California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage
How I Met My Husband Despite the Global Pandemic
Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth
Despite Deportation Detention, Marriages Go On
The Census Bureau Takes a Hard Look at Valentine's Day
SF Archdiocese Denies Crackdown on Drag Queens at Church Events
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FM","link":"/"}},"news_11953897":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11953897","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11953897","score":null,"sort":[1687559103000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"california-child-marriage-survivors-protest-controversial-law","title":"California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage","publishDate":1687559103,"format":"standard","headTitle":"California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage | KQED","labelTerm":{},"content":"\u003cp>They stood on the steps of the state Capitol, in white bridal gowns and veils, their wrists chained together and their mouths taped shut.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They are survivors of forced and child marriages — and they want California to finally outlaw child brides.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When I was 14 years old, my parents coerced me into marrying the 27-year-old pedophile who had been abusing me for two years because I became pregnant and it brought ‘shame’ to the family,” said Pat Abatemarco, who said she eventually escaped the marriage, with her daughter, with the help of a social worker.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thursday, she and others shared their stories of enduring gender-based violence, being forced to abandon their education, and becoming estranged from their families during the “chain-in” protest organized by \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/\">Unchained At Last\u003c/a>, a national advocacy nonprofit, to launch a campaign for the law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We are here in gowns and chains to demand an end to a human rights abuse and nightmarish legal trap that gives get-out-of-jail-free cards to child rapists,” said Fraidy Reiss, a forced marriage survivor who founded Unchained At Last. “What better way to urge legislators to take action than to show them what life looks like for those who are forced into marriage?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Assemblymember Cottie Petrie-Norris (D-Irvine)\"]‘We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve. But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.’[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In California, you must be 18 to get a divorce. But there is no minimum age to get married, as long as a parent or guardian consent and a court gives permission. \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/child-marriage-progress/\">California is among just seven states, including New Mexico and Oklahoma, that does not have a minimum age for marriage.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Assemblymember \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/cottie-petrie-norris-1975/\">Cottie Petrie-Norris\u003c/a>, an Irvine Democrat, plans to introduce legislation next year to end child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve,” she said. “But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>A false start\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In 2017, California was on track to be the first state to pass an absolute ban on marriages for those younger than 18. However, due to opposition from the American Civil Liberties Union, the Children’s Law Center and Planned Parenthood, the bill proposed by then-Sen. Jerry Hill was watered down to add some safeguards\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>for child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an opposition letter, the ACLU said that the bill “unnecessarily and unduly intrudes on the fundamental rights of marriage without sufficient cause,” while the Children’s Law Center said that “ … for some minors, the decision to marry is based on positive, pro-social factors and the marriage furthers their personal, short and long-term goals.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11953901\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1200px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11953901\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg\" alt=\"Many women wearing wedding dresses and veils are seen on the steps of California's Capitol Building. One older woman with gray hair and glasses, is speaking from a podium. All the individuals in the photo wear a red stop sign on their chest that reads, "Stop Child Marriage in CA."\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-160x107.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pat Abatemarco, a child marriage survivor, speaks during a press conference at the state Capitol in Sacramento on June 22, 2023. \u003ccite>(Rahul Lal/CalMatters)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Most research disputes the claims made by the Children’s Law Center. A review by the International Center for Research on Women found that \u003ca href=\"https://www.icrw.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/child-marriage-in-the-US-prevalence-impact_8-2020_ICRW.pdf\">married girls are more likely to drop out of school (PDF)\u003c/a> and less likely to complete college, more likely to live in poverty, and at greater risk of diabetes and cancer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not at all about maturity,” Reiss said. “But what you wake up with on your 18th birthday, which is crucial, is the rights of adulthood,” she continued, including leaving home, renting an apartment, getting into a domestic violence shelter, or taking legal action.[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Assemblymember Cottie Petrie-Norris (D-Irvine)\"]‘I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.’[/pullquote]The U.S. State Department classifies forced marriage \u003ca href=\"https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/emergencies/forced-marriage.html\">as a human rights abuse\u003c/a>, while the International Labor Organization has called it \u003ca href=\"https://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---dgreports/---dcomm/documents/publication/wcms_575479.pdf\">a form of modern slavery (PDF)\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The federal government considers marriage under the age of 18 in foreign countries a human rights abuse, yet it still remains legal right here in our own backyards,” Petrie-Norris said at the protest. “I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Under California law, it’s statutory rape when an adult has sex with someone younger than 18 if they are not married. The crime is a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the age difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billTextClient.xhtml?bill_id=201720180SB273\">The law that eventually passed\u003c/a> in 2018 required a judge and Family Court Services to interview both parties to the marriage and a guardian to determine that coercion, child abuse and trafficking were not taking place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://flo.uri.sh/visualisation/14225893/embed\" title=\"Interactive or visual content\" class=\"flourish-embed-iframe\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" style=\"width:100%;height:600px;\" sandbox=\"allow-same-origin allow-forms allow-scripts allow-downloads allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" width=\"100%\" height=\"500\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The law also required local registrars to begin reporting the number of marriage certificates issued to minors. Since 2019, the state has reported fewer than 20 child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in 2021, about 8,800 15- to 17-year-olds in California reported being married in the previous 12 months to the U.S. Census, according to an analysis by Unchained At Last. The vast majority, but not all, are girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group says that the huge difference in the numbers is because many registrars are not keeping track of child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What other states are doing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Since the limited 2018 law took effect in California, nine states have made the marriage age 18 with no exceptions: Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Vermont. This week, Michigan’s Legislature \u003ca href=\"https://wwmt.com/news/local/michigan-child-marriage-ban-laws-legislation-house-senate-vote-approval-consent-18-age-minimum-license-bills-government-governor-gretchen-whitmer-policy-lansing-ingham-county\">voted to ban child marriage\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Protestors and advocates hope that California will be the eleventh state to ban child marriage with no exceptions. But a bill to do that has already been \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVersionsCompareClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404&cversion=20230SB40499INT\">weakened in the current session\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of setting a minimum marriage age, the bill now addresses some underage marriages that are done through spiritual ceremonies that are not legally recognized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While some — myself included — have concerns with minors getting married under any circumstances, California does have some guardrails to protect children,” the bill’s author, Sen. \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/aisha-wahab-1987/\">Aisha Wahab\u003c/a>, a Fremont Democrat, said in a statement to CalMatters. “However, current law does not account for instances in which a third party arranges or officiates an underground marriage between a minor and another person, and that is what we are targeting with this bill.”[aside label='More Stories on California Law' tag='california-law']In May, the state Senate unanimously passed the amended \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVotesClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404\">Senate Bill 404\u003c/a>, which would make it a misdemeanor for any person to knowingly sanction a religious union or unauthorized secular union between a minor and another person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While supporters say this proposal would strengthen California’s ability to protect children, some backers of the original bill said the current version could further harm children by criminalizing their families and communities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The survivors of forced marriage that we serve often have complicated relationships with the parents or communities who pressure them to marry,” the Tahirih Justice Center says in the bill analysis. “In many cases, even after facing significant abuse, they still love and value these social bonds and hope for reconciliation.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unchained At Last also says the amended bill doesn’t address the real problem; it wants a minimum marriage age of 18. Thursday’s protest, similar to those held in other states, is the beginning of building a coalition in California, said Reiss. The group plans to sit down individually with legislators, to make the case for a law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are some human rights abuses we all agree are terrible, but we might not be able to eliminate them in our lifetime,” Reiss said. “But child marriage in California, we can end it, not only in our lifetime … [but] this year.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Californians must be 18 to divorce, yet there's no minimum age for marriage. Child bride survivors protested in Sacramento, but the Legislature won't act until 2024.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1687559103,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":true,"iframeSrcs":["https://flo.uri.sh/visualisation/14225893/embed"],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":30,"wordCount":1367},"headData":{"title":"California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage | KQED","description":"Californians must be 18 to divorce, yet there's no minimum age for marriage. Child bride survivors protested in Sacramento, but the Legislature won't act until 2024.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage","datePublished":"2023-06-23T22:25:03.000Z","dateModified":"2023-06-23T22:25:03.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"source":"CalMatters","sourceUrl":"https://calmatters.org/","nprByline":"\u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/author/ryajetha/\">Rya Jetha\u003c/a>","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/news/11953897/california-child-marriage-survivors-protest-controversial-law","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>They stood on the steps of the state Capitol, in white bridal gowns and veils, their wrists chained together and their mouths taped shut.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They are survivors of forced and child marriages — and they want California to finally outlaw child brides.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When I was 14 years old, my parents coerced me into marrying the 27-year-old pedophile who had been abusing me for two years because I became pregnant and it brought ‘shame’ to the family,” said Pat Abatemarco, who said she eventually escaped the marriage, with her daughter, with the help of a social worker.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thursday, she and others shared their stories of enduring gender-based violence, being forced to abandon their education, and becoming estranged from their families during the “chain-in” protest organized by \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/\">Unchained At Last\u003c/a>, a national advocacy nonprofit, to launch a campaign for the law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We are here in gowns and chains to demand an end to a human rights abuse and nightmarish legal trap that gives get-out-of-jail-free cards to child rapists,” said Fraidy Reiss, a forced marriage survivor who founded Unchained At Last. “What better way to urge legislators to take action than to show them what life looks like for those who are forced into marriage?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"‘We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve. But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.’","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Assemblymember Cottie Petrie-Norris (D-Irvine)","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In California, you must be 18 to get a divorce. But there is no minimum age to get married, as long as a parent or guardian consent and a court gives permission. \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/child-marriage-progress/\">California is among just seven states, including New Mexico and Oklahoma, that does not have a minimum age for marriage.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Assemblymember \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/cottie-petrie-norris-1975/\">Cottie Petrie-Norris\u003c/a>, an Irvine Democrat, plans to introduce legislation next year to end child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve,” she said. “But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>A false start\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In 2017, California was on track to be the first state to pass an absolute ban on marriages for those younger than 18. However, due to opposition from the American Civil Liberties Union, the Children’s Law Center and Planned Parenthood, the bill proposed by then-Sen. Jerry Hill was watered down to add some safeguards\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>for child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an opposition letter, the ACLU said that the bill “unnecessarily and unduly intrudes on the fundamental rights of marriage without sufficient cause,” while the Children’s Law Center said that “ … for some minors, the decision to marry is based on positive, pro-social factors and the marriage furthers their personal, short and long-term goals.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11953901\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1200px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11953901\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg\" alt=\"Many women wearing wedding dresses and veils are seen on the steps of California's Capitol Building. One older woman with gray hair and glasses, is speaking from a podium. All the individuals in the photo wear a red stop sign on their chest that reads, "Stop Child Marriage in CA."\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-160x107.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pat Abatemarco, a child marriage survivor, speaks during a press conference at the state Capitol in Sacramento on June 22, 2023. \u003ccite>(Rahul Lal/CalMatters)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Most research disputes the claims made by the Children’s Law Center. A review by the International Center for Research on Women found that \u003ca href=\"https://www.icrw.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/child-marriage-in-the-US-prevalence-impact_8-2020_ICRW.pdf\">married girls are more likely to drop out of school (PDF)\u003c/a> and less likely to complete college, more likely to live in poverty, and at greater risk of diabetes and cancer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not at all about maturity,” Reiss said. “But what you wake up with on your 18th birthday, which is crucial, is the rights of adulthood,” she continued, including leaving home, renting an apartment, getting into a domestic violence shelter, or taking legal action.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"‘I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.’","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Assemblymember Cottie Petrie-Norris (D-Irvine)","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>The U.S. State Department classifies forced marriage \u003ca href=\"https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/emergencies/forced-marriage.html\">as a human rights abuse\u003c/a>, while the International Labor Organization has called it \u003ca href=\"https://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---dgreports/---dcomm/documents/publication/wcms_575479.pdf\">a form of modern slavery (PDF)\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The federal government considers marriage under the age of 18 in foreign countries a human rights abuse, yet it still remains legal right here in our own backyards,” Petrie-Norris said at the protest. “I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Under California law, it’s statutory rape when an adult has sex with someone younger than 18 if they are not married. The crime is a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the age difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billTextClient.xhtml?bill_id=201720180SB273\">The law that eventually passed\u003c/a> in 2018 required a judge and Family Court Services to interview both parties to the marriage and a guardian to determine that coercion, child abuse and trafficking were not taking place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://flo.uri.sh/visualisation/14225893/embed\" title=\"Interactive or visual content\" class=\"flourish-embed-iframe\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" style=\"width:100%;height:600px;\" sandbox=\"allow-same-origin allow-forms allow-scripts allow-downloads allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" width=\"100%\" height=\"500\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The law also required local registrars to begin reporting the number of marriage certificates issued to minors. Since 2019, the state has reported fewer than 20 child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in 2021, about 8,800 15- to 17-year-olds in California reported being married in the previous 12 months to the U.S. Census, according to an analysis by Unchained At Last. The vast majority, but not all, are girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group says that the huge difference in the numbers is because many registrars are not keeping track of child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What other states are doing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Since the limited 2018 law took effect in California, nine states have made the marriage age 18 with no exceptions: Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Vermont. This week, Michigan’s Legislature \u003ca href=\"https://wwmt.com/news/local/michigan-child-marriage-ban-laws-legislation-house-senate-vote-approval-consent-18-age-minimum-license-bills-government-governor-gretchen-whitmer-policy-lansing-ingham-county\">voted to ban child marriage\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Protestors and advocates hope that California will be the eleventh state to ban child marriage with no exceptions. But a bill to do that has already been \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVersionsCompareClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404&cversion=20230SB40499INT\">weakened in the current session\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of setting a minimum marriage age, the bill now addresses some underage marriages that are done through spiritual ceremonies that are not legally recognized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While some — myself included — have concerns with minors getting married under any circumstances, California does have some guardrails to protect children,” the bill’s author, Sen. \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/aisha-wahab-1987/\">Aisha Wahab\u003c/a>, a Fremont Democrat, said in a statement to CalMatters. “However, current law does not account for instances in which a third party arranges or officiates an underground marriage between a minor and another person, and that is what we are targeting with this bill.”\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"label":"More Stories on California Law ","tag":"california-law"},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>In May, the state Senate unanimously passed the amended \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVotesClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404\">Senate Bill 404\u003c/a>, which would make it a misdemeanor for any person to knowingly sanction a religious union or unauthorized secular union between a minor and another person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While supporters say this proposal would strengthen California’s ability to protect children, some backers of the original bill said the current version could further harm children by criminalizing their families and communities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The survivors of forced marriage that we serve often have complicated relationships with the parents or communities who pressure them to marry,” the Tahirih Justice Center says in the bill analysis. “In many cases, even after facing significant abuse, they still love and value these social bonds and hope for reconciliation.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unchained At Last also says the amended bill doesn’t address the real problem; it wants a minimum marriage age of 18. Thursday’s protest, similar to those held in other states, is the beginning of building a coalition in California, said Reiss. The group plans to sit down individually with legislators, to make the case for a law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are some human rights abuses we all agree are terrible, but we might not be able to eliminate them in our lifetime,” Reiss said. “But child marriage in California, we can end it, not only in our lifetime … [but] this year.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11953897/california-child-marriage-survivors-protest-controversial-law","authors":["byline_news_11953897"],"categories":["news_6188","news_8"],"tags":["news_18538","news_30069","news_26563","news_2947","news_95"],"affiliates":["news_18481"],"featImg":"news_11953900","label":"source_news_11953897"},"news_11895000":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11895000","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11895000","score":null,"sort":[1636763402000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-i-met-my-husband-despite-the-global-pandemic","title":"How I Met My Husband Despite the Global Pandemic","publishDate":1636763402,"format":"standard","headTitle":"The California Report Magazine | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":26731,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>I moved to the Bay Area in January 2020, before the pandemic was a glimmer in our collective eye. I had left most of my friends and family back home on the East Coast and grew lonely soon after moving out West. Then the pandemic hit and we all started sheltering in place, which didn't make things easier.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the next few months of isolation, I hung out with my new California roommates and spent lots of digital FaceTime with my family and friends, but I longed to be in a relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In August 2020, a recently married cousin suggested I download Hinge, a popular dating app. I was skeptical. Were people still dating in lockdown? How would we go on a date with everything closed? What if I got COVID? With so many questions, I decided to create some ground rules.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First, I would have to meet any guy over FaceTime first. Not only did FaceTime provide a safe meeting option, but it allowed me to see how the guy responded to potentially awkward situations. Video chats can be clumsy and tiring, but I figured if the guy could carry on a conversation and it didn't feel like yet another Zoom meeting for work, maybe there was something there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Second, I was going to pay close attention to how each guy interacted with me through the app. I even created a spreadsheet. I found it hard, after swiping left and right on countless profiles, to keep track of who was genuinely interested in me and, more importantly, who I was genuinely interested in. I kept notes on what we talked about, whether we talked throughout the week, and of course, whether the man I was talking to was open to meeting over FaceTime first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some guys disqualified themselves by insisting on meeting in person first. Other guys who did agree to meet on FaceTime clearly hadn't showered for days and weren't taking care of themselves in the pandemic. A third subset didn't actually want to talk to me — they wanted a person to talk \u003ci>at\u003c/i>, not \u003ci>with\u003c/i>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, after about 30 duds, I met Shaishav. He DM'd me on the app, exclaiming how brave I appeared to be in one of my pictures where \u003ca href=\"https://www.wunc.org/environment/2019-10-29/reporters-notebook-spider-season-doesnt-have-to-be-scary\">I’m holding a tarantula and conquering my fears\u003c/a>. We exchanged pleasantries and small talk, and the conversation began to flow effortlessly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896070\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896070 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A shot over the shoulder of a woman who was holding up a cell phone, talking on a video camera app with a man who is smiling.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I was wary of meeting strangers in person when I started dating in a pandemic, so my first date with Shaishav was over a FaceTime call. To our surprise, the conversation flowed effortlessly. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>He played the guitar, was a fan of the Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel and Pink Floyd, and was an avid reader, just like me. He had immigrated from Mumbai five years ago to work for a tech company in San Francisco. Above all, he was warm and put me at ease. At times, I forgot I was on a date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I learned that he lived with his family, who had also recently moved here, and had to be careful about COVID because he didn’t want to infect his parents. We agreed to meet up in person a few days after our video chat, but we wanted to remain masked and meet outdoors. He suggested a hike in Golden Gate Park.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896071\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896071 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man in a black jacket and dark pants waves as he walks. He has black hair and wears a COVID mask, with grass and trees behind him. A woman is in the front right of the frame turned away from the camera, blurred.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On a fall afternoon in 2020, I met Shaishav for a first date in Golden Gate Park. We couldn't see each other clearly through our masks, but I was already attracted to him. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our date just happened to be on one of the hottest days of the 2020 summer heat wave. I showed up in biker shorts, an old T-shirt and good hiking shoes. To my horror, he wore a T-shirt and slacks. But if Shaishav was appalled or surprised by the dress code mismatch, he said nothing about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We walked throughout the park and talked about everything: our families, how we ended up in the Bay Area, our work, hobbies and passions. Soon, it was dusk and he suggested we watch the sunset at Lands End, not too far from where we were. The lookout spot was incredibly romantic, teeming with couples holding each other. I expected Shaishav to make a move, to grasp my hand or put his arm around my shoulders. But he didn’t. He didn’t try anything and I found it so refreshing. We watched the sunset together as if we were old friends watching the sunset after a long walk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Toward the end of the date, we decided to grab a burrito for dinner and eat outside, six feet apart. It was only then I saw his full face under the glow of a streetlamp. Months after that date, I asked Shaishav how he felt after that date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was like, ‘Man, I have to wait a whole week — eight days to see her again?'” he said. “Because I wanted to see you again, just to get to know you, to talk to you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I drove back home feeling giddy and excited, but tried to keep my expectations low. After so many years of failed relationships and heartaches, I didn’t want to fall too fast or move too quickly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is why I believe the pandemic worked in our favor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dating in a pandemic means you have to be honest with yourself about whether the person you’re talking to is worth risking your health to hang out with. Keeping our distance, Shaishav and I had to rely on conversation to keep the mood going.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We shared embarrassing stories from our past and were vulnerable with each other quickly into our relationship. We talked about our past relationships, what went wrong and what we were looking for. And we had to get creative to find safe, \u003ci>outdoor\u003c/i> activities to do together, like going for a walk in Shoreline Park in Mountain View or going to the farmers market in the San Francisco Ferry Building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896072\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896072 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man and woman stand, backs turned to the camera, in front of a pond. The couple are turned to each other as if they're talking.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I became exclusive a couple months after our first date. We felt it was safer to hang out outdoors, so we had to get creative for date-night activities, like walking around a park or going to a farmers market. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“As we started talking about music and our lives and you being genuinely interested in my background, that’s when it started to solidify for me,” Shaishav said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Telling the parents\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A couple months in, we became exclusive — and started talking about the future. Both sets of parents were first-generation Indian immigrants. My parents immigrated back in the '80s and Shaishav’s parents just five years ago. We were fully aware that the minute we told our parents about each other, they would start planning the wedding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure enough, when I traveled back to Georgia in November to tell my parents about him, the planning began.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All said and done, I’m an Asian parent,” my mother told me. “You tell me you met someone in your life who is special to you, I’m three steps ahead of you!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My parents had a million questions: Where is he from? Is he employed? How tall is he? Is he a vegetarian? My mom, Aarati, says the fact that Shaishav was Indian was not a huge selling point for her, but she was impressed he had immigrated here, pulled himself up and was supporting himself.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Then COVID surged\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>After Thanksgiving, I traveled back to the Bay Are,a where COVID infection rates were rising. Remember, this was a time before vaccines were widely available. Shaishav and I decided to be more careful spending time together because we didn’t want to infect each other. That, and my roommate started throwing unmasked holiday parties in our apartment. Eventually, perhaps inevitably, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11857567/how-to-talk-to-your-roommates-about-covid-19-when-theyre-still-hosting-parties\">I contracted COVID\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I was sick for two weeks after New Year’s, but the symptoms seemed to last forever. I got winded standing up, and walking down the hall to the bathroom felt like a trek up Mount Everest. The body aches kept me up at night, and I had trouble breathing deeply because my chest felt so heavy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav wanted to come to my apartment and nurse me back to health, but given that his parents were living with him, I couldn’t risk him getting sick, too, and infecting the whole family. Instead, he insisted on dropping off groceries and food to my apartment. He drove down from San Francisco to San José every other day to bring me food and wave to me from outside my window. When he wasn’t driving to see me, he was calling day and night asking me to check my temperature and making sure I was eating properly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time I recovered, I felt we had gone through something monumental together. It was a make-or-break experience that made me sure I wanted to move forward. In February, I decided to introduce Shaishav to my parents over FaceTime.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The FaceTime chat went spectacularly well. My mom and Shaishav grew up in Mumbai and swapped stories about the streets they walked down, the train stations they used to commute and the street foods you could only find in the city. Soon after that video chat, I was taking a COVID test and waiting for a negative result to meet Shaishav’s parents in San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inevitably, the conversation between all six of us turned to marriage. Now that their children had found someone special, both sets of parents wanted to find an auspicious date to perform an engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Hindu tradition, setting a date for an important event like an engagement or wedding is not so simple as to pick which dates the desired venue is available. You have to consult a priest who will provide a set of dates based on a calculation of the changing constellation patterns of my birthplace and date, and Shaishav’s birthplace and date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The priest chose June 20 for the engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But at this point, my parents had yet to meet Shaishav in person, and I wanted to get my parents’ blessing before making the ultimate decision of making him my husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896073\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896073 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A portrait of an engagement ring sitting atop a black covid mask, laying on grass. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">My relationship with Shaishav was moving at light speed and he hadn’t even met my parents yet. I wanted them to meet Shaishav in person and give me their blessing before moving forward with an engagement. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So in April, about seven months after Shaishav and I started dating, we took COVID tests and got on a plane to Georgia. We created a COVID-safe plan. We would meet my parents briefly in the airport and then drive to my parents’ cabin in the North Georgia mountains to quarantine. Only after getting a negative COVID result would we drive back down to the Atlanta suburbs, where my parents live, so Shaishav could meet them and spend time with my family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav and I both realized our relationship was moving quickly — so quickly that it was hard to take stock of exactly how we felt about each other — and whether we were sure we wanted to move forward. I talked to Shaishav that afternoon, after arriving in the cabin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Who you spend your life with is a really big question and one question I always had was, ‘How will I know when I’m sure?'” Shaishav said. “And interestingly, I feel like I never had that question with you. That was a real seal of approval that if I don’t feel like asking that question when I’m with you, that probably means I’m so comfortable.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The feeling was mutual. Even though we’d only known each other for half a year, I could see so clearly that I wanted to marry him, that when I was with him, I wanted to stay with him. He met my parents, brother and sister in April and they all loved him. We received their blessing to move forward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a windy Saturday afternoon in May, Shaishav and I were back in the Bay Area and we returned to our first date spot at Lands End for a hike. He led me to a small alcove off the side of the trail, got down on one knee and proposed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896074\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896074 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"The happy couple pose in a vertical seflie, smiling at the camera, with Adhiti brandishing her engagement ring on her hand for the camera.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-160x213.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I got engaged on May 22, 2021, at Lands End in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Adhiti Bandlamudi/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our families, elated, consulted with a priest to set our marriage date, which will be on Memorial Day weekend of 2022. But before that ceremony, which will feature traditions from my family’s Andhra heritage and Shaishav’s Gujarati heritage, we got married in San Francisco City Hall on Nov. 15.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we’re vaccinated, we have started carefully stepping out into the world for the first time together, as husband and wife. It feels ... strange.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are so many experiences we’ve never shared because of the pandemic: concerts, dining in a restaurant, going to the movies and parties. It’s all new to us, but now we get to explore it all together.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"When KQED reporter Adhiti Bandlamudi started dating someone new during lockdown, she found deep connection, one she never expected.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1637090027,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":41,"wordCount":2259},"headData":{"title":"How I Met My Husband Despite the Global Pandemic | KQED","description":"When KQED reporter Adhiti Bandlamudi started dating someone new during lockdown, she found deep connection, one she never expected.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"How I Met My Husband Despite the Global Pandemic","datePublished":"2021-11-13T00:30:02.000Z","dateModified":"2021-11-16T19:13:47.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11895000 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11895000","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2021/11/12/how-i-met-my-husband-despite-the-global-pandemic/","disqusTitle":"How I Met My Husband Despite the Global Pandemic","audioUrl":"https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/0af137ef-751e-4b19-a055-aaef00d2d578/ffca7e9f-6831-4[…]f-aaef00f5a073/188b62c0-5d83-4dcb-aab4-addf00054df6/audio.mp3","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","path":"/news/11895000/how-i-met-my-husband-despite-the-global-pandemic","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>I moved to the Bay Area in January 2020, before the pandemic was a glimmer in our collective eye. I had left most of my friends and family back home on the East Coast and grew lonely soon after moving out West. Then the pandemic hit and we all started sheltering in place, which didn't make things easier.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the next few months of isolation, I hung out with my new California roommates and spent lots of digital FaceTime with my family and friends, but I longed to be in a relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In August 2020, a recently married cousin suggested I download Hinge, a popular dating app. I was skeptical. Were people still dating in lockdown? How would we go on a date with everything closed? What if I got COVID? With so many questions, I decided to create some ground rules.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First, I would have to meet any guy over FaceTime first. Not only did FaceTime provide a safe meeting option, but it allowed me to see how the guy responded to potentially awkward situations. Video chats can be clumsy and tiring, but I figured if the guy could carry on a conversation and it didn't feel like yet another Zoom meeting for work, maybe there was something there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Second, I was going to pay close attention to how each guy interacted with me through the app. I even created a spreadsheet. I found it hard, after swiping left and right on countless profiles, to keep track of who was genuinely interested in me and, more importantly, who I was genuinely interested in. I kept notes on what we talked about, whether we talked throughout the week, and of course, whether the man I was talking to was open to meeting over FaceTime first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some guys disqualified themselves by insisting on meeting in person first. Other guys who did agree to meet on FaceTime clearly hadn't showered for days and weren't taking care of themselves in the pandemic. A third subset didn't actually want to talk to me — they wanted a person to talk \u003ci>at\u003c/i>, not \u003ci>with\u003c/i>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, after about 30 duds, I met Shaishav. He DM'd me on the app, exclaiming how brave I appeared to be in one of my pictures where \u003ca href=\"https://www.wunc.org/environment/2019-10-29/reporters-notebook-spider-season-doesnt-have-to-be-scary\">I’m holding a tarantula and conquering my fears\u003c/a>. We exchanged pleasantries and small talk, and the conversation began to flow effortlessly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896070\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896070 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A shot over the shoulder of a woman who was holding up a cell phone, talking on a video camera app with a man who is smiling.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I was wary of meeting strangers in person when I started dating in a pandemic, so my first date with Shaishav was over a FaceTime call. To our surprise, the conversation flowed effortlessly. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>He played the guitar, was a fan of the Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel and Pink Floyd, and was an avid reader, just like me. He had immigrated from Mumbai five years ago to work for a tech company in San Francisco. Above all, he was warm and put me at ease. At times, I forgot I was on a date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I learned that he lived with his family, who had also recently moved here, and had to be careful about COVID because he didn’t want to infect his parents. We agreed to meet up in person a few days after our video chat, but we wanted to remain masked and meet outdoors. He suggested a hike in Golden Gate Park.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896071\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896071 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man in a black jacket and dark pants waves as he walks. He has black hair and wears a COVID mask, with grass and trees behind him. A woman is in the front right of the frame turned away from the camera, blurred.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On a fall afternoon in 2020, I met Shaishav for a first date in Golden Gate Park. We couldn't see each other clearly through our masks, but I was already attracted to him. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our date just happened to be on one of the hottest days of the 2020 summer heat wave. I showed up in biker shorts, an old T-shirt and good hiking shoes. To my horror, he wore a T-shirt and slacks. But if Shaishav was appalled or surprised by the dress code mismatch, he said nothing about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We walked throughout the park and talked about everything: our families, how we ended up in the Bay Area, our work, hobbies and passions. Soon, it was dusk and he suggested we watch the sunset at Lands End, not too far from where we were. The lookout spot was incredibly romantic, teeming with couples holding each other. I expected Shaishav to make a move, to grasp my hand or put his arm around my shoulders. But he didn’t. He didn’t try anything and I found it so refreshing. We watched the sunset together as if we were old friends watching the sunset after a long walk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Toward the end of the date, we decided to grab a burrito for dinner and eat outside, six feet apart. It was only then I saw his full face under the glow of a streetlamp. Months after that date, I asked Shaishav how he felt after that date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was like, ‘Man, I have to wait a whole week — eight days to see her again?'” he said. “Because I wanted to see you again, just to get to know you, to talk to you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I drove back home feeling giddy and excited, but tried to keep my expectations low. After so many years of failed relationships and heartaches, I didn’t want to fall too fast or move too quickly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is why I believe the pandemic worked in our favor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dating in a pandemic means you have to be honest with yourself about whether the person you’re talking to is worth risking your health to hang out with. Keeping our distance, Shaishav and I had to rely on conversation to keep the mood going.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We shared embarrassing stories from our past and were vulnerable with each other quickly into our relationship. We talked about our past relationships, what went wrong and what we were looking for. And we had to get creative to find safe, \u003ci>outdoor\u003c/i> activities to do together, like going for a walk in Shoreline Park in Mountain View or going to the farmers market in the San Francisco Ferry Building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896072\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896072 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man and woman stand, backs turned to the camera, in front of a pond. The couple are turned to each other as if they're talking.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I became exclusive a couple months after our first date. We felt it was safer to hang out outdoors, so we had to get creative for date-night activities, like walking around a park or going to a farmers market. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“As we started talking about music and our lives and you being genuinely interested in my background, that’s when it started to solidify for me,” Shaishav said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Telling the parents\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A couple months in, we became exclusive — and started talking about the future. Both sets of parents were first-generation Indian immigrants. My parents immigrated back in the '80s and Shaishav’s parents just five years ago. We were fully aware that the minute we told our parents about each other, they would start planning the wedding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure enough, when I traveled back to Georgia in November to tell my parents about him, the planning began.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All said and done, I’m an Asian parent,” my mother told me. “You tell me you met someone in your life who is special to you, I’m three steps ahead of you!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My parents had a million questions: Where is he from? Is he employed? How tall is he? Is he a vegetarian? My mom, Aarati, says the fact that Shaishav was Indian was not a huge selling point for her, but she was impressed he had immigrated here, pulled himself up and was supporting himself.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Then COVID surged\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>After Thanksgiving, I traveled back to the Bay Are,a where COVID infection rates were rising. Remember, this was a time before vaccines were widely available. Shaishav and I decided to be more careful spending time together because we didn’t want to infect each other. That, and my roommate started throwing unmasked holiday parties in our apartment. Eventually, perhaps inevitably, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11857567/how-to-talk-to-your-roommates-about-covid-19-when-theyre-still-hosting-parties\">I contracted COVID\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I was sick for two weeks after New Year’s, but the symptoms seemed to last forever. I got winded standing up, and walking down the hall to the bathroom felt like a trek up Mount Everest. The body aches kept me up at night, and I had trouble breathing deeply because my chest felt so heavy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav wanted to come to my apartment and nurse me back to health, but given that his parents were living with him, I couldn’t risk him getting sick, too, and infecting the whole family. Instead, he insisted on dropping off groceries and food to my apartment. He drove down from San Francisco to San José every other day to bring me food and wave to me from outside my window. When he wasn’t driving to see me, he was calling day and night asking me to check my temperature and making sure I was eating properly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time I recovered, I felt we had gone through something monumental together. It was a make-or-break experience that made me sure I wanted to move forward. In February, I decided to introduce Shaishav to my parents over FaceTime.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The FaceTime chat went spectacularly well. My mom and Shaishav grew up in Mumbai and swapped stories about the streets they walked down, the train stations they used to commute and the street foods you could only find in the city. Soon after that video chat, I was taking a COVID test and waiting for a negative result to meet Shaishav’s parents in San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inevitably, the conversation between all six of us turned to marriage. Now that their children had found someone special, both sets of parents wanted to find an auspicious date to perform an engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Hindu tradition, setting a date for an important event like an engagement or wedding is not so simple as to pick which dates the desired venue is available. You have to consult a priest who will provide a set of dates based on a calculation of the changing constellation patterns of my birthplace and date, and Shaishav’s birthplace and date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The priest chose June 20 for the engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But at this point, my parents had yet to meet Shaishav in person, and I wanted to get my parents’ blessing before making the ultimate decision of making him my husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896073\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896073 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A portrait of an engagement ring sitting atop a black covid mask, laying on grass. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">My relationship with Shaishav was moving at light speed and he hadn’t even met my parents yet. I wanted them to meet Shaishav in person and give me their blessing before moving forward with an engagement. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So in April, about seven months after Shaishav and I started dating, we took COVID tests and got on a plane to Georgia. We created a COVID-safe plan. We would meet my parents briefly in the airport and then drive to my parents’ cabin in the North Georgia mountains to quarantine. Only after getting a negative COVID result would we drive back down to the Atlanta suburbs, where my parents live, so Shaishav could meet them and spend time with my family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav and I both realized our relationship was moving quickly — so quickly that it was hard to take stock of exactly how we felt about each other — and whether we were sure we wanted to move forward. I talked to Shaishav that afternoon, after arriving in the cabin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Who you spend your life with is a really big question and one question I always had was, ‘How will I know when I’m sure?'” Shaishav said. “And interestingly, I feel like I never had that question with you. That was a real seal of approval that if I don’t feel like asking that question when I’m with you, that probably means I’m so comfortable.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The feeling was mutual. Even though we’d only known each other for half a year, I could see so clearly that I wanted to marry him, that when I was with him, I wanted to stay with him. He met my parents, brother and sister in April and they all loved him. We received their blessing to move forward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a windy Saturday afternoon in May, Shaishav and I were back in the Bay Area and we returned to our first date spot at Lands End for a hike. He led me to a small alcove off the side of the trail, got down on one knee and proposed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896074\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11896074 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"The happy couple pose in a vertical seflie, smiling at the camera, with Adhiti brandishing her engagement ring on her hand for the camera.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-160x213.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I got engaged on May 22, 2021, at Lands End in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Adhiti Bandlamudi/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our families, elated, consulted with a priest to set our marriage date, which will be on Memorial Day weekend of 2022. But before that ceremony, which will feature traditions from my family’s Andhra heritage and Shaishav’s Gujarati heritage, we got married in San Francisco City Hall on Nov. 15.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we’re vaccinated, we have started carefully stepping out into the world for the first time together, as husband and wife. It feels ... strange.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are so many experiences we’ve never shared because of the pandemic: concerts, dining in a restaurant, going to the movies and parties. It’s all new to us, but now we get to explore it all together.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11895000/how-i-met-my-husband-despite-the-global-pandemic","authors":["11672"],"programs":["news_72","news_26731"],"categories":["news_8"],"tags":["news_27510","news_28519","news_28161","news_27051","news_28893","news_2947","news_353"],"featImg":"news_11896069","label":"news_26731"},"news_10689848":{"type":"posts","id":"news_10689848","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"10689848","score":null,"sort":[1443223840000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"love-in-the-digital-age-gomathi-prashanth","title":"Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth","publishDate":1443223840,"format":"audio","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>In India, middle-class couples used to find each other and marry through family connections, a marriage broker or by way of a newspaper ad. Today, they -- and their counterparts around the world -- are just as likely to use any one of an explosion of matrimonial websites, some with apps for your smartphone. Two of the largest sites are \u003ca href=\"http://www.shaadi.com/\">\u003cu>Shaadi.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/\">\u003cu>Bharatmatrimony.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689918\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-10689918\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg\" alt=\"Screen shot from the iPhone app.\" width=\"200\" height=\"355\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Screen shot from the iPhone app. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of BharatMatrimony)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A growing number of the profiles on these sites are written by the hopeful wedding seekers themselves, but those with a more traditional mindset will allow their parents to write them. That was the case for Gomathi Ramakrishnan and her husband, Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Gomathi: She’s intelligent…pursing her Master’s in Canada…she’s homely and traditional…plays Badminton…she’s cute. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Prashanth: He’s an Iyer Brahmin…he doesn’t eat meat…he doesn’t drink. He’s a good boy. He’s done his bachelor’s, he’s done his master’s, and he’s based out of California.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Gomathi\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>About three years ago, Gomathi was 22 years old and working to complete a master’s degree in neuroscience at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada. One day her father called from her hometown of Chennai in southern India. “We’re going to put up a profile for you on Bharatmatrimony.com,” he said matter-of-factly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"callout alignright\">\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft\" src=\"http://u.s.kqed.net/2015/09/14/LITDApodcastlogo.jpg\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-digital-age/id1037051180?mt=2\">Subscribe in iTunes\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Don't miss an episode of 'Love in the Digital Age'\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Gomathi delights in sharing what happened next. “He started entering \u003cem>his\u003c/em> profile information. He typed his name, he typed his age, and he typed all stuff about him.\" In retrospect, she figures he probably thought he was registering, as opposed to creating a profile. But the error became apparent when the first bite of interest came from an older woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"My dad was like, 'Why is someone who is 50 years old giving information for my daughter?' ” Gomathi giggles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A tech-savvy cousin soon came to the rescue -- and now Gomathi was on the hot seat. “Within two weeks, he [her father] came back with a list of 15 guys. I was really overwhelmed!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She demurred, but her dad insisted, and then begged her to at least call his favorite: Prashanth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Prashanth\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan was 27, a Fremont resident and established consultant on supply chain management for PricewaterhouseCoopers in San Jose, when he started getting curious calls from his mother in Chennai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10694743\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 361px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-10694743\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/GomathiPrashanthVERT.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth\" width=\"361\" height=\"554\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She told him women were expressing interest in getting to know him better, which made no sense, until she admitted she'd posted a profile of him online. Soon after, she sent him a list of 25 matches. And she hardly let the matter rest there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I had my mom’s sister call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then I had my grandma call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then my dad, then everybody, decided to take turns calling me, and say, ‘This is the right time to talk,’ \" says Prashanth. It was obvious he had to talk to somebody, soon. He had to name at least one candidate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth chose Gomathi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Semi-Arranged Marriage\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though their parents wrote the profiles, picked the candidates and met each other before giving the go-ahead to Gomathi and Prashanth, they call the process that led to their wedding \u003cem>semi-arranged. \u003c/em>That's because they did get to pick who to talk to, and they got to talk for nine months before settling on each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth explains, “I got introduced to the person I was getting married to through family relations and connections, and they established the connection through a digital website. But then we talked, and we really understood each other, and we got married. I had my freedom, and she had her freedom.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That said, even with the freedom to choose over time, they still felt pressure to come to a decision eventually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"SkD29tNEiyVCEFchT7DTtN443eU0BTSA\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Had Gomathi and Prashanth not liked each other, they would have worked through match No. 2, No. 3 -- and so on -- until they agreed to somebody their parents found suitable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gomathi says the two sets of parents got along really well. “Based on their hard work, they were able to come up in life,\" she says. \"That was something, that both of them have mutual respect for each other. That was something that I also wanted in the person that I was going to marry.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then came the first phone call. “I remember Gomathi being the one who asked a lot more questions than me asking her,” says Prashanth, laughing. “She was like, ‘Who’s your favorite actress? Who’s your favorite actor? What movies do you like?’ I found her to be very full of energy.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple began phoning, texting and talking on FaceTime regularly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a few months, Prashanth and Gomathi decided to meet in Canada. The gravity of it all hit Prashanth as he went through the airport in Edmonton. When the visa officer asked him the purpose of his visit, he said he was going to see “a friend.” A friend he had never met, perhaps his future wife. Prashanth had seen Gomathi only virtually, and he scanned the airport for her. “She seemed small. And I was like, “I’ve seen her before.' Then I realized: That’s Gomathi!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689853\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-10689853 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-400x300.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1440x1080.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-960x720.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California \u003ccite>(Polly Stryker/KQED )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Gomathi remembers, “It felt really odd, because you have spoken to this person over the phone, but you haven’t met the other person.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They spent a long weekend getting to know each other: going out to eat, taking walks, watching the movie “Brave.” When Gomathi cried during the film, Prashanth felt touched by her empathy with the characters. But by the time he left Canada, Gomathi had not made a decision.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I felt kind of sad,\" Prashanth says. \"I thought, initially, I wasn’t emotionally invested, but I learned that I’d been \u003cem>heavily\u003c/em> emotionally invested.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You need to understand the person really well before getting married,\" Gomathi says, \"because it’s a one-time thing, and you just don’t want to screw it up. You just don’t want to make a decision until you know, ‘Yes, this is it!’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth’s mother urged him to talk to other matches from Bharat Matrimony. He told her he wasn’t interested.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple talked for several more months. Gomathi says her love for Prashanth “deepened more when I realized who Prashanth was and what sort of a guy he was. When I was able to trust him, I really fell for him. I know in my heart that he has high moral standards. That was the point that I came to when I decided, ‘Yes, I should get engaged to Prashanth.’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It didn’t hurt that Prashanth plays a mean game of badminton, Gomathi’s favorite sport. The wedding was on. Their families organized a lavish three-day event that took place in Chennai on June 28, 2013.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fremont, Capital of Indian California\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi and Prashanth live in Fremont, home to a large and growing population of immigrants from India, filled with bustling Indian restaurants and stores. \u003ca href=\"http://politicalscience.ucr.edu/people/faculty/ramakrishnan/\">\u003cu>Karthick Ramakrishnan\u003c/u>\u003c/a> (no relation to Gomathi), professor of Public Policy at UC Riverside, says that Indian immigration more than doubled in Silicon Valley between 2000-2014.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689913\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-10689913 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg\" alt='Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the \"Other Asian\" category.' width=\"800\" height=\"667\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-400x333.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1440x1200.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1180x983.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-960x800.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the \"Other Asian\" category. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Professor Karthick Ramakrishnan)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>That shift is reflected in the number of Californians on Indian matrimonial websites. Shaadi's chief marketing officer, \u003ca href=\"http://brandequity.economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/the-people-report/aditya-save-is-shaadi-coms-new-cmo-anupam-mittal-steps-down-as-ceo/48013510\">\u003cu>\u003cspan style=\"color: #0000ff\">Aditya Save\u003c/span>\u003c/u>\u003c/a>, says approximately 200,000 accounts are registered to people living in the state. He adds that the platform is used mostly by South Asians -- and not just first-generation immigrants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of our platform is used by people of Indian origin, born in the U.S., the UK and Australia. A larger percentage of that 200,000 (in California) would be people who are American citizens, born in America, but of Indian descent,” he says. For those spouse seekers, Save says it's more likely they'll set up their own profiles, as opposed to letting their parents do it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi Ramakrishnan co-manages a neuroscience lab at UC San Francisco. Prashanth still works at PricewaterhouseCoopers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their lives as newlyweds are filled with pleasures they enjoy together: playing badminton, watching TV shows like “\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">\u003cu>Game of Thrones\u003c/u>\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">”\u003c/a> and eating ice cream at \u003ca href=\"mailto:https://www.coldstonecreamery.com\">\u003cu>Cold Stone Creamery\u003c/u>\u003c/a>. Gomathi isn’t shy when she explains how she and Prashanth found compatibility first, allowing love to follow after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Love doesn’t happen one sudden day,\" she says. \"It takes a really long time. I feel like we are still falling in love.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;font-family: Calibri\">\u003cem>This podcast features music by Karthick Iyer (“Brovabarama” and “Manavyalakim”).\u003c/em> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Matrimonial websites are becoming a matchmaking tool of choice for middle-class couples in India and abroad.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1616446683,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":44,"wordCount":1622},"headData":{"title":"Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth | KQED","description":"Matrimonial websites are becoming a matchmaking tool of choice for middle-class couples in India and abroad.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth","datePublished":"2015-09-25T23:30:40.000Z","dateModified":"2021-03-22T20:58:03.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"10689848 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=10689848","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2015/09/25/love-in-the-digital-age-gomathi-prashanth/","disqusTitle":"Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/mp3splice/radio/tcr/2015/09/LDAIndia.mp3","customPermalink":"2015/09/22/love-in-the-digital-age-gomathi-prashanth/","templateType":"standard","featuredImageType":"standard","path":"/news/10689848/love-in-the-digital-age-gomathi-prashanth","audioDuration":null,"audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In India, middle-class couples used to find each other and marry through family connections, a marriage broker or by way of a newspaper ad. Today, they -- and their counterparts around the world -- are just as likely to use any one of an explosion of matrimonial websites, some with apps for your smartphone. Two of the largest sites are \u003ca href=\"http://www.shaadi.com/\">\u003cu>Shaadi.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/\">\u003cu>Bharatmatrimony.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689918\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-10689918\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg\" alt=\"Screen shot from the iPhone app.\" width=\"200\" height=\"355\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Screen shot from the iPhone app. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of BharatMatrimony)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A growing number of the profiles on these sites are written by the hopeful wedding seekers themselves, but those with a more traditional mindset will allow their parents to write them. That was the case for Gomathi Ramakrishnan and her husband, Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Gomathi: She’s intelligent…pursing her Master’s in Canada…she’s homely and traditional…plays Badminton…she’s cute. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Prashanth: He’s an Iyer Brahmin…he doesn’t eat meat…he doesn’t drink. He’s a good boy. He’s done his bachelor’s, he’s done his master’s, and he’s based out of California.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Gomathi\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>About three years ago, Gomathi was 22 years old and working to complete a master’s degree in neuroscience at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada. One day her father called from her hometown of Chennai in southern India. “We’re going to put up a profile for you on Bharatmatrimony.com,” he said matter-of-factly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"callout alignright\">\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft\" src=\"http://u.s.kqed.net/2015/09/14/LITDApodcastlogo.jpg\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-digital-age/id1037051180?mt=2\">Subscribe in iTunes\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Don't miss an episode of 'Love in the Digital Age'\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Gomathi delights in sharing what happened next. “He started entering \u003cem>his\u003c/em> profile information. He typed his name, he typed his age, and he typed all stuff about him.\" In retrospect, she figures he probably thought he was registering, as opposed to creating a profile. But the error became apparent when the first bite of interest came from an older woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"My dad was like, 'Why is someone who is 50 years old giving information for my daughter?' ” Gomathi giggles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A tech-savvy cousin soon came to the rescue -- and now Gomathi was on the hot seat. “Within two weeks, he [her father] came back with a list of 15 guys. I was really overwhelmed!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She demurred, but her dad insisted, and then begged her to at least call his favorite: Prashanth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Prashanth\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan was 27, a Fremont resident and established consultant on supply chain management for PricewaterhouseCoopers in San Jose, when he started getting curious calls from his mother in Chennai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10694743\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 361px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-10694743\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/GomathiPrashanthVERT.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth\" width=\"361\" height=\"554\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She told him women were expressing interest in getting to know him better, which made no sense, until she admitted she'd posted a profile of him online. Soon after, she sent him a list of 25 matches. And she hardly let the matter rest there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I had my mom’s sister call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then I had my grandma call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then my dad, then everybody, decided to take turns calling me, and say, ‘This is the right time to talk,’ \" says Prashanth. It was obvious he had to talk to somebody, soon. He had to name at least one candidate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth chose Gomathi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Semi-Arranged Marriage\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though their parents wrote the profiles, picked the candidates and met each other before giving the go-ahead to Gomathi and Prashanth, they call the process that led to their wedding \u003cem>semi-arranged. \u003c/em>That's because they did get to pick who to talk to, and they got to talk for nine months before settling on each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth explains, “I got introduced to the person I was getting married to through family relations and connections, and they established the connection through a digital website. But then we talked, and we really understood each other, and we got married. I had my freedom, and she had her freedom.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That said, even with the freedom to choose over time, they still felt pressure to come to a decision eventually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Had Gomathi and Prashanth not liked each other, they would have worked through match No. 2, No. 3 -- and so on -- until they agreed to somebody their parents found suitable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gomathi says the two sets of parents got along really well. “Based on their hard work, they were able to come up in life,\" she says. \"That was something, that both of them have mutual respect for each other. That was something that I also wanted in the person that I was going to marry.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then came the first phone call. “I remember Gomathi being the one who asked a lot more questions than me asking her,” says Prashanth, laughing. “She was like, ‘Who’s your favorite actress? Who’s your favorite actor? What movies do you like?’ I found her to be very full of energy.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple began phoning, texting and talking on FaceTime regularly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a few months, Prashanth and Gomathi decided to meet in Canada. The gravity of it all hit Prashanth as he went through the airport in Edmonton. When the visa officer asked him the purpose of his visit, he said he was going to see “a friend.” A friend he had never met, perhaps his future wife. Prashanth had seen Gomathi only virtually, and he scanned the airport for her. “She seemed small. And I was like, “I’ve seen her before.' Then I realized: That’s Gomathi!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689853\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-10689853 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-400x300.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1440x1080.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-960x720.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California \u003ccite>(Polly Stryker/KQED )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Gomathi remembers, “It felt really odd, because you have spoken to this person over the phone, but you haven’t met the other person.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They spent a long weekend getting to know each other: going out to eat, taking walks, watching the movie “Brave.” When Gomathi cried during the film, Prashanth felt touched by her empathy with the characters. But by the time he left Canada, Gomathi had not made a decision.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I felt kind of sad,\" Prashanth says. \"I thought, initially, I wasn’t emotionally invested, but I learned that I’d been \u003cem>heavily\u003c/em> emotionally invested.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You need to understand the person really well before getting married,\" Gomathi says, \"because it’s a one-time thing, and you just don’t want to screw it up. You just don’t want to make a decision until you know, ‘Yes, this is it!’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth’s mother urged him to talk to other matches from Bharat Matrimony. He told her he wasn’t interested.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple talked for several more months. Gomathi says her love for Prashanth “deepened more when I realized who Prashanth was and what sort of a guy he was. When I was able to trust him, I really fell for him. I know in my heart that he has high moral standards. That was the point that I came to when I decided, ‘Yes, I should get engaged to Prashanth.’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It didn’t hurt that Prashanth plays a mean game of badminton, Gomathi’s favorite sport. The wedding was on. Their families organized a lavish three-day event that took place in Chennai on June 28, 2013.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fremont, Capital of Indian California\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi and Prashanth live in Fremont, home to a large and growing population of immigrants from India, filled with bustling Indian restaurants and stores. \u003ca href=\"http://politicalscience.ucr.edu/people/faculty/ramakrishnan/\">\u003cu>Karthick Ramakrishnan\u003c/u>\u003c/a> (no relation to Gomathi), professor of Public Policy at UC Riverside, says that Indian immigration more than doubled in Silicon Valley between 2000-2014.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689913\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-10689913 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg\" alt='Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the \"Other Asian\" category.' width=\"800\" height=\"667\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-400x333.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1440x1200.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1180x983.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-960x800.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the \"Other Asian\" category. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Professor Karthick Ramakrishnan)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>That shift is reflected in the number of Californians on Indian matrimonial websites. Shaadi's chief marketing officer, \u003ca href=\"http://brandequity.economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/the-people-report/aditya-save-is-shaadi-coms-new-cmo-anupam-mittal-steps-down-as-ceo/48013510\">\u003cu>\u003cspan style=\"color: #0000ff\">Aditya Save\u003c/span>\u003c/u>\u003c/a>, says approximately 200,000 accounts are registered to people living in the state. He adds that the platform is used mostly by South Asians -- and not just first-generation immigrants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of our platform is used by people of Indian origin, born in the U.S., the UK and Australia. A larger percentage of that 200,000 (in California) would be people who are American citizens, born in America, but of Indian descent,” he says. For those spouse seekers, Save says it's more likely they'll set up their own profiles, as opposed to letting their parents do it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi Ramakrishnan co-manages a neuroscience lab at UC San Francisco. Prashanth still works at PricewaterhouseCoopers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their lives as newlyweds are filled with pleasures they enjoy together: playing badminton, watching TV shows like “\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">\u003cu>Game of Thrones\u003c/u>\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">”\u003c/a> and eating ice cream at \u003ca href=\"mailto:https://www.coldstonecreamery.com\">\u003cu>Cold Stone Creamery\u003c/u>\u003c/a>. Gomathi isn’t shy when she explains how she and Prashanth found compatibility first, allowing love to follow after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Love doesn’t happen one sudden day,\" she says. \"It takes a really long time. I feel like we are still falling in love.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;font-family: Calibri\">\u003cem>This podcast features music by Karthick Iyer (“Brovabarama” and “Manavyalakim”).\u003c/em> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/10689848/love-in-the-digital-age-gomathi-prashanth","authors":["250"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_223","news_1169"],"tags":["news_18436","news_29274","news_2947","news_353","news_17286"],"featImg":"news_10689850","label":"news_72"},"news_10340878":{"type":"posts","id":"news_10340878","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"10340878","score":null,"sort":[1401436836000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"despite-deportation-detention-marriages-go-on","title":"Despite Deportation Detention, Marriages Go On","publishDate":1401436836,"format":"standard","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>http://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2014/05/2014-05-30b-tcrmag.mp3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>People being held in federal custody awaiting deportation have no legal right to a public defender. But they can in some cases marry a U.S. citizen or legal resident while in immigration detention. Marriage might stop a detainee’s deportation, but it’s no guarantee the newlyweds will live happily ever after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention center in the Mojave Desert town of Adelanto may not be the most romantic place on earth, with its antiseptic cream-colored walls and armed guards marching detainees down long corridors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But amid the clatter of security doors and ankle shackles at this remote lockup two hours east of L.A., there is also the occasional peal of wedding bells.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Well, not actual wedding bells but definitely the exchange of wedding vows. The warden at Adelanto, who preferred to speak on background only, says marriages are fairly common. He’d approved several in recent weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco attorney Zach Nightingale has represented a number of clients who have tied the knot in ICE detention. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, sometimes it’s in a visiting room where it’s through a glass partition,” says Nightingale. “I’ve seen them done sometimes in a courtroom setting. Usually it’s a free space that they have.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are strict guidelines for in-detention marriages. ICE reviews the case and, if approved, gives the warden the OK. After the warden signs off, the facility chaplain takes over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only people considered “essential” to the wedding can attend. There were just four people in Yu Wang’s wedding party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“At that time my wife, my attorney and the pastor,” says Wang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Chinese national got picked up by immigration authorities two years ago after overstaying a student visa. He was studying massage therapy. He’d also fallen in love with an American woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple had no immediate plans to marry. Wang’s detention changed that. While being held at an ICE facility near San Diego he applied for an in-custody marriage. According to ICE guidelines, detainees should get a response within 30 days. Wang says he heard nothing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I pushed ICE and filled out the application,” says Wang. “And after two or three months, there is no response. That is why we used (a different) procedure”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10140880\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer.jpg\">\u003cimg src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer-400x429.jpg\" alt=\"An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\" width=\"400\" height=\"429\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-10140880\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>With deportation looming, Wang’s attorney, Brian Jiang, found an outside pastor to come to the facility and discreetly conduct the ceremony during regular visiting hours.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“As long as the pastor is authorized to perform ceremonies and as long as he saw two people together, that is all he needed,” says Jiang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If you wanted to have it done inside the detention center by their own chaplain, once someone in the chain of command says ‘no,’ then it’s not going to happen.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are lots of reasons for wanting to go to such lengths to get married while in ICE detention. There is, of course, the most obvious; love. And if you marry a U.S. citizen, you can stay in the U.S … right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That is certainly a drastic overstatement of the law,” says attorney Zach Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>However, in some cases marriage may provide a shield from deportation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Immigration law revolves around a key concept of family unification,” explains Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And so, if a U.S. citizen marries a spouse, they can generally apply to sponsor that spouse to be granted lawful permanent residence, otherwise known as a green card.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone like Yu Wang, for example, who overstayed a visa, could be eligible for a green card.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Attorney Christina Lee tells us about another man, a former client. We’ll call him Roberto. He came to the U.S. from Mexico as a tourist with his family when he was a child — and overstayed his visa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto, now in his early 30s, got picked up by authorities over alleged gang ties. He was never charged. But his expired visa was exposed and he was detained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“He was living with his girlfriend and they were planning on getting married and actually inviting family members and having it in a church,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, he was detained, so his marriage was the key to his case.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Roberto, like Yu Wang, entered the U.S. legally, he could apply for an adjustment of status upon marrying. So he and his wife were wed while he was in immigration detention. But a honeymoon would have to wait. It took another seven months before Roberto was granted a green card and released.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> “The marriage is only the very first step because then, after they got married, immigration is going to look at whether or not this marriage is a real marriage or not,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“So then I had to document all this evidence to show that this is client that’s been in this relationship for years and they planned on getting married at some point, maybe not this soon.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto is now living with his wife in Arizona. Christina Lee says such “happy endings” are rare. Most people facing deportation crossed into the U.S. without a visa. That means they can’t get legal by getting married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And I’m all for love,” laughs Lee. But in most cases she’s leery of assisting a detainee get married while in custody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If I thought legally it was a tool that would add to their case, I would definitely do it,” says Lee. “But usually they are in there for some kind of violation, and so merely getting married would not always add a benefit.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yu Wang was released from detention after being wed. But before papers could be filed and approved to adjust his legal status to that of a permanent resident, he was detained again by ICE in San Francisco and deported back to China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Oh my gosh, this is horrible actually,” says Wang by phone from his home in central China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m (the sole) supporter. If I am deported there are no other people who can support my daughter and my wife. I don’t know how long (until) I will return back to America.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It could be a very long time. Now that he’s outside the U.S., Wang faces an enormous hurdle: a 10-year bar for re-entry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The only way to avoid that is to secure a waiver by convincing authorities that his wife will suffer extreme and unusual hardship if he is not allowed to return.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That’s a claim that even Wang’s own attorney says could be very difficult to prove with or without a wedding ring.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"People held in federal custody awaiting deportation can marry, in some cases.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1411057629,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":39,"wordCount":1205},"headData":{"title":"Despite Deportation Detention, Marriages Go On | KQED","description":"People held in federal custody awaiting deportation can marry, in some cases.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Despite Deportation Detention, Marriages Go On","datePublished":"2014-05-30T08:00:36.000Z","dateModified":"2014-09-18T16:27:09.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"10340878 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=10140878","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2014/05/30/despite-deportation-detention-marriages-go-on/","disqusTitle":"Despite Deportation Detention, Marriages Go On","nprByline":"Steven Cuevas","path":"/news/10340878/despite-deportation-detention-marriages-go-on","audioUrl":"http://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2014/05/2014-05-30b-tcrmag.mp3","audioDuration":null,"audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>http://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2014/05/2014-05-30b-tcrmag.mp3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>People being held in federal custody awaiting deportation have no legal right to a public defender. But they can in some cases marry a U.S. citizen or legal resident while in immigration detention. Marriage might stop a detainee’s deportation, but it’s no guarantee the newlyweds will live happily ever after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention center in the Mojave Desert town of Adelanto may not be the most romantic place on earth, with its antiseptic cream-colored walls and armed guards marching detainees down long corridors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But amid the clatter of security doors and ankle shackles at this remote lockup two hours east of L.A., there is also the occasional peal of wedding bells.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Well, not actual wedding bells but definitely the exchange of wedding vows. The warden at Adelanto, who preferred to speak on background only, says marriages are fairly common. He’d approved several in recent weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco attorney Zach Nightingale has represented a number of clients who have tied the knot in ICE detention. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, sometimes it’s in a visiting room where it’s through a glass partition,” says Nightingale. “I’ve seen them done sometimes in a courtroom setting. Usually it’s a free space that they have.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are strict guidelines for in-detention marriages. ICE reviews the case and, if approved, gives the warden the OK. After the warden signs off, the facility chaplain takes over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only people considered “essential” to the wedding can attend. There were just four people in Yu Wang’s wedding party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“At that time my wife, my attorney and the pastor,” says Wang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Chinese national got picked up by immigration authorities two years ago after overstaying a student visa. He was studying massage therapy. He’d also fallen in love with an American woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple had no immediate plans to marry. Wang’s detention changed that. While being held at an ICE facility near San Diego he applied for an in-custody marriage. According to ICE guidelines, detainees should get a response within 30 days. Wang says he heard nothing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I pushed ICE and filled out the application,” says Wang. “And after two or three months, there is no response. That is why we used (a different) procedure”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10140880\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer.jpg\">\u003cimg src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer-400x429.jpg\" alt=\"An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\" width=\"400\" height=\"429\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-10140880\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>With deportation looming, Wang’s attorney, Brian Jiang, found an outside pastor to come to the facility and discreetly conduct the ceremony during regular visiting hours.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“As long as the pastor is authorized to perform ceremonies and as long as he saw two people together, that is all he needed,” says Jiang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If you wanted to have it done inside the detention center by their own chaplain, once someone in the chain of command says ‘no,’ then it’s not going to happen.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are lots of reasons for wanting to go to such lengths to get married while in ICE detention. There is, of course, the most obvious; love. And if you marry a U.S. citizen, you can stay in the U.S … right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That is certainly a drastic overstatement of the law,” says attorney Zach Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>However, in some cases marriage may provide a shield from deportation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Immigration law revolves around a key concept of family unification,” explains Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And so, if a U.S. citizen marries a spouse, they can generally apply to sponsor that spouse to be granted lawful permanent residence, otherwise known as a green card.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone like Yu Wang, for example, who overstayed a visa, could be eligible for a green card.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Attorney Christina Lee tells us about another man, a former client. We’ll call him Roberto. He came to the U.S. from Mexico as a tourist with his family when he was a child — and overstayed his visa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto, now in his early 30s, got picked up by authorities over alleged gang ties. He was never charged. But his expired visa was exposed and he was detained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“He was living with his girlfriend and they were planning on getting married and actually inviting family members and having it in a church,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, he was detained, so his marriage was the key to his case.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Roberto, like Yu Wang, entered the U.S. legally, he could apply for an adjustment of status upon marrying. So he and his wife were wed while he was in immigration detention. But a honeymoon would have to wait. It took another seven months before Roberto was granted a green card and released.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> “The marriage is only the very first step because then, after they got married, immigration is going to look at whether or not this marriage is a real marriage or not,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“So then I had to document all this evidence to show that this is client that’s been in this relationship for years and they planned on getting married at some point, maybe not this soon.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto is now living with his wife in Arizona. Christina Lee says such “happy endings” are rare. Most people facing deportation crossed into the U.S. without a visa. That means they can’t get legal by getting married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And I’m all for love,” laughs Lee. But in most cases she’s leery of assisting a detainee get married while in custody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If I thought legally it was a tool that would add to their case, I would definitely do it,” says Lee. “But usually they are in there for some kind of violation, and so merely getting married would not always add a benefit.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yu Wang was released from detention after being wed. But before papers could be filed and approved to adjust his legal status to that of a permanent resident, he was detained again by ICE in San Francisco and deported back to China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Oh my gosh, this is horrible actually,” says Wang by phone from his home in central China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m (the sole) supporter. If I am deported there are no other people who can support my daughter and my wife. I don’t know how long (until) I will return back to America.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It could be a very long time. Now that he’s outside the U.S., Wang faces an enormous hurdle: a 10-year bar for re-entry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The only way to avoid that is to secure a waiver by convincing authorities that his wife will suffer extreme and unusual hardship if he is not allowed to return.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That’s a claim that even Wang’s own attorney says could be very difficult to prove with or without a wedding ring.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/10340878/despite-deportation-detention-marriages-go-on","authors":["byline_news_10340878"],"programs":["news_72"],"tags":["news_2947","news_20529"],"featImg":"news_10340879","label":"news_72"},"news_126348":{"type":"posts","id":"news_126348","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"126348","score":null,"sort":[1392390037000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"the-census-bureau-takes-a-hard-look-at-valentines-day","title":"The Census Bureau Takes a Hard Look at Valentine's Day","publishDate":1392390037,"format":"aside","headTitle":"News Fix | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":6944,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126374\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-126374\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine's Day.\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine's Day. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Anyone who thinks that love can’t be quantified should talk to the U.S. Census Bureau.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The numbers-crunchers in Washington have produced enough data and statistics about Valentine’s Day to obliterate any hint of a romantic tinge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Still, the Census Bureau tries. In fact, it suggests quite a few places in the country that would be appropriate venues for Valentine’s Day observances, including Romeoville in Illinois, Valentine in Nebraska, Love Valley in North Carolina and Darling in Minnesota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These revelations are part of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/\">“Facts for Features” \u003c/a>series produced by the \u003ca href=\"https://www.census.gov\">Census Bureau,\u003c/a> which covers about 15 themes a year – ranging from the Super Bowl and hurricane season to the Fourth of July and Halloween.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126375\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-126375 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Red-and-pink balloons could be found in North Berkeley's Gourmet Ghetto. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Although there are lots of facts and figures to wallow through, most are interesting and some are startling.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Census Bureau reported that 69 percent of people 15 and older in the United States in 2013 had been married at some point in their lives. As of two years ago, 19 percent of them have been married twice and 5 percent three or more times. But 75 percent have tied the knot only once, countering the widespread notion that divorce is rampant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some of those unions have, in fact, lasted a long time. As of 2009, 6 percent of currently wed women had been married for at least 50 years. The median age for a first marriage last year was 26.6 for women and 29 for men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To keep those marriages going, candy, jewelry and flowers are always useful, and the Census Bureau took a look at how those particular enticements have been doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Bureau reported that California led the nation three years ago, with 122 manufacturing establishments that produced chocolate and cocoa -- a $13.5 billion industry in this country in 2011. The state also was ahead of the pack in making non-chocolate confectionary products, with 56 businesses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There were almost 23,400 jewelry stores in the United States three years ago. Last February, they sold an estimated $2.8 billion in merchandise. By comparison, there were about 15,300 florists in 2011. And last year alone, through October, the total value of fresh-cut roses amounted to almost $355 million.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, it’s clear that the accoutrements of romance add up to big business, not that anyone would doubt it, especially this month. Equally unsurprising: In 2011, Nevada was the most popular state as far as places to get married, followed by Hawaii.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beyond its usual outpouring of data, the Census Bureau even had something to say about where the day originated:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Opinions differ as to who was the original Valentine, but the most popular theory is that he was a clergyman who was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. In A.D. 496, Pope Gelasius I declared Feb. 14 as Valentine Day. Esther Howland, a native of Massachusetts, is given credit for selling the first mass-produced Valentine cards in the 1840s.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Facts for Features” covered \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff03.html\">Black History Month\u003c/a> as well this February. \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff05.html\">Women’s History Month\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff02.html\">St. Patrick’s Day\u003c/a> are coming up in March. April appears to be completely uneventful, but May is the Census Bureau’s most prolific time of year, given Mother’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, Older Americans Month and Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126373\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 771px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-126373\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr-771x1028.jpg\" alt=\"Red-and-pink balloons could be found on Shattuck Avenue and on Vine Street in North Berkeley's Gourmet Ghetto.\" width=\"771\" height=\"1028\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">This is the window of a lingerie shop on Vine Street in North Berkeley. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Symbols of affection -- such as flowers, chocolate and jewelry -- are translated into facts and figures.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1392338553,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":16,"wordCount":630},"headData":{"title":"The Census Bureau Takes a Hard Look at Valentine's Day | KQED","description":"Symbols of affection -- such as flowers, chocolate and jewelry -- are translated into facts and figures.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"The Census Bureau Takes a Hard Look at Valentine's Day","datePublished":"2014-02-14T15:00:37.000Z","dateModified":"2014-02-14T00:42:33.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"126348 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=126348","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2014/02/14/the-census-bureau-takes-a-hard-look-at-valentines-day/","disqusTitle":"The Census Bureau Takes a Hard Look at Valentine's Day","customPermalink":"2014/02/13/126348/valentines-day-census+bureau-gifts-marriage-romance/","path":"/news/126348/the-census-bureau-takes-a-hard-look-at-valentines-day","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126374\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-126374\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine's Day.\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine's Day. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Anyone who thinks that love can’t be quantified should talk to the U.S. Census Bureau.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The numbers-crunchers in Washington have produced enough data and statistics about Valentine’s Day to obliterate any hint of a romantic tinge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Still, the Census Bureau tries. In fact, it suggests quite a few places in the country that would be appropriate venues for Valentine’s Day observances, including Romeoville in Illinois, Valentine in Nebraska, Love Valley in North Carolina and Darling in Minnesota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These revelations are part of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/\">“Facts for Features” \u003c/a>series produced by the \u003ca href=\"https://www.census.gov\">Census Bureau,\u003c/a> which covers about 15 themes a year – ranging from the Super Bowl and hurricane season to the Fourth of July and Halloween.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126375\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-126375 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Red-and-pink balloons could be found in North Berkeley's Gourmet Ghetto. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Although there are lots of facts and figures to wallow through, most are interesting and some are startling.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Census Bureau reported that 69 percent of people 15 and older in the United States in 2013 had been married at some point in their lives. As of two years ago, 19 percent of them have been married twice and 5 percent three or more times. But 75 percent have tied the knot only once, countering the widespread notion that divorce is rampant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some of those unions have, in fact, lasted a long time. As of 2009, 6 percent of currently wed women had been married for at least 50 years. The median age for a first marriage last year was 26.6 for women and 29 for men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To keep those marriages going, candy, jewelry and flowers are always useful, and the Census Bureau took a look at how those particular enticements have been doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Bureau reported that California led the nation three years ago, with 122 manufacturing establishments that produced chocolate and cocoa -- a $13.5 billion industry in this country in 2011. The state also was ahead of the pack in making non-chocolate confectionary products, with 56 businesses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There were almost 23,400 jewelry stores in the United States three years ago. Last February, they sold an estimated $2.8 billion in merchandise. By comparison, there were about 15,300 florists in 2011. And last year alone, through October, the total value of fresh-cut roses amounted to almost $355 million.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, it’s clear that the accoutrements of romance add up to big business, not that anyone would doubt it, especially this month. Equally unsurprising: In 2011, Nevada was the most popular state as far as places to get married, followed by Hawaii.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beyond its usual outpouring of data, the Census Bureau even had something to say about where the day originated:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Opinions differ as to who was the original Valentine, but the most popular theory is that he was a clergyman who was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. In A.D. 496, Pope Gelasius I declared Feb. 14 as Valentine Day. Esther Howland, a native of Massachusetts, is given credit for selling the first mass-produced Valentine cards in the 1840s.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Facts for Features” covered \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff03.html\">Black History Month\u003c/a> as well this February. \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff05.html\">Women’s History Month\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff02.html\">St. Patrick’s Day\u003c/a> are coming up in March. April appears to be completely uneventful, but May is the Census Bureau’s most prolific time of year, given Mother’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, Older Americans Month and Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126373\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 771px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-126373\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr-771x1028.jpg\" alt=\"Red-and-pink balloons could be found on Shattuck Avenue and on Vine Street in North Berkeley's Gourmet Ghetto.\" width=\"771\" height=\"1028\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">This is the window of a lingerie shop on Vine Street in North Berkeley. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/126348/the-census-bureau-takes-a-hard-look-at-valentines-day","authors":["247"],"programs":["news_6944"],"categories":["news_223"],"tags":["news_5758","news_5760","news_5761","news_2947","news_5762","news_2301"],"featImg":"news_126374","label":"news_6944"},"news_72897":{"type":"posts","id":"news_72897","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"72897","score":null,"sort":[1344640843000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"archbishop-begins-crackdown-on-gay-friendly-church","title":"SF Archdiocese Denies Crackdown on Drag Queens at Church Events","publishDate":1344640843,"format":"aside","headTitle":"News Fix | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":6944,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>Well, that didn't take long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_72927\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 159px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-72927\" title=\"Salvatore Cordileone\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"159\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Salvatore Cordileone (QvisDevs)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>When Salvatore Cordileone took over as the Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2012/07/27/sfs-new-archbishop-sees-the-evil-one-in-gay-marriage/\">academics I interviewed\u003c/a> said he might pressure churches that welcome lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people. They noted that he has campaigned actively against same-sex marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That was July 27. Now, reports are surfacing that Most Holy Redeemer, a Catholic church in San Francisco's Castro neighborhood, is falling in line with Cordileone's views -- reports that the archdiocese denies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to a report on Thursday by The Bay Area Reporter, the church has told \u003ca href=\"http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=67938\">the Castro Country Club it can't hold fundraisers\u003c/a> on the premises if it continues inviting drag queens as entertainment. The newspaper interviewed Reverend Brian Costello:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\"I am the new pastor,\" Costello added. \"There is a new archbishop. The archdiocese told me straight out, 'No drag queens.'\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Also on Thursday, the \u003ca href=\"http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/archdiocese-restricts-use-castro-church-calling-re/nQFfm/\">church told the San Francisco Gay Softball League\u003c/a> it can't hold its annual SwitchHitter's Ball fundraiser there, according to KTVU TV. From the report:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The church's business manager Mike Poma told KTVU some events held there have gotten out of hand, which include simulated sex acts and nudity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"A review of drag queens and boys in their underwear … This is a church first and foremost. This is sacred to a lot of people,\" Poma said. \"To have that type of stuff going on, this (bothers) a lot of people.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 2:41 p.m:\u003c/strong> Returning my call, archdiocese spokesperson George Wesolek told me the church did not ban cross-dressing, it simply closed its facilities to groups not affiliated with the church. The change took place about two months ago and it had nothing to do with the appointment of the new archbishop, who doesn't take office until Oct. 4, Wesolek said. He added that many parishes have similar policies for many reasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's our conversation, edited for brevity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> One example is that sometimes an outside group will come in and perhaps do something of a political nature. That can be disadvantageous to us because we are not supposed to be doing any kind of political activity with candidates. We can with issues, but not with candidates. So that is a somewhat usual policy for parishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> So there was no connection with the appointment of the new archbishop?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> I know for a fact there is no connection at all. I would be very surprised if the new archbishop knew anything about this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Then why would Costello have attributed the change to the archdiocese?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> He’s new there and I’m not quite sure what he had meant about that. He may have talked to someone at the archdiocese -- in the legal team for example -- and he was talking about a way of instituting a policy or was trying to understand the policy because it was in place before he came.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Does the archdiocese have any sort of policy about drag queens?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> We would pretty much leave that up to the parish. I would think that most parishes would not consider that appropriate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 1:21 p.m:\u003c/strong> I contacted the Castro Country Club, Holy Redeemer Church and the Archdiocese for comment. So far I have heard back from the Castro Country Club. In accordance with Alcoholics Anonymous tradition, the club doesn't make members available for interview. However, it released this statement:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The Castro Country Club had planned to hold our third annual Harvest Feast on October 20, 2012 at Most Holy Redeemer Church, where we have held this and other events in the past. We are a Castro neighborhood nonprofit and we would like to keep the fundraiser in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were disappointed when we were notified by the church last week that we would not be able to hold the dinner if any drag queens were part of the program. In previous years, we have had Ivy Drip and Heklina, both well-known entertainers and community fundraisers, serve as MC's of the event, and we felt we could not in good conscience abide by the church's new policy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is our organization's policy to be inclusive and welcoming to all. Drag queens are no exception. We are currently seeking an alternative venue for the Harvest Feast, which provides an important source of revenue for our annual budget.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's an Ivy Drip video, by the way.\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/hV_nE3ePUBE?rel=0\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":null,"status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1344641160,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":24,"wordCount":756},"headData":{"title":"SF Archdiocese Denies Crackdown on Drag Queens at Church Events | KQED","description":"Well, that didn't take long. When Salvatore Cordileone took over as the Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, academics I interviewed said he might pressure churches that welcome lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people. They noted that he has campaigned actively against same-sex marriage. That was July 27. Now, reports are surfacing that Most Holy Redeemer,","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"SF Archdiocese Denies Crackdown on Drag Queens at Church Events","datePublished":"2012-08-10T23:20:43.000Z","dateModified":"2012-08-10T23:26:00.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"72897 http://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=72897","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2012/08/10/archbishop-begins-crackdown-on-gay-friendly-church/","disqusTitle":"SF Archdiocese Denies Crackdown on Drag Queens at Church Events","path":"/news/72897/archbishop-begins-crackdown-on-gay-friendly-church","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Well, that didn't take long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_72927\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 159px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-72927\" title=\"Salvatore Cordileone\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"159\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Salvatore Cordileone (QvisDevs)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>When Salvatore Cordileone took over as the Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2012/07/27/sfs-new-archbishop-sees-the-evil-one-in-gay-marriage/\">academics I interviewed\u003c/a> said he might pressure churches that welcome lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people. They noted that he has campaigned actively against same-sex marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That was July 27. Now, reports are surfacing that Most Holy Redeemer, a Catholic church in San Francisco's Castro neighborhood, is falling in line with Cordileone's views -- reports that the archdiocese denies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to a report on Thursday by The Bay Area Reporter, the church has told \u003ca href=\"http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=67938\">the Castro Country Club it can't hold fundraisers\u003c/a> on the premises if it continues inviting drag queens as entertainment. The newspaper interviewed Reverend Brian Costello:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\"I am the new pastor,\" Costello added. \"There is a new archbishop. The archdiocese told me straight out, 'No drag queens.'\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Also on Thursday, the \u003ca href=\"http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/archdiocese-restricts-use-castro-church-calling-re/nQFfm/\">church told the San Francisco Gay Softball League\u003c/a> it can't hold its annual SwitchHitter's Ball fundraiser there, according to KTVU TV. From the report:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The church's business manager Mike Poma told KTVU some events held there have gotten out of hand, which include simulated sex acts and nudity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"A review of drag queens and boys in their underwear … This is a church first and foremost. This is sacred to a lot of people,\" Poma said. \"To have that type of stuff going on, this (bothers) a lot of people.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 2:41 p.m:\u003c/strong> Returning my call, archdiocese spokesperson George Wesolek told me the church did not ban cross-dressing, it simply closed its facilities to groups not affiliated with the church. The change took place about two months ago and it had nothing to do with the appointment of the new archbishop, who doesn't take office until Oct. 4, Wesolek said. He added that many parishes have similar policies for many reasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's our conversation, edited for brevity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> One example is that sometimes an outside group will come in and perhaps do something of a political nature. That can be disadvantageous to us because we are not supposed to be doing any kind of political activity with candidates. We can with issues, but not with candidates. So that is a somewhat usual policy for parishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> So there was no connection with the appointment of the new archbishop?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> I know for a fact there is no connection at all. I would be very surprised if the new archbishop knew anything about this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Then why would Costello have attributed the change to the archdiocese?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> He’s new there and I’m not quite sure what he had meant about that. He may have talked to someone at the archdiocese -- in the legal team for example -- and he was talking about a way of instituting a policy or was trying to understand the policy because it was in place before he came.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Does the archdiocese have any sort of policy about drag queens?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> We would pretty much leave that up to the parish. I would think that most parishes would not consider that appropriate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 1:21 p.m:\u003c/strong> I contacted the Castro Country Club, Holy Redeemer Church and the Archdiocese for comment. So far I have heard back from the Castro Country Club. In accordance with Alcoholics Anonymous tradition, the club doesn't make members available for interview. However, it released this statement:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The Castro Country Club had planned to hold our third annual Harvest Feast on October 20, 2012 at Most Holy Redeemer Church, where we have held this and other events in the past. We are a Castro neighborhood nonprofit and we would like to keep the fundraiser in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were disappointed when we were notified by the church last week that we would not be able to hold the dinner if any drag queens were part of the program. In previous years, we have had Ivy Drip and Heklina, both well-known entertainers and community fundraisers, serve as MC's of the event, and we felt we could not in good conscience abide by the church's new policy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is our organization's policy to be inclusive and welcoming to all. Drag queens are no exception. We are currently seeking an alternative venue for the Harvest Feast, which provides an important source of revenue for our annual budget.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's an Ivy Drip video, by the way.\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/hV_nE3ePUBE?rel=0\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/72897/archbishop-begins-crackdown-on-gay-friendly-church","authors":["1367"],"programs":["news_6944"],"tags":["news_1177","news_2945","news_2650","news_82","news_2947","news_2946","news_856","news_2826","news_2725"],"label":"news_6944"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. 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