Millennials Monthly: Olympics-Destroying, Rosé-Chugging Workaholics Who Hate People

Hey guys! So apparently it's September -- where did the summer go?

If you're like many #millennials, one reason these last few precious months may have flown by is that (despite the approximately 10,000 news stories that run each month describing your generation's laziness and lack of work ethic) you didn't take a vacation. According to a new study titled "The Work Martyr’s Cautionary Tale: How the Millennial Work Experience Will Define America’s Vacation Culture," we're all under pressure to work 24/7, meaning we can't take time off without feeling guilty.

Now, I'm not a scientist -- I'm not sure if you guys knew that by this point -- but my gut tells me this probably has more to do with a) the advent of the internet and email and their generally overwhelming effect on workplaces and b) the fact that we're all saddled with student debt and desperately trying to make rent than c) some specific, mysterious vacation-guilt gene that only appears in workers 34-and-under. Just a theory.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. We learned so many other important facts about Millennials and our crazy habits this past month! You know who definitely didn't take a vacation? People who research Millennials, that's who.

In August 2016, we learned that Millennials are...

Responsible for ruining the Olympics. This is a very in-depth story about how NBC's ratings were down during the Olympics for the first time since 2000, and how that's mainly our fault.

"Sports is less ingrained in the younger demographic," said Brandon Ross, an analyst at BTIG Research. "It has been replaced by other things like video games and e-sports and Snapchat feeds."

This is to say nothing, of course, of the consistently sexist coverage, nor the hilariously complicated and opaque scheduling decisions, nor the fact that pretty much no one I know actually owns a TV. Listen, NBC: Give sportscaster and known vampire Bob Costas his own reality show for six months leading up to the Olympics and all (well, almost all) will be forgiven.

Responsible for making all music sound the same. Without a doubt, the Millennial tidbit that blew up the internet most in recent weeks has been discussion of the "millennial whoop," aka the simplistic, sing-songy "wa-oh, wa-oh" sound that can apparently be heard in everything from Katy Perry's "California Gurls" to Frank Ocean's "Ivy." Awareness of the phenomenon spread when Patrick Metzger posted an intelligent essay about the market forces that conspire to make popular music sound similar on The Patterning on Aug. 20 -- I suspect the name "millennial whoop" was something of an afterthought. But since then the reaction pieces -- which spread like wildfire -- have ranged from insipid to downright nonsensical. How, pray tell, is an earworm that's been around since Beethoven just another thing you're going to blame on us? Update: This Awl response is not stupid and you should read it.

Killing the bar soap industry. "Some 60 percent of millennials believe that germs live on bars of soap, a notion that may be supported by research." Also, bar soap is gross (headline winner of the month, right there). Meanwhile, sales of liquid soaps and body washes, which just about every bar soap brand in existence also makes, have skyrocketed. File this one under: Hahahaha Someone Got Paid To Conduct This Study.

Still self-involved idiots who are absolutely worthy of derision at all times. Local millennial news! This sign appeared in a vacant storefront in Noe Valley, and a lot of people have a lot of opinions about it.

Letting just about anyone crash on our couch these days. Yes, gone are the days of "stranger danger" -- us kids are pretty much rollin' out the red carpet for every Tom, Dick or Harry who expresses interest in a short-term sublease on a corner of our living room. Possibly related: our urban centers are suffocatingly overcrowded, meaning home ownership is an implausible fantasy for most of us, meaning we've rented our whole lives, meaning the idea of space as a thing that should actually belong exclusively to one human doesn't really make a ton of sense. Also, hotels are expensive. Among other things, this study refers Americans ages 25 to 34 as "the space-sharing sweet spot." To which I say: Look, we said you could crash on the couch tonight, but now you're making us a little uncomfortable.

Bravely removing the shameful stigma formerly associated with pink wine. Michael McCaulley, Wine Director and Partner in the Tria family of wine bars and restaurants in Philadelphia, sees rosé as "being much more popular with men than in the past," he noted in an email, adding, "I attribute this to two reasons: [First], drinking real rosé shows that you are a sensitive man and [second], the category has also increased in popularity with women and therefore men are drinking it up as well to look dialed in."

Truth, amirite, ladies? I know when I see a man drinking rosé, my first thought is "now there is a sensitive man who is DIALED IN." Plus 10 points for drinking it out of a can. Minus 10 for ever uttering the word "brosé" out loud.

Bravely removing Superman's modest red underpants from over his tights. Get your mind out of the gutter, he's still wearing tights! The gist of this blog post is basically "crotch bulges are everywhere now; people can probably deal with it."

Ruining the fast food industry because we hate dealing with people. "Nearly a third of people 18 to 24 prefer ordering from the drive-thru at restaurants because 'they don't feel like dealing with people,' according to a study by Ohio-based Frisch's Restaurants, which owns and franchises 120 Big Boy Restaurants."

I ... I got nothin' here. This one speaks to my heart.

Food trucks, on the other hand: Love 'em. Can't get enough of 'em. Is it because they're actually a long, drawn-out metaphor for our entire generation??

Figuring out love in the time of Zika. This Miami Herald story is an interesting snapshot of the way young people are responding to a serious health threat whose severity is just starting to be understood, with some scratches at the surface of the disease's intersection with gender politics -- but it's also the touching story of one 28-year-old startup dude who's using Zika as a "provocative pickup line" to hit on "attractive brunettes" on Tinder. So, that's a guy you can date if you want. Let's just hope he drinks rosé.

What'd I miss? Hit me: esilvers@kqed.org. And yes, I have read this. You should too.