As Gwen and Gavin taught us yesterday, love ends. And when it does, one has to deal with the stages of grief.
Denial: "We're just on a break."
Anger: "I wish we never met!!!"
Bargaining: "I'll do anything, even watch that lame show you like!"
Depression: *listens to Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U" on repeat*
Acceptance: *listens to Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" on repeat*
One step that isn't covered in the exhaustive Kübler-Ross model is the process of either throwing your ex's stuff on the lawn, incinerating it all, putting it in a cute box in the back of your closet or having an awkward trade-off on a stoop you two used to make out on. And, taking it a step further, the archiving or deleting of all the ephemeral evidence of your relationship, mainly all the texts, emails and photos.
Now there's an app that can help you with that last bit. Branded as "your personal relationship historian," Shryne helps you archive all the mementos in your life and also "offers a Freeze Archive feature to temporarily hide emotionally charged content."
Sometimes, someone is enough of a jerk that they deserve a no-take-backs delete forever. But, every now and then, there's that bittersweet breakup where you have to end things even though there's still love there. You can't bear to see the cute messages and Instagram snapshots right now, but you'll want to look back again someday. Enshrine them with Shryne!
But before you do, can we talk about this promotional image?
This mystery user has a type: really hot white dudes. Why did she break up with these men?
Cropped dude on the bottom right: Poet she dated in college. Way too sensitive, didn't like going out enough.
Cropped dude on the bottom left: Sat behind her in Art History. Too narcissistic, had crunchy gel hair.
Dylan Schwartz: First guy she really loved. Moved away to join the Peace Corps.
Caleb Jones: Dating Dylan Schwartz's twin brother seemed like a good idea at first, but it was actually just creepy.
Ben Sullivan: Musician who brought his guitar to every hangout. That was fun for a short time and then became as annoying as his earring.
Andrew Torres: It was about time for a bad boy to enter the scene. Unfortunately, he turned out to be more Kevin Federline than Johnny Depp. Also, he was a very irresponsible driver.
Another reason to archive your ex data: so that random strangers (mainly me) don't find vestiges of your past love affairs on the Internet and make up weirdly involved stories around them.
