have no interest in having actual relationships with girls, who cares? Some of the sweetest, most girl-positive boys I know are gay. Would a straight man have made me \u003ca href=\"http://youtu.be/BPT_gwUpVxg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">this video expressing his love for me\u003c/a>? Probably not. And I think we can all agree that it would be safer for teenage girls if all their boyfriends were actually interested in being friends and loving them for them and not actually having sex with them at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So which boy band is your imaginary boyfriend? Spend the day watching this whole playlist, including not-really-a-boy-band Hanson and a special boy band moment from \u003cem>Top Gun\u003c/em>, and get back to me. I'll just be here in my cubicle, trying to learn New Kids on the Block dance moves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMNPPwq8I2Y?list=PLDoXdE-USJklmzZshJowTab74xWLTs4AR]\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"What makes a boy band a BOY BAND and not just a group of dudes playing music together? ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1552087717,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":15,"wordCount":1337},"headData":{"title":"From the Beatles to One Direction: How to Identify a Boy Band | KQED","description":"What makes a boy band a BOY BAND and not just a group of dudes playing music together? ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"2370 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=2370","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/11/from-the-beatles-to-one-direction-how-to-identify-a-boy-band/","disqusTitle":"From the Beatles to One Direction: How to Identify a Boy Band","path":"/pop/2370/from-the-beatles-to-one-direction-how-to-identify-a-boy-band","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">I have a 13-year-old cousin who I carefully monitor on Facebook, both for her safety and my edification. Not long ago, she began posting pictures of members of One Direction, a band I had specifically avoided even knowing about because, as far as I could tell, they were a boy band totally made up by some producer somewhere to sell records (downloads?) and get little girls whipped up into a frenzy. I'd seen that before and made a point of hating it (see: middle school). But then I happened to watch their adorable video for \"Kiss You\" and something snapped in my brain. Suddenly, I was the 13-year-old I absolutely wasn't at 13 (Counting Crows was my favorite band back then, obviously). I started going back into the annals of boy band-hood and wondering: What makes a boy band a BOY BAND and not just a group of dudes playing music together? Why are 'N Sync and One Direction boy bands but Counting Crows and Mumford and Sons just bands? Here, my friends, is what I discovered:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>To be a boy band, you have to sing catchy tunes about girls.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/OMNPPwq8I2Y'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/OMNPPwq8I2Y'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Most people will tell you that The Beatles were the first boy band. I wasn't always convinced of this because they are MUSICIANS and wrote their own stuff and went on to each have pretty amazing individual careers. However, on closer inspection, I realized that they STARTED as a boy band and then morphed into just a band. Back in the \"I Want To Hold Your Hand\" British Invasion days, when they all dressed the same and had those cute haircuts, they were definitely a boy band. And the first clue is the peppy and sweet songs about girls. Songs that say: \"Hey, we're just a bunch of nice, approachable dudes, hanging out together, talking about you, the girl we love, in a really respectful way.\" As a person who knows a lot of dudes well enough to know that generally when they are alone talking about girls the subject of holding hands RARELY comes up, I think this must be part of the appeal of boy bands. A horde of teenage boys can be quite a terrifying thing to a young girl in real life. And individually too, boys are scary. They hurt your feelings, don't ask you to dances, break-up with you on Valentine's Day because you won't have sex with them, etc. But not boy bands. They are always a group of cute dudes who just want to hold your hand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>There can't be a real front man.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/4fndeDfaWCg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/4fndeDfaWCg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>I use Backstreet Boys as an example here because clearly, IN MY OPINION, this is the Nick Carter show. BUT, the band isn't \"Nick Carter and the Backstreet Boys,\" just as The Monkees isn't \"Davy Jones and the Monkees.\" Someone is always going to be \"the cute one\" and \"the goofy one,\" but the lack of a front man is crucial because it shows that you are all on the same level, there are no divas (even if there are) and, in support of the subject matter of your songs and the non-threatening vibe you are going for, none of you are the silver back gorilla or the alpha male. You're just a group of good-time-loving beta bros, hanging out, not hurting anyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>You can be a group of brothers, but only if you are still somehow sexualized.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/ho7796-au8U'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/ho7796-au8U'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>One of the great debates I had with myself and others while coming up with this list is: Can a group of brothers be a boy band? My main question was Hanson. They seem in some respects like a boy band. They are cute and have matching haircuts and sing happy music. But they also were missing something. I originally thought it was that they were brothers, but then I thought of The Jackson 5 and The Jonas Brothers, both CLEARLY boy bands. Why one and not the other? As my friend Kevin Hobson put it: \"Jackson 5 and Jonas Brother count because they were sexualized by their handlers. Hanson never really was.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Your music has to be dance-able, especially at high school dances. It helps if you have dance moves that can be emulated.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/tbIEwIwYz-c'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/tbIEwIwYz-c'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>The boy bands that stand the test of time all have this in common: Their music makes you want to dance. I missed out completely on the New Kids on the Block craze because I had no TV and my parents at that point were playing a lot of Paul Simon, Emmylou Harris, Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson records around the house. However, there was a girl down the street who knew ever single move to the \"The Right Stuff\" dance and she would do it on her front stoop every day. She also wore a side ponytail, which I couldn't do since I had a bowl cut. I was, of course, consumed with jealousy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>You have to be a little sexy. Not TOO sexy, but definitely sexy.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/fV8vB1BB2qc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/fV8vB1BB2qc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Boyz II Men is by far the sexiest of all the boy bands, but they are also an example of how to do boy band sexiness right. Since, as you know, the goal is to be as un-intimidating and approachable as possible, while remaining masculine and heterosexual (ish, see the next requirement), boy bands must strike the right balance of sweetness and romance with straight-up sex. Spoiler: they always err on the side of romance. Can you imagine Lil Wayne singing: \"I'll make love to you, like you want me to, and I'll hold you tight, baby all through the night?\" Answer: no. Because his music is for straight men and Boyz II Men is for everyone else.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>You've got to have a little (or a lot) homoerotic tension.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/T4cdfRohhcg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/T4cdfRohhcg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Teenage girls have always loved to see boys showing each other a little love. And by \"always\" I mean since at least 1998 when wrestling inexplicably became my favorite spectator sport. Somehow boy on boy hugging (\"wrestling\") and butt patting makes the participants seem a little more benign and maybe, a little more likely to hug/\"wrestle\" us or pat us on the butts IN A FRIENDLY WAY. Basically, boys who can show they love each other can show they love us too! They can talk about feelings! When they are angry, they'll probably cry instead of punch a wall. And we like that! Granted, One Direction takes it pretty far with \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/ranking-which-two-members-of-one-direction-are-most-likely-i\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">their genital-touching and kissing\u003c/a> but somehow, doesn't this make them even cuter? Even if they are all in love with each other and have no interest in having actual relationships with girls, who cares? Some of the sweetest, most girl-positive boys I know are gay. Would a straight man have made me \u003ca href=\"http://youtu.be/BPT_gwUpVxg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">this video expressing his love for me\u003c/a>? Probably not. And I think we can all agree that it would be safer for teenage girls if all their boyfriends were actually interested in being friends and loving them for them and not actually having sex with them at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So which boy band is your imaginary boyfriend? Spend the day watching this whole playlist, including not-really-a-boy-band Hanson and a special boy band moment from \u003cem>Top Gun\u003c/em>, and get back to me. I'll just be here in my cubicle, trying to learn New Kids on the Block dance moves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/OMNPPwq8I2Y?list=PLDoXdE-USJklmzZshJowTab74xWLTs4AR'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/OMNPPwq8I2Y?list=PLDoXdE-USJklmzZshJowTab74xWLTs4AR'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/2370/from-the-beatles-to-one-direction-how-to-identify-a-boy-band","authors":["2130"],"categories":["pop_4","pop_5"],"tags":["pop_353","pop_352","pop_361","pop_360","pop_354","pop_357","pop_359","pop_355","pop_356","pop_358"],"featImg":"pop_110117","label":"pop"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. 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Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. 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But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"13"},"link":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"}},"baycurious":{"id":"baycurious","title":"Bay Curious","tagline":"Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time","info":"KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"\"KQED Bay Curious","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/baycurious","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"4"},"link":"/podcasts/baycurious","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bay-curious/id1172473406","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/500557090/bay-curious","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/category/bay-curious-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvbmV3cy9jYXRlZ29yeS9iYXktY3VyaW91cy1wb2RjYXN0L2ZlZWQvcG9kY2FzdA","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/bay-curious","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/6O76IdmhixfijmhTZLIJ8k"}},"bbc-world-service":{"id":"bbc-world-service","title":"BBC World Service","info":"The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service","meta":{"site":"news","source":"BBC World Service"},"link":"/radio/program/bbc-world-service","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/global-news-podcast/id135067274?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/BBC-World-Service-p455581/","rss":"https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"}},"code-switch-life-kit":{"id":"code-switch-life-kit","title":"Code Switch / Life Kit","info":"\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. 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