Which sex ed approach works best for STI and pregnancy prevention? Research remains unclear
Teens want to know how to have better relationships. Consent education can help.
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The case for starting sex ed in kindergarten (hula hoops recommended)
Millions Of Teens Experience Abusive Relationships. Here's How Adults Can Help
How Parents Can Talk With Their Teens About Sex and Consent
Peers Are Powerful: Using Positive Social Norms to Tackle Unhealthy Behaviors
How To Talk To Young People About The Kavanaugh Story
What Adolescent Girls Wish Their Parents Understood About Them
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FM","link":"/"}},"mindshift_62450":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62450","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62450","score":null,"sort":[1696237239000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"which-sex-ed-approach-works-best-for-sti-and-pregnancy-prevention-research-remains-unclear","title":"Which sex ed approach works best for STI and pregnancy prevention? Research remains unclear","publishDate":1696237239,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Which sex ed approach works best for STI and pregnancy prevention? Research remains unclear | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s little consensus over the best way to teach children and teens about sexuality in this country and research provides scant guidance. Educational programs that directly target sexual behaviors and attitudes frequently \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1525/srsp.2008.5.3.18\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">fail to show reductions in unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The political debate over sex ed, meanwhile, is taking place against a perplexing public health backdrop. The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/R/R45184#:~:text=The%20rate%20dropped%20by%2075,rate%20declined%20by%20about%2063%25.\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">teen pregnancy rate has plummeted\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> over the past 30 years, while epidemics of sexually transmitted infections \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2023/s0411-sti.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">among younger Americans are showing no signs of slowing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. The reasons for these divergent trends are unclear.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">State data, by contrast, can sometimes look deceptively stark and clear. Consider Arkansas and Massachusetts. Arkansas, which requires abstinence to be emphasized in sex ed classes, has the highest rate of teen pregnancies in the country (\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">30 out of 1,000\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> females ages 15 to 19). Massachusetts requires that sex ed be culturally appropriate and unbiased, without a mandated focus on abstinence. Its teen pregnancy rate is the lowest in the country (\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">7 out of 1,000\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> female teens). \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s tempting to connect those dots and conclude that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0024658\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">abstinence education increases teen pregnancies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and a broad approach, including explanations of birth control, reduces them. But the demographic differences between Arkansas and Massachusetts are so great that the correlation between sex ed and unwanted teenage pregnancies could be spurious. Yet many sex ed advocates use this kind of correlational data to make their \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/abstinence-only-programs?gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1pDE-cHnI2g0VJfQDtWdjRuGL8lBgNd8CPBoWr_HK7M0te7ayzwT_EaAnxrEALw_wcB\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">arguments\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To settle the matter, one would need to introduce a Massachusetts-style sex ed program in Arkansas and track pregnancy rates or launch an Arkansas-style abstinence program in a Massachusetts town, and see if pregnancy rates go up. No one has done either of these experiments. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And that’s the crux of the problem. There have been so few well-designed studies that tell us if sex ed is helping, making things worse or doing nothing at all. Researchers would have to randomly assign preteens or teens to a sex ed class and then figure out how to monitor subsequent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Students don’t always disclose the truth about sex on surveys.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s really challenging to do an evaluation of sex ed curriculum,” said Carolyn Tucker Halpern, chair of the department of maternal and child health at the Gillings School of Global Public Health of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Short of rummaging around in trash cans and looking for used condoms and stuff, it’s hard to get an objective measure.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The most recent attempt to compile and summarize the best evidence for sex education was \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">published in 2023\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> by a team of public health researchers from Dartmouth College. They aggregated the results of 29 randomized controlled trials (RCTs) in the United States between 1990 and 2021. Fewer than half of the studies of sex ed programs took place in schools. Nine of them emphasized abstinence, which means waiting until marriage to have sex. Just one study directly compared teaching abstinence only with a comprehensive approach. (It did not find any difference in frequency of condom use, its main outcome measure.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Comprehensive sex education is a catchall term that includes everything that isn’t abstinence only – from birth control use and sexual consent to the reproductive system and sexually transmitted infections. Comprehensive programs may also include or even emphasize abstinence along with these other topics. Because the content of these classes varies, it’s hard to generalize about comprehensive sex or its effectiveness. (For more on current approaches to sex education, read \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/they-just-tried-to-scare-us-how-anti-abortion-centers-teach-sex-ed-inside-public-schools/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">this Hechinger Report story\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Only seven studies in the Dartmouth meta-analysis attempted to track pregnancies, and of those, just three asked participants whether they or their partner had gotten pregnant a year or more later. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The overall finding was ambiguous. Three comprehensive programs showed a moderate reduction in teenage pregnancies although the effect was not statistically significant. This means that there are too few studies for researchers to be confident; the results could be flukes and more studies are needed to confirm. (The largest of the three studies, by far, involved young men who were living in group homes operated by child welfare or juvenile justice, not indicative of typical teens.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There was also no evidence that sex ed decreased the incidence of sexually transmitted infections. Only three studies in this 2023 meta-analysis tracked STIs (not the same as the ones that tracked pregnancies) and all three showed similar rates in both the treatment and control groups. It’s hard to make confident conclusions based on only three studies, but these results are not promising.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“There’s a shockingly low number of studies,” said Amy Bordogna, who led the research team that conducted \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">this review\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, published in the American Journal of Sexuality Education. “There needs to be more research.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The 29 randomized controlled trials tended to show that students were practicing safer sex after participating in a sex ed program. On surveys, for example, boys said they were using a condom more often. In theory, increased condom use should be translating into lower pregnancy and STI rates. Either teens aren’t being truthful on surveys or the condoms aren’t being used correctly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The rigorous research evidence is at odds with the research-based recommendations of many medical and health associations, including the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.apha.org/policies-and-advocacy/public-health-policy-statements/policy-database/2015/01/23/09/37/sexuality-education-as-part-of-a-comprehensive-health-education-program-in-k-to-12-schools\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American Public Health Association\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/adolescent-sexual-health/equitable-access-to-sexual-and-reproductive-health-care-for-all-youth/the-importance-of-access-to-comprehensive-sex-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American Academy of Pediatrics\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2016/11/comprehensive-sexuality-education\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Other reviews have found that the evidence for “comprehensive” sex ed programs is more favorable. For example, a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0749379711009068\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">2012 paper\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> by 20 experts, led by researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reviewed 66 studies of group-based “comprehensive risk reduction” programs and concluded that, on average, they were effective in reducing pregnancies and STIs, while the results of 23 studies of group-based abstinence programs were inconsistent. Many of the underlying studies included in these broader research reviews weren’t randomized controlled trials and were of lower quality. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Advocates on both sides of the debate tend to overstate their cases. There’s little evidence that sex education encourages sexual activity or promiscuity, but there’s also not strong evidence that comprehensive sex ed programs reduce pregnancies and infections. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s also little evidence that abstinence-only approaches backfire, as some suggest, and lead to higher rates of pregnancies and infections. A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18401923/#'\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">2008 study of four abstinence-only programs\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> found no increase in the risk of adolescent pregnancy, STIs, or the rates of adolescent sexual activity compared with students in a control group.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The international evidence isn’t much better. A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD006417.pub3/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Cochrane review published in 2016\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> aggregated the results of randomized control trials that took place in schools in Europe, Latin America and Africa. The review had a higher bar for study quality; there had to be some clinical measure of pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections beyond what students voluntarily disclosed. It found no evidence that school-based sex ed programs by themselves reduced pregnancies, HIV or other sexually transmitted infections after reviewing eight randomized controlled trials covering 55,000 students.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">One takeaway from the lead researcher, Amanda Mason-Jones from the University of York in England, is that a curriculum alone, unaccompanied by freely available birth control, isn’t terribly effective. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The most effective way to reduce pregnancies had nothing to do with sex ed classes. Financial incentives, such as free uniforms or small cash payments to keep girls in school, led to a significant reduction in teen pregnancies. One of these studies also documented a reduction in infections. That suggests that education itself might be the strongest form of birth control.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>\u003ci>Sarah Butrymowicz contributed reporting to this story.\u003c/i>\u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This story about \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proof-points-the-research-evidence-for-sex-ed-remains-thin/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">sex education statistics\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> was written by Jill Barshay and produced by \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/special-reports/higher-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proofpoints/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Proof Points\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and other \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/newsletters/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hechinger newsletters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Teen pregnancies have declined while STIs among young people are rising. But there haven't been many well-designed studies to tell us the role of sex education in these trends.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1696028556,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":24,"wordCount":1355},"headData":{"title":"Which sex ed approach works best for STI and pregnancy prevention? Research remains unclear | KQED","description":"Teen pregnancies have declined while STIs among young people are rising. But there aren't many well-designed studies to tell us sex ed's role in these trends.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Teen pregnancies have declined while STIs among young people are rising. But there aren't many well-designed studies to tell us sex ed's role in these trends.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Which sex ed approach works best for STI and pregnancy prevention? Research remains unclear","datePublished":"2023-10-02T09:00:39.000Z","dateModified":"2023-09-29T23:02:36.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"nprByline":"Jill Barshay, \u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/\" target=\"_blank\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/a>","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62450/which-sex-ed-approach-works-best-for-sti-and-pregnancy-prevention-research-remains-unclear","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s little consensus over the best way to teach children and teens about sexuality in this country and research provides scant guidance. Educational programs that directly target sexual behaviors and attitudes frequently \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1525/srsp.2008.5.3.18\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">fail to show reductions in unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The political debate over sex ed, meanwhile, is taking place against a perplexing public health backdrop. The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/R/R45184#:~:text=The%20rate%20dropped%20by%2075,rate%20declined%20by%20about%2063%25.\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">teen pregnancy rate has plummeted\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> over the past 30 years, while epidemics of sexually transmitted infections \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2023/s0411-sti.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">among younger Americans are showing no signs of slowing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. The reasons for these divergent trends are unclear.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">State data, by contrast, can sometimes look deceptively stark and clear. Consider Arkansas and Massachusetts. Arkansas, which requires abstinence to be emphasized in sex ed classes, has the highest rate of teen pregnancies in the country (\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">30 out of 1,000\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> females ages 15 to 19). Massachusetts requires that sex ed be culturally appropriate and unbiased, without a mandated focus on abstinence. Its teen pregnancy rate is the lowest in the country (\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">7 out of 1,000\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> female teens). \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s tempting to connect those dots and conclude that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0024658\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">abstinence education increases teen pregnancies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and a broad approach, including explanations of birth control, reduces them. But the demographic differences between Arkansas and Massachusetts are so great that the correlation between sex ed and unwanted teenage pregnancies could be spurious. Yet many sex ed advocates use this kind of correlational data to make their \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/abstinence-only-programs?gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1pDE-cHnI2g0VJfQDtWdjRuGL8lBgNd8CPBoWr_HK7M0te7ayzwT_EaAnxrEALw_wcB\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">arguments\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To settle the matter, one would need to introduce a Massachusetts-style sex ed program in Arkansas and track pregnancy rates or launch an Arkansas-style abstinence program in a Massachusetts town, and see if pregnancy rates go up. No one has done either of these experiments. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And that’s the crux of the problem. There have been so few well-designed studies that tell us if sex ed is helping, making things worse or doing nothing at all. Researchers would have to randomly assign preteens or teens to a sex ed class and then figure out how to monitor subsequent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Students don’t always disclose the truth about sex on surveys.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s really challenging to do an evaluation of sex ed curriculum,” said Carolyn Tucker Halpern, chair of the department of maternal and child health at the Gillings School of Global Public Health of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Short of rummaging around in trash cans and looking for used condoms and stuff, it’s hard to get an objective measure.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The most recent attempt to compile and summarize the best evidence for sex education was \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">published in 2023\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> by a team of public health researchers from Dartmouth College. They aggregated the results of 29 randomized controlled trials (RCTs) in the United States between 1990 and 2021. Fewer than half of the studies of sex ed programs took place in schools. Nine of them emphasized abstinence, which means waiting until marriage to have sex. Just one study directly compared teaching abstinence only with a comprehensive approach. (It did not find any difference in frequency of condom use, its main outcome measure.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Comprehensive sex education is a catchall term that includes everything that isn’t abstinence only – from birth control use and sexual consent to the reproductive system and sexually transmitted infections. Comprehensive programs may also include or even emphasize abstinence along with these other topics. Because the content of these classes varies, it’s hard to generalize about comprehensive sex or its effectiveness. (For more on current approaches to sex education, read \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/they-just-tried-to-scare-us-how-anti-abortion-centers-teach-sex-ed-inside-public-schools/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">this Hechinger Report story\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Only seven studies in the Dartmouth meta-analysis attempted to track pregnancies, and of those, just three asked participants whether they or their partner had gotten pregnant a year or more later. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The overall finding was ambiguous. Three comprehensive programs showed a moderate reduction in teenage pregnancies although the effect was not statistically significant. This means that there are too few studies for researchers to be confident; the results could be flukes and more studies are needed to confirm. (The largest of the three studies, by far, involved young men who were living in group homes operated by child welfare or juvenile justice, not indicative of typical teens.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There was also no evidence that sex ed decreased the incidence of sexually transmitted infections. Only three studies in this 2023 meta-analysis tracked STIs (not the same as the ones that tracked pregnancies) and all three showed similar rates in both the treatment and control groups. It’s hard to make confident conclusions based on only three studies, but these results are not promising.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“There’s a shockingly low number of studies,” said Amy Bordogna, who led the research team that conducted \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15546128.2022.2080140\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">this review\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, published in the American Journal of Sexuality Education. “There needs to be more research.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The 29 randomized controlled trials tended to show that students were practicing safer sex after participating in a sex ed program. On surveys, for example, boys said they were using a condom more often. In theory, increased condom use should be translating into lower pregnancy and STI rates. Either teens aren’t being truthful on surveys or the condoms aren’t being used correctly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The rigorous research evidence is at odds with the research-based recommendations of many medical and health associations, including the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.apha.org/policies-and-advocacy/public-health-policy-statements/policy-database/2015/01/23/09/37/sexuality-education-as-part-of-a-comprehensive-health-education-program-in-k-to-12-schools\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American Public Health Association\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/adolescent-sexual-health/equitable-access-to-sexual-and-reproductive-health-care-for-all-youth/the-importance-of-access-to-comprehensive-sex-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American Academy of Pediatrics\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2016/11/comprehensive-sexuality-education\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Other reviews have found that the evidence for “comprehensive” sex ed programs is more favorable. For example, a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0749379711009068\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">2012 paper\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> by 20 experts, led by researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reviewed 66 studies of group-based “comprehensive risk reduction” programs and concluded that, on average, they were effective in reducing pregnancies and STIs, while the results of 23 studies of group-based abstinence programs were inconsistent. Many of the underlying studies included in these broader research reviews weren’t randomized controlled trials and were of lower quality. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Advocates on both sides of the debate tend to overstate their cases. There’s little evidence that sex education encourages sexual activity or promiscuity, but there’s also not strong evidence that comprehensive sex ed programs reduce pregnancies and infections. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s also little evidence that abstinence-only approaches backfire, as some suggest, and lead to higher rates of pregnancies and infections. A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18401923/#'\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">2008 study of four abstinence-only programs\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> found no increase in the risk of adolescent pregnancy, STIs, or the rates of adolescent sexual activity compared with students in a control group.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The international evidence isn’t much better. A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD006417.pub3/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Cochrane review published in 2016\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> aggregated the results of randomized control trials that took place in schools in Europe, Latin America and Africa. The review had a higher bar for study quality; there had to be some clinical measure of pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections beyond what students voluntarily disclosed. It found no evidence that school-based sex ed programs by themselves reduced pregnancies, HIV or other sexually transmitted infections after reviewing eight randomized controlled trials covering 55,000 students.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">One takeaway from the lead researcher, Amanda Mason-Jones from the University of York in England, is that a curriculum alone, unaccompanied by freely available birth control, isn’t terribly effective. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The most effective way to reduce pregnancies had nothing to do with sex ed classes. Financial incentives, such as free uniforms or small cash payments to keep girls in school, led to a significant reduction in teen pregnancies. One of these studies also documented a reduction in infections. That suggests that education itself might be the strongest form of birth control.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>\u003ci>Sarah Butrymowicz contributed reporting to this story.\u003c/i>\u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This story about \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proof-points-the-research-evidence-for-sex-ed-remains-thin/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">sex education statistics\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> was written by Jill Barshay and produced by \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/special-reports/higher-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proofpoints/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Proof Points\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and other \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/newsletters/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hechinger newsletters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62450/which-sex-ed-approach-works-best-for-sti-and-pregnancy-prevention-research-remains-unclear","authors":["byline_mindshift_62450"],"categories":["mindshift_194","mindshift_21504"],"tags":["mindshift_21801","mindshift_21802","mindshift_21231","mindshift_21804","mindshift_20963","mindshift_21800","mindshift_21803","mindshift_21805"],"featImg":"mindshift_62451","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62011":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62011","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62011","score":null,"sort":[1689674445000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"teens-want-to-know-how-to-have-better-relationships-consent-education-can-help","title":"Teens want to know how to have better relationships. Consent education can help.","publishDate":1689674445,"format":"audio","headTitle":"Teens want to know how to have better relationships. Consent education can help. | KQED","labelTerm":{"term":21847,"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Only yes means yes, take nothing more and nothing less.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Your body, your choice, consent gives everyone a voice.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Rhymes like these are often used to teach and reinforce the essential definition of consent: that all parties need to fully agree to take part in an activity or behavior. While they’re catchy and memorable — a consent-related song and dance even became \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W4oKiEQph0\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a popular TikTok trend\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — these kinds of phrases don’t cover the full extent of what’s needed for kids to understand consent in today’s world. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The primary goal of consent education is to foster healthy and respectful relationships rooted in mutual understanding and effective communication. And kids want to learn these skills. Harvard Graduate School of Education’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Making Caring Common\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> (MCC) surveyed over 3,000 young adults and high school students and found that young adults want more guidance about developing caring, long-lasting relationships. “We do almost nothing to prepare young people for the subtle, tender, generous, focused, disciplined, tough, wonderful work of learning how to love somebody else and learning how to be loved,” said Richard Weissbourd, the director of MCC.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">However, consent education sometimes faces resistance from parents and community members who worry that the topics covered are too mature. As a result, implementing consent education programs in schools can be a challenge. In Utah, for example, when state representative Carol Spackman Moss – a former English teacher – \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sltrib.com/news/2021/02/20/second-try-bill-updating/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">proposed a bill to mandate consent education\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, opposing groups claimed the legislation promoted sexual activity. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sltrib.com/news/2022/03/08/i-was-just-stunned-bill/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The bill failed.\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When politicians and activists focus on the “sex” part of consent, they forget that consent can be applied to many non-sexual situations, said health educator \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54805/how-parents-can-talk-with-their-teens-about-sex-and-consent\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shafia Zaloom\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Kids are navigating complex social landscapes every day, and their brains are primed to seek social acceptance. When young people say “no” to things like vaping or cheating, they’re saying no to the social power and the meaning that that person has in their relationships, according to Zaloom. That’s hard to do.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zaloom teaches health education and consent workshops at schools and nonprofit organizations. Learning to express and respect boundaries are central to her curriculum. In a class she teaches at Urban High School in San Francisco, Zaloom emphasizes that consent is not only about getting a yes or no. The goal is to make sure people leave an experience or relationship feeling respected. “That simply means that both people feel like they were treated like they have value,” she said. Through this work, she has seen that by teaching students about consent, schools can create a lasting culture of empathy and inclusion that benefits the whole community.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Some schools are rethinking sex ed with lessons on consent\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/9lh4XkuG_1A?start=1&feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" allowfullscreen>\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>From space bubbles to role playing \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When Zaloom defines consent with her students, she uses concepts that are suited to their developmental stage. Generally, she said, consent can be boiled down to the idea that your body belongs to you. “You get to choose how you touch and how you get touched,” said Zaloom. When she’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59875/the-case-for-starting-sex-ed-in-kindergarten-hula-hoops-recommended\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">teaching young kids\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, Zaloom prompts them to think about their space bubbles so little ones can easily conceptualize how they interact with each other. Zaloom is sometimes asked to speak at schools where a young child has been hugging and kissing classmates on the playground without their consent. Adults in the school typically respond to the child by saying “no means no” with regard to touching other kids. While well-intended, Zaloom said this response teaches kids that the responsibility is on the recipient to object to something like a hug or a kiss. It’s more helpful, she said, to teach that people must actively seek consent before initiating such actions. And that a “yes” in one moment doesn’t mean “yes” always. “It’s an opportunity then to engage with kids around the reasons for consent and why they’re so important,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With older students, consent definitions are less concrete because consent can be applied to so many different situations. It comes into play when a student needs to borrow a calculator from a peer or when they are asking one another to be their date to prom. Older students are more interested in what consent looks like in action, said Zaloom, who finds that many teens already know the definition of consent. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In her classes, Zaloom has students role play scenarios that may come up in relationships. For instance, twenty-three year old Alyssa Romo, a graduate from Urban High School,\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> participated in a role play where a classmate said “I love you” when she wasn’t ready to reciprocate those feelings. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“That’s something I still struggle with,” Romo said. “I remember thinking, ‘Oh, like it’s okay to not say [you’re in love] if you don’t want to.’” By actively participating in these scenarios, students develop skills for navigating complex emotional situations in relationships. Role playing allows students to explore different perspectives, learn effective ways to express their feelings and boundaries, and practice active listening and empathy.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s really important to meet kids where they are and to find things that translate all of this language and expectation into things that don’t feel so big and overwhelming,” said Zaloom.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC6515570052&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>More than a “moment of legal responsibility” \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sex education is often the closest schools get to teaching about love and relationships, but sex and health education programs can fall short when they only focus on STD and pregnancy prevention. According to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://siecus.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/2022-Sex-Ed-State-Law-and-Policy-Chart.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sex Ed for Social Change\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, 16 states provide abstinence-only sex education. “It’s not about how to have an \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50518/how-to-teach-teens-about-love-consent-and-emotional-intelligence\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">ethical, intimate relationship or sexual relationship \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">with somebody else,” said MCC’s Weissbourd. While some \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4882098/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">studies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> highlight the effectiveness of abstinence-based education, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X(17)30260-4/fulltext\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a recent analysis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> shows that abstinence-only programs do not reduce teen pregnancies or STD rates. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“There’s so much more to think about, to take into consideration, to be attuned to, if we’re really talking about promoting healthy sexuality and relationships that are grounded in mutual respect, empathy, care and dignity,” said Zaloom. She teaches students about laws pertaining to sex and consent, but also encourages students to think of consent as a “vibe”, rather than a moment of legal responsibility, meaning that consent isn’t about just checking a box and moving on.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Additionally, she talks to students about ethical sexuality, which takes into account a person’s wellbeing. So whether it’s a casual relationship or something they’ve been building up to for a long time, both people involved should be consenting and aligned. Zaloom prompts students to think about what good sex means to them. “Because you can have a consensual sexual experience that is boring. That’s embarrassing. That’s disappointing. And not that that isn’t a part of life. It certainly is. But we want to aspire to something a little more than that,” said Zaloom. “So there’s legal, there’s ethical, and then there’s what’s good.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Moving beyond popular culture messages\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MCC’s survey of teens and young adults indicates that if children do not receive education about love and relationships from their parents or schools, they are likely to seek information from popular culture, including movies and social media. While popular culture representations are not inherently negative, unchecked models of unhealthy relationships can influence young people’s perceptions. “In that way, images of the media are more damaging and dangerous than images of violence in the media,” said Weissbourd. Misconceptions can result in young people staying in unhealthy relationships, alcoholism, or domestic abuse, according to MCC’s survey. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To counteract the negative influence of popular entertainment, Zaloom assigns romantic comedies for students to watch and facilitates whole-class discussions about them. During these discussions, students identify and analyze both healthy and unhealthy relationship practices portrayed by the main characters. Romo, Zaloom’s former student, remembered watching the movie “Friends with Benefits,” and identifying the characters’ healthy relationship practices. “Like setting expectations for the relationship or boundaries or telling each other what they wanted,” said Romo. “It’s a silly movie, but that’s kind of a big deal.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When done well, consent education can help young people to navigate relationships, establish boundaries, and build meaningful connections. Romo, who is recently single after ending a five-year-long relationship, said she’s insistent on how people treat her because of what she learned in Zaloom’s class. “We had a lot of conversations about setting boundaries and being conscious of what you want out of a relationship and a partner and the people in your life,” said Romo. “That really stuck with me.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Correction: A previous version of this post misspelled Shafia Zaloom’s last name. We regret the error.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"The primary goal of consent education is to foster healthy and respectful relationships rooted in mutual understanding and effective communication.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1700528838,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":22,"wordCount":1572},"headData":{"title":"Teens want to know how to have better relationships. Consent education can help. | KQED","description":"The primary goal of consent education is to foster healthy and respectful relationships rooted in mutual understanding and effective communication.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"The primary goal of consent education is to foster healthy and respectful relationships rooted in mutual understanding and effective communication.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Teens want to know how to have better relationships. Consent education can help.","datePublished":"2023-07-18T10:00:45.000Z","dateModified":"2023-11-21T01:07:18.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"audioUrl":"https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/chrt.fm/track/G6C7C3/traffic.megaphone.fm/KQINC6515570052.mp3?updated=1689638191","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62011/teens-want-to-know-how-to-have-better-relationships-consent-education-can-help","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Only yes means yes, take nothing more and nothing less.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Your body, your choice, consent gives everyone a voice.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Rhymes like these are often used to teach and reinforce the essential definition of consent: that all parties need to fully agree to take part in an activity or behavior. While they’re catchy and memorable — a consent-related song and dance even became \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W4oKiEQph0\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a popular TikTok trend\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — these kinds of phrases don’t cover the full extent of what’s needed for kids to understand consent in today’s world. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The primary goal of consent education is to foster healthy and respectful relationships rooted in mutual understanding and effective communication. And kids want to learn these skills. Harvard Graduate School of Education’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Making Caring Common\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> (MCC) surveyed over 3,000 young adults and high school students and found that young adults want more guidance about developing caring, long-lasting relationships. “We do almost nothing to prepare young people for the subtle, tender, generous, focused, disciplined, tough, wonderful work of learning how to love somebody else and learning how to be loved,” said Richard Weissbourd, the director of MCC.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">However, consent education sometimes faces resistance from parents and community members who worry that the topics covered are too mature. As a result, implementing consent education programs in schools can be a challenge. In Utah, for example, when state representative Carol Spackman Moss – a former English teacher – \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sltrib.com/news/2021/02/20/second-try-bill-updating/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">proposed a bill to mandate consent education\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, opposing groups claimed the legislation promoted sexual activity. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sltrib.com/news/2022/03/08/i-was-just-stunned-bill/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The bill failed.\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When politicians and activists focus on the “sex” part of consent, they forget that consent can be applied to many non-sexual situations, said health educator \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54805/how-parents-can-talk-with-their-teens-about-sex-and-consent\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shafia Zaloom\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Kids are navigating complex social landscapes every day, and their brains are primed to seek social acceptance. When young people say “no” to things like vaping or cheating, they’re saying no to the social power and the meaning that that person has in their relationships, according to Zaloom. That’s hard to do.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zaloom teaches health education and consent workshops at schools and nonprofit organizations. Learning to express and respect boundaries are central to her curriculum. In a class she teaches at Urban High School in San Francisco, Zaloom emphasizes that consent is not only about getting a yes or no. The goal is to make sure people leave an experience or relationship feeling respected. “That simply means that both people feel like they were treated like they have value,” she said. Through this work, she has seen that by teaching students about consent, schools can create a lasting culture of empathy and inclusion that benefits the whole community.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Some schools are rethinking sex ed with lessons on consent\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/9lh4XkuG_1A?start=1&feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" allowfullscreen>\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>From space bubbles to role playing \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When Zaloom defines consent with her students, she uses concepts that are suited to their developmental stage. Generally, she said, consent can be boiled down to the idea that your body belongs to you. “You get to choose how you touch and how you get touched,” said Zaloom. When she’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59875/the-case-for-starting-sex-ed-in-kindergarten-hula-hoops-recommended\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">teaching young kids\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, Zaloom prompts them to think about their space bubbles so little ones can easily conceptualize how they interact with each other. Zaloom is sometimes asked to speak at schools where a young child has been hugging and kissing classmates on the playground without their consent. Adults in the school typically respond to the child by saying “no means no” with regard to touching other kids. While well-intended, Zaloom said this response teaches kids that the responsibility is on the recipient to object to something like a hug or a kiss. It’s more helpful, she said, to teach that people must actively seek consent before initiating such actions. And that a “yes” in one moment doesn’t mean “yes” always. “It’s an opportunity then to engage with kids around the reasons for consent and why they’re so important,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With older students, consent definitions are less concrete because consent can be applied to so many different situations. It comes into play when a student needs to borrow a calculator from a peer or when they are asking one another to be their date to prom. Older students are more interested in what consent looks like in action, said Zaloom, who finds that many teens already know the definition of consent. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In her classes, Zaloom has students role play scenarios that may come up in relationships. For instance, twenty-three year old Alyssa Romo, a graduate from Urban High School,\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> participated in a role play where a classmate said “I love you” when she wasn’t ready to reciprocate those feelings. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“That’s something I still struggle with,” Romo said. “I remember thinking, ‘Oh, like it’s okay to not say [you’re in love] if you don’t want to.’” By actively participating in these scenarios, students develop skills for navigating complex emotional situations in relationships. Role playing allows students to explore different perspectives, learn effective ways to express their feelings and boundaries, and practice active listening and empathy.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s really important to meet kids where they are and to find things that translate all of this language and expectation into things that don’t feel so big and overwhelming,” said Zaloom.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC6515570052&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>More than a “moment of legal responsibility” \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sex education is often the closest schools get to teaching about love and relationships, but sex and health education programs can fall short when they only focus on STD and pregnancy prevention. According to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://siecus.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/2022-Sex-Ed-State-Law-and-Policy-Chart.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sex Ed for Social Change\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, 16 states provide abstinence-only sex education. “It’s not about how to have an \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50518/how-to-teach-teens-about-love-consent-and-emotional-intelligence\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">ethical, intimate relationship or sexual relationship \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">with somebody else,” said MCC’s Weissbourd. While some \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4882098/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">studies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> highlight the effectiveness of abstinence-based education, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X(17)30260-4/fulltext\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a recent analysis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> shows that abstinence-only programs do not reduce teen pregnancies or STD rates. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“There’s so much more to think about, to take into consideration, to be attuned to, if we’re really talking about promoting healthy sexuality and relationships that are grounded in mutual respect, empathy, care and dignity,” said Zaloom. She teaches students about laws pertaining to sex and consent, but also encourages students to think of consent as a “vibe”, rather than a moment of legal responsibility, meaning that consent isn’t about just checking a box and moving on.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Additionally, she talks to students about ethical sexuality, which takes into account a person’s wellbeing. So whether it’s a casual relationship or something they’ve been building up to for a long time, both people involved should be consenting and aligned. Zaloom prompts students to think about what good sex means to them. “Because you can have a consensual sexual experience that is boring. That’s embarrassing. That’s disappointing. And not that that isn’t a part of life. It certainly is. But we want to aspire to something a little more than that,” said Zaloom. “So there’s legal, there’s ethical, and then there’s what’s good.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Moving beyond popular culture messages\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MCC’s survey of teens and young adults indicates that if children do not receive education about love and relationships from their parents or schools, they are likely to seek information from popular culture, including movies and social media. While popular culture representations are not inherently negative, unchecked models of unhealthy relationships can influence young people’s perceptions. “In that way, images of the media are more damaging and dangerous than images of violence in the media,” said Weissbourd. Misconceptions can result in young people staying in unhealthy relationships, alcoholism, or domestic abuse, according to MCC’s survey. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To counteract the negative influence of popular entertainment, Zaloom assigns romantic comedies for students to watch and facilitates whole-class discussions about them. During these discussions, students identify and analyze both healthy and unhealthy relationship practices portrayed by the main characters. Romo, Zaloom’s former student, remembered watching the movie “Friends with Benefits,” and identifying the characters’ healthy relationship practices. “Like setting expectations for the relationship or boundaries or telling each other what they wanted,” said Romo. “It’s a silly movie, but that’s kind of a big deal.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When done well, consent education can help young people to navigate relationships, establish boundaries, and build meaningful connections. Romo, who is recently single after ending a five-year-long relationship, said she’s insistent on how people treat her because of what she learned in Zaloom’s class. “We had a lot of conversations about setting boundaries and being conscious of what you want out of a relationship and a partner and the people in your life,” said Romo. “That really stuck with me.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Correction: A previous version of this post misspelled Shafia Zaloom’s last name. We regret the error.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62011/teens-want-to-know-how-to-have-better-relationships-consent-education-can-help","authors":["11721"],"programs":["mindshift_21847"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_21512","mindshift_21504","mindshift_21280","mindshift_21130","mindshift_21848","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_21250","mindshift_21036","mindshift_21231","mindshift_21268","mindshift_268","mindshift_21067","mindshift_21213","mindshift_944","mindshift_20963","mindshift_943","mindshift_30"],"featImg":"mindshift_62012","label":"mindshift_21847"},"mindshift_60743":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_60743","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"60743","score":null,"sort":[1672918773000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults","title":"Puberty education varies widely. Here's a science-based 'period talk' to inform both kids and adults","publishDate":1672918773,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Listen to Short Wave on \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3HOQKeK\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Spotify\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3WA9vqh\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Apple Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> and \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3Vi9Xsm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Google Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When and how people receive puberty education varies greatly. Some are taught according to thorough curricula; others spend hours searching for answers to their questions online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Short Wave co-\u003c/em>host \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/767284140/emily-kwong\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emily Kwong\u003c/a> is in the first category. When 10-year-old Emily first learned about periods, she asked her mom for diagrams and procedures — because information is comforting. On the other hand, when 10-year old \u003cem>Short Wave\u003c/em> producer \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/1083758522/margaret-cirino\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Margaret Cirino\u003c/a> first learned about periods, she was confused and a little scared.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fast forward a decade or so ... and there is a lot that adult Emily and adult Marge still don't know about their periods!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's why today Emily and Marge team up to provide a new and improved period talk. They chat with \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/DrKBrandi\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kristyn Brandi\u003c/a>, an OB/GYN and family planning doctor, and \u003ca href=\"https://thebleedread.com/about/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Mandi Tembo\u003c/a>, a menstrual health PhD candidate, about everything they wish they knew about their periods. Consider this episode a period manual, complete with an overview of the menstrual cycle, the science of how periods work, how to know when something is abnormal — and whether to have a period in the first place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Check out our episode on period tracking apps and data privacy \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2021/12/29/1068930998/when-tracking-your-period-lets-companies-track-you\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Listen to Short Wave on \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3HOQKeK\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Spotify\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3WA9vqh\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Apple Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> and \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3Vi9Xsm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Google Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This episode was reported and produced by Margaret Cirino. It was edited by Gisele Grayson and Rebecca Ramirez. Brit Hanson checked the facts. The audio engineer was Alex Drewenskus. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2023 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=The+Period+Talk+%28For+Adults%29&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Every month, 1.8 billion people menstruate globally. For those people, managing periods is essential for strong reproductive and emotional health, social wellbeing and bodily autonomy. But a lot of people haven't been educated about periods or the menstrual cycle since they were kids — if at all. This episode, a period manual in four parts: How periods work, the different stages of the menstrual cycle, how to know when something's wrong, and whether to have a period in the first place. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1672931357,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":10,"wordCount":267},"headData":{"title":"Puberty education varies widely. Here's a science-based 'period talk' to inform both kids and adults - MindShift","description":"Accurate information about menstruation plays a big role in physical and emotional health. NPR's Short Wave podcast presents a period manual in four parts.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Puberty education varies widely. Here's a science-based 'period talk' to inform both kids and adults","datePublished":"2023-01-05T11:39:33.000Z","dateModified":"2023-01-05T15:09:17.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"nprByline":"Margaret Cirino, Emily Kwong, Gisele Grayson, Rebecca Ramirez","nprImageAgency":"Getty Images/Westend61","nprStoryId":"1146886275","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1146886275&profileTypeId=15&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/2023/01/04/1146886275/the-period-talk-for-adults?ft=nprml&f=1146886275","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Thu, 05 Jan 2023 00:11:00 -0500","nprStoryDate":"Thu, 05 Jan 2023 00:10:54 -0500","nprLastModifiedDate":"Thu, 05 Jan 2023 00:11:09 -0500","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/dailyscience/2023/01/20230105_dailyscience_c3a37cd1-290e-469f-a24a-bafadf312da8.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=791&p=510351&story=1146886275&t=podcast&e=1146886275&ft=nprml&f=1146886275,https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/dailyscience/2023/01/20230105_dailyscience_8ba25b8f-a933-4704-be00-a8dbdd185ddb_noad.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=791&p=510351&story=1146886275&t=podcast&e=1146886275&ft=nprml&f=1146886275","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/11147007596-cd8276.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=791&p=510351&story=1146886275&t=podcast&e=1146886275&ft=nprml&f=1146886275,http://api.npr.org/m3u/11147026565-16f8be.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=791&p=510351&story=1146886275&t=podcast&e=1146886275&ft=nprml&f=1146886275","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/60743/puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/dailyscience/2023/01/20230105_dailyscience_c3a37cd1-290e-469f-a24a-bafadf312da8.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=791&p=510351&story=1146886275&t=podcast&e=1146886275&ft=nprml&f=1146886275,https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/dailyscience/2023/01/20230105_dailyscience_8ba25b8f-a933-4704-be00-a8dbdd185ddb_noad.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=791&p=510351&story=1146886275&t=podcast&e=1146886275&ft=nprml&f=1146886275","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Listen to Short Wave on \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3HOQKeK\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Spotify\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3WA9vqh\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Apple Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> and \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3Vi9Xsm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Google Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When and how people receive puberty education varies greatly. Some are taught according to thorough curricula; others spend hours searching for answers to their questions online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Short Wave co-\u003c/em>host \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/767284140/emily-kwong\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emily Kwong\u003c/a> is in the first category. When 10-year-old Emily first learned about periods, she asked her mom for diagrams and procedures — because information is comforting. On the other hand, when 10-year old \u003cem>Short Wave\u003c/em> producer \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/1083758522/margaret-cirino\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Margaret Cirino\u003c/a> first learned about periods, she was confused and a little scared.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fast forward a decade or so ... and there is a lot that adult Emily and adult Marge still don't know about their periods!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's why today Emily and Marge team up to provide a new and improved period talk. They chat with \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/DrKBrandi\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kristyn Brandi\u003c/a>, an OB/GYN and family planning doctor, and \u003ca href=\"https://thebleedread.com/about/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Mandi Tembo\u003c/a>, a menstrual health PhD candidate, about everything they wish they knew about their periods. Consider this episode a period manual, complete with an overview of the menstrual cycle, the science of how periods work, how to know when something is abnormal — and whether to have a period in the first place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Check out our episode on period tracking apps and data privacy \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2021/12/29/1068930998/when-tracking-your-period-lets-companies-track-you\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Listen to Short Wave on \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3HOQKeK\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Spotify\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3WA9vqh\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Apple Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> and \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://n.pr/3Vi9Xsm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cem>Google Podcasts\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This episode was reported and produced by Margaret Cirino. It was edited by Gisele Grayson and Rebecca Ramirez. Brit Hanson checked the facts. The audio engineer was Alex Drewenskus. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2023 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=The+Period+Talk+%28For+Adults%29&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/60743/puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults","authors":["byline_mindshift_60743"],"categories":["mindshift_21445"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_21255","mindshift_21265","mindshift_21520","mindshift_21210","mindshift_551","mindshift_20963"],"featImg":"mindshift_60744","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_59875":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_59875","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"59875","score":null,"sort":[1663136809000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"the-case-for-starting-sex-ed-in-kindergarten-hula-hoops-recommended","title":"The case for starting sex ed in kindergarten (hula hoops recommended)","publishDate":1663136809,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>A class of fifth-graders are sitting through an hour-long sex-ed lesson at Louis B. Russell Jr. School 48 in Indianapolis. Some fidget, others giggle. And they have a lot of questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>How old do you have to be to start using tampons?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What's acne?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's April, and sex ed teacher Haileigh Huggins does her best to answer them all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One boy asks, \"Can boys have babies?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No, they cannot get pregnant,\" she tells him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Because they both would have sperm cells right? There wouldn't be an egg cell.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Huggins is trained to teach age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education. But she only has an hour with these students — and that's just enough time to cover the basics, like puberty and reproduction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When most people think of sex ed, those are the lessons that often come to mind. But \u003cem>comprehensive \u003c/em>sex ed goes beyond that. It's defined by sex ed advocates as a science-based, culturally and age-appropriate set of lessons that start in early grades and go through the end of high school. It covers sexuality, human development, sexual orientation and gender, bodily autonomy and consent, as well as relationship skills and media literacy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With abortion access changing in many states, advocates for comprehensive sex ed say it's more important than ever. But, like so many things related to schools, sex education is highly politicized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only three states require schools to teach age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education: Washington, California and Oregon. That's according to SEICUS, a group that advocates for progressive sex education policies. In other states, what students learn about sex ed depends on what school leaders choose to teach.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And yet, research shows these lessons can lead to better health outcomes for students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The major finding of the research is that comprehensive sex education scaffolded across grades, embedded in supportive school environments and across subject areas, can improve sexual, social and emotional health, as well as academic outcomes for young people,\" says Eva Goldfarb, a researcher at Montclair State University in New Jersey. She is co-author of a \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1054139X20304560\">2020 paper\u003c/a> on the topic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Even though it may seem like sex education is controversial, it absolutely is not,\" says Nora Gelperin, director of sex education and training at Advocates for Youth — an organization that promotes access to comprehensive sex education.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says comprehensive sex ed is \"always in the best interest of young people.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's what it looks like, for different age levels from grades K-12:\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Elementary school: Consent, personal boundaries and healthy relationships\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Age-appropriate sex ed for kindergartners introduces topics like consent, identifying who is in your family and the correct names for body parts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"When we're talking about consent with kindergartners, that means getting permission before you touch someone else; asking if it's OK if you borrow somebody's toy or pencil or game, so that kids start to learn about personal boundaries and consent in really age- and developmentally appropriate ways,\" says Gelperin, who was part of a team that released the first national sex education standards in 2012.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gelperin loves to use hula hoops to teach young kids about bodily autonomy: Each student gets one, and is instructed to ask for permission to go inside someone else's hula hoop. The hoops are an analogy for boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"If someone is touching you inside your boundary in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it's OK to say no and talk to a trusted adult,\" Gelperin tells students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another good lesson for younger children is how to \u003cem>identify \u003c/em>those trusted adults. Mariotta Gary-Smith, a sex ed instructor based in Oregon, asks students to write a list of people they trust in their communities: \"People that you know care about you, people who are accessible to you, people who could support you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The list can include peers, immediate and extended family members or chosen family members. Then Gary-Smith, who co-founded the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, asks students to think about how they would talk to the people on their list about safety, respect and boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"When they knew that they had trust and safety in their circle, they felt like they could express themselves without judgment,\" she explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As students head into third grade, Gelperin says they should start learning the characteristics of healthy relationships with friends and family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Sometimes there's teasing and bullying that's going on in those grade levels. So you want to talk about how to interrupt teasing and bullying and how to stand up for others that may be getting teased or bullied,\" she explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There should also be a focus on respecting others' differences, including different family makeups, cultural backgrounds and faith traditions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gelperin says lessons on consent should continue throughout elementary school. And she recommends lessons on puberty begin in fourth grade, because that's when some students begin to see and experience changes in their bodies.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Middle school: Real talk about puberty\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>As students transition from elementary school to middle school, they should learn about the details of reproduction, including biological terms and why some people menstruate while others create sperm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"That for me is a real hallmark of middle school sex education, is kind of really starting to understand how those parts and systems work together for reproduction,\" Gelperin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's also a good time to connect the physical effects of puberty and hormones with the feelings of attraction that come along with them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Who gives you butterflies in your stomach? Who makes your palm sweaty?\" Gelperin says. \"Because we know with puberty, one of the changes is experiencing new hormones that make us feel feelings of attraction often for other people in a new and different way.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Students should also learn about sexually transmitted infections, like HIV, and how they're transmitted.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And middle school is a good time to start learning about gender expression and sexual orientation, as well as gender stereotypes. One Advocates for Youth lesson includes a scavenger hunt homework assignment where students look for gender stereotypes in the world around them, like a sports ad that only features men or an ad for cleaning supplies that only features women.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>High school: When conversations about healthy relationships get deeper\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Healthy relationships are a \"hallmark\" of comprehensive sex education, Gelperin says. As students move into high school, the conversation should expand from family and friends to partners and intimate relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"What makes a relationship healthy? How do you know if a relationship is not healthy?\" Gelperirn says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Those conversations should also cover sexual abuse, sexual harassment and sexual assault.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Mountainside High School in Beaverton, Ore., school health teacher Jenn Hicks shares statistics with students about the disproportionate rates of sexual violence for women, women of color and members of the LGBTQ communiity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Sexual violence can happen to anyone,\" she tells her class, \"but it doesn't happen equally to everyone.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That leads to a conversation about consent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We have to talk about how we treat each other better, why consent is so important and why we need to listen to each other and protect each other,\" Hicks says. \"Again, violence is used as a form of control to keep groups of people disempowered and fearful.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then, of course, come the classic lessons of high school sex ed, about pregnancy, how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and how to use contraception – a lesson Gelperin says is especially important.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We can't expect young people to know how to use condoms correctly unless we help them learn how to do that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One classic method: bananas. Specifically, having students practice placing a condom on a banana, as one Advocates for Youth lesson recommends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, there are lessons that don't have anything to do with sex (or fruit) — like how to find credible sources of information.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Think about all the rumors about sex that can circulate in a high school – those rumors are also all over the internet. And for a kid looking for information, it can be hard to know what to believe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We're allowing children to learn what's out there, and they are,\" says sex ed researcher Lisa Lieberman, who co-authored that Montclair State University paper. \"They are accessing pornography; they are accessing the internet. They are learning in ways that are not the message that most parents and schools want children to have.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Advocates for Youth recommends asking students to evaluate different sexual health websites, and identify the ones that are trustworthy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Hicks, the goal of all this is to give every student the tools they need to stay safe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's recognizing everybody that's in the room and giving them the knowledge and skills to make the best possible decisions for themselves and to lead a happy, fulfilled life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Sex ed recommendations are always evolving\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Mariotta Gary-Smith, with the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, says 10 years ago sex education wasn't culturally reflective or respectful to everyone, including to communities of color.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The images that are used, that have been used historically ... you don't see bodies that are not white, able-bodied, cis, slender, slim,\" she explains. \"You don't see or hear about young people who choose to parent if they become pregnant. You hear about teen pregnancy as this thing to be stopped, but not honoring that there are cultures and communities where young people who choose to parent are celebrated.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gary-Smith has helped create more inclusive lessons through the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, and the sex ed standards Gelperin helped create in 2012 were \u003ca href=\"https://advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/NSES-2020-web.pdf\">updated in 2020\u003c/a> to include racism, inequality and their impact on sexual health. An Advocates for Youth \u003ca href=\"https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/3Rs_ImpactofRacismInequalityOnSexualHealth_HighSchool_FINAL-1.pdf\">lesson\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/3Rs_ImpactofRacismInequalityOnSexualHealth_HighSchool_FINAL-1.pdf\">points students to \u003c/a>examples of how racism has impacted the health and reproductive rights of low-income women of color, among other groups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The national sex ed standards were also updated to touch on gender identity, sexual orientation, reproductive justice and sexually explicit media.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It really allowed us to reflect the times in 2020 and what young people were saying was their lived experiences that they were so hungry to learn and talk about,\" Gelperin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keeping sex ed inclusive and culturally reflective means teaching about systemic oppression, discrimination and the history and impacts of racism on certain communities, Gary-Smith explains. For example, a lesson on reproductive health might discuss historical examples of forced sterilization of Indigenous women or Black women, or the criminal justice system as it connects to family relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These lessons may seem a far cry from those on consent or gender, and Gary-Smith understands that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Everything I'm talking about now, 10 years ago, we weren't talking about it,\" she explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That highlights one of the most important characteristics of sex ed for Gary-Smith: It should always be evolving.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It needs to shift and change because things shift and change.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Lee Gaines is from member station WFYI, and Elizabeth Miller is from member station OPB. \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/348780034/nicole-cohen\">\u003cem>Nicole Cohen\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> edited this story for broadcast and digital.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=The+case+for+starting+sex+ed+in+kindergarten+%28hula+hoops+recommended%29&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Comprehensive, age-appropriate sex ed has all kinds of social, emotional and academic benefits, researchers say. Here's what that looks like, from K through 12. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1663223605,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":62,"wordCount":1870},"headData":{"title":"The case for starting sex ed in kindergarten (hula hoops recommended) - MindShift","description":"Comprehensive, age-appropriate sex ed has all kinds of social, emotional and academic benefits, researchers say. Here's what that looks like, from K through 12. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"The case for starting sex ed in kindergarten (hula hoops recommended)","datePublished":"2022-09-14T06:26:49.000Z","dateModified":"2022-09-15T06:33:25.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"59875 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=59875","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2022/09/13/the-case-for-starting-sex-ed-in-kindergarten-hula-hoops-recommended/","disqusTitle":"The case for starting sex ed in kindergarten (hula hoops recommended)","nprByline":"Lee Gaines and Elizabeth Miller","nprImageAgency":"Emine Yilmaz for NPR","nprStoryId":"1121999705","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1121999705&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/2022/09/12/1121999705/sex-education-school-kindergarten?ft=nprml&f=1121999705","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Mon, 12 Sep 2022 09:15:00 -0400","nprStoryDate":"Mon, 12 Sep 2022 09:15:03 -0400","nprLastModifiedDate":"Mon, 12 Sep 2022 09:15:08 -0400","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/wesat/2022/07/20220730_wesat_sex_ed_explainer.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=463&story=1121999705&ft=nprml&f=1121999705","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/11122000391-821e0b.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=463&story=1121999705&ft=nprml&f=1121999705","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","path":"/mindshift/59875/the-case-for-starting-sex-ed-in-kindergarten-hula-hoops-recommended","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/wesat/2022/07/20220730_wesat_sex_ed_explainer.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=463&story=1121999705&ft=nprml&f=1121999705","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>A class of fifth-graders are sitting through an hour-long sex-ed lesson at Louis B. Russell Jr. School 48 in Indianapolis. Some fidget, others giggle. And they have a lot of questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>How old do you have to be to start using tampons?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What's acne?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's April, and sex ed teacher Haileigh Huggins does her best to answer them all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One boy asks, \"Can boys have babies?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No, they cannot get pregnant,\" she tells him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Because they both would have sperm cells right? There wouldn't be an egg cell.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Huggins is trained to teach age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education. But she only has an hour with these students — and that's just enough time to cover the basics, like puberty and reproduction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When most people think of sex ed, those are the lessons that often come to mind. But \u003cem>comprehensive \u003c/em>sex ed goes beyond that. It's defined by sex ed advocates as a science-based, culturally and age-appropriate set of lessons that start in early grades and go through the end of high school. It covers sexuality, human development, sexual orientation and gender, bodily autonomy and consent, as well as relationship skills and media literacy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With abortion access changing in many states, advocates for comprehensive sex ed say it's more important than ever. But, like so many things related to schools, sex education is highly politicized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only three states require schools to teach age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education: Washington, California and Oregon. That's according to SEICUS, a group that advocates for progressive sex education policies. In other states, what students learn about sex ed depends on what school leaders choose to teach.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And yet, research shows these lessons can lead to better health outcomes for students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The major finding of the research is that comprehensive sex education scaffolded across grades, embedded in supportive school environments and across subject areas, can improve sexual, social and emotional health, as well as academic outcomes for young people,\" says Eva Goldfarb, a researcher at Montclair State University in New Jersey. She is co-author of a \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1054139X20304560\">2020 paper\u003c/a> on the topic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Even though it may seem like sex education is controversial, it absolutely is not,\" says Nora Gelperin, director of sex education and training at Advocates for Youth — an organization that promotes access to comprehensive sex education.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says comprehensive sex ed is \"always in the best interest of young people.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's what it looks like, for different age levels from grades K-12:\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Elementary school: Consent, personal boundaries and healthy relationships\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Age-appropriate sex ed for kindergartners introduces topics like consent, identifying who is in your family and the correct names for body parts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"When we're talking about consent with kindergartners, that means getting permission before you touch someone else; asking if it's OK if you borrow somebody's toy or pencil or game, so that kids start to learn about personal boundaries and consent in really age- and developmentally appropriate ways,\" says Gelperin, who was part of a team that released the first national sex education standards in 2012.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gelperin loves to use hula hoops to teach young kids about bodily autonomy: Each student gets one, and is instructed to ask for permission to go inside someone else's hula hoop. The hoops are an analogy for boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"If someone is touching you inside your boundary in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it's OK to say no and talk to a trusted adult,\" Gelperin tells students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another good lesson for younger children is how to \u003cem>identify \u003c/em>those trusted adults. Mariotta Gary-Smith, a sex ed instructor based in Oregon, asks students to write a list of people they trust in their communities: \"People that you know care about you, people who are accessible to you, people who could support you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The list can include peers, immediate and extended family members or chosen family members. Then Gary-Smith, who co-founded the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, asks students to think about how they would talk to the people on their list about safety, respect and boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"When they knew that they had trust and safety in their circle, they felt like they could express themselves without judgment,\" she explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As students head into third grade, Gelperin says they should start learning the characteristics of healthy relationships with friends and family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Sometimes there's teasing and bullying that's going on in those grade levels. So you want to talk about how to interrupt teasing and bullying and how to stand up for others that may be getting teased or bullied,\" she explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There should also be a focus on respecting others' differences, including different family makeups, cultural backgrounds and faith traditions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gelperin says lessons on consent should continue throughout elementary school. And she recommends lessons on puberty begin in fourth grade, because that's when some students begin to see and experience changes in their bodies.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Middle school: Real talk about puberty\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>As students transition from elementary school to middle school, they should learn about the details of reproduction, including biological terms and why some people menstruate while others create sperm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"That for me is a real hallmark of middle school sex education, is kind of really starting to understand how those parts and systems work together for reproduction,\" Gelperin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's also a good time to connect the physical effects of puberty and hormones with the feelings of attraction that come along with them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Who gives you butterflies in your stomach? Who makes your palm sweaty?\" Gelperin says. \"Because we know with puberty, one of the changes is experiencing new hormones that make us feel feelings of attraction often for other people in a new and different way.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Students should also learn about sexually transmitted infections, like HIV, and how they're transmitted.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And middle school is a good time to start learning about gender expression and sexual orientation, as well as gender stereotypes. One Advocates for Youth lesson includes a scavenger hunt homework assignment where students look for gender stereotypes in the world around them, like a sports ad that only features men or an ad for cleaning supplies that only features women.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>High school: When conversations about healthy relationships get deeper\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Healthy relationships are a \"hallmark\" of comprehensive sex education, Gelperin says. As students move into high school, the conversation should expand from family and friends to partners and intimate relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"What makes a relationship healthy? How do you know if a relationship is not healthy?\" Gelperirn says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Those conversations should also cover sexual abuse, sexual harassment and sexual assault.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Mountainside High School in Beaverton, Ore., school health teacher Jenn Hicks shares statistics with students about the disproportionate rates of sexual violence for women, women of color and members of the LGBTQ communiity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Sexual violence can happen to anyone,\" she tells her class, \"but it doesn't happen equally to everyone.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That leads to a conversation about consent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We have to talk about how we treat each other better, why consent is so important and why we need to listen to each other and protect each other,\" Hicks says. \"Again, violence is used as a form of control to keep groups of people disempowered and fearful.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then, of course, come the classic lessons of high school sex ed, about pregnancy, how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and how to use contraception – a lesson Gelperin says is especially important.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We can't expect young people to know how to use condoms correctly unless we help them learn how to do that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One classic method: bananas. Specifically, having students practice placing a condom on a banana, as one Advocates for Youth lesson recommends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, there are lessons that don't have anything to do with sex (or fruit) — like how to find credible sources of information.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Think about all the rumors about sex that can circulate in a high school – those rumors are also all over the internet. And for a kid looking for information, it can be hard to know what to believe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We're allowing children to learn what's out there, and they are,\" says sex ed researcher Lisa Lieberman, who co-authored that Montclair State University paper. \"They are accessing pornography; they are accessing the internet. They are learning in ways that are not the message that most parents and schools want children to have.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Advocates for Youth recommends asking students to evaluate different sexual health websites, and identify the ones that are trustworthy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Hicks, the goal of all this is to give every student the tools they need to stay safe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's recognizing everybody that's in the room and giving them the knowledge and skills to make the best possible decisions for themselves and to lead a happy, fulfilled life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Sex ed recommendations are always evolving\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Mariotta Gary-Smith, with the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, says 10 years ago sex education wasn't culturally reflective or respectful to everyone, including to communities of color.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The images that are used, that have been used historically ... you don't see bodies that are not white, able-bodied, cis, slender, slim,\" she explains. \"You don't see or hear about young people who choose to parent if they become pregnant. You hear about teen pregnancy as this thing to be stopped, but not honoring that there are cultures and communities where young people who choose to parent are celebrated.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gary-Smith has helped create more inclusive lessons through the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, and the sex ed standards Gelperin helped create in 2012 were \u003ca href=\"https://advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/NSES-2020-web.pdf\">updated in 2020\u003c/a> to include racism, inequality and their impact on sexual health. An Advocates for Youth \u003ca href=\"https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/3Rs_ImpactofRacismInequalityOnSexualHealth_HighSchool_FINAL-1.pdf\">lesson\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/3Rs_ImpactofRacismInequalityOnSexualHealth_HighSchool_FINAL-1.pdf\">points students to \u003c/a>examples of how racism has impacted the health and reproductive rights of low-income women of color, among other groups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The national sex ed standards were also updated to touch on gender identity, sexual orientation, reproductive justice and sexually explicit media.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It really allowed us to reflect the times in 2020 and what young people were saying was their lived experiences that they were so hungry to learn and talk about,\" Gelperin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keeping sex ed inclusive and culturally reflective means teaching about systemic oppression, discrimination and the history and impacts of racism on certain communities, Gary-Smith explains. For example, a lesson on reproductive health might discuss historical examples of forced sterilization of Indigenous women or Black women, or the criminal justice system as it connects to family relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These lessons may seem a far cry from those on consent or gender, and Gary-Smith understands that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Everything I'm talking about now, 10 years ago, we weren't talking about it,\" she explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That highlights one of the most important characteristics of sex ed for Gary-Smith: It should always be evolving.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It needs to shift and change because things shift and change.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Lee Gaines is from member station WFYI, and Elizabeth Miller is from member station OPB. \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/348780034/nicole-cohen\">\u003cem>Nicole Cohen\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> edited this story for broadcast and digital.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=The+case+for+starting+sex+ed+in+kindergarten+%28hula+hoops+recommended%29&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/59875/the-case-for-starting-sex-ed-in-kindergarten-hula-hoops-recommended","authors":["byline_mindshift_59875"],"categories":["mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_21231","mindshift_21210","mindshift_20963"],"featImg":"mindshift_59876","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_58026":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_58026","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"58026","score":null,"sort":[1624264037000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"millions-of-teens-experience-abusive-relationships-heres-how-adults-can-help","title":"Millions Of Teens Experience Abusive Relationships. Here's How Adults Can Help","publishDate":1624264037,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>No parent imagines that teen dating violence could affect their child. Yet according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipv/TDV-factsheet_508.pdf\">26% of women\u003c/a> say they experienced intimate partner violence before they were 18. Shailaja Dixit, who works at \u003ca href=\"https://save-dv.org/\">Safe Alternatives to Violent Environments \u003c/a>(SAVE), a nonprofit that helps survivors of intimate partner violence, says adults need to acknowledge that teen dating violence is real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dating abuse can happen to anyone — it doesn't matter if the teen is a good student, plays sports or seems happy. A teen in an abusive relationship may not understand what's happening or have the experience to know what to do — so adults are critical.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here are a few tips for adults who can help.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Normalize conversations about relationships and sex\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\"\u003c/em>I think one of the best things that adults can do is make conversations around healthy relationships and sex a normal conversation that you have,\" says Melissa Espinoza, who also works at SAVE, counseling youth. She says having casual conversations gives both of you an opportunity to share values and expectations. Start simple: \"Are your friends dating anyone?\" or \"Have you thought about dating?\" Espinoza says, don't be discouraged if your teen acts as if you don't understand or doesn't say much — they \u003cem>are\u003c/em> listening.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Use a story in the news or a movie to ease into conversations about how relationships are portrayed in popular culture and ask the teen what they think. Don't worry if you feel awkward or stumble through the first few chats, Dixit says. \"This is like a muscle that develops,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And don't think of this as a one-off conversation; rather, think of it as one that is ongoing.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Be a trusted adult\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A trusted adult could be a parent, but relatives, school counselors, pastors or even friends' parents can support a teen, too. It's a good idea to encourage your child to grow relationships with trusted adults in addition to their parents, so they have a network of support.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Espinoza says if you want to be one of these safe, trusted adults, you need to balance the protectiveness you feel for the teen with respect for their decisions. Let them know they can talk to you about anything. Many times, teens are scared of sharing something like relationship abuse — believing that they may get into trouble for dating when they weren't supposed to or that they won't be allowed to go out anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Just take the time to listen to what they have to share and don't give just advice,\" Espinoza says. \"And then, if they ask for it, share your input as well.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says that doesn't mean you can't share your values or what you believe, just do it so that the emphasis is always on how much you love the teen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Espinoza suggests setting aside time when you can go for ice cream or take a walk or shoot hoops. That helps build that relationship because it shows you are available. It also makes it easier to spot changes in a child such as if they become withdrawn or start changing how they dress or suddenly have different friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dixit says being \"emotionally observant\" goes a long way. But, she cautions, if a teen shares something about their dating partner, don't freak out, even if that's how you feel inside. She says dismissing the relationship and connection the teen feels can backfire. \"If the parents say, 'Hey, you can't see [that person],' what ends up happening? They'll start sneaking out or sneaking around.\" She says have open and honest conversation instead by saying, \"Let me hear your needs and you can hear our needs as parents, too. And how can we help you?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Model healthy relationships\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Dixit says showing a teen what a \"healthy relationship\" looks like is at the heart of preventing abusive ones. \"It's really the ability to feel like you're equal when you're with your partner. Is there humor? Is there respect? Do you feel scared when you voice an opinion, or are you heard and received? Do you feel physically safe? Do you feel mentally safe? Is there respect for boundaries?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says that sometimes, parents inadvertently model similar power dynamics as abusers — where they don't empower teens to set boundaries, where they equate love with control. \"If the youth sees love as control and invasion, then we have not helped them build the muscle that recognizes boundaries and asserts [them],\" Dixit says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Examine how boundaries are treated in your home, she says. How do members treat emotions? Is there a culture of shame and silence when you are unhappy with your teen?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While all this is something to strive for, Dixit also says, recognize that no parent is perfect. \"I have to remind all adults to have self-compassion.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Recognize that friends are important\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Remember that developmentally, your teen's peer group is very important to them at this age, and they can be a strong source of support. \"Friends can get where no hotline [or] parents can,\" Dixit says. An abuser relies on isolation, and a friend can break that. They can also remind the teen that they're worth loving and respecting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even if you don't like your teen's friends, it isn't helpful to criticize them or tell your teen they can't hang out together. Instead, try to develop a dialogue so your teen feels heard.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Reach out for help\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Dixit says if you suspect or know abuse is taking place, it's important to reach out for professional help. There are advocacy groups in every state — the more local the better because laws can differ. If you're helping a teen in an abusive relationship, don't stigmatize mental health, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You can talk to counselors in organizations like hers, confidentially. Dixit says a counselor can help involve the teen in decisions so they have buy-in. And they can help your teen create a \"safety plan\" or a way to reach resources. That might include clarifying who the teen's safe adult is or which phone numbers a teen should memorize, should they need them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This safety plan will differ based on the context. For example, in school, a safety plan may mean having a buddy walk with the teen between classes or having a code word with friends to indicate that the teen needs help.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These friends can reach out for professional resources, too. Espinoza says she always tells teens that when a friend is in an abusive relationship, they are not breaking the friend's trust by telling an adult what's going on — in fact, they are helping.\u003c/p>\n\u003chr>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>The podcast portion of this episode was produced by \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/895092631/clare-schneider\">\u003cem>Clare Marie Schneider\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"mailto:LifeKit@npr.org\">\u003cem>LifeKit@npr.org\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>For more Life Kit, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/newsletter/life-kit\">\u003cem>subscribe to our newsletter\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2021 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Millions+Of+Teens+Experience+Abusive+Relationships.+Here%27s+How+Adults+Can+Help&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Teens face dating violence at alarming rates — but don't always have the experience to know what to do. Adults play a critical role in supporting them by talking frankly about relationships and taking action when a teen needs help. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1624264037,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":27,"wordCount":1197},"headData":{"title":"Millions Of Teens Experience Abusive Relationships. Here's How Adults Can Help - MindShift","description":"Teens face dating violence at alarming rates — but don't always have the experience to know what to do. Adults play a critical role in supporting them by talking frankly about relationships and taking action when a teen needs help. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Millions Of Teens Experience Abusive Relationships. Here's How Adults Can Help","datePublished":"2021-06-21T08:27:17.000Z","dateModified":"2021-06-21T08:27:17.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"58026 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=58026","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2021/06/21/millions-of-teens-experience-abusive-relationships-heres-how-adults-can-help/","disqusTitle":"Millions Of Teens Experience Abusive Relationships. Here's How Adults Can Help","nprByline":"Kavitha Cardoza and Clare Marie Schneider","nprImageAgency":"Kim Ryu for NPR","nprStoryId":"994256485","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=994256485&profileTypeId=15&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/2021/05/06/994256485/abusive-relationships-teen-dating-violence-parents?ft=nprml&f=994256485","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Mon, 21 Jun 2021 00:03:00 -0400","nprStoryDate":"Mon, 21 Jun 2021 00:03:55 -0400","nprLastModifiedDate":"Sun, 20 Jun 2021 18:01:31 -0400","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/lifekit/2021/06/20210621_lifekit_teen_dating_violence___life_kit___-_final.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1164&aggIds=676529561&d=1197&p=510338&story=994256485&t=podcast&e=994256485&ft=nprml&f=994256485","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/11007736387-e904fd.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1164&aggIds=676529561&d=1197&p=510338&story=994256485&t=podcast&e=994256485&ft=nprml&f=994256485","path":"/mindshift/58026/millions-of-teens-experience-abusive-relationships-heres-how-adults-can-help","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/lifekit/2021/06/20210621_lifekit_teen_dating_violence___life_kit___-_final.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1164&aggIds=676529561&d=1197&p=510338&story=994256485&t=podcast&e=994256485&ft=nprml&f=994256485","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>No parent imagines that teen dating violence could affect their child. Yet according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipv/TDV-factsheet_508.pdf\">26% of women\u003c/a> say they experienced intimate partner violence before they were 18. Shailaja Dixit, who works at \u003ca href=\"https://save-dv.org/\">Safe Alternatives to Violent Environments \u003c/a>(SAVE), a nonprofit that helps survivors of intimate partner violence, says adults need to acknowledge that teen dating violence is real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dating abuse can happen to anyone — it doesn't matter if the teen is a good student, plays sports or seems happy. A teen in an abusive relationship may not understand what's happening or have the experience to know what to do — so adults are critical.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here are a few tips for adults who can help.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Normalize conversations about relationships and sex\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\"\u003c/em>I think one of the best things that adults can do is make conversations around healthy relationships and sex a normal conversation that you have,\" says Melissa Espinoza, who also works at SAVE, counseling youth. She says having casual conversations gives both of you an opportunity to share values and expectations. Start simple: \"Are your friends dating anyone?\" or \"Have you thought about dating?\" Espinoza says, don't be discouraged if your teen acts as if you don't understand or doesn't say much — they \u003cem>are\u003c/em> listening.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Use a story in the news or a movie to ease into conversations about how relationships are portrayed in popular culture and ask the teen what they think. Don't worry if you feel awkward or stumble through the first few chats, Dixit says. \"This is like a muscle that develops,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And don't think of this as a one-off conversation; rather, think of it as one that is ongoing.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Be a trusted adult\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A trusted adult could be a parent, but relatives, school counselors, pastors or even friends' parents can support a teen, too. It's a good idea to encourage your child to grow relationships with trusted adults in addition to their parents, so they have a network of support.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Espinoza says if you want to be one of these safe, trusted adults, you need to balance the protectiveness you feel for the teen with respect for their decisions. Let them know they can talk to you about anything. Many times, teens are scared of sharing something like relationship abuse — believing that they may get into trouble for dating when they weren't supposed to or that they won't be allowed to go out anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Just take the time to listen to what they have to share and don't give just advice,\" Espinoza says. \"And then, if they ask for it, share your input as well.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says that doesn't mean you can't share your values or what you believe, just do it so that the emphasis is always on how much you love the teen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Espinoza suggests setting aside time when you can go for ice cream or take a walk or shoot hoops. That helps build that relationship because it shows you are available. It also makes it easier to spot changes in a child such as if they become withdrawn or start changing how they dress or suddenly have different friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dixit says being \"emotionally observant\" goes a long way. But, she cautions, if a teen shares something about their dating partner, don't freak out, even if that's how you feel inside. She says dismissing the relationship and connection the teen feels can backfire. \"If the parents say, 'Hey, you can't see [that person],' what ends up happening? They'll start sneaking out or sneaking around.\" She says have open and honest conversation instead by saying, \"Let me hear your needs and you can hear our needs as parents, too. And how can we help you?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Model healthy relationships\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Dixit says showing a teen what a \"healthy relationship\" looks like is at the heart of preventing abusive ones. \"It's really the ability to feel like you're equal when you're with your partner. Is there humor? Is there respect? Do you feel scared when you voice an opinion, or are you heard and received? Do you feel physically safe? Do you feel mentally safe? Is there respect for boundaries?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says that sometimes, parents inadvertently model similar power dynamics as abusers — where they don't empower teens to set boundaries, where they equate love with control. \"If the youth sees love as control and invasion, then we have not helped them build the muscle that recognizes boundaries and asserts [them],\" Dixit says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Examine how boundaries are treated in your home, she says. How do members treat emotions? Is there a culture of shame and silence when you are unhappy with your teen?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While all this is something to strive for, Dixit also says, recognize that no parent is perfect. \"I have to remind all adults to have self-compassion.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Recognize that friends are important\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Remember that developmentally, your teen's peer group is very important to them at this age, and they can be a strong source of support. \"Friends can get where no hotline [or] parents can,\" Dixit says. An abuser relies on isolation, and a friend can break that. They can also remind the teen that they're worth loving and respecting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even if you don't like your teen's friends, it isn't helpful to criticize them or tell your teen they can't hang out together. Instead, try to develop a dialogue so your teen feels heard.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Reach out for help\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Dixit says if you suspect or know abuse is taking place, it's important to reach out for professional help. There are advocacy groups in every state — the more local the better because laws can differ. If you're helping a teen in an abusive relationship, don't stigmatize mental health, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You can talk to counselors in organizations like hers, confidentially. Dixit says a counselor can help involve the teen in decisions so they have buy-in. And they can help your teen create a \"safety plan\" or a way to reach resources. That might include clarifying who the teen's safe adult is or which phone numbers a teen should memorize, should they need them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This safety plan will differ based on the context. For example, in school, a safety plan may mean having a buddy walk with the teen between classes or having a code word with friends to indicate that the teen needs help.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These friends can reach out for professional resources, too. Espinoza says she always tells teens that when a friend is in an abusive relationship, they are not breaking the friend's trust by telling an adult what's going on — in fact, they are helping.\u003c/p>\n\u003chr>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>The podcast portion of this episode was produced by \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/people/895092631/clare-schneider\">\u003cem>Clare Marie Schneider\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"mailto:LifeKit@npr.org\">\u003cem>LifeKit@npr.org\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>For more Life Kit, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/newsletter/life-kit\">\u003cem>subscribe to our newsletter\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2021 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Millions+Of+Teens+Experience+Abusive+Relationships.+Here%27s+How+Adults+Can+Help&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/58026/millions-of-teens-experience-abusive-relationships-heres-how-adults-can-help","authors":["byline_mindshift_58026"],"categories":["mindshift_20874"],"tags":["mindshift_20865","mindshift_21213","mindshift_20963"],"featImg":"mindshift_58027","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_54805":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_54805","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"54805","score":null,"sort":[1574411377000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-parents-can-talk-with-their-teens-about-sex-and-consent","title":"How Parents Can Talk With Their Teens About Sex and Consent","publishDate":1574411377,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">Sex, Teens & Everything in Between: The New and Necessary Conversations Today's Teenagers Need to Have about Consent, Sexual Harassment, \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">Healthy Relationships, Love, and More\u003c/a> by Shafia Zaloom.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>By Shafia Zaloom \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Exploring sexuality with others can be scary, confusing, and thrilling, and digital devices make every interaction more consequential. Consent must be given in person, during sexual activity, and whenever a new form of sexual activity is initiated. Many young people communicate and establish relationships through technology. This may provide a false sense of knowing someone, intimacy, or readiness to engage in a sexual relationship. With all of the abbreviations young people use (hu = hookup, wbu = what about you, dtr = define the relationship, etc.), they are in many ways abbreviating relationships. It is important to consider that the only way to truly know if you are comfortable and ready to be sexually active with someone is to actually spend time with them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As adults, we can talk to teenagers about knowing whether they can trust someone and are ready to be more intimate. This means considering whether they are comfortable discussing issues such as consent, how far they want to go, what they are ready to do, etc. If their partner pressures, manipulates, or guilt-trips them into activities they don’t feel ready for, they should consider whether this is a relationship they want to continue.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sex educator, speaker, author, and my personal rock star, Emily Nagoski, has a beautiful garden metaphor I use with my students to deepen their understanding of consent within the context of their sexuality. It goes like this: When you’re born, you’re given a little plot of rich, fertile soil, slightly different from everyone else’s (a.k.a. your brain and your body). Your family and culture (the immediate and broader communities you’re a part of) plant seeds and tend the garden. They also teach you how to tend it. Those seeds are the language, attitudes, knowledge, and habits about love and safety, bodies, and sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each garden is unique and has different needs depending on the vegetation those seeds yield. Some gardens may require extra sunlight and water, some may need extra fertilizer or shade, some may be drought-tolerant or need extra vigilance when it comes to weeding out toxic and invasive species. Over time, as you become an adolescent, you start to take on the responsibility of tending your own garden. While discovering what’s in your garden, what it needs, and how to take care of it, you get to choose what gets pulled out and what gets to stay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-54891\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Zaloom.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"183\" height=\"275\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Zaloom.png 183w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Zaloom-160x240.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 183px) 100vw, 183px\">\u003c/a>Consent is having the agency to decide who gets to enter your garden and what will happen while you’re there together. It’s the option to choose whether someone comes in and how they behave while they are there—do they play and frolic, or stomp and trample? Consent determines how long they get to stay, and whether they get to plant something or take anything with them when they leave. You should ask before entering someone else’s garden. Honor it because it’s theirs. And anyone you let into your garden should help it thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Parent–Teen Conversation Starters\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My students give me the best advice for how to approach conversations with teenagers. Be concise and focused. Allow your teen to guide the conversation. Talk less and listen more. It’s OK to say “I don’t know.” Stay open to different perspectives. Avoid letting the conversation become a family debate. Worry less about what your teen is doing and more about how they feel about it. Have many smaller conversations over time in different contexts. My students also emphasize the importance of selecting questions from the list below that will resonate with your own teenager. Every teen is unique and up to different things and dealing with different issues, so be selective with the questions you choose.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>In your own words, what is consent? What are some examples of consent that come up in everyday life?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What’s the value of consent? How does it relate to healthy relationships?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are some examples of asking for consent?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What does it feel like when someone doesn’t respect your right to choose for yourself? How do/can you respond?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>How can you connect your understanding of everyday consent to sexual consent?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why are some people trying to change the notion of consent from “no means no” to “yes means yes”? What is the difference, and do you agree or disagree?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are some examples of consensual questions for the following: asking someone out; deciding how you’re going to spend time together; or being sexually intimate with someone?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are the circumstances in which consent cannot be given?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are some important characteristics of a sexual relationship beyond consent?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Resources: \u003c/em>\u003cem>Everyday Feminism magazine has a helpful online comic strip titled What If We Treated All Consent Like Society Treats Sexual Consent?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Straight Answers to Teen Questions\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Why is “yes means yes” better than “no means no”?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>“Yes means yes” comes from the media’s coverage of recent affirmative consent laws (“affirmative” is the legal language used that requires someone to ask for agreement to initiate a level of intimacy). Until affirmative consent laws were created, the phrase “no means no” reflected widely held thinking around consent and sexual assault. It meant that if someone said no to a sexual act, the person initiating the activity should respect that boundary and stop what they are doing. This is still important. If someone doesn’t want to engage in a sexual act, they can say no and the other person should stop or it might be considered sexual assault.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Yes means yes” is an improvement on “no means no,” because “no means no” assumes yes until that person expresses their discomfort by literally saying the word no. Ideally, all people would feel comfortable and confident enough during a sexual encounter to say no. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case, especially with young people. Asking for affirmative consent, if the question truly allows for either answer, expresses respect and care for a partner’s sexual experience. It is also more positive because it affirms desire and hopefully leads to better sexual communication. It is the kind of communication that ideally should happen during sex and in healthy relationships. Beyond yes is enthusiastic consent, which means not only does the other person agree to what you’re doing together, but also they genuinely desire it and they’re excited about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>What would be considered “another level of intimacy”?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>An example of another level of intimacy might be going from making out with someone to taking their clothes off, or when two people are feeling each other up and one reaches into the other’s pants. Another example is when someone goes from intimate touching to moving down the other person’s body to give oral sex. Different people experience different levels of intimacy in different sexual situations. Some people may feel that kissing is more intimate than genital touching. Others may think that genital-to-genital intercourse is more intimate than oral intercourse. It depends on the person, so ask and pay attention to how your partner responds.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Do I have to ask for consent even if I’m really close to the person?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes, you must ask for consent even if you’re really close to your sexual partner. A preexisting relationship does not equal consent. There are many benefits to knowing your partner. In a healthy relationship, trust and care are built over time. This allows for both partners to communicate without fear of being judged. Sometimes, consent is wordless between people who know each other really well. Communication happens with body language, facial expression, and pleasurable sounds. Still, paying attention to context is important for everyone. The context or circumstances that surround the sexual activity can change within moments and may influence how someone feels sexually, and it is important to understand that context may influence consent. And if the consent is wordless, the partners involved must be attentive to each other and make sure that whatever is happening between them is something they both want.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>When do I have the right to say no? When is it socially acceptable?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>You have the right to say no at any time in a relationship or within a sexual experience. The answer to the second question will likely vary depending on who you talk to. We live in a sex-negative culture (one that focuses on objectification, sexualization, sex stigma, and body-shaming) that doesn’t always promote healthy perspectives on sexuality, especially for young people. It may seem and feel like you have to say yes because that is what you see in the media or what you hear from your friends. A sex-positive and sexually healthy society would make it socially acceptable to say no to sexual activity whenever you feel you want or need to. Remember that you are under no obligation to engage in behavior you don’t feel ready for, no matter the circumstances.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are different ways to say no that you may want to consider. Within any type of relationship, be clear with your no. If you are in a healthy relationship, engage in a conversation with care and respect, so you can talk through what you’re both thinking and feeling. What your partner wants matters. Being a considerate and generous lover is mature and responsible. Encouraging people to talk openly about consent, and the ability to say yes and no, benefits everyone. Everyone deserves that kind of respect from a partner, and it makes for a healthier relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are saying no in a hookup situation, be clear and assertive. If you and your partner are engaged in a respectful sexual encounter and care about each other’s experience, it should be OK to engage in open and honest dialogue. You could say, “I’m not comfortable with that but would be comfortable with [activity].” If your partner only seems to care about getting off physically and doesn’t consider your experience, then be clear and direct with your no and end the hookup. Bottom line: you have the right to say no.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Can someone give consent if they are drunk?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>No. The legal language of affirmative consent legislation for being drunk or intoxicated is “incapacitated.” A person cannot give consent if they are incapacitated, which means they aren’t able to think clearly because they are under the influence of a substance or drug (alcohol is considered a drug). The point at which someone becomes incapacitated is different depending on many variables, including genetics, size, tolerance, how much of a substance they consumed, what kind of substance they consumed, when and how they took the substance, if they had recently eaten, or if the substance had an additional substance in it. If someone reports a nonconsensual experience and the people involved were incapacitated, the police or authorities on a school’s campus (if it took place at school) will investigate to determine whether the people involved were incapacitated and if this impacted the situation.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>If I send a nude or “dick pic,” does that count as consent?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>No. You cannot give consent to sexual activity over a phone or other digital device, especially if you are under the age of eighteen. Nudes do not equal consent. In fact, unless someone asks for a nude photo, it can be considered sexual harassment. And if you’re under eighteen, taking sexually explicit photos of yourself and “sexting”—sending nude photos—is considered trafficking in child pornography and is against federal law. Some states have teen sexting laws to deal with this common issue because the consequences for teens who violate federal law can be severe. Remember, too, that what is on your device and what you send to others is essentially public. Just because the photos disappear from your phone doesn’t mean that someone didn’t screenshot and forward or save them. If you send a nude photo, you should expect that it will probably become public at some point and may be circulated. Would you want your family, employer, college admissions officer, or future romantic interest to see it? Probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>What if I’m comfortable doing something sexual with a guy but not a girl?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Your body belongs to you; you get to choose how to touch and be touched. The guidelines are the same for managing what’s going on while you explore sexuality with someone, regardless of gender. No matter the person and how they identify, it’s important to communicate your desires and limitations and to listen and ask for theirs. Mutual respect doesn’t depend on how someone identifies. Communicate with a potential sexual partner in the moment. If they are safe and OK to be with you sexually, it’s OK to do what you want and don’t want. Period.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Isn’t it OK to push just a little to try to persuade someone to go further? I’m not going to force someone, of course, but what if they just need a little convincing?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Nope. Not OK to push even just a little. The need for any sort of persuasion makes the situation nonconsensual. Coercion, or saying things like “C’mon, it’ll feel good,” “Just relax, don’t worry about it,” “If you like me you’ll do this,” or “Everyone does this, what’s wrong with you?” is not consent. Adding social power or leverage to the dynamic is also not consent. Saying things like “C’mon, don’t you want to be first pick of the team next year? You know I’m the captain,” “If you don’t do this, I’ll have to post those pictures you sent me,” or “You don’t want everyone to know you’re gay, do you?” is not consent. It is coercive and exploitive. It is manipulative, unhealthy, bullyish, and disrespectful to pressure someone into second-guessing themselves and compromising their emotional and physical safety; if taken too far it can even constitute assault.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Can consensual sex be regrettable?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes. If consent is asked for and given, without the influence of substances, the impairment of a mental or physical disability, coercion or age disparity (one partner is over eighteen, the other is under eighteen), then the sex is legal. Just because the sex is legal, however, doesn’t mean it’s right. If it isn’t consented to for the right reasons—for instance, someone wasn’t ready, the sex wasn’t physically or emotionally safe, or someone else’s well-being is impacted (like a friend is betrayed)—someone may regret having participated in it. Legal sex is not necessarily ethical or “good” sex. Ethical sex is legal and takes into account the well-being of the participants and others who may be impacted by their actions. Good sex is legal, ethical, and feels pleasurable and satisfying for both partners. To avoid regrettable albeit consensual sex, make sure you choose to engage in sexual activity for your right reasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p2\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">\u003cem>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-54807\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Shafia-Zaloom-e1573590854543.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"263\">Shafia Zaloom\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> is author of \u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">Sex, Teens & Everything in Between. \u003c/a>She is a health educator and consultant whose work centers on human development, community building, ethics, and social justice. \u003c/em>\u003c/span>\u003cem>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Her approach involves creating opportunities for students and teachers to discuss the complexities of teen culture and decision-making with straight-forward, open and honest dialogue. Shafia has worked with thousands of children and their families in her role \u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003cem>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">as teacher, coach, administrator, board member, and outdoor educator. Shafia is currently the health teacher at the Urban School in San Francisco, and develops curricula and trainings for schools across the country. \u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lh4XkuG_1A\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Sex and health educator Shafia Zaloom shares a list of teenager-tested conversation starters for parents to help them talk with their teens about consent and healthy relationships.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1574411377,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":34,"wordCount":2788},"headData":{"title":"How Parents Can Talk With Their Teens About Sex and Consent | KQED","description":"Sex and health educator Shafia Zaloom shares a list of teenager-tested conversation starters for parents to help them talk with their teens about consent and healthy relationships.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Parents Can Talk With Their Teens About Sex and Consent","datePublished":"2019-11-22T08:29:37.000Z","dateModified":"2019-11-22T08:29:37.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"54805 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=54805","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2019/11/22/how-parents-can-talk-with-their-teens-about-sex-and-consent/","disqusTitle":"How Parents Can Talk With Their Teens About Sex and Consent","path":"/mindshift/54805/how-parents-can-talk-with-their-teens-about-sex-and-consent","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">Sex, Teens & Everything in Between: The New and Necessary Conversations Today's Teenagers Need to Have about Consent, Sexual Harassment, \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">Healthy Relationships, Love, and More\u003c/a> by Shafia Zaloom.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>By Shafia Zaloom \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Exploring sexuality with others can be scary, confusing, and thrilling, and digital devices make every interaction more consequential. Consent must be given in person, during sexual activity, and whenever a new form of sexual activity is initiated. Many young people communicate and establish relationships through technology. This may provide a false sense of knowing someone, intimacy, or readiness to engage in a sexual relationship. With all of the abbreviations young people use (hu = hookup, wbu = what about you, dtr = define the relationship, etc.), they are in many ways abbreviating relationships. It is important to consider that the only way to truly know if you are comfortable and ready to be sexually active with someone is to actually spend time with them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As adults, we can talk to teenagers about knowing whether they can trust someone and are ready to be more intimate. This means considering whether they are comfortable discussing issues such as consent, how far they want to go, what they are ready to do, etc. If their partner pressures, manipulates, or guilt-trips them into activities they don’t feel ready for, they should consider whether this is a relationship they want to continue.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sex educator, speaker, author, and my personal rock star, Emily Nagoski, has a beautiful garden metaphor I use with my students to deepen their understanding of consent within the context of their sexuality. It goes like this: When you’re born, you’re given a little plot of rich, fertile soil, slightly different from everyone else’s (a.k.a. your brain and your body). Your family and culture (the immediate and broader communities you’re a part of) plant seeds and tend the garden. They also teach you how to tend it. Those seeds are the language, attitudes, knowledge, and habits about love and safety, bodies, and sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each garden is unique and has different needs depending on the vegetation those seeds yield. Some gardens may require extra sunlight and water, some may need extra fertilizer or shade, some may be drought-tolerant or need extra vigilance when it comes to weeding out toxic and invasive species. Over time, as you become an adolescent, you start to take on the responsibility of tending your own garden. While discovering what’s in your garden, what it needs, and how to take care of it, you get to choose what gets pulled out and what gets to stay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-54891\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Zaloom.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"183\" height=\"275\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Zaloom.png 183w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Zaloom-160x240.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 183px) 100vw, 183px\">\u003c/a>Consent is having the agency to decide who gets to enter your garden and what will happen while you’re there together. It’s the option to choose whether someone comes in and how they behave while they are there—do they play and frolic, or stomp and trample? Consent determines how long they get to stay, and whether they get to plant something or take anything with them when they leave. You should ask before entering someone else’s garden. Honor it because it’s theirs. And anyone you let into your garden should help it thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Parent–Teen Conversation Starters\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My students give me the best advice for how to approach conversations with teenagers. Be concise and focused. Allow your teen to guide the conversation. Talk less and listen more. It’s OK to say “I don’t know.” Stay open to different perspectives. Avoid letting the conversation become a family debate. Worry less about what your teen is doing and more about how they feel about it. Have many smaller conversations over time in different contexts. My students also emphasize the importance of selecting questions from the list below that will resonate with your own teenager. Every teen is unique and up to different things and dealing with different issues, so be selective with the questions you choose.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>In your own words, what is consent? What are some examples of consent that come up in everyday life?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What’s the value of consent? How does it relate to healthy relationships?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are some examples of asking for consent?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What does it feel like when someone doesn’t respect your right to choose for yourself? How do/can you respond?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>How can you connect your understanding of everyday consent to sexual consent?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why are some people trying to change the notion of consent from “no means no” to “yes means yes”? What is the difference, and do you agree or disagree?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are some examples of consensual questions for the following: asking someone out; deciding how you’re going to spend time together; or being sexually intimate with someone?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are the circumstances in which consent cannot be given?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are some important characteristics of a sexual relationship beyond consent?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Resources: \u003c/em>\u003cem>Everyday Feminism magazine has a helpful online comic strip titled What If We Treated All Consent Like Society Treats Sexual Consent?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Straight Answers to Teen Questions\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Why is “yes means yes” better than “no means no”?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>“Yes means yes” comes from the media’s coverage of recent affirmative consent laws (“affirmative” is the legal language used that requires someone to ask for agreement to initiate a level of intimacy). Until affirmative consent laws were created, the phrase “no means no” reflected widely held thinking around consent and sexual assault. It meant that if someone said no to a sexual act, the person initiating the activity should respect that boundary and stop what they are doing. This is still important. If someone doesn’t want to engage in a sexual act, they can say no and the other person should stop or it might be considered sexual assault.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Yes means yes” is an improvement on “no means no,” because “no means no” assumes yes until that person expresses their discomfort by literally saying the word no. Ideally, all people would feel comfortable and confident enough during a sexual encounter to say no. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case, especially with young people. Asking for affirmative consent, if the question truly allows for either answer, expresses respect and care for a partner’s sexual experience. It is also more positive because it affirms desire and hopefully leads to better sexual communication. It is the kind of communication that ideally should happen during sex and in healthy relationships. Beyond yes is enthusiastic consent, which means not only does the other person agree to what you’re doing together, but also they genuinely desire it and they’re excited about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>What would be considered “another level of intimacy”?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>An example of another level of intimacy might be going from making out with someone to taking their clothes off, or when two people are feeling each other up and one reaches into the other’s pants. Another example is when someone goes from intimate touching to moving down the other person’s body to give oral sex. Different people experience different levels of intimacy in different sexual situations. Some people may feel that kissing is more intimate than genital touching. Others may think that genital-to-genital intercourse is more intimate than oral intercourse. It depends on the person, so ask and pay attention to how your partner responds.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Do I have to ask for consent even if I’m really close to the person?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes, you must ask for consent even if you’re really close to your sexual partner. A preexisting relationship does not equal consent. There are many benefits to knowing your partner. In a healthy relationship, trust and care are built over time. This allows for both partners to communicate without fear of being judged. Sometimes, consent is wordless between people who know each other really well. Communication happens with body language, facial expression, and pleasurable sounds. Still, paying attention to context is important for everyone. The context or circumstances that surround the sexual activity can change within moments and may influence how someone feels sexually, and it is important to understand that context may influence consent. And if the consent is wordless, the partners involved must be attentive to each other and make sure that whatever is happening between them is something they both want.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>When do I have the right to say no? When is it socially acceptable?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>You have the right to say no at any time in a relationship or within a sexual experience. The answer to the second question will likely vary depending on who you talk to. We live in a sex-negative culture (one that focuses on objectification, sexualization, sex stigma, and body-shaming) that doesn’t always promote healthy perspectives on sexuality, especially for young people. It may seem and feel like you have to say yes because that is what you see in the media or what you hear from your friends. A sex-positive and sexually healthy society would make it socially acceptable to say no to sexual activity whenever you feel you want or need to. Remember that you are under no obligation to engage in behavior you don’t feel ready for, no matter the circumstances.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are different ways to say no that you may want to consider. Within any type of relationship, be clear with your no. If you are in a healthy relationship, engage in a conversation with care and respect, so you can talk through what you’re both thinking and feeling. What your partner wants matters. Being a considerate and generous lover is mature and responsible. Encouraging people to talk openly about consent, and the ability to say yes and no, benefits everyone. Everyone deserves that kind of respect from a partner, and it makes for a healthier relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are saying no in a hookup situation, be clear and assertive. If you and your partner are engaged in a respectful sexual encounter and care about each other’s experience, it should be OK to engage in open and honest dialogue. You could say, “I’m not comfortable with that but would be comfortable with [activity].” If your partner only seems to care about getting off physically and doesn’t consider your experience, then be clear and direct with your no and end the hookup. Bottom line: you have the right to say no.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Can someone give consent if they are drunk?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>No. The legal language of affirmative consent legislation for being drunk or intoxicated is “incapacitated.” A person cannot give consent if they are incapacitated, which means they aren’t able to think clearly because they are under the influence of a substance or drug (alcohol is considered a drug). The point at which someone becomes incapacitated is different depending on many variables, including genetics, size, tolerance, how much of a substance they consumed, what kind of substance they consumed, when and how they took the substance, if they had recently eaten, or if the substance had an additional substance in it. If someone reports a nonconsensual experience and the people involved were incapacitated, the police or authorities on a school’s campus (if it took place at school) will investigate to determine whether the people involved were incapacitated and if this impacted the situation.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>If I send a nude or “dick pic,” does that count as consent?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>No. You cannot give consent to sexual activity over a phone or other digital device, especially if you are under the age of eighteen. Nudes do not equal consent. In fact, unless someone asks for a nude photo, it can be considered sexual harassment. And if you’re under eighteen, taking sexually explicit photos of yourself and “sexting”—sending nude photos—is considered trafficking in child pornography and is against federal law. Some states have teen sexting laws to deal with this common issue because the consequences for teens who violate federal law can be severe. Remember, too, that what is on your device and what you send to others is essentially public. Just because the photos disappear from your phone doesn’t mean that someone didn’t screenshot and forward or save them. If you send a nude photo, you should expect that it will probably become public at some point and may be circulated. Would you want your family, employer, college admissions officer, or future romantic interest to see it? Probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>What if I’m comfortable doing something sexual with a guy but not a girl?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Your body belongs to you; you get to choose how to touch and be touched. The guidelines are the same for managing what’s going on while you explore sexuality with someone, regardless of gender. No matter the person and how they identify, it’s important to communicate your desires and limitations and to listen and ask for theirs. Mutual respect doesn’t depend on how someone identifies. Communicate with a potential sexual partner in the moment. If they are safe and OK to be with you sexually, it’s OK to do what you want and don’t want. Period.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Isn’t it OK to push just a little to try to persuade someone to go further? I’m not going to force someone, of course, but what if they just need a little convincing?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Nope. Not OK to push even just a little. The need for any sort of persuasion makes the situation nonconsensual. Coercion, or saying things like “C’mon, it’ll feel good,” “Just relax, don’t worry about it,” “If you like me you’ll do this,” or “Everyone does this, what’s wrong with you?” is not consent. Adding social power or leverage to the dynamic is also not consent. Saying things like “C’mon, don’t you want to be first pick of the team next year? You know I’m the captain,” “If you don’t do this, I’ll have to post those pictures you sent me,” or “You don’t want everyone to know you’re gay, do you?” is not consent. It is coercive and exploitive. It is manipulative, unhealthy, bullyish, and disrespectful to pressure someone into second-guessing themselves and compromising their emotional and physical safety; if taken too far it can even constitute assault.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cem>Can consensual sex be regrettable?\u003c/em>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes. If consent is asked for and given, without the influence of substances, the impairment of a mental or physical disability, coercion or age disparity (one partner is over eighteen, the other is under eighteen), then the sex is legal. Just because the sex is legal, however, doesn’t mean it’s right. If it isn’t consented to for the right reasons—for instance, someone wasn’t ready, the sex wasn’t physically or emotionally safe, or someone else’s well-being is impacted (like a friend is betrayed)—someone may regret having participated in it. Legal sex is not necessarily ethical or “good” sex. Ethical sex is legal and takes into account the well-being of the participants and others who may be impacted by their actions. Good sex is legal, ethical, and feels pleasurable and satisfying for both partners. To avoid regrettable albeit consensual sex, make sure you choose to engage in sexual activity for your right reasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p2\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">\u003cem>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-54807\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2019/11/Shafia-Zaloom-e1573590854543.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"263\">Shafia Zaloom\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> is author of \u003ca href=\"http://www.shafiazaloom.com/the-book\">Sex, Teens & Everything in Between. \u003c/a>She is a health educator and consultant whose work centers on human development, community building, ethics, and social justice. \u003c/em>\u003c/span>\u003cem>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Her approach involves creating opportunities for students and teachers to discuss the complexities of teen culture and decision-making with straight-forward, open and honest dialogue. Shafia has worked with thousands of children and their families in her role \u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003cem>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">as teacher, coach, administrator, board member, and outdoor educator. Shafia is currently the health teacher at the Urban School in San Francisco, and develops curricula and trainings for schools across the country. \u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/9lh4XkuG_1A'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/9lh4XkuG_1A'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/54805/how-parents-can-talk-with-their-teens-about-sex-and-consent","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_21231","mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_21213","mindshift_20963","mindshift_1038"],"featImg":"mindshift_54894","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_52497":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_52497","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"52497","score":null,"sort":[1542156329000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"peers-are-powerful-using-positive-social-norms-to-tackle-unhealthy-behaviors","title":"Peers Are Powerful: Using Positive Social Norms to Tackle Unhealthy Behaviors","publishDate":1542156329,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>No one ever shows up at brunch and says, \"Oh my gosh, I was so sober last night!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Risky behavior draws attention. As a result, people tend to assume that everyone else is doing it more than they really are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, over the last two decades, research on college campuses has shown that giving students the real facts about their peers reduces unsafe drinking. This approach is called positive social norms. It works because of a basic truth of human nature: People want to do what others are doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, that research is starting to be applied to a novel area: preventing sexual assault and harassment. From an unwanted comment on the street to groping in the hallways at school, \u003ca href=\"https://www.aauw.org/files/2013/02/crossing-the-line-sexual-harassment-at-school-executive-summary.pdf\">surveys suggest\u003c/a> more than half of young women and almost half of young men have experienced sexual harassment before age 18.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/2012FindingsonSVinYouth.pdf\">about 8 percent\u003c/a> of girls experience rape or attempted rape by this young age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since the #MeToo movement, six states have \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2018/09/28/652203139/should-we-teach-about-consent-in-k-12-brett-kavanaughs-home-state-says-yes\">introduced or passed bills\u003c/a> to require the teaching of consent in their sex ed classes in K-12. But there's not yet much research on what kind of education actually works to shift teens' attitudes and actions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sandra Malone directs prevention and training at Day One, a nonprofit in Providence, R.I., which offers both education and rape crisis services. Her program has been among the first to try to move teens to seek consent and build healthier sexual relationships by harnessing an unlikely force: peer pressure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says she can remember from her own teenage years: \"Their peers are so important to them. Those are powerful years where you don't want to make yourself vulnerable and stand out.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In its workshops at high schools, Day One uses a version of the positive social norms approach adapted from alcohol education programs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Peers are very, very influential, and people of any age who want to fit in will try and behave according to what they perceive as the group norm,\" explains Alan Berkowitz, a psychologist and expert on preventing sexual assault. But when you're talking about transgressive behavior, like underage drinking, drug use or nonconsensual sexual behavior, there's often a \"misperception of the norm.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social norms approaches start by surveying a population to get accurate information, which is then used to correct that misperception. \"One of the most effective and powerful ways of encouraging young people to make healthy decisions is to know the truth about their friends,\" Berkowitz explains. \"Because in fact most of their friends are healthy.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This message doesn't necessarily fit on a poster.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wes Perkins, a professor of sociology at Hobart and William Smith Colleges, was one of the originators of social norms education for alcohol. On his campus in Geneva, N.Y., they do things like setting up a voluntary random Breathalyzer to test students on a Saturday night, proving that they're just as likely to be in the library as at a frat party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yet, compared to drinking, Perkins says that sexual behavior is \"politically a little more tricky.\" By publicizing the fact that \"most men\" don't commit or condone sexual violence, you don't want to sound like you're downplaying the issue. \"It can easily be misunderstood as trying to whitewash the problem.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>However, with plenty of conversation, perhaps in a workshop setting, \"in the long run you can get men to act more as allies.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To see how the Day One program works, I visited a consent workshop at The Metropolitan Regional Career and Technical Center, a high school in Providence. Leslie, a studious 10th-grader, was one of the participants. (We're not using the students' last names to protect their privacy.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She explains that the workshop leaders started with survey questions. For example: Would you care if a girl at your school was being verbally harassed? Do you think others at your school would care?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We could see that everybody thought nobody would care,\" Leslie says. But in fact, \"everybody saw, oh, a lot of people \u003cem>do\u003c/em> care, which is something a lot of people don't know.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lindsay Orchowski at Brown University and her team worked with Day One to survey nearly 8,000 students at 26 high schools across Rhode Island, in research funded by the Centers for Disease and Prevention. They shared their as-yet-unpublished data with us, which found trends similar to what Leslie learned:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>87 percent of students said that they, personally, would believe someone who reported a sexual assault. But only 51 percent of students thought their peers would believe such a report.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>92 percent of students personally agreed that bystanders can help prevent sexual violence. But only 55 percent thought their peers would agree on the power of bystanders.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>To correct these kinds of misperceptions, the four one-hour sessions in Day One's program cover scenarios like street harassment, groping, sexual assault by an acquaintance and cyberbullying.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sadly, these are all common, says Kevin, a 15-year-old with curly hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I've been cyberbullied in eighth grade and that was a horrible experience,\" he says. \"And I remember the first time I got catcalled. It was kind of weird ... good thing I was with a friend, I was shook.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once they learn that their fellow students agree on things like supporting survivors, the next step is to make that positive social norm more visible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alan Berkowitz, the sexual assault prevention expert, lays out a common scenario: A young man makes a sexist remark or even gropes a woman in front of his friends. Most of them probably feel uncomfortable, yet they say nothing, or even laugh along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a result, \"You have a silent majority that thinks it's a minority,\" he says. Publicizing the social norms lets that majority know that they have numbers on their side.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But even so, it can feel scary to speak up. Day One's final workshop session focuses on how and when to intervene if students witness something like a boy trying to maneuver an obviously intoxicated girl into a bedroom at a party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyla, one of the more outspoken members of the class, says, \"What I learned today is, you not saying anything is making it look like it's OK, and it will continue.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sandra Malone adds that, in every group of students, you're not just speaking to potential bystanders or potential victims. There are potential perpetrators as well. She says the social norms approach works for them too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\"\u003c/em>I think it stops a good percentage of kids from maybe participating in those behaviors because they're seeing that most of their peers aren't OK with that,\" she adds. \"You can see the light bulb go off.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stopping offenders, not just empowering survivors and bystanders, is obviously central to sexual violence prevention. Perkins, at Hobart and William Smith Colleges, says research shows the vast majority of campus sex offenses involve a heavily intoxicated assaulter. While social norms education may not work for a motivated repeat abuser, he says it can be successful to \"discourage the men who might think about carelessly stepping over the line.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, he emphasizes that most men, in high school and college, prefer to seek consent. \"'Boys will be boys,' is not true.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alan Berkowitz and Lindsay Orchowksi are currently evaluating the effectiveness of Day One's program on students' attitudes and behaviors, an analysis that will be released in several months.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fifteen-year-old Anyla says that for her, it's definitely made a difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She owned up that, since elementary school, she and her friends would grab each other's rear ends to be funny. But now? \"After taking this class? No. Absolutely not.\" She tells her classmates, \"If you catch me doing that, honestly, tell me to stop, please.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=How+Schools+Can+Reduce+Sexual+Violence&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Teaching teens what their peers are really up to is a new evidence-based way to promote less risky behavior around sex and alcohol.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1590077121,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":36,"wordCount":1322},"headData":{"title":"Peers Are Powerful: Using Positive Social Norms to Tackle Unhealthy Behaviors | KQED","description":"Teaching teens what their peers are really up to is a new evidence-based way to promote less risky behavior around sex and alcohol.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Peers Are Powerful: Using Positive Social Norms to Tackle Unhealthy Behaviors","datePublished":"2018-11-14T00:45:29.000Z","dateModified":"2020-05-21T16:05:21.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"52497 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=52497","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2018/11/13/peers-are-powerful-using-positive-social-norms-to-tackle-unhealthy-behaviors/","disqusTitle":"Peers Are Powerful: Using Positive Social Norms to Tackle Unhealthy Behaviors","nprByline":"Anya Kamenetz","nprImageAgency":"Grace HeeJung Kim","nprStoryId":"660644128","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=660644128&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/2018/11/13/660644128/how-schools-can-reduce-sexual-violence?ft=nprml&f=660644128","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Tue, 13 Nov 2018 07:16:00 -0500","nprStoryDate":"Tue, 13 Nov 2018 05:06:00 -0500","nprLastModifiedDate":"Tue, 13 Nov 2018 06:21:18 -0500","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2018/11/20181113_me_how_schools_can_reduce_sexual_violence.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=174&p=3&story=660644128&ft=nprml&f=660644128","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/1667285029-1ebe10.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=174&p=3&story=660644128&ft=nprml&f=660644128","audioTrackLength":174,"path":"/mindshift/52497/peers-are-powerful-using-positive-social-norms-to-tackle-unhealthy-behaviors","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2018/11/20181113_me_how_schools_can_reduce_sexual_violence.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=174&p=3&story=660644128&ft=nprml&f=660644128","parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>No one ever shows up at brunch and says, \"Oh my gosh, I was so sober last night!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Risky behavior draws attention. As a result, people tend to assume that everyone else is doing it more than they really are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, over the last two decades, research on college campuses has shown that giving students the real facts about their peers reduces unsafe drinking. This approach is called positive social norms. It works because of a basic truth of human nature: People want to do what others are doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, that research is starting to be applied to a novel area: preventing sexual assault and harassment. From an unwanted comment on the street to groping in the hallways at school, \u003ca href=\"https://www.aauw.org/files/2013/02/crossing-the-line-sexual-harassment-at-school-executive-summary.pdf\">surveys suggest\u003c/a> more than half of young women and almost half of young men have experienced sexual harassment before age 18.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/2012FindingsonSVinYouth.pdf\">about 8 percent\u003c/a> of girls experience rape or attempted rape by this young age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since the #MeToo movement, six states have \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2018/09/28/652203139/should-we-teach-about-consent-in-k-12-brett-kavanaughs-home-state-says-yes\">introduced or passed bills\u003c/a> to require the teaching of consent in their sex ed classes in K-12. But there's not yet much research on what kind of education actually works to shift teens' attitudes and actions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sandra Malone directs prevention and training at Day One, a nonprofit in Providence, R.I., which offers both education and rape crisis services. Her program has been among the first to try to move teens to seek consent and build healthier sexual relationships by harnessing an unlikely force: peer pressure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says she can remember from her own teenage years: \"Their peers are so important to them. Those are powerful years where you don't want to make yourself vulnerable and stand out.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In its workshops at high schools, Day One uses a version of the positive social norms approach adapted from alcohol education programs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Peers are very, very influential, and people of any age who want to fit in will try and behave according to what they perceive as the group norm,\" explains Alan Berkowitz, a psychologist and expert on preventing sexual assault. But when you're talking about transgressive behavior, like underage drinking, drug use or nonconsensual sexual behavior, there's often a \"misperception of the norm.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social norms approaches start by surveying a population to get accurate information, which is then used to correct that misperception. \"One of the most effective and powerful ways of encouraging young people to make healthy decisions is to know the truth about their friends,\" Berkowitz explains. \"Because in fact most of their friends are healthy.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This message doesn't necessarily fit on a poster.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wes Perkins, a professor of sociology at Hobart and William Smith Colleges, was one of the originators of social norms education for alcohol. On his campus in Geneva, N.Y., they do things like setting up a voluntary random Breathalyzer to test students on a Saturday night, proving that they're just as likely to be in the library as at a frat party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yet, compared to drinking, Perkins says that sexual behavior is \"politically a little more tricky.\" By publicizing the fact that \"most men\" don't commit or condone sexual violence, you don't want to sound like you're downplaying the issue. \"It can easily be misunderstood as trying to whitewash the problem.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>However, with plenty of conversation, perhaps in a workshop setting, \"in the long run you can get men to act more as allies.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To see how the Day One program works, I visited a consent workshop at The Metropolitan Regional Career and Technical Center, a high school in Providence. Leslie, a studious 10th-grader, was one of the participants. (We're not using the students' last names to protect their privacy.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She explains that the workshop leaders started with survey questions. For example: Would you care if a girl at your school was being verbally harassed? Do you think others at your school would care?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We could see that everybody thought nobody would care,\" Leslie says. But in fact, \"everybody saw, oh, a lot of people \u003cem>do\u003c/em> care, which is something a lot of people don't know.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lindsay Orchowski at Brown University and her team worked with Day One to survey nearly 8,000 students at 26 high schools across Rhode Island, in research funded by the Centers for Disease and Prevention. They shared their as-yet-unpublished data with us, which found trends similar to what Leslie learned:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>87 percent of students said that they, personally, would believe someone who reported a sexual assault. But only 51 percent of students thought their peers would believe such a report.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>92 percent of students personally agreed that bystanders can help prevent sexual violence. But only 55 percent thought their peers would agree on the power of bystanders.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>To correct these kinds of misperceptions, the four one-hour sessions in Day One's program cover scenarios like street harassment, groping, sexual assault by an acquaintance and cyberbullying.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sadly, these are all common, says Kevin, a 15-year-old with curly hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I've been cyberbullied in eighth grade and that was a horrible experience,\" he says. \"And I remember the first time I got catcalled. It was kind of weird ... good thing I was with a friend, I was shook.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once they learn that their fellow students agree on things like supporting survivors, the next step is to make that positive social norm more visible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alan Berkowitz, the sexual assault prevention expert, lays out a common scenario: A young man makes a sexist remark or even gropes a woman in front of his friends. Most of them probably feel uncomfortable, yet they say nothing, or even laugh along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a result, \"You have a silent majority that thinks it's a minority,\" he says. Publicizing the social norms lets that majority know that they have numbers on their side.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But even so, it can feel scary to speak up. Day One's final workshop session focuses on how and when to intervene if students witness something like a boy trying to maneuver an obviously intoxicated girl into a bedroom at a party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyla, one of the more outspoken members of the class, says, \"What I learned today is, you not saying anything is making it look like it's OK, and it will continue.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sandra Malone adds that, in every group of students, you're not just speaking to potential bystanders or potential victims. There are potential perpetrators as well. She says the social norms approach works for them too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\"\u003c/em>I think it stops a good percentage of kids from maybe participating in those behaviors because they're seeing that most of their peers aren't OK with that,\" she adds. \"You can see the light bulb go off.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stopping offenders, not just empowering survivors and bystanders, is obviously central to sexual violence prevention. Perkins, at Hobart and William Smith Colleges, says research shows the vast majority of campus sex offenses involve a heavily intoxicated assaulter. While social norms education may not work for a motivated repeat abuser, he says it can be successful to \"discourage the men who might think about carelessly stepping over the line.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, he emphasizes that most men, in high school and college, prefer to seek consent. \"'Boys will be boys,' is not true.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alan Berkowitz and Lindsay Orchowksi are currently evaluating the effectiveness of Day One's program on students' attitudes and behaviors, an analysis that will be released in several months.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fifteen-year-old Anyla says that for her, it's definitely made a difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She owned up that, since elementary school, she and her friends would grab each other's rear ends to be funny. But now? \"After taking this class? No. Absolutely not.\" She tells her classmates, \"If you catch me doing that, honestly, tell me to stop, please.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=How+Schools+Can+Reduce+Sexual+Violence&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/52497/peers-are-powerful-using-positive-social-norms-to-tackle-unhealthy-behaviors","authors":["byline_mindshift_52497"],"categories":["mindshift_194"],"tags":["mindshift_21231","mindshift_1040","mindshift_146","mindshift_20761","mindshift_20963"],"featImg":"mindshift_52498","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_52220":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_52220","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"52220","score":null,"sort":[1537545843000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-to-talk-to-young-people-about-the-kavanaugh-story","title":"How To Talk To Young People About The Kavanaugh Story","publishDate":1537545843,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>Young people around the country are among those joining the debate over Christine Blasey Ford's accusation of sexual assault against Judge Brett Kavanaugh in 1982, when both were teenagers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are teens learning from all this? And how should adults be handling this conversation?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One night during the summer of 2017, a teenager named Francesca in Virginia was assaulted by a classmate: \"I was pinned down and he fondled my breasts and sexually assaulted me.\" We're only using her first name because she's 15 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Francesca says she struggled at first with coming forward, but eventually became an activist and public speaker on consent and survivors' rights.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jules Spector, meanwhile, is an 18-year-old graduate of a private high school in Brooklyn, now taking a gap year before attending Wellesley College.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spector is also a survivor of sexual assault, and it took her years to come forward. She says she's willing to use her full name because she is a feminist activist who feels the importance of raising public awareness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The accusations against Judge Kavanaugh have reminded her of parties she's attended, and boys she knew in high school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"A lot of boys that I've grown up around have the thought that they can do anything,\" Spector says. \"And these decisions that they make, whether inebriated or not, won't follow them later in life because they can just forget about the horrors that they caused people and move on with their lives and become successful.\u003cem>\" \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says she admires Christine Blasey Ford for confronting the issue.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The amount of strength it takes to come forward is unparalleled. And no one does it for attention, because it's the most painful thing you could possibly do, but also the strongest thing you could possibly do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For too many young people like Spector and Francesca listening to the news right now, they're not learning about sexual violation — because that's already happened, if not to them then to someone they know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What they \u003cem>are\u003c/em> learning, educators say, is whether the adults in power will take these claims seriously, and whether speaking up results in harsher consequences for survivors or for those accused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So how are we supposed to talk to our children about all this? Here's some guidance from experts:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. It's your job. \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"As parents, you are the primary sexuality educator of your children — whether you're saying anything or not,\" says Debra Hauser, the president of Advocates for Youth, a national nonprofit that works for honest sexual health education. Francesca works with the organization.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When something like this is in the news, as it has been all too often lately, Hauser adds, it's \"a great teachable moment.\" Talking about a situation that doesn't personally affect your kids or someone they know can be a less threatening way to open up the topic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. It's not too soon.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hauser says conversations about consent and bodily autonomy can — and should — predate any discussion of the mechanics of sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You see two 4- or 5-year-olds, where one wants to borrow the other one's crayon and they just grab it,\" she explains. \"And the response that you have is, 'You have to ask for it. And if that other child says no, you have to respect that and find another way to get a crayon.' That's the very beginning of consent education right there.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Give them the information.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Karen Rayne is a sex educator with a nonprofit called UnHushed. She also has a daughter in middle school and one in high school. She says giving kids the facts they need is especially crucial for younger teens. \"They're going to hear whispers and not really have access to full information or the skill set to find that information.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Be the \"askable\" parent.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In other words, Hauser explains, be the one that your children can come to with questions. She says that, by bringing up tough topics even when they make you uncomfortable, you increase the likelihood that your child will do the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Francesca says she confided first in her friends about her assault. It took her awhile to share the story with her mother.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"My mom was surprised and very upset as any mother would be, but she was very very helpful,\" Francesca says. Her mother, sadly, had her own experience of sexual violence to draw on. \"She knew the process and the importance of reporting the crime to the police.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Or designate someone else they can talk with.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each year, on their birthdays, Hauser would tell each of her children (who are now grown) to name a trusted adult outside of the family to share hard things with. Things they might be tempted to keep secret because of a fear of punishment, a fear of disappointing a parent, or for any other reason.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\" 'Let's agree on a couple other adults that you respect that you could go and talk to,' \" she told them. \" 'And we'll go together and tell them that we have this agreement.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Talk to potential perpetrators, not just potential survivors.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When talking about sexual assault and consent, we often focus on victims, and primarily on girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, \"it's the people who are doing the sexual assaulting that need a different kind of education and a different kind of support starting from a very young age,\" says Rayne. \"About things like [what to do] when they're attracted to someone or interested in someone and that person rejects them\u003cem>.\" \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With the right education, says Rayne, a young man might be able to say, \" 'Oh, you know what? I've been drinking too much and I feel like my capacity to make wise decisions is failing me.' Or, 'Hey, you know, when someone's trying to push me off of them, that's something that I should take as a cue to get off.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hauser says the landscape of consent is shifting for this generation, and not only with the #MeToo movement. Guidance issued under President Obama has led to \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2014/08/12/339822696/how-campus-sexual-assaults-came-to-command-new-attention\">a greater emphasis on sexual misconduct \u003c/a>prevention and enforcement on campuses under Title IX. And, several states are working towards adding consent to their high school sex education standards.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, Hauser and Rayne say, there's a lot more work to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=How+To+Talk+To+Young+People+About+The+Kavanaugh+Story&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In the age of #MeToo, experts say parents are the primary educators about consent, and the current debate offers a teachable moment.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1537545843,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":36,"wordCount":1086},"headData":{"title":"How To Talk To Young People About The Kavanaugh Story | KQED","description":"In the age of #MeToo, experts say parents are the primary educators about consent, and the current debate offers a teachable moment.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How To Talk To Young People About The Kavanaugh Story","datePublished":"2018-09-21T16:04:03.000Z","dateModified":"2018-09-21T16:04:03.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"52220 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=52220","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2018/09/21/how-to-talk-to-young-people-about-the-kavanaugh-story/","disqusTitle":"How To Talk To Young People About The Kavanaugh Story","nprByline":"Anya Kamenetz","nprImageAgency":"Win McNamee / Getty Images","nprStoryId":"650039170","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=650039170&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/2018/09/21/650039170/how-to-talk-to-young-people-about-the-kavanaugh-story?ft=nprml&f=650039170","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Fri, 21 Sep 2018 10:49:00 -0400","nprStoryDate":"Fri, 21 Sep 2018 05:02:00 -0400","nprLastModifiedDate":"Fri, 21 Sep 2018 06:54:54 -0400","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2018/09/20180921_me_how_to_talk_to_young_people_about_the_kavanaugh_story.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=201&p=3&story=650039170&ft=nprml&f=650039170","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/1650341741-562649.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=201&p=3&story=650039170&ft=nprml&f=650039170","audioTrackLength":202,"path":"/mindshift/52220/how-to-talk-to-young-people-about-the-kavanaugh-story","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2018/09/20180921_me_how_to_talk_to_young_people_about_the_kavanaugh_story.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1013&d=201&p=3&story=650039170&ft=nprml&f=650039170","parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Young people around the country are among those joining the debate over Christine Blasey Ford's accusation of sexual assault against Judge Brett Kavanaugh in 1982, when both were teenagers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are teens learning from all this? And how should adults be handling this conversation?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One night during the summer of 2017, a teenager named Francesca in Virginia was assaulted by a classmate: \"I was pinned down and he fondled my breasts and sexually assaulted me.\" We're only using her first name because she's 15 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Francesca says she struggled at first with coming forward, but eventually became an activist and public speaker on consent and survivors' rights.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jules Spector, meanwhile, is an 18-year-old graduate of a private high school in Brooklyn, now taking a gap year before attending Wellesley College.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spector is also a survivor of sexual assault, and it took her years to come forward. She says she's willing to use her full name because she is a feminist activist who feels the importance of raising public awareness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The accusations against Judge Kavanaugh have reminded her of parties she's attended, and boys she knew in high school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"A lot of boys that I've grown up around have the thought that they can do anything,\" Spector says. \"And these decisions that they make, whether inebriated or not, won't follow them later in life because they can just forget about the horrors that they caused people and move on with their lives and become successful.\u003cem>\" \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says she admires Christine Blasey Ford for confronting the issue.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The amount of strength it takes to come forward is unparalleled. And no one does it for attention, because it's the most painful thing you could possibly do, but also the strongest thing you could possibly do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For too many young people like Spector and Francesca listening to the news right now, they're not learning about sexual violation — because that's already happened, if not to them then to someone they know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What they \u003cem>are\u003c/em> learning, educators say, is whether the adults in power will take these claims seriously, and whether speaking up results in harsher consequences for survivors or for those accused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So how are we supposed to talk to our children about all this? Here's some guidance from experts:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. It's your job. \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"As parents, you are the primary sexuality educator of your children — whether you're saying anything or not,\" says Debra Hauser, the president of Advocates for Youth, a national nonprofit that works for honest sexual health education. Francesca works with the organization.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When something like this is in the news, as it has been all too often lately, Hauser adds, it's \"a great teachable moment.\" Talking about a situation that doesn't personally affect your kids or someone they know can be a less threatening way to open up the topic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. It's not too soon.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hauser says conversations about consent and bodily autonomy can — and should — predate any discussion of the mechanics of sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You see two 4- or 5-year-olds, where one wants to borrow the other one's crayon and they just grab it,\" she explains. \"And the response that you have is, 'You have to ask for it. And if that other child says no, you have to respect that and find another way to get a crayon.' That's the very beginning of consent education right there.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Give them the information.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Karen Rayne is a sex educator with a nonprofit called UnHushed. She also has a daughter in middle school and one in high school. She says giving kids the facts they need is especially crucial for younger teens. \"They're going to hear whispers and not really have access to full information or the skill set to find that information.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Be the \"askable\" parent.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In other words, Hauser explains, be the one that your children can come to with questions. She says that, by bringing up tough topics even when they make you uncomfortable, you increase the likelihood that your child will do the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Francesca says she confided first in her friends about her assault. It took her awhile to share the story with her mother.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"My mom was surprised and very upset as any mother would be, but she was very very helpful,\" Francesca says. Her mother, sadly, had her own experience of sexual violence to draw on. \"She knew the process and the importance of reporting the crime to the police.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Or designate someone else they can talk with.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each year, on their birthdays, Hauser would tell each of her children (who are now grown) to name a trusted adult outside of the family to share hard things with. Things they might be tempted to keep secret because of a fear of punishment, a fear of disappointing a parent, or for any other reason.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\" 'Let's agree on a couple other adults that you respect that you could go and talk to,' \" she told them. \" 'And we'll go together and tell them that we have this agreement.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Talk to potential perpetrators, not just potential survivors.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When talking about sexual assault and consent, we often focus on victims, and primarily on girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, \"it's the people who are doing the sexual assaulting that need a different kind of education and a different kind of support starting from a very young age,\" says Rayne. \"About things like [what to do] when they're attracted to someone or interested in someone and that person rejects them\u003cem>.\" \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With the right education, says Rayne, a young man might be able to say, \" 'Oh, you know what? I've been drinking too much and I feel like my capacity to make wise decisions is failing me.' Or, 'Hey, you know, when someone's trying to push me off of them, that's something that I should take as a cue to get off.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hauser says the landscape of consent is shifting for this generation, and not only with the #MeToo movement. Guidance issued under President Obama has led to \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2014/08/12/339822696/how-campus-sexual-assaults-came-to-command-new-attention\">a greater emphasis on sexual misconduct \u003c/a>prevention and enforcement on campuses under Title IX. And, several states are working towards adding consent to their high school sex education standards.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, Hauser and Rayne say, there's a lot more work to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=How+To+Talk+To+Young+People+About+The+Kavanaugh+Story&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/52220/how-to-talk-to-young-people-about-the-kavanaugh-story","authors":["byline_mindshift_52220"],"categories":["mindshift_194"],"tags":["mindshift_21213","mindshift_20963"],"featImg":"mindshift_52221","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_51736":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_51736","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"51736","score":null,"sort":[1535016064000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"what-adolescent-girls-wish-their-parents-understood-about-them","title":"What Adolescent Girls Wish Their Parents Understood About Them","publishDate":1535016064,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>This excerpt is from the girls' section of \"\u003ca href=\"http://www.sasquatchbooks.com/book/?isbn=9781632171801&will-puberty-last-my-whole-life-by-julie-metzger\">Will Puberty Last My Whole Life? REAL Answers to REAL Questions from Preteens About Body Changes, Sex, and Other Growing-Up Stuff\u003c/a>\" by Julie Metzger and Robert Lehmann. Some of the questions most frequently asked by adolescent girls are featured in this chapter, \"\u003cspan class=\"s1\">How Can I Make My Family Seem Like More of an Option to Talk To? …And Other Questions About Your Relationship with Your Parents.\"\u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">What if you like a boy but you don’t know how to break it to your parents that their baby girl LIKES SOMEONE?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p3\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Talking with grown-ups about friendships and relationships can sometimes be challenging for a lot of reasons. They might be surprised by what you have to say, might change their opinions about you or your friend, or might have advice that you weren’t looking for. “Liking” someone means you have feelings for the person that seem different than feelings you have for other friends—that you are interested in that person in a new or bigger way than you used to be. You may worry that your mom might not think you are old enough to \u003cem>like \u003c/em>\u003c/span>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">someone, and that she will be concerned or surprised. It can help to start off the conversation with something like, “Some of my feelings are changing about people. I think I like someone in my class and \u003cem>I would like to tell you about it\u003c/em> but I am worried what you will say or think.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">It seems like my mom and I are FIGHTING ALL THE TIME. I just think she doesn’t understand. She thinks I don’t understand. It’s, well, it’s majorly weird! What do I do?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Living with your family gives you an important place to learn skills that you’ll use \u003cem>throughout the rest of your life\u003c/em>. However, it isn’t always easy for parents and kids to get along. Sometimes there are topics or emotions that are uncomfortable and difficult. Maybe you feel like your mom gives you too much advice or that her ideas \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">don’t feel realistic. Maybe you think she is critical, or you argue more than anything else. It might be helpful to just \u003cem>talk about talking\u003c/em> with your mom. Try to find a time to connect when there isn’t something to argue about. You could start with, “It always seems like we are arguing—it would be nice to talk things over without yelling at each other.” Let her know how you are feeling—\u003cem>most likely she is hoping for some changes as well\u003c/em>. If you find you are always fighting, learning how to take a break and come back together when you both calm down can be key. Families who are struggling may need to call upon resources like counselors to help them work on \u003c/span>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">ways to improve their communication.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_51742\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 625px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-51742 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"625\" height=\"821\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood.png 625w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-160x210.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-240x315.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-375x493.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-520x683.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 625px) 100vw, 625px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">From \u003ca href=\"http://www.sasquatchbooks.com/book/?isbn=9781632171801&will-puberty-last-my-whole-life-by-julie-metzger\">Will Puberty Last My Whole Life? REAL Answers to REAL Questions from Preteens About Body Changes, Sex, and Other Growing-Up Stuff\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">How can I make MY FAMILY seem like more of an option to talk to?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Sometimes it’s challenging to bring up certain topics with your family. That might be because they don’t have any practice talking about those topics, which makes them feel as uncomfortable as you do. Maybe you feel like they don’t “hear” what you are trying to say. Or maybe just finding a time to talk is half the challenge—grown-ups can be distracted by lots of responsibilities, so you need to invite them into the conversation. You might try saying something like, “\u003cem>I would love to talk through\u003c/em> something that is going on with my friends. Would you have some time after dinner?” Or, “Would you want to walk the dog together tonight? \u003cem>I have something on my mind.\u003c/em>” Sometimes it’s easier to start the conversation by writing them a note.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">My family doesn’t like to see me growing up, so I don’t know how they will accept that I am growing up. How can I show them kindly that I’m NOT\u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"> \u003c/span>A\u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"> \u003c/span>BABY anymore?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Sometimes our bodies and our brains\u003cem> change so fast\u003c/em> that our parents can’t keep track. And sometimes we feel ready to have new responsibilities, but our parents are less certain. Every family makes adjustments as each person grows up, and part of the process is \u003cem>negotiating decisions within a family\u003c/em>. If you feel ready to make your own decision but your family is less certain, have a conversation with them to say what you are thinking and experiencing. Everyone has the courage for even a one-minute conversation—it’s a place to start. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Should my dad know I am going through puberty?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Dads are invested in their daughters’ lives in puberty \u003cem>and beyond\u003c/em>! Some dads may not have much experience talking about girls’ body changes since they have only been through their own puberty experience. Using your own words and stories will \u003cem>help your dad understand\u003c/em> what puberty is like for a girl. Dads can be amazing advocates—they want the puberty experience to go well for their daughters. Sharing your\u003cem> thoughts and feelings\u003c/em> with your dad helps him to discover some of the ways you are growing up.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.sasquatchbooks.com/book/?isbn=9781632171801&will-puberty-last-my-whole-life-by-julie-metzger\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-51954\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-800x939.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"293\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-800x939.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-160x188.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-768x901.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-1020x1197.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-1023x1200.jpg 1023w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-1180x1385.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-960x1127.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-240x282.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-375x440.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-520x610.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>Why do teens start to HATE their parents?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Becoming a teenager does not mean you will automatically hate your parents. In fact, most teens say that their parents are the \u003cem>most important people in their lives\u003c/em>. As we get older, we begin to develop our own ideas and opinions, and sometimes those ideas are different from our parents’ ideas, which creates conflict. As we work through our conflicts with our families, it’s important to take a break from the conversation when it gets too heated, coming back to it when we can be calmer. It’s also important to look for things that we can agree on and to make compromises when we can’t agree. \u003cem>Living with your family helps\u003c/em> you to learn about how to get along with others, how to love others, how to be challenged, and how to grow.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Why do I think that sometimes MY FAMILY is driving me crazy?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Have you ever noticed that your family members can be your biggest cheerleaders and \u003cem>at the same time\u003c/em> they are the people that bug you the most? That’s because families are where some of our most important growing up takes place. We learn about ourselves while living with our families because we practice how to be in relationships, get along, have major arguments, and share space, responsibilities, and time. Everyone in the family is learning how to live together and navigate through \u003cem>life\u003c/em> . . . it’s not easy. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">In every healthy family some of the decisions are made by the grown-ups, some by the kids, while other decisions are \u003cem>shared\u003c/em>. When you are little, most of the decisions are made by the grown-ups; then, as you get older, more and more of the decisions are shared; and \u003cem>finally, with practice\u003c/em>, more and more of the decisions become your own. Sometimes as we are growing up we believe that we are ready to make our own decisions before the grown-ups do. This can be frustrating and annoying for everyone because everyone sees the world differently. It can help to talk about how your family determines when someone is old enough to take part in making their own decisions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv>\u003cem>\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-51723 alignleft\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011.jpeg 864w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-160x128.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-800x641.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-768x615.jpeg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-240x192.jpeg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-375x300.jpeg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-520x416.jpeg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">Julie Metzger is a registered nurse with a master’s degree \u003c/em>\u003cem>in pediatric nursing. She has worked extensively in the field \u003c/em>\u003cem>of parent education on adolescent development, sexuality, \u003c/em>\u003cem>parenting, and communication between parent and child.\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003cem>Dr. Robert Lehman is an adolescent health specialist. He has devoted his career to providing direct health care services \u003c/em>\u003cem>to youth, teaching health care professionals about the special \u003c/em>\u003cem>needs of adolescents, and addressing teen health issues and \u003c/em>\u003cem>policies on local, regional, and national levels.\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003cem>Together they created and teach the \u003ca href=\"https://www.greatconversations.com/\">Great Conversations\u003c/a> classes for parents and their preteens.\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Puberty educator Julie Metzger shares what adolescent girls want parents to know most about what they're experiencing. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1535016064,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":3,"wordCount":1400},"headData":{"title":"What Adolescent Girls Wish Their Parents Understood About Them | KQED","description":"Puberty educator Julie Metzger shares what adolescent girls want parents to know most about what they're experiencing. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"What Adolescent Girls Wish Their Parents Understood About Them","datePublished":"2018-08-23T09:21:04.000Z","dateModified":"2018-08-23T09:21:04.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"51736 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=51736","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2018/08/23/what-adolescent-girls-wish-their-parents-understood-about-them/","disqusTitle":"What Adolescent Girls Wish Their Parents Understood About Them","path":"/mindshift/51736/what-adolescent-girls-wish-their-parents-understood-about-them","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>This excerpt is from the girls' section of \"\u003ca href=\"http://www.sasquatchbooks.com/book/?isbn=9781632171801&will-puberty-last-my-whole-life-by-julie-metzger\">Will Puberty Last My Whole Life? REAL Answers to REAL Questions from Preteens About Body Changes, Sex, and Other Growing-Up Stuff\u003c/a>\" by Julie Metzger and Robert Lehmann. Some of the questions most frequently asked by adolescent girls are featured in this chapter, \"\u003cspan class=\"s1\">How Can I Make My Family Seem Like More of an Option to Talk To? …And Other Questions About Your Relationship with Your Parents.\"\u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">What if you like a boy but you don’t know how to break it to your parents that their baby girl LIKES SOMEONE?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p3\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Talking with grown-ups about friendships and relationships can sometimes be challenging for a lot of reasons. They might be surprised by what you have to say, might change their opinions about you or your friend, or might have advice that you weren’t looking for. “Liking” someone means you have feelings for the person that seem different than feelings you have for other friends—that you are interested in that person in a new or bigger way than you used to be. You may worry that your mom might not think you are old enough to \u003cem>like \u003c/em>\u003c/span>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">someone, and that she will be concerned or surprised. It can help to start off the conversation with something like, “Some of my feelings are changing about people. I think I like someone in my class and \u003cem>I would like to tell you about it\u003c/em> but I am worried what you will say or think.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">It seems like my mom and I are FIGHTING ALL THE TIME. I just think she doesn’t understand. She thinks I don’t understand. It’s, well, it’s majorly weird! What do I do?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Living with your family gives you an important place to learn skills that you’ll use \u003cem>throughout the rest of your life\u003c/em>. However, it isn’t always easy for parents and kids to get along. Sometimes there are topics or emotions that are uncomfortable and difficult. Maybe you feel like your mom gives you too much advice or that her ideas \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">don’t feel realistic. Maybe you think she is critical, or you argue more than anything else. It might be helpful to just \u003cem>talk about talking\u003c/em> with your mom. Try to find a time to connect when there isn’t something to argue about. You could start with, “It always seems like we are arguing—it would be nice to talk things over without yelling at each other.” Let her know how you are feeling—\u003cem>most likely she is hoping for some changes as well\u003c/em>. If you find you are always fighting, learning how to take a break and come back together when you both calm down can be key. Families who are struggling may need to call upon resources like counselors to help them work on \u003c/span>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">ways to improve their communication.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_51742\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 625px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-51742 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"625\" height=\"821\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood.png 625w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-160x210.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-240x315.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-375x493.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/What-I-Wish-Parents-Understood-520x683.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 625px) 100vw, 625px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">From \u003ca href=\"http://www.sasquatchbooks.com/book/?isbn=9781632171801&will-puberty-last-my-whole-life-by-julie-metzger\">Will Puberty Last My Whole Life? REAL Answers to REAL Questions from Preteens About Body Changes, Sex, and Other Growing-Up Stuff\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">How can I make MY FAMILY seem like more of an option to talk to?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Sometimes it’s challenging to bring up certain topics with your family. That might be because they don’t have any practice talking about those topics, which makes them feel as uncomfortable as you do. Maybe you feel like they don’t “hear” what you are trying to say. Or maybe just finding a time to talk is half the challenge—grown-ups can be distracted by lots of responsibilities, so you need to invite them into the conversation. You might try saying something like, “\u003cem>I would love to talk through\u003c/em> something that is going on with my friends. Would you have some time after dinner?” Or, “Would you want to walk the dog together tonight? \u003cem>I have something on my mind.\u003c/em>” Sometimes it’s easier to start the conversation by writing them a note.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">My family doesn’t like to see me growing up, so I don’t know how they will accept that I am growing up. How can I show them kindly that I’m NOT\u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"> \u003c/span>A\u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"> \u003c/span>BABY anymore?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Sometimes our bodies and our brains\u003cem> change so fast\u003c/em> that our parents can’t keep track. And sometimes we feel ready to have new responsibilities, but our parents are less certain. Every family makes adjustments as each person grows up, and part of the process is \u003cem>negotiating decisions within a family\u003c/em>. If you feel ready to make your own decision but your family is less certain, have a conversation with them to say what you are thinking and experiencing. Everyone has the courage for even a one-minute conversation—it’s a place to start. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Should my dad know I am going through puberty?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Dads are invested in their daughters’ lives in puberty \u003cem>and beyond\u003c/em>! Some dads may not have much experience talking about girls’ body changes since they have only been through their own puberty experience. Using your own words and stories will \u003cem>help your dad understand\u003c/em> what puberty is like for a girl. Dads can be amazing advocates—they want the puberty experience to go well for their daughters. Sharing your\u003cem> thoughts and feelings\u003c/em> with your dad helps him to discover some of the ways you are growing up.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.sasquatchbooks.com/book/?isbn=9781632171801&will-puberty-last-my-whole-life-by-julie-metzger\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-51954\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-800x939.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"293\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-800x939.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-160x188.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-768x901.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-1020x1197.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-1023x1200.jpg 1023w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-1180x1385.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-960x1127.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-240x282.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-375x440.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Puberty_fullcover_Girls-1-520x610.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>Why do teens start to HATE their parents?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Becoming a teenager does not mean you will automatically hate your parents. In fact, most teens say that their parents are the \u003cem>most important people in their lives\u003c/em>. As we get older, we begin to develop our own ideas and opinions, and sometimes those ideas are different from our parents’ ideas, which creates conflict. As we work through our conflicts with our families, it’s important to take a break from the conversation when it gets too heated, coming back to it when we can be calmer. It’s also important to look for things that we can agree on and to make compromises when we can’t agree. \u003cem>Living with your family helps\u003c/em> you to learn about how to get along with others, how to love others, how to be challenged, and how to grow.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cstrong>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Why do I think that sometimes MY FAMILY is driving me crazy?\u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Have you ever noticed that your family members can be your biggest cheerleaders and \u003cem>at the same time\u003c/em> they are the people that bug you the most? That’s because families are where some of our most important growing up takes place. We learn about ourselves while living with our families because we practice how to be in relationships, get along, have major arguments, and share space, responsibilities, and time. Everyone in the family is learning how to live together and navigate through \u003cem>life\u003c/em> . . . it’s not easy. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p4\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">In every healthy family some of the decisions are made by the grown-ups, some by the kids, while other decisions are \u003cem>shared\u003c/em>. When you are little, most of the decisions are made by the grown-ups; then, as you get older, more and more of the decisions are shared; and \u003cem>finally, with practice\u003c/em>, more and more of the decisions become your own. Sometimes as we are growing up we believe that we are ready to make our own decisions before the grown-ups do. This can be frustrating and annoying for everyone because everyone sees the world differently. It can help to talk about how your family determines when someone is old enough to take part in making their own decisions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv>\u003cem>\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-51723 alignleft\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011.jpeg 864w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-160x128.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-800x641.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-768x615.jpeg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-240x192.jpeg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-375x300.jpeg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2018/07/Julie-Metzger-And-Rob-Lehman-by-Linda-Brooks_2011-520x416.jpeg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">Julie Metzger is a registered nurse with a master’s degree \u003c/em>\u003cem>in pediatric nursing. She has worked extensively in the field \u003c/em>\u003cem>of parent education on adolescent development, sexuality, \u003c/em>\u003cem>parenting, and communication between parent and child.\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003cem>Dr. Robert Lehman is an adolescent health specialist. He has devoted his career to providing direct health care services \u003c/em>\u003cem>to youth, teaching health care professionals about the special \u003c/em>\u003cem>needs of adolescents, and addressing teen health issues and \u003c/em>\u003cem>policies on local, regional, and national levels.\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003cem>Together they created and teach the \u003ca href=\"https://www.greatconversations.com/\">Great Conversations\u003c/a> classes for parents and their preteens.\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/51736/what-adolescent-girls-wish-their-parents-understood-about-them","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_192"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21210","mindshift_20963"],"featImg":"mindshift_51959","label":"mindshift"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? 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