Oh hey, Wednesday afternoon. What's up? Looking for something to read to put your life into perspective while you sit at your desk, slowly dying of poor circulation and lack of vitamin D? I've got your back. Here are some stories to really help you FEEL Wednesday afternoon:

theswanbeforeandafter2 — The Swan, before and after, via Fox

1. The most horrible reality show in the history of horrible reality shows, The Swan, is back. With celebrities.

Back in 2004, The Swan broke on the scene, trying to help the American people hit rock bottom by allowing us to watch as a group of unhappy women in need of love, nutrition, and therapy went through rounds of plastic surgery so their husbands would love them more. It only lasted two seasons. because, well, see the sentence above. But because we didn't all immediately go to reality TV rehab, Fox decided to test our humanity once again, this time finding the absolute most vulnerable and needy group in our population: washed-up celebrities (please note: Mindy McCready, the recently deceased country singer, was the FIFTH person in TWO YEARS to die after being on Celebrity Rehab), and forcing them to humiliate themselves via plastic surgery for THEIR ungrateful husband: us. Read what Jezebel has to say about the whole thing.

Andy Williams, 15, is arraigned before Judge Herbert J. Exarhos on March 7, 2001 in the San Diego County Superior Court. Photo by Nancee E. Lewis/Newsmakers via NewsHour

2. Absolutely no one knows what causes rampage killings.

PBS is currently doing a whole bunch of programming called "After Newton" about the aftermath of the Sandy Hook killings and the larger cultural implications of these types of horrible crimes. If you watched last night's Frontline called "Raising Adam Lanza" (please go watch), you know that in typical PBS fashion, there are no easy answers. Tonight's episode of Nova explores the issue more generally with "Mind of a Rampage Killer" (9pm on KQED 9, dudes!) and even includes an interview with a now-adult teenage school shooter. Want to read more about it now? Lucky you. NewsHour has a piece up called "Sins of the Sons" about making the Nova episode that will make you question pretty much everything.

3. Seriously. No one knows.

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Still haven't read enough about rampage-type killers today? Why not check out this piece from The New Yorker about a FEMALE rampage killer, Amy Bishop, who may have also murdered her brother years before she shot up a faculty meeting at University of Alabama in Huntsville. Remember: it's Wednesday. There are no easy answers.

After NewtonAfter Newton

Bummer Material: Things to Read this Afternoon