Silvia Floriano-Cruz was unsure if pushing herself to do something new would really help her grow. In her Perspective, she shares the valuable lesson she learned after all.
I never believed people when they said all you had to do was “push yourself” to do something and join clubs or programs. But I did it. Did it really help in the end?
I was sitting in my room right in the middle of summer and I got a message from my teacher in ninth grade. She was asking if any students wanted to join a two week summer program. I looked at the requirements, which I met, and the stipend did seem worth it, but I had never joined any programs, especially alone.
I knew I wanted to do it, but it didn’t feel like me and honestly, that was a big part of what was preventing me from committing. But I submitted my application and got accepted. I showed up on the first day and I could feel my whole body was fuzzy from the anxiety. If I’m being truthful, I never pushed myself to overcome any anxieties. I always went as far as skipping school as a whole, or leaving early just to avoid the smallest task. So honestly, showing up was a huge thing.
A wave of relief washed over me when I saw my teacher standing at the door and engaging with students. Every day, I forced myself to show up. I was anxious, but it quickly subsided when I started interacting with other youth and felt in community. But at some point, the people were no longer strangers, and I was no longer sitting there listening. I actually felt like I was part of the conversation. I realized everyone in the room somehow had intersecting identities and I had never felt more comfortable.