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Prior to joining KQED, Rachael worked in Los Angeles at KPCC and Marketplace. 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She's formerly the host of \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Cooler\u003c/a> podcast.","avatar":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/2d8d6765f186e64c798cf7f0c8088a41?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twitter":"teacupinthebay","facebook":null,"instagram":null,"linkedin":null,"sites":[{"site":"","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"arts","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"news","roles":["administrator"]},{"site":"pop","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"futureofyou","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"about","roles":["administrator"]},{"site":"mindshift","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"bayareabites","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"stateofhealth","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"science","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"food","roles":["contributor"]},{"site":"forum","roles":["editor"]},{"site":"perspectives","roles":["administrator"]}],"headData":{"title":"Carly Severn | KQED","description":"Senior Editor, Audience News ","ogImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/2d8d6765f186e64c798cf7f0c8088a41?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/2d8d6765f186e64c798cf7f0c8088a41?s=600&d=blank&r=g"},"isLoading":false,"link":"/author/carlysevern"},"scohen":{"type":"authors","id":"8644","meta":{"index":"authors_1591205172","id":"8644","found":true},"name":"Susan Cohen","firstName":"Susan","lastName":"Cohen","slug":"scohen","email":"scohen@kqed.org","display_author_email":false,"staff_mastheads":[],"title":"KQED Contributor","bio":"Susan Cohen is an award-winning journalist who recently completed a master’s degree in documentary production at the UC Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism. Before making the switch to video, Susan spent four years at the \u003cem>Charleston City Pape\u003c/em>r, a South Carolina alt-weekly, where she wrote more than 20 cover stories on everything from doomsday preppers to quidditch to world-class chefs. Her writing has also been featured in the \u003cem>East Bay Express\u003c/em>, This Recording, and the Hairpin, and she just finished her first short documentary, \u003cem>Today I am a Man\u003c/em>.","avatar":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/7ef08170f4a1b84816aac945049b1202?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twitter":null,"facebook":null,"instagram":null,"linkedin":null,"sites":[{"site":"arts","roles":["author"]},{"site":"news","roles":["subscriber"]}],"headData":{"title":"Susan Cohen | KQED","description":"KQED Contributor","ogImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/7ef08170f4a1b84816aac945049b1202?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/7ef08170f4a1b84816aac945049b1202?s=600&d=blank&r=g"},"isLoading":false,"link":"/author/scohen"},"mfharvin":{"type":"authors","id":"11583","meta":{"index":"authors_1591205172","id":"11583","found":true},"name":"Mary Franklin Harvin","firstName":"Mary 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FM","link":"/"}},"news_11826988":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11826988","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11826988","score":null,"sort":[1594416419000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"sex-and-dating-during-coronavirus-from-masks-to-kissing-a-guide-to-your-risks","title":"Dating and Sex During Coronavirus: From Masks to Kissing, a Guide to Your Risks","publishDate":1594416419,"format":"image","headTitle":"KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Skip to:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#sex\">Sex and Physical Contact Risks\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#dating\">Dating During a Pandemic\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#alts\">Temporary Alternatives for Sex and Dating\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#cohabit\">Advice for Cohabiting Couples\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Note: This guide to sex and dating includes some graphic language.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's get this straight: during the COVID-19 pandemic, there \u003cem>is\u003c/em> no \"safe way\" to have sex with someone you don't live and quarantine with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But humans are humans, and we know some folks \u003cem>will\u003c/em> still make the choice to get physically intimate with other people, despite the presence of a highly contagious disease in our midst. So we \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11826381/sex-and-dating-in-the-covid-19-era-what-do-you-want-to-know\">asked for your anonymous questions\u003c/a>, and created this guide to sex and dating during the coronavirus pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because there's no 100%-safe way to date or have sex outside your household right now, you'll see the super-unsexy — yet \u003cem>super\u003c/em>-important — phrase \"harm reduction strategies\" throughout this guide. That's because when it comes to engaging in social and physical intimacy, it's all about weighing your risk factors, assessing them against the risk factors of the person (or people) you'd like to have sex with and doing everything you can to further \u003cem>reduce\u003c/em> the potential harm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We've consulted with these sex and health experts:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Stephanie Cohen\u003c/strong>, medical director of San Francisco City Clinic\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Nenna Joiner\u003c/strong>, owner of Oakland sex store Feelmore and former adult filmmaker\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Julia Feldman\u003c/strong>, Bay Area sex educator and consultant at Giving the Talk\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"sex\">\u003c/a>Sex, Physical Contact and COVID-19\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11828124\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11828124\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing.jpg 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-800x539.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-1020x687.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-1536x1035.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kissing represents a high transmission risk for COVID-19 right now. \u003ccite>(Victoria Borodinova/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>\u003cstrong>What bodily fluids can carry COVID-19?\u003c/strong>\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>So many aspects of the coronavirus remain mysterious to scientists, and that includes the full scope of COVID-19's relationship with sex. But here's what we do know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If someone has COVID-19, they can transmit the virus via particles in:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Their saliva\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Their mucus\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Their breath\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>The coronavirus has also been found in the semen and feces of people with COVID-19. It \u003cem>hasn't\u003c/em> been found in vaginal fluid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can COVID-19 be spread through sex, whether vaginal or anal? The scientific community actually doesn't know for sure yet. What we do know is that \"sex is the definition of close contact,\" as Stephanie Cohen puts it. So if you're close enough to get physically intimate with someone with COVID-19, you're \u003cem>definitely\u003c/em> close enough to have a high risk of being infected via those particles they're exhaling.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>How dangerous is kissing?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Kissing someone outside of your household is one of \u003cem>the\u003c/em> most risky things you can do right now, Cohen says, because of how much exchange of saliva it involves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For this reason, she says, kissing might actually present a \u003cem>higher\u003c/em> risk of transmission than vaginal or anal sex. And anything that increases your respiration and your respiratory rate \"will likely result in the release of more respiratory droplets,\" thus increasing the risk of transmission — think heavy breathing.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>Are certain \u003cem>types\u003c/em> of sex riskier?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Because the coronavirus has been found in feces — and because gastrointestinal symptoms like diarrhea can occur sometimes with COVID-19 infection — Cohen says there's a likely chance that anal sex or oral-anal contact \u003cem>would\u003c/em> pose more of a transmission risk than other forms of sex such as penile-vaginal contact, for example.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That said, medical professionals just don't know for sure. COVID-19 transmission risk would also be impacted by a number of other factors, such as the degree of face-to-face contact and how infectious the person with COVID-19 is at the time of the sexual encounter. Right now, there just isn't enough data to be definitive, Cohen says — so it's all about assessing those various risk indicators we \u003cem>do\u003c/em> know about.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>If I \u003cem>do\u003c/em> have sex, what are some things I can do to reduce my risk of catching COVID-19?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you're utterly determined to have sex outside of your household right now, these precautions represent harm reduction strategies:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Wearing a mask:\u003c/strong> Remember, a mask protects the other person in how it limits the spread of \u003cem>your\u003c/em> respiratory droplets. For masks to truly reduce the risks of either sexual partner getting COVID-19, both people would have to wear a mask: a mutual masking, if you will. \"It might not be a strategy that works for everyone,\" Cohen says, \"but certainly I think it's one that \u003cem>could\u003c/em> reduce risk.\" Remember though: as Nenna Joiner reminds us, masks are like condoms in the sense that you \"still need to know how to put [them] on \u003cem>correctly\u003c/em>.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Choosing positions that minimize face-to-face contact:\u003c/strong> Spooning sex, doggy-style, reverse-cowboy/cowgirl/cowperson — consider agreeing to stick to sexual arrangements that keep your faces far apart, and ideally with one person faced completely away from the other. (It's a bit of a spontaneity-killer, yes, but it's a good idea to agree to this one \u003cem>before\u003c/em> you start having sex, to avoid 'the heat of the moment' making the decisions for you.)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Remember cleanliness:\u003c/strong> \"Washing up really well, both before and after sex\" is another way sexual partners can potentially reduce their risk to each other, Cohen says. Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds. If you don't have soap and water on hand, use a hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol and rub your hands together until they feel dry. \u003cem>Don't\u003c/em> use sanitizer anywhere intimate — it will really irritate that delicate skin. If you have someone else's bodily fluids on your body, be sure to wash them off thoroughly. You cannot \"absorb\" the coronavirus through your skin, but you might \u003cem>touch\u003c/em> your skin and then touch your face. If you're using sex toys, wash those with soap and warm water.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Using condoms and other barriers:\u003c/strong> Wearing a condom during sex will decrease your exposure to saliva or feces. For oral sex, using a condom or dental dam similarly provides a barrier. This is especially important for any anal contact.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Keep it quick:\u003c/strong> Minimizing the length of a sexual encounter is a harm reduction strategy in how it's reducing the amount of time you're potentially being exposed to the virus.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Consider things that \u003cem>don't\u003c/em> exchange fluids:\u003c/strong> Mutual masturbation could be considered a harm reduction strategy, Cohen says. But don't forget that if you're simultaneously making out, \"that could actually be \u003cem>higher\u003c/em> risk than a quick session of oral sex,\" she says.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>And remember: Don't forget to practice the safe sex you usually would before the pandemic.\u003cb>\u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>\u003c/b>With all this in mind, we'll say it again: right now, during the COVID-19 pandemic, \u003cem>there is no way\u003c/em> of having sex with someone outside your household that carries zero risk of transmitting or obtaining the virus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Everyone's looking for a magic loophole,\" acknowledges Julia Feldman, \"and it doesn't really exist.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And here's \u003cem>another\u003c/em> tricky thing. Even if you and your partner agree to abide by all of the above harm reduction strategies in the cold light of day, things can shift in the heat of the moment. Previously agreed-upon plans can fall apart when inhibitions are lowered and you're turned on, especially if alcohol is involved — and in these circumstances \"you're less likely to use your prefrontal cortex to really analyze the risk involved in the situation,\" Feldman stresses. \"Especially if you haven't had sex in a long time and you're very excited to do it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So if you're concerned that your safety boundaries might be in any way reduced or made negotiable during sex... back away, and prioritize your health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11828141\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11828141\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels.jpg 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-800x539.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-1020x687.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-1536x1035.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">There's no way to have sex with someone outside your household that's risk-free for COVID-19 right now. \u003ccite>(Nicholas Swatz/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>OK... I had sex anyway. How long should I wait to get a COVID-19 test?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you aren't sure whether your sexual partner had COVID-19, the best time to get tested for the coronavirus would be between five and 14 days after the encounter, says Stephanie Cohen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's because the median average time from exposure to coronavirus symptom onset is five days — so testing any earlier than that might not yield an accurate result — but the incubation period (the amount of time you can be infected before showing symptoms) is \u003cem>up to\u003c/em> 14 days.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>Is isolating for 14 days between sexual partners a good idea?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Here's the idea: you have sex with someone, and then wait for 14 days to see if you develop symptoms of COVID-19. If you don't, you're good to move on to a new partner safe in the knowledge you don't have the disease and aren't passing it on — right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not quite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's a good strategy; it's a harm reduction strategy,\" Cohen says, but \"it's not a zero-risk strategy.\" That's because of the large numbers of people who get COVID-19 but never show any symptoms.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about sex with more than one person?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Having multiple people that you have sex with is a definite risk factor for transmitting COVID-19. These kinds of overlapping sexual relationships with different people — going back and forth between people, basically — is called \"concurrency\" in the sexual health world, and it's something experts say \u003cem>will\u003c/em> heighten your risk of spreading the disease.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"To minimize that concurrency,\" Cohen says, \"decrease the network size — which decreases the spread of coronavirus.\" Basically, consider reducing the number of people you're having sex with during the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Where does that leave you if you practice polyamory, which is all about having multiple sexual relationships?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nenna Joiner says that yes, some folks \u003cem>are\u003c/em> deciding to take a break from polyamorous intimacy during the pandemic owing to the heightened risks of having different partners right now. But other poly people are choosing to isolate together \"as a poly family,\" they say, and agreeing to only have sex \"within that sphere of people.\" Ultimately, it's about finding the solution that works best for your health, and that of others.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about group sex?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If group sex (having sex with multiple people at the \u003cem>same\u003c/em> time) was your thing before the pandemic, Stephanie Cohen has a message for you: \"The fewer people, the better.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's because with every additional person in a situation — social \u003cem>or\u003c/em> sexual — you're adding a potential COVID-19 case, whether they know they have it or not. In a group sex situation, that person is then potentially transmitting the coronavirus to multiple people at one time — who could then go on to infect others, who then go on to... you get the picture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you do continue to choose group sex, New York City's public health department \u003ca href=\"https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/imm/covid-sex-guidance.pdf\">advises you\u003c/a> to \"Go with a consistent sex partner\" in such a situation, and \"pick larger, more open, and well-ventilated spaces.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about sex workers? How can they make it work right now?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Is there a way to safely engage in sex work in the midst of a pandemic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's \"a profession that certainly carries risk,\" Cohen stresses, due to the amount of close physical contact involved. In addition to the other strategies discussed here, some additional harm reduction strategies sex workers might consider are to limit the number of clients they see during the pandemic, to opt for a smaller circle of regular clients and \"more spacing out in-between partners.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"dating\">\u003c/a>Dating During the Pandemic\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11825760\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11825760\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1078\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x-800x449.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x-1020x573.jpg 1020w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">As shelter-in-place order ease, Bay Area residents will have to negotiate new boundaries around who they hang out with, and how. \u003ccite>(Photo by JOSH EDELSON/AFP via Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>Who is 'safe' to date right now?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>As if finding a match with someone you're emotional and physically compatible with in all the \u003cem>expected\u003c/em> ways wasn't fraught enough — you now have the coronavirus risk compatibility to consider, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is, Feldman admits, \"a really unfortunate layer to add to dating.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Get ready for some frank communication with partners, both current \u003cem>and\u003c/em> potential ones, about your circumstances and behaviors around contact with other people. How many people are they seeing, socially or sexually? How does their daily life look in terms of interactions with other people? Are they an essential worker? If so, what kind of traffic does their place of work experience?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a nutshell, this is not the time for mystery — and in many ways, you'll have to be your own contact tracer, says Nenna Joiner.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>How much do I need to talk about COVID-19 with potential partners?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Open, honest communication about your health has never been more crucial than right now. And, as Julia Feldman notes, if you're getting sexually intimate with somebody, you \u003cem>should\u003c/em> already be talking to that person about your health and sexual health status. COVID-19 is now another communicable disease for you and your sexual partner(s) to be discussing, without holding anything back. (Remember though: somebody can have the coronavirus and have zero symptoms. Just because somebody thinks they don't have COVID-19 doesn't mean they are \u003cem>definitely\u003c/em> COVID-19-free.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Starting these conversations can feel tricky, especially with someone you barely know, so Feldman advises you initiate the conversation by leading with your \u003cem>own\u003c/em> experience — a time you were concerned you might have been at risk for contracting COVID-19, perhaps, or a recent decision to seek out a test for the disease. Leading with your own vulnerability, she says, can really open up a conversation without putting your prospective partner on the spot. You don't want them to feel grilled, or accused. \"That definitely doesn't set the mood, and it doesn't build trust,\" Feldman says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Ultimately, at the end of the day, people are trying to figure out how to get all of their needs met as safely as possible,\" reminds Feldman. \"That's a lot to navigate! This is brand new stuff. We are going to be messy.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In being thoughtful though, don't forget to acknowledge your own boundaries — and forget about anyone who \u003cem>doesn't\u003c/em> respect them, especially during a pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being an advocate for your own safety — and working to limit community transmission of the coronavirus — means not letting any potential partners pressure you into meeting up in person, or engaging in any sexual contact you don't want to have.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size='medium' align='right' citation=\"Julia Feldman, sex educator\"]'Ultimately, at the end of the day, people are trying to figure out how to get all of their needs met as safely as possible. That's a lot to navigate!'[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>I live with other people. What do \u003cem>they\u003c/em> need to know about my dating and sex life?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you're sharing your living situation with roommates or family, sorry: your business is now \u003cem>their\u003c/em> business, especially if their own health places them in a vulnerable category.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That means you should be as transparent as possible with the people you live with about your relationship(s), and the types of activities and the type of risks that you're involved in, Feldman says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first step in navigating this should be talking with the person you're dating or having sex with, to establish \u003cem>their\u003c/em> level of risk. You need to work out the potential COVID-19 risk their behavior and circumstances pose not just to you, but therefore to the people you cohabit with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You should be prepared to discuss how you propose to minimize your roommates' risk, whether that's avoiding shared spaces in your home, relentless sanitizing of your living environment — or whether your cohabitees are prepared to \u003cem>not\u003c/em> do this and accept the heightened risk, and the potential consequences of that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Basically, get used to communicating because \"you need to have some very frank conversations about how you're going to try to keep everyone safe, and prioritize \u003cem>everyone's\u003c/em> health and well-being,\" Feldman says. It's \u003cem>that\u003c/em> big a deal that ultimately, Cohen says, your roommates or family \"should have veto power in terms of you engaging in risky behavior and bringing it back to them.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"alts\">\u003c/a>Temporary Alternatives for Sex and Dating\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11828122\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1020px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11828122\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1020\" height=\"608\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1-800x477.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1-160x95.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1020px) 100vw, 1020px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nenna Joiner at Feelmore Adult Gallery in Oakland, which they founded in 2011. \u003ccite>(Pendarvis Harshaw/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>Is 'distanced sex' a thing?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Totally, says Joiner: social distancing and forgoing physical touch does \u003cem>not\u003c/em> have to be a barrier to sexual intimacy. Sex toys which use Bluetooth connectivity can be used or worn by one partner and activated remotely by their partner from six feet or more away, without any physical contact. If you want to increase that distance, Joiner says you could use these kinds of toys in conjunction with phone sex, or voyeurism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It might sound impersonal, but Joiner says distanced products actually require just as much effort and communication, if not more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You've got to turn on a person to make them feel confident and comfortable and warm like you're there,\" they say. (Joiner's pro tip: If you're purchasing this kind of remote toy for the first time, try it out solo first to really get to grips with it — and minimize any awkwardness when you come to use it with your partner.)\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>I know I am 'my own safest partner.' How can I make the most of that?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Nenna Joiner reminds that some people might actually welcome the break from active dating that COVID-19 enforces. Some people with anxiety can often find the machinery of dating — conversation, sex with someone new — stressful and anxiety-provoking. If that's you, Joiner says to take advantage of this \"buffer,\" to get some respite. They also want to remind you that not everyone in the world is into self-pleasure — and if that's you, that's \u003cem>totally\u003c/em> fine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If limiting your physical intimacy with others is something you're committed to, you may be considering acquiring sex toys to concentrate on your personal pleasure instead. Joiner says many sex shops, including their own, offer online chat services, where you can consult with an expert about exactly what you're looking for. Joiner says some of Feelmore's live chats can get \"crazy,\" so don't worry about being frank with the professionals. Online deliveries or courier services are also available in many stores, to enable you to maintain social distancing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Joiner's entry-level advice with your purchases: \"Stay on the lower end (on price), figure your body out for yourself and \u003cem>then\u003c/em> progress from there.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about taking everything online?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you decide to take your sex life fully online to eliminate any close contact or in-person elements, New York City's public health experts advise that if you normally meet your sexual partners online (or make a living on the internet), \"video dates, sexting, subscription-based fan platforms, sexy 'Zoom parties' or chat rooms may be options for you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you choose this option, don't forget to keep your environments clean in a way you would if someone else \u003cem>was\u003c/em> present, and disinfect any keyboards and touch screens you're using that you share with other other people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also, don't let the possibilities of the internet (and let's face it, lockdown-induced frustrations) override your normal judgment around your online privacy and personal safety. Especially when it comes to sending nudes or other intimate material to someone you don't know and trust.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>How can I 'have' intimacy if it's not safe to touch someone right now?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Don't be deterred or dismayed by how new all this feels either, Joiner says. The pandemic means many of us have had to learn new ways of living in general, and these adaptations to our sexual lives are in many ways \"an opportunity to create a new life sexually for ourselves as well,\" they say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Joiner believes that this might even be a spur to \u003cem>regain\u003c/em> intimacy for many people, because of the extra imagination and effort required. It's a chance, they say, to make sure that you're really focusing on your own emotional needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Julia Feldman advises that this is also a potential moment to redefine what intimacy means for \u003cem>you\u003c/em>, beyond mere physical touch: \"We can't say that intimacy is dead!\" she says. \"It just has to function slightly differently.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"cohabit\">\u003c/a>Advice for Cohabiting Couples\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11826424\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11826424\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-800x500.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-1020x638.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-160x100.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-1536x960.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Cohabitating during a pandemic can present a whole new set of issues to tackle around sex. \u003ccite>(Retha Ferguson/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>I \u003cem>live\u003c/em> with my partner but we're not having much sex. Help!\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>It's not just single folks who aren't \u003cem>necessarily\u003c/em> having the quantity or quality of physical contact they'd prefer during quarantine. For a couple who lives together, even a previously harmonious relationship can be severely tested by 24/7 cohabitation during COVID-19 — and result in a drop in intimacy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's all about switching up your timing to reinvigorate a dynamic, Joiner says. They recommend taking separate breaks outside of your shared accommodation — like a solo lunch break at the park — but also occasionally meeting up in a fresh setting that's not where you live together. Joiner recommends trying a joint picnic, or a driving date — shared experiences that \"will actually lead you to have to know \u003cem>why\u003c/em> you're in a relationship with your partner, and then to lead towards more intimacy, which leads to more sex.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Don't forget the power of dressing up slightly too, Joiner says, who warns against \"the rut of seeing each other in certain clothes\" (e.g. your work-from-home sweats.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even making a little effort for regular activities can go a long way, they say. \"Like my partner: Yesterday we went to church online, and she puts on a dress. I'm like, 'shit!'\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>My live-in partner is really bad at social distancing, and I'm worried to kiss or have sex with them. What can I do?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you're covering your face in public and maintaining social distance, but your partner doesn't, they're not only heightening their own risk of contracting COVID-19 but bringing their risk home to you. How can you have that conversation in a way that makes change?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a sense, this conversation is an extension of the dialogues you and your partner have already (hopefully!) had about trust and fidelity of all kinds within your relationship, and the things that matter to you, whether that's strict monogamy or communication around other partnerships you may have. Agreeing to even be \u003cem>in\u003c/em> a relationship is about declaring an intent to care for that other person's wellbeing and safety in certain regards, and any breach of that — like bringing home a risk of COVID-19 without discussion — represents a decision to disregard that agreement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So if you're in this situation, try explicitly framing this with your partner as a fidelity issue, Feldman recommends: \"We made a commitment to protect each other through the good and bad, and right now this is pretty bad.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She advises aiming to come to a reaffirmed agreement with your partner about \"what level of risk you're both willing to take on, and to really sign onto that.\" Then, if there's still a breach, you really need to talk about respect within your relationship, and whether you're both really committed to each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When opening up these dialogues with your partner, Feldman also advises emphasizing that these are not \"normal times,\" and \u003cem>this is not forever\u003c/em>. These restrictions and limitations for which you're advocating on the grounds of your shared health — and the trust in your relationship — are temporary. \"You're not saying your husband can never, for example, go play poker with the guys ever again, or whatever it is that he wants to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>If you still have questions about safe(r) sex and dating during the COVID-19 pandemic, submit them anonymously here — we may update this guide.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfORlnLyeRwi5X3h-SJ8SwhVxUbu0-wfpkL0sGfMxWFLl2gvw/viewform?embedded=true\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"From kissing and testing to 'distanced sex,' there is no 100% safe way to date and have sex during the COVID-19 pandemic — but there are ways to reduce your risks.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1610567170,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":true,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":73,"wordCount":4074},"headData":{"title":"Dating and Sex During Coronavirus: From Masks to Kissing, a Guide to Your Risks | KQED","description":"From kissing to 'distanced sex,' there is no 100% safe way to date and have sex during the COVID-19 pandemic — but there are ways to reduce your risks.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"11826988 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11826988","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2020/07/10/sex-and-dating-during-coronavirus-from-masks-to-kissing-a-guide-to-your-risks/","disqusTitle":"Dating and Sex During Coronavirus: From Masks to Kissing, a Guide to Your Risks","path":"/news/11826988/sex-and-dating-during-coronavirus-from-masks-to-kissing-a-guide-to-your-risks","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Skip to:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#sex\">Sex and Physical Contact Risks\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#dating\">Dating During a Pandemic\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#alts\">Temporary Alternatives for Sex and Dating\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"#cohabit\">Advice for Cohabiting Couples\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Note: This guide to sex and dating includes some graphic language.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's get this straight: during the COVID-19 pandemic, there \u003cem>is\u003c/em> no \"safe way\" to have sex with someone you don't live and quarantine with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But humans are humans, and we know some folks \u003cem>will\u003c/em> still make the choice to get physically intimate with other people, despite the presence of a highly contagious disease in our midst. So we \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11826381/sex-and-dating-in-the-covid-19-era-what-do-you-want-to-know\">asked for your anonymous questions\u003c/a>, and created this guide to sex and dating during the coronavirus pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because there's no 100%-safe way to date or have sex outside your household right now, you'll see the super-unsexy — yet \u003cem>super\u003c/em>-important — phrase \"harm reduction strategies\" throughout this guide. That's because when it comes to engaging in social and physical intimacy, it's all about weighing your risk factors, assessing them against the risk factors of the person (or people) you'd like to have sex with and doing everything you can to further \u003cem>reduce\u003c/em> the potential harm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We've consulted with these sex and health experts:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Stephanie Cohen\u003c/strong>, medical director of San Francisco City Clinic\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Nenna Joiner\u003c/strong>, owner of Oakland sex store Feelmore and former adult filmmaker\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Julia Feldman\u003c/strong>, Bay Area sex educator and consultant at Giving the Talk\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"sex\">\u003c/a>Sex, Physical Contact and COVID-19\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11828124\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11828124\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing.jpg 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-800x539.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-1020x687.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/kissing-1536x1035.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kissing represents a high transmission risk for COVID-19 right now. \u003ccite>(Victoria Borodinova/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>\u003cstrong>What bodily fluids can carry COVID-19?\u003c/strong>\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>So many aspects of the coronavirus remain mysterious to scientists, and that includes the full scope of COVID-19's relationship with sex. But here's what we do know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If someone has COVID-19, they can transmit the virus via particles in:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Their saliva\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Their mucus\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Their breath\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>The coronavirus has also been found in the semen and feces of people with COVID-19. It \u003cem>hasn't\u003c/em> been found in vaginal fluid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can COVID-19 be spread through sex, whether vaginal or anal? The scientific community actually doesn't know for sure yet. What we do know is that \"sex is the definition of close contact,\" as Stephanie Cohen puts it. So if you're close enough to get physically intimate with someone with COVID-19, you're \u003cem>definitely\u003c/em> close enough to have a high risk of being infected via those particles they're exhaling.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>How dangerous is kissing?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Kissing someone outside of your household is one of \u003cem>the\u003c/em> most risky things you can do right now, Cohen says, because of how much exchange of saliva it involves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For this reason, she says, kissing might actually present a \u003cem>higher\u003c/em> risk of transmission than vaginal or anal sex. And anything that increases your respiration and your respiratory rate \"will likely result in the release of more respiratory droplets,\" thus increasing the risk of transmission — think heavy breathing.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>Are certain \u003cem>types\u003c/em> of sex riskier?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Because the coronavirus has been found in feces — and because gastrointestinal symptoms like diarrhea can occur sometimes with COVID-19 infection — Cohen says there's a likely chance that anal sex or oral-anal contact \u003cem>would\u003c/em> pose more of a transmission risk than other forms of sex such as penile-vaginal contact, for example.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That said, medical professionals just don't know for sure. COVID-19 transmission risk would also be impacted by a number of other factors, such as the degree of face-to-face contact and how infectious the person with COVID-19 is at the time of the sexual encounter. Right now, there just isn't enough data to be definitive, Cohen says — so it's all about assessing those various risk indicators we \u003cem>do\u003c/em> know about.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>If I \u003cem>do\u003c/em> have sex, what are some things I can do to reduce my risk of catching COVID-19?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you're utterly determined to have sex outside of your household right now, these precautions represent harm reduction strategies:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Wearing a mask:\u003c/strong> Remember, a mask protects the other person in how it limits the spread of \u003cem>your\u003c/em> respiratory droplets. For masks to truly reduce the risks of either sexual partner getting COVID-19, both people would have to wear a mask: a mutual masking, if you will. \"It might not be a strategy that works for everyone,\" Cohen says, \"but certainly I think it's one that \u003cem>could\u003c/em> reduce risk.\" Remember though: as Nenna Joiner reminds us, masks are like condoms in the sense that you \"still need to know how to put [them] on \u003cem>correctly\u003c/em>.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Choosing positions that minimize face-to-face contact:\u003c/strong> Spooning sex, doggy-style, reverse-cowboy/cowgirl/cowperson — consider agreeing to stick to sexual arrangements that keep your faces far apart, and ideally with one person faced completely away from the other. (It's a bit of a spontaneity-killer, yes, but it's a good idea to agree to this one \u003cem>before\u003c/em> you start having sex, to avoid 'the heat of the moment' making the decisions for you.)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Remember cleanliness:\u003c/strong> \"Washing up really well, both before and after sex\" is another way sexual partners can potentially reduce their risk to each other, Cohen says. Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds. If you don't have soap and water on hand, use a hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol and rub your hands together until they feel dry. \u003cem>Don't\u003c/em> use sanitizer anywhere intimate — it will really irritate that delicate skin. If you have someone else's bodily fluids on your body, be sure to wash them off thoroughly. You cannot \"absorb\" the coronavirus through your skin, but you might \u003cem>touch\u003c/em> your skin and then touch your face. If you're using sex toys, wash those with soap and warm water.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Using condoms and other barriers:\u003c/strong> Wearing a condom during sex will decrease your exposure to saliva or feces. For oral sex, using a condom or dental dam similarly provides a barrier. This is especially important for any anal contact.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Keep it quick:\u003c/strong> Minimizing the length of a sexual encounter is a harm reduction strategy in how it's reducing the amount of time you're potentially being exposed to the virus.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Consider things that \u003cem>don't\u003c/em> exchange fluids:\u003c/strong> Mutual masturbation could be considered a harm reduction strategy, Cohen says. But don't forget that if you're simultaneously making out, \"that could actually be \u003cem>higher\u003c/em> risk than a quick session of oral sex,\" she says.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>And remember: Don't forget to practice the safe sex you usually would before the pandemic.\u003cb>\u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>\u003c/b>With all this in mind, we'll say it again: right now, during the COVID-19 pandemic, \u003cem>there is no way\u003c/em> of having sex with someone outside your household that carries zero risk of transmitting or obtaining the virus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Everyone's looking for a magic loophole,\" acknowledges Julia Feldman, \"and it doesn't really exist.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And here's \u003cem>another\u003c/em> tricky thing. Even if you and your partner agree to abide by all of the above harm reduction strategies in the cold light of day, things can shift in the heat of the moment. Previously agreed-upon plans can fall apart when inhibitions are lowered and you're turned on, especially if alcohol is involved — and in these circumstances \"you're less likely to use your prefrontal cortex to really analyze the risk involved in the situation,\" Feldman stresses. \"Especially if you haven't had sex in a long time and you're very excited to do it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So if you're concerned that your safety boundaries might be in any way reduced or made negotiable during sex... back away, and prioritize your health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11828141\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11828141\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels.jpg 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-800x539.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-1020x687.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/Couple-Nicholas-Swatz-Pexels-1536x1035.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">There's no way to have sex with someone outside your household that's risk-free for COVID-19 right now. \u003ccite>(Nicholas Swatz/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>OK... I had sex anyway. How long should I wait to get a COVID-19 test?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you aren't sure whether your sexual partner had COVID-19, the best time to get tested for the coronavirus would be between five and 14 days after the encounter, says Stephanie Cohen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's because the median average time from exposure to coronavirus symptom onset is five days — so testing any earlier than that might not yield an accurate result — but the incubation period (the amount of time you can be infected before showing symptoms) is \u003cem>up to\u003c/em> 14 days.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>Is isolating for 14 days between sexual partners a good idea?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Here's the idea: you have sex with someone, and then wait for 14 days to see if you develop symptoms of COVID-19. If you don't, you're good to move on to a new partner safe in the knowledge you don't have the disease and aren't passing it on — right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not quite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's a good strategy; it's a harm reduction strategy,\" Cohen says, but \"it's not a zero-risk strategy.\" That's because of the large numbers of people who get COVID-19 but never show any symptoms.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about sex with more than one person?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Having multiple people that you have sex with is a definite risk factor for transmitting COVID-19. These kinds of overlapping sexual relationships with different people — going back and forth between people, basically — is called \"concurrency\" in the sexual health world, and it's something experts say \u003cem>will\u003c/em> heighten your risk of spreading the disease.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"To minimize that concurrency,\" Cohen says, \"decrease the network size — which decreases the spread of coronavirus.\" Basically, consider reducing the number of people you're having sex with during the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Where does that leave you if you practice polyamory, which is all about having multiple sexual relationships?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nenna Joiner says that yes, some folks \u003cem>are\u003c/em> deciding to take a break from polyamorous intimacy during the pandemic owing to the heightened risks of having different partners right now. But other poly people are choosing to isolate together \"as a poly family,\" they say, and agreeing to only have sex \"within that sphere of people.\" Ultimately, it's about finding the solution that works best for your health, and that of others.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about group sex?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If group sex (having sex with multiple people at the \u003cem>same\u003c/em> time) was your thing before the pandemic, Stephanie Cohen has a message for you: \"The fewer people, the better.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's because with every additional person in a situation — social \u003cem>or\u003c/em> sexual — you're adding a potential COVID-19 case, whether they know they have it or not. In a group sex situation, that person is then potentially transmitting the coronavirus to multiple people at one time — who could then go on to infect others, who then go on to... you get the picture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you do continue to choose group sex, New York City's public health department \u003ca href=\"https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/imm/covid-sex-guidance.pdf\">advises you\u003c/a> to \"Go with a consistent sex partner\" in such a situation, and \"pick larger, more open, and well-ventilated spaces.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about sex workers? How can they make it work right now?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Is there a way to safely engage in sex work in the midst of a pandemic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's \"a profession that certainly carries risk,\" Cohen stresses, due to the amount of close physical contact involved. In addition to the other strategies discussed here, some additional harm reduction strategies sex workers might consider are to limit the number of clients they see during the pandemic, to opt for a smaller circle of regular clients and \"more spacing out in-between partners.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"dating\">\u003c/a>Dating During the Pandemic\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11825760\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11825760\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1078\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x-800x449.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/GettyImages-1214738423_1920x-1020x573.jpg 1020w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">As shelter-in-place order ease, Bay Area residents will have to negotiate new boundaries around who they hang out with, and how. \u003ccite>(Photo by JOSH EDELSON/AFP via Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>Who is 'safe' to date right now?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>As if finding a match with someone you're emotional and physically compatible with in all the \u003cem>expected\u003c/em> ways wasn't fraught enough — you now have the coronavirus risk compatibility to consider, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is, Feldman admits, \"a really unfortunate layer to add to dating.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Get ready for some frank communication with partners, both current \u003cem>and\u003c/em> potential ones, about your circumstances and behaviors around contact with other people. How many people are they seeing, socially or sexually? How does their daily life look in terms of interactions with other people? Are they an essential worker? If so, what kind of traffic does their place of work experience?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a nutshell, this is not the time for mystery — and in many ways, you'll have to be your own contact tracer, says Nenna Joiner.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>How much do I need to talk about COVID-19 with potential partners?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Open, honest communication about your health has never been more crucial than right now. And, as Julia Feldman notes, if you're getting sexually intimate with somebody, you \u003cem>should\u003c/em> already be talking to that person about your health and sexual health status. COVID-19 is now another communicable disease for you and your sexual partner(s) to be discussing, without holding anything back. (Remember though: somebody can have the coronavirus and have zero symptoms. Just because somebody thinks they don't have COVID-19 doesn't mean they are \u003cem>definitely\u003c/em> COVID-19-free.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Starting these conversations can feel tricky, especially with someone you barely know, so Feldman advises you initiate the conversation by leading with your \u003cem>own\u003c/em> experience — a time you were concerned you might have been at risk for contracting COVID-19, perhaps, or a recent decision to seek out a test for the disease. Leading with your own vulnerability, she says, can really open up a conversation without putting your prospective partner on the spot. You don't want them to feel grilled, or accused. \"That definitely doesn't set the mood, and it doesn't build trust,\" Feldman says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Ultimately, at the end of the day, people are trying to figure out how to get all of their needs met as safely as possible,\" reminds Feldman. \"That's a lot to navigate! This is brand new stuff. We are going to be messy.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In being thoughtful though, don't forget to acknowledge your own boundaries — and forget about anyone who \u003cem>doesn't\u003c/em> respect them, especially during a pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being an advocate for your own safety — and working to limit community transmission of the coronavirus — means not letting any potential partners pressure you into meeting up in person, or engaging in any sexual contact you don't want to have.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'Ultimately, at the end of the day, people are trying to figure out how to get all of their needs met as safely as possible. That's a lot to navigate!'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Julia Feldman, sex educator","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>I live with other people. What do \u003cem>they\u003c/em> need to know about my dating and sex life?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you're sharing your living situation with roommates or family, sorry: your business is now \u003cem>their\u003c/em> business, especially if their own health places them in a vulnerable category.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That means you should be as transparent as possible with the people you live with about your relationship(s), and the types of activities and the type of risks that you're involved in, Feldman says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first step in navigating this should be talking with the person you're dating or having sex with, to establish \u003cem>their\u003c/em> level of risk. You need to work out the potential COVID-19 risk their behavior and circumstances pose not just to you, but therefore to the people you cohabit with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You should be prepared to discuss how you propose to minimize your roommates' risk, whether that's avoiding shared spaces in your home, relentless sanitizing of your living environment — or whether your cohabitees are prepared to \u003cem>not\u003c/em> do this and accept the heightened risk, and the potential consequences of that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Basically, get used to communicating because \"you need to have some very frank conversations about how you're going to try to keep everyone safe, and prioritize \u003cem>everyone's\u003c/em> health and well-being,\" Feldman says. It's \u003cem>that\u003c/em> big a deal that ultimately, Cohen says, your roommates or family \"should have veto power in terms of you engaging in risky behavior and bringing it back to them.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"alts\">\u003c/a>Temporary Alternatives for Sex and Dating\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11828122\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1020px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11828122\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1020\" height=\"608\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1-800x477.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/07/NennaJoiner-1020x608-1-160x95.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1020px) 100vw, 1020px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nenna Joiner at Feelmore Adult Gallery in Oakland, which they founded in 2011. \u003ccite>(Pendarvis Harshaw/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>Is 'distanced sex' a thing?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Totally, says Joiner: social distancing and forgoing physical touch does \u003cem>not\u003c/em> have to be a barrier to sexual intimacy. Sex toys which use Bluetooth connectivity can be used or worn by one partner and activated remotely by their partner from six feet or more away, without any physical contact. If you want to increase that distance, Joiner says you could use these kinds of toys in conjunction with phone sex, or voyeurism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It might sound impersonal, but Joiner says distanced products actually require just as much effort and communication, if not more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You've got to turn on a person to make them feel confident and comfortable and warm like you're there,\" they say. (Joiner's pro tip: If you're purchasing this kind of remote toy for the first time, try it out solo first to really get to grips with it — and minimize any awkwardness when you come to use it with your partner.)\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>I know I am 'my own safest partner.' How can I make the most of that?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Nenna Joiner reminds that some people might actually welcome the break from active dating that COVID-19 enforces. Some people with anxiety can often find the machinery of dating — conversation, sex with someone new — stressful and anxiety-provoking. If that's you, Joiner says to take advantage of this \"buffer,\" to get some respite. They also want to remind you that not everyone in the world is into self-pleasure — and if that's you, that's \u003cem>totally\u003c/em> fine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If limiting your physical intimacy with others is something you're committed to, you may be considering acquiring sex toys to concentrate on your personal pleasure instead. Joiner says many sex shops, including their own, offer online chat services, where you can consult with an expert about exactly what you're looking for. Joiner says some of Feelmore's live chats can get \"crazy,\" so don't worry about being frank with the professionals. Online deliveries or courier services are also available in many stores, to enable you to maintain social distancing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Joiner's entry-level advice with your purchases: \"Stay on the lower end (on price), figure your body out for yourself and \u003cem>then\u003c/em> progress from there.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>What about taking everything online?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you decide to take your sex life fully online to eliminate any close contact or in-person elements, New York City's public health experts advise that if you normally meet your sexual partners online (or make a living on the internet), \"video dates, sexting, subscription-based fan platforms, sexy 'Zoom parties' or chat rooms may be options for you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you choose this option, don't forget to keep your environments clean in a way you would if someone else \u003cem>was\u003c/em> present, and disinfect any keyboards and touch screens you're using that you share with other other people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also, don't let the possibilities of the internet (and let's face it, lockdown-induced frustrations) override your normal judgment around your online privacy and personal safety. Especially when it comes to sending nudes or other intimate material to someone you don't know and trust.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>How can I 'have' intimacy if it's not safe to touch someone right now?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>Don't be deterred or dismayed by how new all this feels either, Joiner says. The pandemic means many of us have had to learn new ways of living in general, and these adaptations to our sexual lives are in many ways \"an opportunity to create a new life sexually for ourselves as well,\" they say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Joiner believes that this might even be a spur to \u003cem>regain\u003c/em> intimacy for many people, because of the extra imagination and effort required. It's a chance, they say, to make sure that you're really focusing on your own emotional needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Julia Feldman advises that this is also a potential moment to redefine what intimacy means for \u003cem>you\u003c/em>, beyond mere physical touch: \"We can't say that intimacy is dead!\" she says. \"It just has to function slightly differently.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch1>\u003ca id=\"cohabit\">\u003c/a>Advice for Cohabiting Couples\u003c/h1>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11826424\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11826424\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-800x500.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-1020x638.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-160x100.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/06/couple-1536x960.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Cohabitating during a pandemic can present a whole new set of issues to tackle around sex. \u003ccite>(Retha Ferguson/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch4>I \u003cem>live\u003c/em> with my partner but we're not having much sex. Help!\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>It's not just single folks who aren't \u003cem>necessarily\u003c/em> having the quantity or quality of physical contact they'd prefer during quarantine. For a couple who lives together, even a previously harmonious relationship can be severely tested by 24/7 cohabitation during COVID-19 — and result in a drop in intimacy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's all about switching up your timing to reinvigorate a dynamic, Joiner says. They recommend taking separate breaks outside of your shared accommodation — like a solo lunch break at the park — but also occasionally meeting up in a fresh setting that's not where you live together. Joiner recommends trying a joint picnic, or a driving date — shared experiences that \"will actually lead you to have to know \u003cem>why\u003c/em> you're in a relationship with your partner, and then to lead towards more intimacy, which leads to more sex.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Don't forget the power of dressing up slightly too, Joiner says, who warns against \"the rut of seeing each other in certain clothes\" (e.g. your work-from-home sweats.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even making a little effort for regular activities can go a long way, they say. \"Like my partner: Yesterday we went to church online, and she puts on a dress. I'm like, 'shit!'\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch4>My live-in partner is really bad at social distancing, and I'm worried to kiss or have sex with them. What can I do?\u003c/h4>\n\u003cp>If you're covering your face in public and maintaining social distance, but your partner doesn't, they're not only heightening their own risk of contracting COVID-19 but bringing their risk home to you. How can you have that conversation in a way that makes change?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a sense, this conversation is an extension of the dialogues you and your partner have already (hopefully!) had about trust and fidelity of all kinds within your relationship, and the things that matter to you, whether that's strict monogamy or communication around other partnerships you may have. Agreeing to even be \u003cem>in\u003c/em> a relationship is about declaring an intent to care for that other person's wellbeing and safety in certain regards, and any breach of that — like bringing home a risk of COVID-19 without discussion — represents a decision to disregard that agreement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So if you're in this situation, try explicitly framing this with your partner as a fidelity issue, Feldman recommends: \"We made a commitment to protect each other through the good and bad, and right now this is pretty bad.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She advises aiming to come to a reaffirmed agreement with your partner about \"what level of risk you're both willing to take on, and to really sign onto that.\" Then, if there's still a breach, you really need to talk about respect within your relationship, and whether you're both really committed to each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When opening up these dialogues with your partner, Feldman also advises emphasizing that these are not \"normal times,\" and \u003cem>this is not forever\u003c/em>. These restrictions and limitations for which you're advocating on the grounds of your shared health — and the trust in your relationship — are temporary. \"You're not saying your husband can never, for example, go play poker with the guys ever again, or whatever it is that he wants to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>If you still have questions about safe(r) sex and dating during the COVID-19 pandemic, submit them anonymously here — we may update this guide.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe\n src='https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfORlnLyeRwi5X3h-SJ8SwhVxUbu0-wfpkL0sGfMxWFLl2gvw/viewform?embedded=true?embedded=true'\n title='https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfORlnLyeRwi5X3h-SJ8SwhVxUbu0-wfpkL0sGfMxWFLl2gvw/viewform?embedded=true'\n width='760' height='500'\n frameborder='0'\n marginheight='0' marginwidth='0'>\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11826988/sex-and-dating-during-coronavirus-from-masks-to-kissing-a-guide-to-your-risks","authors":["3243"],"categories":["news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_18538","news_27350","news_29029","news_27504","news_28161","news_18543","news_27808","news_28143","news_3136","news_23144"],"featImg":"news_11828126","label":"news"},"news_11826381":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11826381","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11826381","score":null,"sort":[1593215722000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"sex-and-dating-in-the-covid-19-era-what-do-you-want-to-know","title":"Sex and Dating in the COVID-19 Era: What Do You Want to Know?","publishDate":1593215722,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>The coronavirus, and the shelter-in-place restrictions it brought with it, has changed our daily physical lives in ways we couldn't have imagined back in 2019.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For many of us, the risk of transmitting COVID-19 has also hugely impacted how and when we date and get \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13877358/how-people-are-dating-when-theyre-stuck-together-or-forced-apart\">sexually intimate with other people\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Public health guidance recommends avoiding having sex with anyone outside your household — or at least limiting yourself to \u003ca href=\"https://www.sfcdcp.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/COVID19-Tips-Sex-FINAL-04.15.2020.pdf\">\"as few partners as possible.\"\u003c/a> But as counties slowly start to reopen, and the idea of meeting dates in person seems more possible, people are wondering: \u003cstrong>what does safe (or safer) sex and dating look like while the coronavirus still looms?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's why we're making a guide. And to inform what we cover, we want \u003cem>your\u003c/em> questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Use the anonymous form below to pose your question about sex, dating and COVID-19. Be as frank as you like. Some things you might be wondering:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Do you need to wear a mask while having sex with a new partner?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Is kissing \"off the menu\" — and, if so, what \u003cem>else\u003c/em> is?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>If you're dating in-person, where's a low-risk spot to meet?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Is there \u003cem>ever\u003c/em> a safe way to have group sex during shelter-in-place?\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfORlnLyeRwi5X3h-SJ8SwhVxUbu0-wfpkL0sGfMxWFLl2gvw/viewform?embedded=true\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, seriously, this form is 100% anonymous.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We'll be creating our guide soon — follow \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/kqed\">@KQED on Twitter\u003c/a> to see it the minute it's published.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"During COVID-19, what does safe sex and dating look like? We're making a guide, and we want your (anonymous) questions.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1593216365,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":true,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":9,"wordCount":255},"headData":{"title":"Sex and Dating in the COVID-19 Era: What Do You Want to Know? | KQED","description":"During COVID-19, what does safe sex and dating look like? We're making a guide, and we want your questions. Use our anonymous form.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"11826381 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11826381","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2020/06/26/sex-and-dating-in-the-covid-19-era-what-do-you-want-to-know/","disqusTitle":"Sex and Dating in the COVID-19 Era: What Do You Want to Know?","path":"/news/11826381/sex-and-dating-in-the-covid-19-era-what-do-you-want-to-know","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>The coronavirus, and the shelter-in-place restrictions it brought with it, has changed our daily physical lives in ways we couldn't have imagined back in 2019.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For many of us, the risk of transmitting COVID-19 has also hugely impacted how and when we date and get \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13877358/how-people-are-dating-when-theyre-stuck-together-or-forced-apart\">sexually intimate with other people\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Public health guidance recommends avoiding having sex with anyone outside your household — or at least limiting yourself to \u003ca href=\"https://www.sfcdcp.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/COVID19-Tips-Sex-FINAL-04.15.2020.pdf\">\"as few partners as possible.\"\u003c/a> But as counties slowly start to reopen, and the idea of meeting dates in person seems more possible, people are wondering: \u003cstrong>what does safe (or safer) sex and dating look like while the coronavirus still looms?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's why we're making a guide. And to inform what we cover, we want \u003cem>your\u003c/em> questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Use the anonymous form below to pose your question about sex, dating and COVID-19. Be as frank as you like. Some things you might be wondering:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Do you need to wear a mask while having sex with a new partner?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Is kissing \"off the menu\" — and, if so, what \u003cem>else\u003c/em> is?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>If you're dating in-person, where's a low-risk spot to meet?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Is there \u003cem>ever\u003c/em> a safe way to have group sex during shelter-in-place?\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe\n src='https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfORlnLyeRwi5X3h-SJ8SwhVxUbu0-wfpkL0sGfMxWFLl2gvw/viewform?embedded=true?embedded=true'\n title='https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfORlnLyeRwi5X3h-SJ8SwhVxUbu0-wfpkL0sGfMxWFLl2gvw/viewform?embedded=true'\n width='760' height='500'\n frameborder='0'\n marginheight='0' marginwidth='0'>\u003c/iframe>\u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>And, seriously, this form is 100% anonymous.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We'll be creating our guide soon — follow \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/kqed\">@KQED on Twitter\u003c/a> to see it the minute it's published.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11826381/sex-and-dating-in-the-covid-19-era-what-do-you-want-to-know","authors":["3243"],"categories":["news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_27350","news_27504","news_28161","news_23123","news_28143","news_3136"],"featImg":"news_11826424","label":"news"},"news_11775009":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11775009","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11775009","score":null,"sort":[1569418249000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"a-new-dr-ruth-for-dr-ruth-this-sexpert-wants-seniors-to-talk-dirty","title":"This 'Sexpert' Wants Seniors to Talk Dirty","publishDate":1569418249,"format":"audio","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>When Joan Price hit menopause, she said she became invisible to men. That's because they were looking for someone younger, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price was the most accomplished and sure of herself she’d ever been, and the prospect that her sex and love life were over was devastating. Then, a stranger walked into her line dancing class one day. His name was Robert Rice and he was a 64-year-old artist, with blue eyes and white hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was smitten. I was in lust,” she said. “When he started to dance, and started rolling his hips, I kept losing my place in the dance I was teaching.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That line dancing class sparked a happy seven-year marriage — and a sexual epiphany that changed the course of Price’s life. \"We were so vibrant and sexy and strong,” she said. “And I thought, it’s time to write a book about this.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And she did, but she didn't stop at one: Price has authored several books aiming to demystify seniors’ sex drives and destigmatize their sexuality, earning her nicknames like \"senior sexpert\" and — her favorite — \"wrinkly sex kitten.\" She wants her peers to be able to talk about their sexual needs so they have a shot at the happiness that long-lasting intimacy brings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775035\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775035\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price shares a piece of late husband Robert Rice's art that hangs in her bedroom in Freestone. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>'We Learned Not to Talk about Sex'\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price published her latest book about ageless sexuality in August. She travels internationally — most recently to The Netherlands and Montenegro — to lecture about senior sex, and she recently co-produced an \u003ca href=\"https://youtu.be/ZGKI_o7LwPE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">explicit instructional sex video for seniors\u003c/a> with an adult film star.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size='medium' align='right' citation='Joan Price, author']'My sex education consisted of how girls get pregnant and why we shouldn't do it.'[/pullquote]Sitting in the living room of her cottage in Freestone, a community near Sebastopol, Price has a flirty frankness, husky voice and flippy hairdo that make it hard not to want to compare her to Jane Fonda. She doesn’t have her own workout video dynasty, but she did become an aerobics devotee in her 30s, and has been teaching line dancing for three decades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price said she sees a through line between the off-limits attitudes about sex that she and her peers grew up with in the 1950s and the stunted communication habits she recognizes among seniors today.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The problem with the way we learned to talk about sex is we learned not to talk about sex,” Price said. “My sex education consisted of how girls get pregnant and why we shouldn't do it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the black-and-white introduction she had to sex as an adolescent, Price said, the '60s and '70s brought more variety. But the communication barriers instilled by earlier generations didn’t disappear.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We were the foot soldiers of the sexual revolution, but even there we didn’t really know how to ask for what we wanted, what we needed,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Price persevered and formed a sexual identity that has helped give her the satisfying sex life she still enjoys today.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775034\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775034\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price at her home in Freestone on Aug. 26, 2019. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She believes staying active sexually can be a game changer for seniors. And research backs her up: A \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2050116118301119?via%3Dihub\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">recent study\u003c/a> from the journal Sexual Medicine found that seniors who experience intimacy more regularly are significantly more content than those who don't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size='medium' align='right' citation='Joan Price, author']'We need to know that we can value ourselves through all the stages of our lives.'[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We need to be able to talk out loud about, ‘Hey, I know we generally just talk about grandchildren when we're together but let's talk about something more personal and more interesting: Let's talk about sex,\" Price said. “We don’t even talk to our friends like that in most cases.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And it's not just seniors' emotional well-being that stands to benefit from more transparency around sex. Price also wants them to know about the sexual health risks they’re facing. The \u003ca href=\"https://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2017/std-exposure-rises-older-adults-fd.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">CDC reported\u003c/a> a 20% increase in gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia among Americans 45 and older between 2015 and 2016. And, Americans ages 50 and older accounted for \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/age/olderamericans/index.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">17% of new HIV diagnoses\u003c/a> in 2016.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These numbers emphasize the need for open dialogue between seniors and their doctors about sexual health — one Price says isn’t happening enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unless we as a generation go to our doctors and say — ‘Doctor, my sex life is important to me, and here's what's interfering with it and I need your help to resolve this' — nothing's going to change,\" she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But it’s not just up to seniors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dr. Anna Chodos, who specializes in geriatrics at UCSF, said often doctors take seniors’ sex lives for granted — especially in cases where patients have other, more pressing health issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of times we don't ask and it's just like an ageist problem. And I have many ... times been surprised” by how sexually active they are, she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775056\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775056\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price leads line dancing students in in Sebastopol. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Living Single: Senior Edition\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price’s new book, \"Sex After Grief,\" charts her path from losing her husband, Robert Rice — who succumbed to cancer eight years after they met in Price’s line dancing class — to finding new love again in her 70s (she met her current partner online a few years ago).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size='medium' align='right' citation='Joan Price, author']'We were so vibrant and sexy and strong,” she said. “And I thought, it’s time to write a book about this.'[/pullquote]Price wants to help her readers work through the survivor’s guilt and feelings of disloyalty that they might struggle with as they explore companionship and intimacy with a new partner. As seniors continue to age and lose partners, she wants them to know they’re not alone in these feelings, and also give them permission to start over like she has.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And she knows, as they start testing the waters in the dating pool again, they’re going to find a climate with new norms they’ll need to adjust to: like standards born out of the #MeToo era.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[aside tag='seniors' label='More Coverage']Price said that some straight men have said to her: \"I don't know how to talk to women anymore. Used to be I’d have this line, I’d compliment them on their appearance and I could test out whether they like being hugged. Now you're supposed to get permission for every damn thing.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And I say, ‘Well, get used to it ... Always get consent. Get enthusiastic consent,' ” Price said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price is going to keep practicing what she preaches, but her commitment to reframing expectations around aging and sex has broader meaning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We need to know that we can value ourselves through all the stages of our lives, not just think it's now or never when we're young. Not just think, 'Oh my gosh, if I don't get the right partner now while I'm wrinkle-free and desirable, I never will.' That's just not true,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Chances are even if you do have the right partner for now, it may be a different partner later,” she added. “We need ... to look forward to the experience and the wisdom that aging brings.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775044\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775044\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price with her \"date mate,\" Mac Marshall, at line dancing class in Sebastopol. They met online a few years ago, and have traveled the world together on Price's senior sex lecture tours. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"'We need to know that we can value ourselves through all the stages of our lives, not just think it's now or never when we're young.'","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1569436396,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":33,"wordCount":1364},"headData":{"title":"This 'Sexpert' Wants Seniors to Talk Dirty | KQED","description":"'We need to know that we can value ourselves through all the stages of our lives, not just think it's now or never when we're young.'","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"11775009 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11775009","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2019/09/25/a-new-dr-ruth-for-dr-ruth-this-sexpert-wants-seniors-to-talk-dirty/","disqusTitle":"This 'Sexpert' Wants Seniors to Talk Dirty","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2019/09/JoanPriceSeniorsSex.mp3","audioTrackLength":454,"path":"/news/11775009/a-new-dr-ruth-for-dr-ruth-this-sexpert-wants-seniors-to-talk-dirty","audioDuration":453000,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>When Joan Price hit menopause, she said she became invisible to men. That's because they were looking for someone younger, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price was the most accomplished and sure of herself she’d ever been, and the prospect that her sex and love life were over was devastating. Then, a stranger walked into her line dancing class one day. His name was Robert Rice and he was a 64-year-old artist, with blue eyes and white hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was smitten. I was in lust,” she said. “When he started to dance, and started rolling his hips, I kept losing my place in the dance I was teaching.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That line dancing class sparked a happy seven-year marriage — and a sexual epiphany that changed the course of Price’s life. \"We were so vibrant and sexy and strong,” she said. “And I thought, it’s time to write a book about this.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And she did, but she didn't stop at one: Price has authored several books aiming to demystify seniors’ sex drives and destigmatize their sexuality, earning her nicknames like \"senior sexpert\" and — her favorite — \"wrinkly sex kitten.\" She wants her peers to be able to talk about their sexual needs so they have a shot at the happiness that long-lasting intimacy brings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775035\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775035\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-with-Roberts-artjpg.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price shares a piece of late husband Robert Rice's art that hangs in her bedroom in Freestone. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>'We Learned Not to Talk about Sex'\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price published her latest book about ageless sexuality in August. She travels internationally — most recently to The Netherlands and Montenegro — to lecture about senior sex, and she recently co-produced an \u003ca href=\"https://youtu.be/ZGKI_o7LwPE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">explicit instructional sex video for seniors\u003c/a> with an adult film star.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'My sex education consisted of how girls get pregnant and why we shouldn't do it.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Joan Price, author","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Sitting in the living room of her cottage in Freestone, a community near Sebastopol, Price has a flirty frankness, husky voice and flippy hairdo that make it hard not to want to compare her to Jane Fonda. She doesn’t have her own workout video dynasty, but she did become an aerobics devotee in her 30s, and has been teaching line dancing for three decades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price said she sees a through line between the off-limits attitudes about sex that she and her peers grew up with in the 1950s and the stunted communication habits she recognizes among seniors today.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The problem with the way we learned to talk about sex is we learned not to talk about sex,” Price said. “My sex education consisted of how girls get pregnant and why we shouldn't do it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the black-and-white introduction she had to sex as an adolescent, Price said, the '60s and '70s brought more variety. But the communication barriers instilled by earlier generations didn’t disappear.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We were the foot soldiers of the sexual revolution, but even there we didn’t really know how to ask for what we wanted, what we needed,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Price persevered and formed a sexual identity that has helped give her the satisfying sex life she still enjoys today.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775034\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775034\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/Joan-Featured-Image.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price at her home in Freestone on Aug. 26, 2019. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She believes staying active sexually can be a game changer for seniors. And research backs her up: A \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2050116118301119?via%3Dihub\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">recent study\u003c/a> from the journal Sexual Medicine found that seniors who experience intimacy more regularly are significantly more content than those who don't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'We need to know that we can value ourselves through all the stages of our lives.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Joan Price, author","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We need to be able to talk out loud about, ‘Hey, I know we generally just talk about grandchildren when we're together but let's talk about something more personal and more interesting: Let's talk about sex,\" Price said. “We don’t even talk to our friends like that in most cases.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And it's not just seniors' emotional well-being that stands to benefit from more transparency around sex. Price also wants them to know about the sexual health risks they’re facing. The \u003ca href=\"https://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2017/std-exposure-rises-older-adults-fd.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">CDC reported\u003c/a> a 20% increase in gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia among Americans 45 and older between 2015 and 2016. And, Americans ages 50 and older accounted for \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/age/olderamericans/index.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">17% of new HIV diagnoses\u003c/a> in 2016.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These numbers emphasize the need for open dialogue between seniors and their doctors about sexual health — one Price says isn’t happening enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unless we as a generation go to our doctors and say — ‘Doctor, my sex life is important to me, and here's what's interfering with it and I need your help to resolve this' — nothing's going to change,\" she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But it’s not just up to seniors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dr. Anna Chodos, who specializes in geriatrics at UCSF, said often doctors take seniors’ sex lives for granted — especially in cases where patients have other, more pressing health issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of times we don't ask and it's just like an ageist problem. And I have many ... times been surprised” by how sexually active they are, she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775056\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775056\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39148__DSC3439-qut.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price leads line dancing students in in Sebastopol. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Living Single: Senior Edition\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price’s new book, \"Sex After Grief,\" charts her path from losing her husband, Robert Rice — who succumbed to cancer eight years after they met in Price’s line dancing class — to finding new love again in her 70s (she met her current partner online a few years ago).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'We were so vibrant and sexy and strong,” she said. “And I thought, it’s time to write a book about this.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Joan Price, author","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Price wants to help her readers work through the survivor’s guilt and feelings of disloyalty that they might struggle with as they explore companionship and intimacy with a new partner. As seniors continue to age and lose partners, she wants them to know they’re not alone in these feelings, and also give them permission to start over like she has.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And she knows, as they start testing the waters in the dating pool again, they’re going to find a climate with new norms they’ll need to adjust to: like standards born out of the #MeToo era.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"tag":"seniors","label":"More Coverage "},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Price said that some straight men have said to her: \"I don't know how to talk to women anymore. Used to be I’d have this line, I’d compliment them on their appearance and I could test out whether they like being hugged. Now you're supposed to get permission for every damn thing.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And I say, ‘Well, get used to it ... Always get consent. Get enthusiastic consent,' ” Price said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Price is going to keep practicing what she preaches, but her commitment to reframing expectations around aging and sex has broader meaning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We need to know that we can value ourselves through all the stages of our lives, not just think it's now or never when we're young. Not just think, 'Oh my gosh, if I don't get the right partner now while I'm wrinkle-free and desirable, I never will.' That's just not true,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Chances are even if you do have the right partner for now, it may be a different partner later,” she added. “We need ... to look forward to the experience and the wisdom that aging brings.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11775044\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11775044\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-800x534.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"534\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-800x534.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-1020x681.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/09/RS39150__DSC3468-qut.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joan Price with her \"date mate,\" Mac Marshall, at line dancing class in Sebastopol. They met online a few years ago, and have traveled the world together on Price's senior sex lecture tours. \u003ccite>(Stephanie Lister/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11775009/a-new-dr-ruth-for-dr-ruth-this-sexpert-wants-seniors-to-talk-dirty","authors":["11583"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_22072","news_25798","news_2081","news_3136","news_5850"],"featImg":"news_11775052","label":"news_72"},"news_11620010":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11620010","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11620010","score":null,"sort":[1506720653000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"are-iuds-contributing-to-the-rise-of-stds","title":"Are IUDs Contributing to the Rise of STDs?","publishDate":1506720653,"format":"standard","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{},"content":"\u003cp>Long-acting reversible contraceptives like IUDs are highly effective in preventing pregnancy, and their use is on the rise. But as cases of sexually transmitted diseases reach an all-time high in California, public health officials are concerned that a growing reliance on such methods is leading to declining use of condoms, which prevent STDs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They are protecting themselves against pregnancy, but not protecting themselves against STDs,\" says Mario Perez, who directs the Division of HIV and STD programs at the L.A. County Department of Public Health. \"Condoms continue to play a role in disease transmission.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So is the increasing use of IUDs and other long-acting methods contributing to rising STD rates?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's unclear, says Stephanie Arnold Pang, director of policy and government relations at the National Coalition of STD Directors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"These are things that are happening at the same time and in tandem, but we can't necessarily say there's causality between them,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The California Department of Public Health \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/OPA/Pages/NR17-069.aspx\">reported\u003c/a> this week that rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis increased for the third year in a row. It says more than 250,000 cases of STDs were reported in 2016, a 40 percent increase compared with 2012. Young people, African-Americans and gay and bisexual men had the highest infection rates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Experts say declining condom use is definitely one factor contributing to the increase in STDs; others include a lack of education, a shortage of funding for prevention programs and the growing popularity of dating apps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, there’s been an \u003ca href=\"https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2015/use-long-acting-reversible-contraceptive-methods-continues-increase-united-states\">uptick\u003c/a> in the use of long-acting contraceptives like IUDs, which have failure rates of less than 1 percent. About 9 percent of women ages 15 to 44 used IUDs in 2009; nearly 12 percent used them in 2012, according to the Guttmacher Institute.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Experts agree that as more young women use methods like IUDs for pregnancy prevention, there should be more public health messaging about the importance of using condoms to prevent STDs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11620031\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Cases of STDs are reaching an all-time high in California -- and public health officials worry that growing reliance on long-acting contraceptives is leading to declining condom use.\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11620031\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Cases of STDs are reaching an all-time high in California -- and public health officials worry that growing reliance on long-acting contraceptives is leading to declining condom use. \u003ccite>(Shawn Latta/Flickr)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A 2016 \u003ca href=\"http://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2502624\">study\u003c/a> in JAMA Pediatrics found that young women who use methods like IUDs are about 60 percent less likely to use condoms compared with women who use the pill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Women who use long-acting methods like IUDs, \"should be very clear and aware of their STD risk and be encouraged to use dual methods,\" Pang says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Young women should also be screened for STDs once a year, she says. Even though methods like IUDs last five years or more, Pang says women who use IUDs should still see a doctor annually to get tested.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>David Harvey, executive director of the National Coalition of STD Directors, points to a similar situation with pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, a powerful HIV prevention tool.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some have expressed concerns that use of PrEP would lead to decreased condom use and increased STDs. Harvey says people on PrEP get tested for STDs every three to six months, \"so we're catching and diagnosing more cases.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It is not necessarily the case that PrEP is driving increases in STD rates,\" he adds. \"Because we are doing more testing, we're catching more cases, and we’re treating, and that is a very good thing.\"\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Cases of STDs are reaching an all-time high in California -- and health officials worry that growing reliance on long-acting contraceptives is leading to declining condom use.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1506718972,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":17,"wordCount":575},"headData":{"title":"Are IUDs Contributing to the Rise of STDs? | KQED","description":"Cases of STDs are reaching an all-time high in California -- and health officials worry that growing reliance on long-acting contraceptives is leading to declining condom use.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"11620010 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11620010","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2017/09/29/are-iuds-contributing-to-the-rise-of-stds/","disqusTitle":"Are IUDs Contributing to the Rise of STDs?","source":"KPCC","sourceUrl":"http://www.scpr.org/","nprByline":"\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://www.scpr.org/about/people/staff/rebecca-plevin\">Rebecca Plevin\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>","path":"/news/11620010/are-iuds-contributing-to-the-rise-of-stds","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Long-acting reversible contraceptives like IUDs are highly effective in preventing pregnancy, and their use is on the rise. But as cases of sexually transmitted diseases reach an all-time high in California, public health officials are concerned that a growing reliance on such methods is leading to declining use of condoms, which prevent STDs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They are protecting themselves against pregnancy, but not protecting themselves against STDs,\" says Mario Perez, who directs the Division of HIV and STD programs at the L.A. County Department of Public Health. \"Condoms continue to play a role in disease transmission.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So is the increasing use of IUDs and other long-acting methods contributing to rising STD rates?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's unclear, says Stephanie Arnold Pang, director of policy and government relations at the National Coalition of STD Directors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"These are things that are happening at the same time and in tandem, but we can't necessarily say there's causality between them,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The California Department of Public Health \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/OPA/Pages/NR17-069.aspx\">reported\u003c/a> this week that rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis increased for the third year in a row. It says more than 250,000 cases of STDs were reported in 2016, a 40 percent increase compared with 2012. Young people, African-Americans and gay and bisexual men had the highest infection rates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Experts say declining condom use is definitely one factor contributing to the increase in STDs; others include a lack of education, a shortage of funding for prevention programs and the growing popularity of dating apps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, there’s been an \u003ca href=\"https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2015/use-long-acting-reversible-contraceptive-methods-continues-increase-united-states\">uptick\u003c/a> in the use of long-acting contraceptives like IUDs, which have failure rates of less than 1 percent. About 9 percent of women ages 15 to 44 used IUDs in 2009; nearly 12 percent used them in 2012, according to the Guttmacher Institute.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Experts agree that as more young women use methods like IUDs for pregnancy prevention, there should be more public health messaging about the importance of using condoms to prevent STDs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11620031\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Cases of STDs are reaching an all-time high in California -- and public health officials worry that growing reliance on long-acting contraceptives is leading to declining condom use.\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11620031\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/09/Condom-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Cases of STDs are reaching an all-time high in California -- and public health officials worry that growing reliance on long-acting contraceptives is leading to declining condom use. \u003ccite>(Shawn Latta/Flickr)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A 2016 \u003ca href=\"http://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2502624\">study\u003c/a> in JAMA Pediatrics found that young women who use methods like IUDs are about 60 percent less likely to use condoms compared with women who use the pill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Women who use long-acting methods like IUDs, \"should be very clear and aware of their STD risk and be encouraged to use dual methods,\" Pang says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Young women should also be screened for STDs once a year, she says. Even though methods like IUDs last five years or more, Pang says women who use IUDs should still see a doctor annually to get tested.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>David Harvey, executive director of the National Coalition of STD Directors, points to a similar situation with pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, a powerful HIV prevention tool.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some have expressed concerns that use of PrEP would lead to decreased condom use and increased STDs. Harvey says people on PrEP get tested for STDs every three to six months, \"so we're catching and diagnosing more cases.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It is not necessarily the case that PrEP is driving increases in STD rates,\" he adds. \"Because we are doing more testing, we're catching more cases, and we’re treating, and that is a very good thing.\"\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11620010/are-iuds-contributing-to-the-rise-of-stds","authors":["byline_news_11620010"],"programs":["news_6944","news_72"],"categories":["news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_3136","news_17286"],"affiliates":["news_7055"],"featImg":"news_11620015","label":"source_news_11620010"},"news_10831569":{"type":"posts","id":"news_10831569","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"10831569","score":null,"sort":[1452731210000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"sex-ed-now-required-in-california-public-schools","title":"Sex Ed Now Required in California Public Schools","publishDate":1452731210,"format":"standard","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>A new state law in effect this year requires all California public school students to take sex education beginning in seventh grade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents who don’t want their kids to learn about issues like body image, contraception and HIV awareness and prevention will have to formally opt out by submitting a document to their school or district.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For years, sex education has been optional. If parents wanted their children to take a sexual health class, they had to sign up for the instruction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The law, called the \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billNavClient.xhtml?bill_id=201520160AB329\" target=\"_blank\">California Healthy Youth Act\u003c/a>, attempts to standardize and update sex education in the state, which also now must include gender identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[soundcloud url=\"https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/241634553\" params=\"color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco Unified has one of the most comprehensive sex education curriculums in the state, covering everything from sexual orientation to abusive relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Health educators in the district say seventh grade is the best time to start teaching students about sexual health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Their bodies are developing, and often young people start to develop crushes on other students,\" says Christopher Pepper, a San Francisco Unified health teacher. “They’re dealing with effects of hormones in their body, and understanding all those things can be a little bit challenging.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"zrPUji2SswjpD00xT9qeo7Pe90yXZjHU\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>California is also the first state in the nation where high school students will now learn about affirmative consent, known as \"Yes means Yes.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Developing a more comprehensive sex education curriculum is expected to be challenging in more conservative areas like Clovis Unified, which was \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2014/02/26/127740/aclu-forced-clovis-school-district-fix-sex-education\" target=\"_blank\">found to have violated\u003c/a> the state’s pre-existing law on sex education by providing students with inaccurate and biased information about sexual health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The big question is how the state will monitor school districts, and whether there will be an uptick in families opting out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Camille Giglio, with the group California Right To Life, says this curriculum goes too far.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"This comes into a whole new category of being forced to listen for six years to one version of so-called sexual health,\" Giglio said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The California State PTA supports the new law, saying students should have medically accurate and unbiased information.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"A new state law requires all public school students to take sex education beginning in seventh grade.\r\n","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1452737032,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":17,"wordCount":384},"headData":{"title":"Sex Ed Now Required in California Public Schools | KQED","description":"A new state law requires all public school students to take sex education beginning in seventh grade.\r\n","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"10831569 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=10831569","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2016/01/13/sex-ed-now-required-in-california-public-schools/","disqusTitle":"Sex Ed Now Required in California Public Schools","nprStoryId":"462976558","path":"/news/10831569/sex-ed-now-required-in-california-public-schools","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>A new state law in effect this year requires all California public school students to take sex education beginning in seventh grade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents who don’t want their kids to learn about issues like body image, contraception and HIV awareness and prevention will have to formally opt out by submitting a document to their school or district.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For years, sex education has been optional. If parents wanted their children to take a sexual health class, they had to sign up for the instruction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The law, called the \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billNavClient.xhtml?bill_id=201520160AB329\" target=\"_blank\">California Healthy Youth Act\u003c/a>, attempts to standardize and update sex education in the state, which also now must include gender identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/241634553&visual=true&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false'\n title='https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/241634553'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco Unified has one of the most comprehensive sex education curriculums in the state, covering everything from sexual orientation to abusive relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Health educators in the district say seventh grade is the best time to start teaching students about sexual health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Their bodies are developing, and often young people start to develop crushes on other students,\" says Christopher Pepper, a San Francisco Unified health teacher. “They’re dealing with effects of hormones in their body, and understanding all those things can be a little bit challenging.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>California is also the first state in the nation where high school students will now learn about affirmative consent, known as \"Yes means Yes.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Developing a more comprehensive sex education curriculum is expected to be challenging in more conservative areas like Clovis Unified, which was \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2014/02/26/127740/aclu-forced-clovis-school-district-fix-sex-education\" target=\"_blank\">found to have violated\u003c/a> the state’s pre-existing law on sex education by providing students with inaccurate and biased information about sexual health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The big question is how the state will monitor school districts, and whether there will be an uptick in families opting out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Camille Giglio, with the group California Right To Life, says this curriculum goes too far.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"This comes into a whole new category of being forced to listen for six years to one version of so-called sexual health,\" Giglio said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The California State PTA supports the new law, saying students should have medically accurate and unbiased information.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/10831569/sex-ed-now-required-in-california-public-schools","authors":["211"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_18540","news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_2998","news_3136","news_5850","news_17286","news_17041"],"featImg":"news_10831627","label":"news_72"},"news_10761012":{"type":"posts","id":"news_10761012","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"10761012","score":null,"sort":[1447786855000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"kinkbnb-brings-sharing-economy-to-the-sex-positive-community","title":"KinkBNB Brings Sharing Economy to the 'Sex-Positive' Community","publishDate":1447786855,"format":"standard","headTitle":"News Fix | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":6944,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>When you sign up for an account at \u003ca href=\"https://www.kinkbnb.com\" target=\"_blank\">KinkBNB.com\u003c/a>, you’re given a list of password security questions. Some are recognizable from other websites: Where was your mother born? What is your third-grade teacher’s last name?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Others, however, are much less conventional, but more fitting of KinkBNB’s clientele. Top or bottom? What is your safe word? Sadist or masochist?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like many other sites capitalizing on the sharing economy, KinkBNB hopes to fill a void. The San Francisco-based startup operates much like its namesake, \u003ca href=\"http://As%20a%20host,%20Eve%20Minax%20thinks%20there%20are%20a%20lot%20of%20advantages%20to%20using%20the%20site%20to%20advertise%20her%20Potrero%20Hill%20playroom,%20for%20both%20herself%20and%20for%20her%20guests.%20%22In%20my%20house,%20%C2%A0the%20residence%20is%20clean,%20there's%20not%20as%20much%20traffic%20as%20there%20would%20be%20at%20a%20hotel,%20and%20I'm%20going%20to%20treat%20you%20as%20a%20house%20guest,%22%20she%20said.%20%22It's%20like%20what%20you%20would%20want%20a%20B%20'n'%20B%20to%20be%20like,%20only%20for%20people%20who%20are%20able%20to%20be%20themselves,%C2%A0maybe%20even%20in%20ways%20they%20can't%20be%20at%20home.%22\" target=\"_blank\">Airbnb\u003c/a>, but provides more erotic accommodations. Hosts can rent out their bedrooms, sex dungeons and porn production studios. In exchange, guests gain access to an intimate getaway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://vimeo.com/145935531\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Darren McKeeman was inspired to launch the site when a friend of his, local sex educator \u003ca href=\"http://eveminax.com\" target=\"_blank\">Eve Minax\u003c/a>, made a complaint about Airbnb on Facebook earlier this year. Her listing on the home-sharing site, which advertised access to her personal dungeon as an additional amenity, had unexpectedly vanished. The post included potentially graphic photos of the room, which Minax says were taken by an Airbnb photographer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>(According to Airbnb's terms of service, the company prohibits users from being able to \"post, upload, publish, submit or transmit any Content that ... is defamatory, obscene, pornographic, vulgar or offensive.\" A spokesman from the company adds: \"Removing an individual from Airbnb is rare and done only after serious consideration and a review of a variety of factors.\")\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>McKeeman, who has had a long career in tech and IT, saw Minax's Facebook post and immediately bought the KinkBNB url. It cost him $12. Ryan Galiotto, co-owner of SoMa's \u003ca href=\"http://www.wickedgrounds.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Wicked Grounds Kink Cafe & Boutique\u003c/a>, and Matias Drago soon rounded out the team. The site now has listings in more than 60 cities and 20 countries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On KinkBNB, hosts can list the various amenities of their rentals, from free Wi-Fi and washer/dryer access to whether or not the space is orgy-friendly. In the Bay Area, posts range from a modern apartment in Nob Hill to a pagan church in Emeryville. But McKeeman's favorite listing is a prison cell in Germany.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You get no amenities,\" he said. \"You get nothing. No heat, no air-conditioning, no fancy dungeon. It's just a prison cell.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10761391\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-10761391\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-800x514.png\" alt=\"Eve Minax's listing on KinkBNB.\" width=\"800\" height=\"514\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-800x514.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-400x257.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-1440x925.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-1180x758.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-960x617.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM.png 1628w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Eve Minax's listing on KinkBNB.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Building a dungeon or playroom can be expensive, costing hundreds or thousands of dollars in equipment and square footage. KinkBNB can help hosts subsidize their spaces, while providing guests an outlet if they can't afford their own. The founders hope to appeal to a variety of tourists, from the couple taking a sexy staycation away from the kids to the newlyweds on a honeymoon who want a raunchy alternative to their hotel for the night.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's virtually impossible to travel if this is something that you do and it's part of your lifestyle,\" Drago said. \"You go across the country to your cousin's wedding and you don't know anyone else there who would understand. When you stay with one of our hosts, they're very likely to know the community and connect you to people that would be on the same wavelength.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>KinkBNB's listings are currently available at overnight rates, but the men hope to launch an hourly payment option as well, so that guests don't have to make a full night's commitment if they need only a few hours of playtime. The company has also developed relationships with organizations like New York's Red Umbrella Project, an advocacy group for sex workers, and they believe that their hourly rates could appeal to those in the industry across the world. But, Drago adds, \"We're also going to pretty much say, 'Look, stay within the law and do what's legal, and that's different in every state and every country.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since KinkBNB's focus is solely on the sex-positive community, the site's founders don't see themselves as a direct competitor to Airbnb. Still, they feel fortunate to be a part of the same Bay Area tech scene.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are sex-positive communities throughout the world, but [San Francisco] has the greatest mix of tech and awareness,\" Galiotto said, and the city provides its share of unique networking opportunities. The company recently hosted an open house at one of its local listings, and it had a booth at the last Folsom Street Fair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a host, Eve Minax thinks there are a lot of advantages to using the site to advertise her Potrero Hill playroom, for both herself and for her guests.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"In my house, the residence is clean, there's not as much traffic as there would be at a hotel, and I'm going to treat you as a house guest,\" she said. \"It's like what you would want a B&B to be like, only for people who are able to be themselves, maybe even in ways they can't be at home.\"\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"On KinkBNB, hosts rent out their sex dungeons and playspaces, giving guests an intimate getaway.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1447801667,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":17,"wordCount":877},"headData":{"title":"KinkBNB Brings Sharing Economy to the 'Sex-Positive' Community | KQED","description":"On KinkBNB, hosts rent out their sex dungeons and playspaces, giving guests an intimate getaway.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"10761012 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=10761012","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2015/11/17/kinkbnb-brings-sharing-economy-to-the-sex-positive-community/","disqusTitle":"KinkBNB Brings Sharing Economy to the 'Sex-Positive' Community","path":"/news/10761012/kinkbnb-brings-sharing-economy-to-the-sex-positive-community","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>When you sign up for an account at \u003ca href=\"https://www.kinkbnb.com\" target=\"_blank\">KinkBNB.com\u003c/a>, you’re given a list of password security questions. Some are recognizable from other websites: Where was your mother born? What is your third-grade teacher’s last name?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Others, however, are much less conventional, but more fitting of KinkBNB’s clientele. Top or bottom? What is your safe word? Sadist or masochist?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like many other sites capitalizing on the sharing economy, KinkBNB hopes to fill a void. The San Francisco-based startup operates much like its namesake, \u003ca href=\"http://As%20a%20host,%20Eve%20Minax%20thinks%20there%20are%20a%20lot%20of%20advantages%20to%20using%20the%20site%20to%20advertise%20her%20Potrero%20Hill%20playroom,%20for%20both%20herself%20and%20for%20her%20guests.%20%22In%20my%20house,%20%C2%A0the%20residence%20is%20clean,%20there's%20not%20as%20much%20traffic%20as%20there%20would%20be%20at%20a%20hotel,%20and%20I'm%20going%20to%20treat%20you%20as%20a%20house%20guest,%22%20she%20said.%20%22It's%20like%20what%20you%20would%20want%20a%20B%20'n'%20B%20to%20be%20like,%20only%20for%20people%20who%20are%20able%20to%20be%20themselves,%C2%A0maybe%20even%20in%20ways%20they%20can't%20be%20at%20home.%22\" target=\"_blank\">Airbnb\u003c/a>, but provides more erotic accommodations. Hosts can rent out their bedrooms, sex dungeons and porn production studios. In exchange, guests gain access to an intimate getaway.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"vimeoLink","attributes":{"named":{"vimeoId":"145935531"},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Darren McKeeman was inspired to launch the site when a friend of his, local sex educator \u003ca href=\"http://eveminax.com\" target=\"_blank\">Eve Minax\u003c/a>, made a complaint about Airbnb on Facebook earlier this year. Her listing on the home-sharing site, which advertised access to her personal dungeon as an additional amenity, had unexpectedly vanished. The post included potentially graphic photos of the room, which Minax says were taken by an Airbnb photographer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>(According to Airbnb's terms of service, the company prohibits users from being able to \"post, upload, publish, submit or transmit any Content that ... is defamatory, obscene, pornographic, vulgar or offensive.\" A spokesman from the company adds: \"Removing an individual from Airbnb is rare and done only after serious consideration and a review of a variety of factors.\")\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>McKeeman, who has had a long career in tech and IT, saw Minax's Facebook post and immediately bought the KinkBNB url. It cost him $12. Ryan Galiotto, co-owner of SoMa's \u003ca href=\"http://www.wickedgrounds.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Wicked Grounds Kink Cafe & Boutique\u003c/a>, and Matias Drago soon rounded out the team. The site now has listings in more than 60 cities and 20 countries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On KinkBNB, hosts can list the various amenities of their rentals, from free Wi-Fi and washer/dryer access to whether or not the space is orgy-friendly. In the Bay Area, posts range from a modern apartment in Nob Hill to a pagan church in Emeryville. But McKeeman's favorite listing is a prison cell in Germany.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You get no amenities,\" he said. \"You get nothing. No heat, no air-conditioning, no fancy dungeon. It's just a prison cell.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10761391\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-10761391\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-800x514.png\" alt=\"Eve Minax's listing on KinkBNB.\" width=\"800\" height=\"514\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-800x514.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-400x257.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-1440x925.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-1180x758.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM-960x617.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-10-at-5.35.06-PM.png 1628w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Eve Minax's listing on KinkBNB.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Building a dungeon or playroom can be expensive, costing hundreds or thousands of dollars in equipment and square footage. KinkBNB can help hosts subsidize their spaces, while providing guests an outlet if they can't afford their own. The founders hope to appeal to a variety of tourists, from the couple taking a sexy staycation away from the kids to the newlyweds on a honeymoon who want a raunchy alternative to their hotel for the night.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's virtually impossible to travel if this is something that you do and it's part of your lifestyle,\" Drago said. \"You go across the country to your cousin's wedding and you don't know anyone else there who would understand. When you stay with one of our hosts, they're very likely to know the community and connect you to people that would be on the same wavelength.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>KinkBNB's listings are currently available at overnight rates, but the men hope to launch an hourly payment option as well, so that guests don't have to make a full night's commitment if they need only a few hours of playtime. The company has also developed relationships with organizations like New York's Red Umbrella Project, an advocacy group for sex workers, and they believe that their hourly rates could appeal to those in the industry across the world. But, Drago adds, \"We're also going to pretty much say, 'Look, stay within the law and do what's legal, and that's different in every state and every country.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since KinkBNB's focus is solely on the sex-positive community, the site's founders don't see themselves as a direct competitor to Airbnb. Still, they feel fortunate to be a part of the same Bay Area tech scene.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are sex-positive communities throughout the world, but [San Francisco] has the greatest mix of tech and awareness,\" Galiotto said, and the city provides its share of unique networking opportunities. The company recently hosted an open house at one of its local listings, and it had a booth at the last Folsom Street Fair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a host, Eve Minax thinks there are a lot of advantages to using the site to advertise her Potrero Hill playroom, for both herself and for her guests.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"In my house, the residence is clean, there's not as much traffic as there would be at a hotel, and I'm going to treat you as a house guest,\" she said. \"It's like what you would want a B&B to be like, only for people who are able to be themselves, maybe even in ways they can't be at home.\"\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/10761012/kinkbnb-brings-sharing-economy-to-the-sex-positive-community","authors":["8644"],"programs":["news_6944"],"categories":["news_8","news_248"],"tags":["news_1735","news_3136","news_4849","news_150"],"featImg":"news_10761388","label":"news_6944"},"news_10659934":{"type":"posts","id":"news_10659934","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"10659934","score":null,"sort":[1442016020000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"love-in-the-digital-age-liam-porn","title":"Love in the Digital Age: Liam & Porn","publishDate":1442016020,"format":"audio","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>This is not a story about whether porn is good or bad. This is not a story about whether porn addiction \u003cem>should\u003c/em> be a clinical diagnosis. This is a story about Liam (and we’re not using his real name because of the sensitive nature of the topic).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Liam, porn became a compulsive, damaging habit around the time that high-speed Internet came around -- which is to say, his entire adult life, starting when he was 20. He’s 38 now, and it’s been a little over a year since he decided to quit. We asked him to go back in time for us and describe what his habit was like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"callout alignright\">\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft\" src=\"http://u.s.kqed.net/2015/09/14/LITDApodcastlogo.jpg\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-digital-age/id1037051180?mt=2\">Subscribe in iTunes\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Don't miss an episode of 'Love in the Digital Age'\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Bubble\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's like a bubble,\" he recalls. \"It's like an exciting, adrenaline-filled state of mind where you're not thinking about, 'OK, I have these bills due,' or 'I have to go meet my boss tomorrow and I'm nervous,' or 'She wants to talk about the relationship and I don't want to!' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At times, Liam would stay in the bubble for five, 10 hours at a time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The variety of porn today is mind-boggling and unprecedented. Liam spent his hours scanning hundreds of images linking to videos, scrolling until he found just the right one for that moment. \"OK, there’s the girl I want to look at.\" Then he'd scroll some more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Or perhaps he'd meet or pass a woman during the day that sparked his curiosity. “OK, I want to see what it would look like if that person was having sex.\" He'd go home and search for a video featuring somebody who looked like that woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"omWBriHHbVruyoAMyZ6MkR4EfKWEQkXW\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Liam's level of engagement with porn may have been more compulsive than average but it's hard to know, because many men are uncomfortable going public with their porn use.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's an extra-special element of shame to this problem,\" says Liam, adding that people will \"deny it up and down the street, like I used to.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pornography inspires powerful emotional responses, from those who see it as immoral, to those who feel it is \u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201307/your-brain-porn-its-not-addictive\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">demonized \u003c/a>by parents and the media, to those who would simply \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/06/was-i-actually-addicted-to-internet-pornography/276619/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">love a scientific explanation\u003c/a> for what they're experiencing. Sex, after all, is universal in a way few things are, other than food and sleep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In this TED Talk, one of Liam's favorite public discussions about porn, retired science teacher Gary Wilson notes many researchers say they can't find a control group of men who have not been exposed to some pornography at some point in their lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Liam, who works in construction and lives in Los Angeles, is no awkward loner using porn as a stand-in for human contact. He's the son of a therapist, raised in a \"liberal\" home in Santa Cruz. He's articulate and charming, and a veteran of several relationships, one of which almost led to marriage. But from early on, those girlfriends were competing with porn for primacy in Liam's mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Excitement and shame mixed together makes [porn] this erotic thing, whereas just being with someone’s kinda boring,\" Liam says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's not to say Liam wasn't bothered by what he called his emotional numbness. \"It’s almost like when I’m looking at pornography, I’m burning off the little receptors that are my feelings and enable me to care for somebody. You know, they get fried.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignright\">'Of course, I had these fantasies of ... oh, I want to do X, Y and Z once I saw that in a pornographic movie. But once I would find someone who was willing to do whatever I wanted, I’d be bored, like, right away.'\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Over the years, friends suggested to Liam he consider getting help, but he brushed them off. Ironically, he was open -- even proud -- of his involvement with \u003ca href=\"http://www.aa.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Alcoholics Anonymous\u003c/a>. He's been in AA for 16 years now, thriving on the structured approach to recovery and the supportive community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then, about a year and a half ago, Liam paid for sex. \"The first time I did, I thought 'This is a great solution.' You know what I mean? 'Cause I can pay someone to be nice to me, and have sex with me, and it worked great.\" But subsequent dates were less enjoyable. \"I can’t describe other than, like, wow: This is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.\" By the fourth time, he says, \"I couldn't even have sex.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After that, Liam went to a men’s-only AA meeting and dropped an anonymous note into a basket asking if anybody else had trouble with porn and prostitution. Despite a lot of laughter and hooting when the question was read aloud, one man rose and invited whomever had written the note to reach out after the meeting. That man became Liam's sponsor in \u003ca href=\"https://saa-recovery.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex Addicts Anonymous\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"alignleft\">Hear from one of the foremost thinkers on the subject of porn addiction: \u003cstrong>Alexandra Katehakis\u003c/strong>, founder and clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles:\u003cbr>\n[soundcloud url=\"https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/221349566\" params=\"color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" iframe=\"true\" /]\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Every night now, Liam reports by phone. Has he exercised that day? Has he done something fun like go to a movie? Or something shameful? Is he resentful about anything? What is he grateful for? One thing is for sure: Liam is grateful for his SAA sponsor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I have one person who’s willing to spend a lot of time talking to me on the phone,\" he says. \"I’ve been doing that for over a year and he never, ever makes it seem like it’s a burden.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In recent years, there have been a number of movies made about online porn addiction. For Liam, the best Hollywood treatment of the subject that doesn't glamorize it (like \"\u003ca href=\"http://www.sho.com/sho/californication/home\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Californication\u003c/a>\") is \"\u003ca href=\"http://thanksforsharingmovie.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Thanks for Sharing\u003c/a>,\" starring Mark Ruffalo and Gwyneth Paltrow. “I’ve never seen anything that more accurately described how it is to be a sex addict,” Liam says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The movie drops into the life of the main character, Adam, when he is in recovery and considers whether he's ready to be in a relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR_OkBBzdew&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For me,\" says Liam, \"the only problem is when he goes dark. He swings out of it really fast in the movie. Guys that I see do that in real life, it takes them a long time to recover from those relapses. And they lose their job. And she’s gone forever. All these really terrible consequences. Whereas [in the movie], he just, like, brushes his shoulder off. 'I’m back!'”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Liam says he doesn't have stories as terrible as the ones he's heard in SAA meetings. He also doesn't have a core reason or experience he can point to that might explain why pornography became a compulsive habit for him. He's happy to be dating now without the background presence and pressure that pornography put on his dating life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's a lot more pleasant, and friendly,\" he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This podcast features music by Van-G (\"Enter Sandman\" remix) and Dave Porter (\"Negra Arroyo Lane\" from \"Breaking Bad\").\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"'It’s almost like when I’m looking at pornography, I’m burning off the little receptors that are my feelings.'","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1616446698,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":32,"wordCount":1292},"headData":{"title":"Love in the Digital Age: Liam & Porn | KQED","description":"'It’s almost like when I’m looking at pornography, I’m burning off the little receptors that are my feelings.'","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"10659934 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=10659934","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2015/09/11/love-in-the-digital-age-liam-porn/","disqusTitle":"Love in the Digital Age: Liam & Porn","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/mp3splice/radio/tcr/2015/09/LDALiamPorn.mp3","customPermalink":"2015/09/02/love-in-the-digital-age-liam-porn/","audioTrackLength":755,"templateType":"standard","featuredImageType":"standard","path":"/news/10659934/love-in-the-digital-age-liam-porn","audioDuration":463000,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>This is not a story about whether porn is good or bad. This is not a story about whether porn addiction \u003cem>should\u003c/em> be a clinical diagnosis. This is a story about Liam (and we’re not using his real name because of the sensitive nature of the topic).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Liam, porn became a compulsive, damaging habit around the time that high-speed Internet came around -- which is to say, his entire adult life, starting when he was 20. He’s 38 now, and it’s been a little over a year since he decided to quit. We asked him to go back in time for us and describe what his habit was like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"callout alignright\">\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft\" src=\"http://u.s.kqed.net/2015/09/14/LITDApodcastlogo.jpg\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-digital-age/id1037051180?mt=2\">Subscribe in iTunes\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Don't miss an episode of 'Love in the Digital Age'\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Bubble\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's like a bubble,\" he recalls. \"It's like an exciting, adrenaline-filled state of mind where you're not thinking about, 'OK, I have these bills due,' or 'I have to go meet my boss tomorrow and I'm nervous,' or 'She wants to talk about the relationship and I don't want to!' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At times, Liam would stay in the bubble for five, 10 hours at a time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The variety of porn today is mind-boggling and unprecedented. Liam spent his hours scanning hundreds of images linking to videos, scrolling until he found just the right one for that moment. \"OK, there’s the girl I want to look at.\" Then he'd scroll some more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Or perhaps he'd meet or pass a woman during the day that sparked his curiosity. “OK, I want to see what it would look like if that person was having sex.\" He'd go home and search for a video featuring somebody who looked like that woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Liam's level of engagement with porn may have been more compulsive than average but it's hard to know, because many men are uncomfortable going public with their porn use.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's an extra-special element of shame to this problem,\" says Liam, adding that people will \"deny it up and down the street, like I used to.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pornography inspires powerful emotional responses, from those who see it as immoral, to those who feel it is \u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201307/your-brain-porn-its-not-addictive\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">demonized \u003c/a>by parents and the media, to those who would simply \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/06/was-i-actually-addicted-to-internet-pornography/276619/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">love a scientific explanation\u003c/a> for what they're experiencing. Sex, after all, is universal in a way few things are, other than food and sleep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In this TED Talk, one of Liam's favorite public discussions about porn, retired science teacher Gary Wilson notes many researchers say they can't find a control group of men who have not been exposed to some pornography at some point in their lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/wSF82AwSDiU'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/wSF82AwSDiU'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Liam, who works in construction and lives in Los Angeles, is no awkward loner using porn as a stand-in for human contact. He's the son of a therapist, raised in a \"liberal\" home in Santa Cruz. He's articulate and charming, and a veteran of several relationships, one of which almost led to marriage. But from early on, those girlfriends were competing with porn for primacy in Liam's mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Excitement and shame mixed together makes [porn] this erotic thing, whereas just being with someone’s kinda boring,\" Liam says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's not to say Liam wasn't bothered by what he called his emotional numbness. \"It’s almost like when I’m looking at pornography, I’m burning off the little receptors that are my feelings and enable me to care for somebody. You know, they get fried.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignright\">'Of course, I had these fantasies of ... oh, I want to do X, Y and Z once I saw that in a pornographic movie. But once I would find someone who was willing to do whatever I wanted, I’d be bored, like, right away.'\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Over the years, friends suggested to Liam he consider getting help, but he brushed them off. Ironically, he was open -- even proud -- of his involvement with \u003ca href=\"http://www.aa.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Alcoholics Anonymous\u003c/a>. He's been in AA for 16 years now, thriving on the structured approach to recovery and the supportive community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then, about a year and a half ago, Liam paid for sex. \"The first time I did, I thought 'This is a great solution.' You know what I mean? 'Cause I can pay someone to be nice to me, and have sex with me, and it worked great.\" But subsequent dates were less enjoyable. \"I can’t describe other than, like, wow: This is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.\" By the fourth time, he says, \"I couldn't even have sex.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After that, Liam went to a men’s-only AA meeting and dropped an anonymous note into a basket asking if anybody else had trouble with porn and prostitution. Despite a lot of laughter and hooting when the question was read aloud, one man rose and invited whomever had written the note to reach out after the meeting. That man became Liam's sponsor in \u003ca href=\"https://saa-recovery.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex Addicts Anonymous\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"alignleft\">Hear from one of the foremost thinkers on the subject of porn addiction: \u003cstrong>Alexandra Katehakis\u003c/strong>, founder and clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles:\u003cbr>\n\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__shortcodes__shortcodeWrapper'>\n \u003ciframe width='100%' height='166'\n scrolling='no' frameborder='no'\n src='https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/221349566&visual=true&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false'\n title='https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/221349566'>\n \u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/div>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Every night now, Liam reports by phone. Has he exercised that day? Has he done something fun like go to a movie? Or something shameful? Is he resentful about anything? What is he grateful for? One thing is for sure: Liam is grateful for his SAA sponsor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I have one person who’s willing to spend a lot of time talking to me on the phone,\" he says. \"I’ve been doing that for over a year and he never, ever makes it seem like it’s a burden.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In recent years, there have been a number of movies made about online porn addiction. For Liam, the best Hollywood treatment of the subject that doesn't glamorize it (like \"\u003ca href=\"http://www.sho.com/sho/californication/home\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Californication\u003c/a>\") is \"\u003ca href=\"http://thanksforsharingmovie.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Thanks for Sharing\u003c/a>,\" starring Mark Ruffalo and Gwyneth Paltrow. “I’ve never seen anything that more accurately described how it is to be a sex addict,” Liam says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The movie drops into the life of the main character, Adam, when he is in recovery and considers whether he's ready to be in a relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/CR_OkBBzdew'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/CR_OkBBzdew'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For me,\" says Liam, \"the only problem is when he goes dark. He swings out of it really fast in the movie. Guys that I see do that in real life, it takes them a long time to recover from those relapses. And they lose their job. And she’s gone forever. All these really terrible consequences. Whereas [in the movie], he just, like, brushes his shoulder off. 'I’m back!'”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Liam says he doesn't have stories as terrible as the ones he's heard in SAA meetings. He also doesn't have a core reason or experience he can point to that might explain why pornography became a compulsive habit for him. He's happy to be dating now without the background presence and pressure that pornography put on his dating life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's a lot more pleasant, and friendly,\" he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This podcast features music by Van-G (\"Enter Sandman\" remix) and Dave Porter (\"Negra Arroyo Lane\" from \"Breaking Bad\").\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/10659934/love-in-the-digital-age-liam-porn","authors":["251"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_223","news_457","news_248"],"tags":["news_29274","news_3136","news_17286"],"featImg":"news_10659942","label":"news_72"},"news_76323":{"type":"posts","id":"news_76323","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"76323","score":null,"sort":[1348080763000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"exploited-boys-in-sf-disappear-from-view","title":"Exploited Boys in SF Disappear From View","publishDate":1348080763,"format":"aside","headTitle":"News Fix | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":6944,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>by Trey Bundy, \u003ca href=\"http://www.baycitizen.org/crime/story/exploitation-boys-difficult-detect/\">The Bay Citizen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/BayCitizenLogo.png\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-76325\" title=\"BayCitizenLogo\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/BayCitizenLogo.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"218\" height=\"74\">\u003c/a>From the 1970s through the 1990s, police say, young male hustlers worked street corners and bars in San Francisco’s Castro District and along Polk Street, blocks away from City Hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in recent years, that population has largely faded from view – along with the whereabouts of the city’s sexually exploited boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When I was first out there, I would see boys standing on the corner, possibly engaged in prostitution,” said Sgt. Arlin Vanderbilt, who heads human trafficking investigations for the San Francisco Police Department and used to patrol the Polk Street corridor. “In the last 10 years I haven’t seen anything like that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_76326\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 235px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/homeless.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-76326\" title=\"homeless\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/homeless.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"235\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Two young men sleep on a sidewalk near Polk Street in San Francisco's Tenderloin neighborhood Sept. 14, 2012. (Trey Bundy/The Bay Citizen)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The San Francisco Police Department, the district attorney’s office and the Department of Juvenile Probation say they have not handled cases involving boys trading sex for money or other compensation in years. Social service providers who work with street kids say they rarely identify boys who are victims of sexual exploitation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But law enforcement officials and social workers believe a significant number of sexually exploited boys are living in the city – in desperate need of housing, mental health support, STD screening and drug treatment\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think boys are at great risk,” said Gena Castro Rodriguez, clinical director of the Youth Justice Institute in San Francisco. “But there is still a debate about that, and maybe that’s why we don’t see them getting arrested.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Police say the exploitation of boys is harder to detect. Many transactions between underage boys and older men begin on Internet sites, which appear to offer discreet encounters between consenting adults.\u003c!--more-->\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our ability to identify those situations is extremely limited,” Vanderbilt said. “We have no doubt that it goes on and it concerns us, but we have all the work we can handle with actual commercial sex trafficking of girls.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Girls are much more likely than boys to be trafficked on the street by pimps, police say. Boys often engage in survival sex, a less organized and premeditated form of exploitation, according to human trafficking experts. Such boys often fail to seek help because they don’t view themselves as victims.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They might be exchanging sex for a place to sleep or food, but they’re still being exploited,” said Toby Eastman, program director at Larkin Street Youth Services in the Tenderloin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social service providers, public health workers and law enforcement officers agree that there is no reliable data on the number of exploited boys in the city.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We don’t have good numbers, but it’s more common than we think,” Eastman said. “What we’re pretty clear about is that it’s underreported, and what is reported is the tip of an iceberg.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The best available data on the prevalence of sexual exploitation comes from a 2008 study on prostituted youth in New York City. Researchers at John Jay College of Criminal Justice found that of the 249 sexually exploited minors they interviewed, 45 percent were boys. Only 10 percent reported having pimps. The researchers estimated that almost 4,000 minors at the time had been used as prostitutes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Standing Against Global Exploitation, or SAGE, Project, a San Francisco nonprofit that received an $800,000 federal grant to help exploited minors, has identified roughly 300 juvenile girls who were sexually exploited in the Bay Area. But in two years, the group has verified just four such cases involving boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since receiving the grant, SAGE has reached more than 200 girls through the juvenile justice system, but the group’s services are not available for boys at San Francisco’s juvenile hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Allen Wilson, who co-wrote the grant proposal for SAGE, said the organization is trying to discover new ways to engage boys, who are usually unwilling to admit that they have been compromised sexually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We focus on trauma generally because if we talk to them about sexual exploitation they’re not going to give any thing up,” he said. “That’s just not going to happen because of the stigma.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys are also less likely than girls to meet with public health workers, who would screen them for possible exploitation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Boys in general don’t access health care,” said Tonya Chaffee, director of the Teen and Young Adult Clinic at San Francisco General Hospital. “Girls worry about pregnancy and STDs and seek help, whereas boys generally don’t.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The problem of identifying exploited boys is not limited to San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Retired Oakland police Officer Jim Saleda, who worked human trafficking investigations for 10 years, including prostitution cases, said he never came across prostituted boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“In all of my time doing that stuff, we just never saw it, never had contact with it,” he said. “They’re absolutely out there, but I think it’s way underground.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The elusiveness of San Francisco’s exploited boys runs counter to the city’s old reputation as a mecca for young male street hustlers, often runaways supporting drug habits by selling sex in the Castro, Tenderloin and South of Market Area neighborhoods.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All the male sex trade is gone,\" said Sami Saltagi, who has tended bar at the Lush Lounge on Polk Street since 2004. “The last hustler-ish bar was Kimo’s, and that changed a few months ago.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like many Polk Street businesses, Kimo’s has gone upscale, Saltagi said, citing several now-defunct watering holes where until the past decade teenage boys nursed drinks while striking deals with older men, including oral sex for $5 or $10 per session.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The neighborhood got gentrified,” Saltagi said. “It’s a destination now. People come from the Marina in party buses and limousines.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Drugs ravaged the Polk Street sex trade, too, said Kurt Gilbertson, who has tended bar in the neighborhood since 1997.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That scene was dwindling, even then,” he said. “I watched the hustlers dwindle because of the drugs and everything. A few are still on the street, but they look horrible.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This story was produced by The Bay Citizen, a project of the Center for Investigative Reporting. Learn more at www.baycitizen.org.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":null,"status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1348080867,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":32,"wordCount":1108},"headData":{"title":"Exploited Boys in SF Disappear From View | KQED","description":"by Trey Bundy, The Bay Citizen From the 1970s through the 1990s, police say, young male hustlers worked street corners and bars in San Francisco’s Castro District and along Polk Street, blocks away from City Hall. But in recent years, that population has largely faded from view – along with the whereabouts of the city’s","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"76323 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=76323","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2012/09/19/exploited-boys-in-sf-disappear-from-view/","disqusTitle":"Exploited Boys in SF Disappear From View","path":"/news/76323/exploited-boys-in-sf-disappear-from-view","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>by Trey Bundy, \u003ca href=\"http://www.baycitizen.org/crime/story/exploitation-boys-difficult-detect/\">The Bay Citizen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/BayCitizenLogo.png\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-76325\" title=\"BayCitizenLogo\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/BayCitizenLogo.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"218\" height=\"74\">\u003c/a>From the 1970s through the 1990s, police say, young male hustlers worked street corners and bars in San Francisco’s Castro District and along Polk Street, blocks away from City Hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in recent years, that population has largely faded from view – along with the whereabouts of the city’s sexually exploited boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When I was first out there, I would see boys standing on the corner, possibly engaged in prostitution,” said Sgt. Arlin Vanderbilt, who heads human trafficking investigations for the San Francisco Police Department and used to patrol the Polk Street corridor. “In the last 10 years I haven’t seen anything like that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_76326\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 235px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/homeless.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-76326\" title=\"homeless\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/09/homeless.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"235\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Two young men sleep on a sidewalk near Polk Street in San Francisco's Tenderloin neighborhood Sept. 14, 2012. (Trey Bundy/The Bay Citizen)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The San Francisco Police Department, the district attorney’s office and the Department of Juvenile Probation say they have not handled cases involving boys trading sex for money or other compensation in years. Social service providers who work with street kids say they rarely identify boys who are victims of sexual exploitation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But law enforcement officials and social workers believe a significant number of sexually exploited boys are living in the city – in desperate need of housing, mental health support, STD screening and drug treatment\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think boys are at great risk,” said Gena Castro Rodriguez, clinical director of the Youth Justice Institute in San Francisco. “But there is still a debate about that, and maybe that’s why we don’t see them getting arrested.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Police say the exploitation of boys is harder to detect. Many transactions between underage boys and older men begin on Internet sites, which appear to offer discreet encounters between consenting adults.\u003c!--more-->\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our ability to identify those situations is extremely limited,” Vanderbilt said. “We have no doubt that it goes on and it concerns us, but we have all the work we can handle with actual commercial sex trafficking of girls.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Girls are much more likely than boys to be trafficked on the street by pimps, police say. Boys often engage in survival sex, a less organized and premeditated form of exploitation, according to human trafficking experts. Such boys often fail to seek help because they don’t view themselves as victims.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They might be exchanging sex for a place to sleep or food, but they’re still being exploited,” said Toby Eastman, program director at Larkin Street Youth Services in the Tenderloin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social service providers, public health workers and law enforcement officers agree that there is no reliable data on the number of exploited boys in the city.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We don’t have good numbers, but it’s more common than we think,” Eastman said. “What we’re pretty clear about is that it’s underreported, and what is reported is the tip of an iceberg.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The best available data on the prevalence of sexual exploitation comes from a 2008 study on prostituted youth in New York City. Researchers at John Jay College of Criminal Justice found that of the 249 sexually exploited minors they interviewed, 45 percent were boys. Only 10 percent reported having pimps. The researchers estimated that almost 4,000 minors at the time had been used as prostitutes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Standing Against Global Exploitation, or SAGE, Project, a San Francisco nonprofit that received an $800,000 federal grant to help exploited minors, has identified roughly 300 juvenile girls who were sexually exploited in the Bay Area. But in two years, the group has verified just four such cases involving boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since receiving the grant, SAGE has reached more than 200 girls through the juvenile justice system, but the group’s services are not available for boys at San Francisco’s juvenile hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Allen Wilson, who co-wrote the grant proposal for SAGE, said the organization is trying to discover new ways to engage boys, who are usually unwilling to admit that they have been compromised sexually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We focus on trauma generally because if we talk to them about sexual exploitation they’re not going to give any thing up,” he said. “That’s just not going to happen because of the stigma.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys are also less likely than girls to meet with public health workers, who would screen them for possible exploitation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Boys in general don’t access health care,” said Tonya Chaffee, director of the Teen and Young Adult Clinic at San Francisco General Hospital. “Girls worry about pregnancy and STDs and seek help, whereas boys generally don’t.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The problem of identifying exploited boys is not limited to San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Retired Oakland police Officer Jim Saleda, who worked human trafficking investigations for 10 years, including prostitution cases, said he never came across prostituted boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“In all of my time doing that stuff, we just never saw it, never had contact with it,” he said. “They’re absolutely out there, but I think it’s way underground.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The elusiveness of San Francisco’s exploited boys runs counter to the city’s old reputation as a mecca for young male street hustlers, often runaways supporting drug habits by selling sex in the Castro, Tenderloin and South of Market Area neighborhoods.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All the male sex trade is gone,\" said Sami Saltagi, who has tended bar at the Lush Lounge on Polk Street since 2004. “The last hustler-ish bar was Kimo’s, and that changed a few months ago.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like many Polk Street businesses, Kimo’s has gone upscale, Saltagi said, citing several now-defunct watering holes where until the past decade teenage boys nursed drinks while striking deals with older men, including oral sex for $5 or $10 per session.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The neighborhood got gentrified,” Saltagi said. “It’s a destination now. People come from the Marina in party buses and limousines.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Drugs ravaged the Polk Street sex trade, too, said Kurt Gilbertson, who has tended bar in the neighborhood since 1997.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That scene was dwindling, even then,” he said. “I watched the hustlers dwindle because of the drugs and everything. A few are still on the street, but they look horrible.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This story was produced by The Bay Citizen, a project of the Center for Investigative Reporting. Learn more at www.baycitizen.org.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/76323/exploited-boys-in-sf-disappear-from-view","authors":["236"],"programs":["news_6944"],"tags":["news_3137","news_3136","news_98","news_2995"],"label":"news_6944"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. 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But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"13"},"link":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"}},"baycurious":{"id":"baycurious","title":"Bay Curious","tagline":"Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time","info":"KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. 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Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. Hosts Steve Inskeep, David Greene and Rachel Martin bring you the latest breaking news and features to prepare you for the day.","airtime":"MON-FRI 3am-9am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Morning-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/morning-edition"},"onourwatch":{"id":"onourwatch","title":"On Our Watch","tagline":"Police secrets, unsealed","info":"For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"On Our Watch from NPR and KQED","officialWebsiteLink":"/podcasts/onourwatch","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"1"},"link":"/podcasts/onourwatch","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw","npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/onourwatch","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0OLWoyizopu6tY1XiuX70x","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/On-Our-Watch-p1436229/","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/show/on-our-watch","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510360/podcast.xml"}},"on-the-media":{"id":"on-the-media","title":"On The Media","info":"Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. For one hour a week, the show tries to lift the veil from the process of \"making media,\" especially news media, because it's through that lens that we see the world and the world sees us","airtime":"SUN 2pm-3pm, MON 12am-1am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/onTheMedia.png","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/otm","meta":{"site":"news","source":"wnyc"},"link":"/radio/program/on-the-media","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/on-the-media/id73330715?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/On-the-Media-p69/","rss":"http://feeds.wnyc.org/onthemedia"}},"our-body-politic":{"id":"our-body-politic","title":"Our Body Politic","info":"Presented by KQED, KCRW and KPCC, and created and hosted by award-winning journalist Farai Chideya, Our Body Politic is unapologetically centered on reporting on not just how women of color experience the major political events of today, but how they’re impacting those very issues.","airtime":"SAT 6pm-7pm, SUN 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Our-Body-Politic-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://our-body-politic.simplecast.com/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kcrw"},"link":"/radio/program/our-body-politic","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/our-body-politic/id1533069868","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5zaW1wbGVjYXN0LmNvbS9feGFQaHMxcw","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/4ApAiLT1kV153TttWAmqmc","rss":"https://feeds.simplecast.com/_xaPhs1s","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/podcasts/News--Politics-Podcasts/Our-Body-Politic-p1369211/"}},"pbs-newshour":{"id":"pbs-newshour","title":"PBS NewsHour","info":"Analysis, background reports and updates from the PBS NewsHour putting today's news in context.","airtime":"MON-FRI 3pm-4pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/PBS-News-Hour-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.pbs.org/newshour/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"pbs"},"link":"/radio/program/pbs-newshour","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pbs-newshour-full-show/id394432287?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/PBS-NewsHour---Full-Show-p425698/","rss":"https://www.pbs.org/newshour/feeds/rss/podcasts/show"}},"perspectives":{"id":"perspectives","title":"Perspectives","tagline":"KQED's series of of daily listener commentaries since 1991","info":"KQED's series of of daily listener commentaries since 1991.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Perspectives-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/perspectives/","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"kqed","order":"15"},"link":"/perspectives","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id73801135","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432309616/perspectives","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/perspectives/category/perspectives/feed/","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvcGVyc3BlY3RpdmVzL2NhdGVnb3J5L3BlcnNwZWN0aXZlcy9mZWVkLw"}},"planet-money":{"id":"planet-money","title":"Planet Money","info":"The economy explained. 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