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How Friends Influence One Another–For Better or Worse–in High School
For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections
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What role do teachers play?","publishDate":1692147659,"format":"standard","headTitle":"School shapes teens’ identities and relationships. What role do teachers play? | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Copyright © 2023 Deborah Offner. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission by Taylor & Francis Group from Offner, D. (2023), \u003ca href=\"https://www.routledge.com/Educators-as-First-Responders-A-Teachers-Guide-to-Adolescent-Development/Offner/p/book/9781032416076\">Educators as First Responders: A Teacher’s Guide to Adolescent Development and Mental Health\u003c/a>, Grades 6-12 (pages 6-11). New York: Routledge.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For most adolescents, their world is school-centric. School is where tweens and teens spend most of their time. It’s where their work (learning) is. It’s where their peers are and where their relationships happen. It’s also where their parents aren’t, so school is where they begin to shape their individual identities and, with any luck, begin to figure out for themselves how to deal with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61246/students-want-to-learn-about-personal-financeand-hear-about-adults-money-mistakes\">life’s demands\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58857/how-to-make-the-shift-from-indulging-problems-to-creating-possibilities\">problems\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Starting around age eleven or twelve, students are increasingly aware of their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60088/using-a-strengths-based-approach-to-help-students-realize-their-potential\">strengths\u003c/a> and weaknesses — academically, athletically, artistically, socially and physically. They naturally compare themselves to others and look to their peers for approval and acceptance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-62191 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"168\" height=\"254\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1020x1545.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-160x242.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-768x1163.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1014x1536.jpg 1014w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1352x2048.jpg 1352w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-scaled.jpg 1690w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 168px) 100vw, 168px\">Complicating this process is the fact that each student is moving through these \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60743/puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults\">physical\u003c/a> and cognitive changes at their own pace. Just as a full range of heights as well as facial hair is on display throughout middle and high school hallways, various stages of cerebral and psychological development are evident, if not as obvious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each student is judging whatever happens in class — or at lunch, or on the athletic field — from \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59687/middle-schoolers-are-social-what-opportunity-does-that-create-for-learning\">their own developmental vantage point\u003c/a>. As you might imagine and have likely experienced, this unevenness in comprehension and reasoning (not to mention self-awareness and self-regulation) leads to misunderstandings and miscommunications among students. Unevenness across students may fuel disagreements and heighten emotions, leading to hurt feelings or worse harms. Remember, however mature they may appear, your students’ logical reasoning and impulse control are not necessarily ready for what the environment demands of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the academic realm, a student whose brain is maturing at an average rate might have no trouble adjusting to the new rhythms of middle school. But a student whose brain is maturing more slowly faces a multitude of challenges. As they wait for the cognitive capability to plan, organize, and follow through to come on board, such students find typical middle school experiences — such as changing classrooms, juggling the expectations of multiple teachers, and taking courses that require more complex comprehension skills — difficult, if not impossible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are also numerous psychosocial discrepancies across students that show up in middle school. For example, some sixth and seventh graders already have romantic interests, while other students don’t show this kind of interest until high school or even college. A student can be perfectly healthy and normal anywhere along this continuum. However, due to disparities in “pace” in this area, students who have been close friends for years can find themselves in pretty different places socially. Understandably, this can be crushing and incomprehensible for the student who feels left behind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During adolescence, a day can feel like a week and a week can feel like a day. There is so much to learn and manage, but most adolescents don’t yet have the mental and emotional capacity to think it all through, let alone generate the kind of competent response we (and they) would like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once students arrive in high school, their attention spans, for one thing, do increase. However, they don’t always focus this greater span in the most productive direction — at least not to our adult way of thinking. With a backdrop of pulsing hormones and persistent social pressures, high-school students are preoccupied by myriad issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the choice is between academics or their peers, as you well know, their peers may take priority. Never is this truer than when a friend is in distress. Generation Z adolescents (born after 1997) are more attuned to not only their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">moods, anxieties and “ups and downs,”\u003c/a> but also to those of their close peers. A seventh grader recently told me that when a friend tells her they are having a tough day or dealing with a difficult issue, she makes a note in her phone so she is reminded to check in with them on subsequent days, to see how they’re doing. Another example: I recently got the following text message from a twelfth grader, canceling our weekly therapy session. “Can’t meet today. Friend in crisis.” At school, student may think nothing of missing something important — for example, your class — to comfort a struggling friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another pressing psychological factor for adolescents is social comparison. They are developmentally driven to compare themselves to others and compete for peer approval. On any given school campus, you can see this express itself in ways reflective of the institution’s culture. At some schools, you see it in the way students dress. At others, students one-up each other with clever quips in class. And in still others, athletic prowess or artistic ability are how students win popularity and the acceptance that comes with it. While this is not a new phenomenon among teenagers, it’s even more intense and unrelenting for this generation because of social media, the ultimate social comparison accelerator.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, the primary developmental task of adolescence is achieving emotional independence from parents or guardians. Complicating this push toward individuation is the fact that middle and high schoolers still need mature guidance — and they know it. Every minute of every day, your students are navigating a world and a way of perceiving a world that is in constant flux for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nowhere do the challenges and various aspects of adolescence development surface more profoundly or play themselves out more fully than at school — where you, their teacher, are (in effect and fact) the only adult in the room. Thus, when a student needs an adult, not surprisingly, you become their natural choice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>“I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>As one panicked teacher so aptly shouted into the phone as she solicited my advice about responding to a student in crisis, “I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m pretty sure you didn’t exactly sign up for some of this stuff, either. Yet this is the reality of teaching middle schoolers and high schoolers. Though you may doubt you’re the best option when it comes to intervening in your student’s developmental or personal challenges, your students have no such reservations. That’s why they seek you out. They know and regard you as a functioning “adult” — in other words, an expert in all things life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While you may not feel like an expert in “all things life,” and may even have substantial evidence to support your hunch, recognize that in this arena you do offer competencies that other adults simply can’t. You have an established relationship with your students — they listen to you, they’re interested in what you think. You play a consistent and key role in guiding them toward a promising future. Many times, they don’t or won’t listen to other adults — least of all, parents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the “boots on the ground” in your school community. Unlike any other adult in your students’ lives, you observe them day in and day out in their natural habitat. You not only witness their daily interactions, you also know all the players. In addition, you and your colleagues are typically the first adults to notice when something isn’t right with a student — when they seem tired or irritable, are suddenly sitting apart from their friends, or uncharacteristically fail to turn in an assignment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do not discount the value of your knowledge when it comes to being a first responder to adolescent discontent or more serious personal or emotional difficulties. I’ve mused with more than one teacher or mental health colleague that middle and high school teachers today are a lot like “milieu workers” in pediatric or psychiatric care institutions. In these clinical settings, milieu workers are embedded in the institutional environment, or “milieu,” where they monitor, support, and assist patients. Their role is not only to administer medications, provide advice, or offer resources, they’re there to meet their charges where they are, in the moment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I served as a school counselor, and later when I was dean of students at a high school, teachers were my best source for flagging a student in need. And teachers continue to be my closest partners in my consulting work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When a student comes to you in crisis, you want to be sure your response will be effective and appropriate. Note that this does not require a degree in psychology. With some basic knowledge of adolescent development and strategies for handling the various situations most likely to come your way, you can feel confident in this dimension of your role, and transform yourself from apprehensive educator to competent first responder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-62190 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1020x1443.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-160x226.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-768x1086.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1086x1536.png 1086w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD.png 1414w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 198px) 100vw, 198px\">Deborah Offner is a clinical psychologist who has worked in schools and colleges as a counselor, educator, and consultant for 25 years. She is Consulting Psychologist at Beacon Academy in Boston, MA, and provides counseling, supervision and professional consultation to several other middle and secondary schools. Her areas of expertise include adolescent development and mental health, student affairs and professional development for K-12 educators.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In \"Educators as First Responders,\" clinical psychologist Deborah Offner examines the critical role teachers play in adolescent development.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1692188071,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":22,"wordCount":1603},"headData":{"title":"School shapes teens' identities and relationships. What role do teachers play? | KQED","description":"In "Educators as First Responders," clinical psychologist Deborah Offner examines the critical role teachers play in adolescent development.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"In "Educators as First Responders," clinical psychologist Deborah Offner examines the critical role teachers play in adolescent development.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"School shapes teens' identities and relationships. What role do teachers play?","datePublished":"2023-08-16T01:00:59.000Z","dateModified":"2023-08-16T12:14:31.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62189/school-shapes-teens-identities-and-relationships-what-role-do-teachers-play","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Copyright © 2023 Deborah Offner. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission by Taylor & Francis Group from Offner, D. (2023), \u003ca href=\"https://www.routledge.com/Educators-as-First-Responders-A-Teachers-Guide-to-Adolescent-Development/Offner/p/book/9781032416076\">Educators as First Responders: A Teacher’s Guide to Adolescent Development and Mental Health\u003c/a>, Grades 6-12 (pages 6-11). New York: Routledge.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For most adolescents, their world is school-centric. School is where tweens and teens spend most of their time. It’s where their work (learning) is. It’s where their peers are and where their relationships happen. It’s also where their parents aren’t, so school is where they begin to shape their individual identities and, with any luck, begin to figure out for themselves how to deal with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61246/students-want-to-learn-about-personal-financeand-hear-about-adults-money-mistakes\">life’s demands\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58857/how-to-make-the-shift-from-indulging-problems-to-creating-possibilities\">problems\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Starting around age eleven or twelve, students are increasingly aware of their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60088/using-a-strengths-based-approach-to-help-students-realize-their-potential\">strengths\u003c/a> and weaknesses — academically, athletically, artistically, socially and physically. They naturally compare themselves to others and look to their peers for approval and acceptance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-62191 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"168\" height=\"254\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1020x1545.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-160x242.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-768x1163.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1014x1536.jpg 1014w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1352x2048.jpg 1352w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-scaled.jpg 1690w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 168px) 100vw, 168px\">Complicating this process is the fact that each student is moving through these \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60743/puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults\">physical\u003c/a> and cognitive changes at their own pace. Just as a full range of heights as well as facial hair is on display throughout middle and high school hallways, various stages of cerebral and psychological development are evident, if not as obvious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each student is judging whatever happens in class — or at lunch, or on the athletic field — from \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59687/middle-schoolers-are-social-what-opportunity-does-that-create-for-learning\">their own developmental vantage point\u003c/a>. As you might imagine and have likely experienced, this unevenness in comprehension and reasoning (not to mention self-awareness and self-regulation) leads to misunderstandings and miscommunications among students. Unevenness across students may fuel disagreements and heighten emotions, leading to hurt feelings or worse harms. Remember, however mature they may appear, your students’ logical reasoning and impulse control are not necessarily ready for what the environment demands of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the academic realm, a student whose brain is maturing at an average rate might have no trouble adjusting to the new rhythms of middle school. But a student whose brain is maturing more slowly faces a multitude of challenges. As they wait for the cognitive capability to plan, organize, and follow through to come on board, such students find typical middle school experiences — such as changing classrooms, juggling the expectations of multiple teachers, and taking courses that require more complex comprehension skills — difficult, if not impossible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are also numerous psychosocial discrepancies across students that show up in middle school. For example, some sixth and seventh graders already have romantic interests, while other students don’t show this kind of interest until high school or even college. A student can be perfectly healthy and normal anywhere along this continuum. However, due to disparities in “pace” in this area, students who have been close friends for years can find themselves in pretty different places socially. Understandably, this can be crushing and incomprehensible for the student who feels left behind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During adolescence, a day can feel like a week and a week can feel like a day. There is so much to learn and manage, but most adolescents don’t yet have the mental and emotional capacity to think it all through, let alone generate the kind of competent response we (and they) would like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once students arrive in high school, their attention spans, for one thing, do increase. However, they don’t always focus this greater span in the most productive direction — at least not to our adult way of thinking. With a backdrop of pulsing hormones and persistent social pressures, high-school students are preoccupied by myriad issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the choice is between academics or their peers, as you well know, their peers may take priority. Never is this truer than when a friend is in distress. Generation Z adolescents (born after 1997) are more attuned to not only their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">moods, anxieties and “ups and downs,”\u003c/a> but also to those of their close peers. A seventh grader recently told me that when a friend tells her they are having a tough day or dealing with a difficult issue, she makes a note in her phone so she is reminded to check in with them on subsequent days, to see how they’re doing. Another example: I recently got the following text message from a twelfth grader, canceling our weekly therapy session. “Can’t meet today. Friend in crisis.” At school, student may think nothing of missing something important — for example, your class — to comfort a struggling friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another pressing psychological factor for adolescents is social comparison. They are developmentally driven to compare themselves to others and compete for peer approval. On any given school campus, you can see this express itself in ways reflective of the institution’s culture. At some schools, you see it in the way students dress. At others, students one-up each other with clever quips in class. And in still others, athletic prowess or artistic ability are how students win popularity and the acceptance that comes with it. While this is not a new phenomenon among teenagers, it’s even more intense and unrelenting for this generation because of social media, the ultimate social comparison accelerator.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, the primary developmental task of adolescence is achieving emotional independence from parents or guardians. Complicating this push toward individuation is the fact that middle and high schoolers still need mature guidance — and they know it. Every minute of every day, your students are navigating a world and a way of perceiving a world that is in constant flux for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nowhere do the challenges and various aspects of adolescence development surface more profoundly or play themselves out more fully than at school — where you, their teacher, are (in effect and fact) the only adult in the room. Thus, when a student needs an adult, not surprisingly, you become their natural choice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>“I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>As one panicked teacher so aptly shouted into the phone as she solicited my advice about responding to a student in crisis, “I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m pretty sure you didn’t exactly sign up for some of this stuff, either. Yet this is the reality of teaching middle schoolers and high schoolers. Though you may doubt you’re the best option when it comes to intervening in your student’s developmental or personal challenges, your students have no such reservations. That’s why they seek you out. They know and regard you as a functioning “adult” — in other words, an expert in all things life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While you may not feel like an expert in “all things life,” and may even have substantial evidence to support your hunch, recognize that in this arena you do offer competencies that other adults simply can’t. You have an established relationship with your students — they listen to you, they’re interested in what you think. You play a consistent and key role in guiding them toward a promising future. Many times, they don’t or won’t listen to other adults — least of all, parents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the “boots on the ground” in your school community. Unlike any other adult in your students’ lives, you observe them day in and day out in their natural habitat. You not only witness their daily interactions, you also know all the players. In addition, you and your colleagues are typically the first adults to notice when something isn’t right with a student — when they seem tired or irritable, are suddenly sitting apart from their friends, or uncharacteristically fail to turn in an assignment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do not discount the value of your knowledge when it comes to being a first responder to adolescent discontent or more serious personal or emotional difficulties. I’ve mused with more than one teacher or mental health colleague that middle and high school teachers today are a lot like “milieu workers” in pediatric or psychiatric care institutions. In these clinical settings, milieu workers are embedded in the institutional environment, or “milieu,” where they monitor, support, and assist patients. Their role is not only to administer medications, provide advice, or offer resources, they’re there to meet their charges where they are, in the moment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I served as a school counselor, and later when I was dean of students at a high school, teachers were my best source for flagging a student in need. And teachers continue to be my closest partners in my consulting work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When a student comes to you in crisis, you want to be sure your response will be effective and appropriate. Note that this does not require a degree in psychology. With some basic knowledge of adolescent development and strategies for handling the various situations most likely to come your way, you can feel confident in this dimension of your role, and transform yourself from apprehensive educator to competent first responder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-62190 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1020x1443.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-160x226.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-768x1086.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1086x1536.png 1086w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD.png 1414w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 198px) 100vw, 198px\">Deborah Offner is a clinical psychologist who has worked in schools and colleges as a counselor, educator, and consultant for 25 years. She is Consulting Psychologist at Beacon Academy in Boston, MA, and provides counseling, supervision and professional consultation to several other middle and secondary schools. Her areas of expertise include adolescent development and mental health, student affairs and professional development for K-12 educators.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62189/school-shapes-teens-identities-and-relationships-what-role-do-teachers-play","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_21512","mindshift_21491","mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_21207","mindshift_21157","mindshift_21336","mindshift_21749","mindshift_21210","mindshift_21159"],"featImg":"mindshift_62192","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62163":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62163","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62163","score":null,"sort":[1692095441000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"are-dress-codes-fair-how-one-middle-school-transformed-its-rules-for-what-students-wear","title":"Are dress codes fair? How one middle school transformed its rules for what students wear","publishDate":1692095441,"format":"audio","headTitle":"Are dress codes fair? How one middle school transformed its rules for what students wear | KQED","labelTerm":{"term":21847,"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View the full episode transcript.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In 2018, following the reveal of a new dress code, students enthusiastically showed up to Alice Deal Middle School in spaghetti straps, flip flops and short hemlines. “It was just on parade,” said Principal Diedre Neal about students’ attire. With time, the strappy, short outfits leveled off. Neal said that while \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59687/middle-schoolers-are-social-what-opportunity-does-that-create-for-learning\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescents revel in novelty\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, their desire to be comfortable won out in the end: “They ran out of completely outrageous things. The completely outrageous things are also not comfortable or feasible.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The decision to reevaluate the dress code arose from the realization that the existing policies were no longer aligned with the needs of the students at Alice Deal, a public middle school in Washington, D.C. Prior to the change, students were pulled out of class if their outfits violated the school dress code. “They had their work. They were engaging. They were learning,” said Neal. “And we took them away from their learning to have a conversation about what they were wearing.” For instance, Zya Kinney, now 23, remembered getting pulled out of class by a teacher and being asked to do the “fingertip test” — a practice where students put their hand by their sides to see if the hemline of their shorts or skirts pass their fingertips. When Kinney’s skirt did not pass her fingertips, she had to change into her gym shorts. “I had to go back to that classroom,” said Kinney, who described herself as an insecure middle schooler. “That is embarrassing.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To reshape the policy in a way that truly supported student learning and wellbeing, Neal embraced a school-wide approach. She knew that for an updated dress code to be successful and work for learners, it required the active involvement from the students and community members it would impact.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Identify the gaps\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The catalyst for changing the dress code at Alice Deal came in the form of a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nwlc.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/5.1web_Final_nwlc_DressCodeReport.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">dress code report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> written by Nia Evans from the National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) and a group of students in 2018. The report brought to light the discriminatory and harmful effects of dress code policies at schools in D.C. Evans’ research focused on school pushout — when schools use \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58817/how-changing-schools-culture-of-discipline-paves-the-way-for-inclusivity\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">exclusionary discipline practices\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that result in students leaving school altogether. “What we found in conversations with students, parents and teachers was that dress codes were consistently coming up as a massive contributor to school push out,” Evans said. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">She recruited over 20 young people ages 12 to 18 to research dress codes with her and produce a report on dress codes featuring the twelve schools they collectively attended in DC. Their findings exposed gender and race stereotypes within dress code policies. “They were using language saying girls need to cover up to avoid distracting boys or Black girls can’t wear head wraps because it’s unprofessional or it’s not neat,” said Evans.These policies resulted in harsh punishments ranging from disrupting classroom time to suspensions. According to a Government Accountability Office \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.gao.gov/products/gao-23-105348\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, 90% of dress codes have policies that dictate what girls can wear. The NWLC found that Black girls, who had the highest suspension rate in the country compared to white girls, were being unfairly targeted by school dress codes. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Uniforms, which are lauded as a way to reduce the appearance of economic disparity, proved to be an imperfect solution. Nearly 20% of the nation’s public schools and preschools require uniforms, according to the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d21/tables/dt21_233.60.asp\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">National Center for Education Statistics\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Over the course of their research, students found that uniforms, often sold at specific stores, can become a financial burden for many families. They can also be limiting from a developmental standpoint. “You’re taking an opportunity away from students to be able to express themselves,” Evans said. The student researchers found that uniforms can alienate non-binary students. “We are enforcing what we think girls should look like and what boys should look like. We’re not creating a lot of space for any type of spectrum,” Evans added.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The student researchers proposed solutions for school leaders looking to improve their dress codes. They recommended the creation of dress code task forces, made up of teachers, administrators, parents, and students, to discuss whether a school’s dress code achieved the intended goals. They emphasized the importance of, allowing students to express their authentic selves, including cultural representations like headwraps and Black hairstyles. Additionally, students called for gender-neutral dress codes that didn’t require students to have to wear specific clothes because of their gender identity. They also suggested taking out vague language such as ‘distracting’ or ‘inappropriate’ from dress code policies, as it often leaves room for teacher bias and subjective interpretation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Collaboration and communication\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Alice Deal, Principal Neal partnered with parent Deborah Zerwitz to get input from students and families before changing the dress code. Zerwitz drew insights from the NWLC report, as well as from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.today.com/style/high-school-changes-dress-code-promote-body-positivity-t115656\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">student-centered practices from Evanston Township High School in Illinois\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a school that had changed their dress code the year prior. Recognizing the need to foster a respectful and equitable learning environment, Evanston Township engaged in collaborative discussions involving students, parents, teachers, and administrators to redefine their dress code guidelines. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Neal let parents know in her weekly newsletter that they could attend four listening sessions for students, parents and administrators to voice their ideas and opinions on the dress code. Listening sessions were offered at various times and locations on and off the school campus to make them as accessible as possible. To gather even more student feedback, Zerwitz put up poster boards outside of the school cafeteria with questions like:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“What changes would you make to the dress code?”\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“What do you think about school uniforms?”\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“What should the consequences be for violating a dress code?”\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Students could stick post-it notes to the board with their answers or place anonymous ideas in a shoebox with a slot in it.. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Additionally, Neal and Zerwitz created a task force made up of student and parent volunteers. “Somebody’s got to put pen to paper at some point,” said Zerwitz. “We were trying to identify a core group of people that will actually take all this information and distill it.” The task force used the feedback from the listening sessions and posters to create the new dress code.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC9608676364&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003cbr>\n\u003cspan class=\"c-message__edited_label\" dir=\"ltr\" data-sk=\"tooltip_parent\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Empowering students and redefining dress code policies\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zerwitz and Neal received diverse feedback about the dress code, with students, particularly girls, expressing their desire to be heard and understood. “They wanted to say how it was making them feel. And they felt awkward. They felt like, ‘Why are these grown ups looking at me every morning and telling me something’s wrong?” Zerwitz said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The consensus from teachers was that they did not like spending time enforcing the dress code. However, some teachers — usually older teachers, Zerwitz said — tended to think the students should dress professionally for school and were in favor of a strict dress code. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Among parents, safety concerns surfaced. For example, a parent of two Black boys said that she likes using the dress code policies as a reason her son cannot wear hoodies to school. Citing concerns about stereotypes and racial profiling, especially considering incidents like the 2012 killing of Trayvon Martin, the parent explained that she could “breathe a little bit easier when my two Black sons leave the house and they’re not wearing a hood.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With support from the NWLC, Neal, Zerwitz and the task force members worked through these tensions. “Sometimes in wanting to protect our young people, we end up reinforcing the very inequalities that the world puts on them,” said Evans. “The solution to sexual harassment isn’t to get girls to cover up. The solution to police violence and racist violence is not to punish Black boys for wearing hoodies.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Long-term benefits and impact\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The results of the schoolwide effort to change the dress code came at the end of the 2017-18 school year when Alice Deal Middle School introduced a revised, gender non-specific and relaxed dress code. Students were required to cover the core of their bodies with opaque fabric, but there was greater flexibility with articles like crop tops and hoodies. Importantly, teachers were advised not to remove students from class if they violated the dress code. Principal Neal saw a decrease in dress code-related disciplinary actions. Students reported feeling more comfortable expressing their identities, which is\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59008/5-strategies-for-developing-a-school-wide-culture-of-healing\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> associated with overall well-being\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Despite the positive changes, in interviews last year, some students reported that certain staff members still commented on what they wore. “We’re still working with staff,” said Neal. “I need to check with students and see if people are dress coding them.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The journey to a new dress code was a source of pride for students. In a graduation shortly after the revised dress code was implemented, Zerwitz listened to a student speaker talk about how the class collectively achieved this transformation. It was evident to Zerwitz that the students understood the power of their voices and felt empowered by the impact they had at their school. “Those kids — all of the ones that came to the listening sessions or wrote a note in the little box or whatever — all of them contributed in some way to this,” said Zerwitz. “And, hopefully, [they went to high school] knowing that their voice matters.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This is a computer-generated transcript. While our team has reviewed it, there may be errors.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Welcome to MindShift. Where we explore the future of learning and how we raise our kids. I’m Nimah Gobir.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Every day, when students get ready in the morning, they are faced with a challenge: [dramatic music] deciding what to wear to school that day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They have to weigh a lot of factors. Like…What makes me feel comfortable? What’s the weather outside? And maybe even What will my crush in 3rd period think about my fit?\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In 7th grade, when Zya Kinney was in her favorite outfit, you couldn’t tell her nothing.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I wore my red skirt with a spaghetti strap kind of tank top – And I had no leggings on. I was feeling myself! \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Zya’s twenty-three now. She was talking about when she was a student at Alice Deal Middle School in Washington, DC. It was ten years ago, but she remembers how putting on the perfect outfit could make her feel good about herself.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I would just put on whatever was comfortable and whatever was like kind of cute. And i would have my little pop out moments here and there.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> One of the reasons Zya remembers the outfit she wore is because it was the day she got dress coded. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That means she was in violation of the school’s rules that dictate what students should and should not wear. There’s usually language about visible skin, footwear and even hair in some cases. Most schools have them, but they can be flawed.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Leora Tanenbaum:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The big irony, of course, that lies at the heart of school dress codes is that they are drafted with the intention of eliminating distraction and helping learners. But the opposite actually happens in the end because learners themselves are targeted and therefore they are unable to focus on learning. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That’s writer and researcher Leora Tanenbaum. She also calls out dress code incidents on her Instagram. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Leora Tanenbaum:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Where they go wrong is when they are gendered. When the codes are created with a presupposition that girls’ bodies pose a distraction to other learners and therefore girls’ bodies need to be covered up in a specific way. And therefore the dress code is drafted in a way that has different language and different rules depending on one’s gender.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> If you violate the dress code, a teacher might call you over to talk with you privately about your clothes or you’ll be sent to the principal’s office. You might have to do the fingertip test where you put your hands by your sides and see if your skirt or shorts go past your fingertips.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Leora Tanenbaum:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> It embarrasses the student. It makes her all of a sudden very aware of her physicality in a way that she may not have been at all. The teacher might assume she was aware of her physicality but you can’t assume that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zya was in class when she got dress coded. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">My teacher gave us some work to do. Like just busy work or whatever. And she’s like, ‘Can I talk to you, you know, outside the classroom?’ You know, I think I’m not even thinking it has something to do with my outfit. She said ” Your skirt is too short.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When Zya put her hands at her sides, her middle fingertips were just barely past her skirt!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and, do you know, they made me change it to my gym shorts? I’m walking around here, cute up top, gym down, down…down below, like I’m not looking the same. And I remember being so upset about it because it’s like, Why are you sexualizing a seventh grader? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> To her, it was so much more than having to change clothes. She was trying to fit in and be confident and her school basically told her that she was doing it wrong.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I can’t lie and tell you that the popular girls weren’t wearing the skirts and had all the new things. They had the accessories. They had like three different book bags in rotation when I had just the one backpack. And I definitely remember seeing the difference in attention that they would get from guys and stuff like that, and then even their girlfriends. Like I felt like they were always the ones that you chose for stuff or, you know, they were like the most likable people and everything. And while I was, I was okay with myself, but I was also really insecure too. [00:07:01][19.3]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Zya, who’s Black, also noticed something else about the dress codes… \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It wasn’t until I started wearing skirts and dresses and I noticed how my white friends wouldn’t have anything said to them about what they have on. And I realized, okay, if I wear a skirt and she wears a skirt, we have on two different skirts.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And Zya was on to something. Here’s researcher and writer Nia Evans.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I’m basically a Black girl who grew up in D.C. And when I was working at the National Women’s Law Center, we were doing a lot of research about what we call school push out.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> School push out is basically when schools use disciplinary actions that exclude students. These discipline practices often end up forcing students out of school altogether.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">What we found was that dress codes were consistently coming up as a massive contributor to school push out. That black girls in particular were being unfairly targeted by school dress codes. But not only were they being treated differently in school, they were being removed from schools.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> At the time she was doing this research – around 2018. Black girls had some of the highest suspension rates in the country. So high that the obama administration opened investigations into school discipline policies. back then black girls were 20 times more likely to be suspended than white girls. And to be clear, it was not because Black girls were misbehaving more, it’s because they were being targeted by harsher rules.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We decided to partner with the experts when it comes to dress codes, which is students. We recruited over 20 young people, ages 12 to 18 from 12 different high schools in Washington, D.C., to be our co-researchers. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Nia worked with them to produce a report about their experiences with dress codes and how they’re enforced. What they found confirmed Zya’s suspicions: for black students, dress codes hit different.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dress codes often are steeped in race and gender stereotypes. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They were using language saying, you know, girls need to cover up to avoid from distracting boys or black girls can’t wear head wraps because it’s unprofessional or it’s not neat. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At a high level, a lot of these rules are sort of remnants of racist, sexist ideas and are invested in and are a mechanism to sort of keep students in line and to communicate a certain narrative around what it means to be professional, what it means to be neat, what it means to be successful. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Many schools will defend their dress code saying that they want their students to be prepared to dress for jobs as an adult, but that’s open to interpretation. Different jobs require different clothes. Zya, the 23 year old I spoke to dresses pretty casually for her job at ABC studios because she’s running around delivering scripts to producers all day. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When dress codes come into question, sometimes the response is to put kids in uniforms – almost half of schools and preschools use uniforms now. It makes sense… If everyone has to wear the same thing that means no more problems right? Well… not necessarily. Here’s Nia again.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">From a growth standpoint, you’re taking an opportunity away from students to be able to express themselves. Uniforms are often gender specific, which means, again, we are enforcing what we think girls should look like, boys should look like. We’re not creating a lot of space for any in between any type of spectrum. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The students that Nia worked with offered a few solutions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A lot of them recommended that schools create dress code task force forces, where teachers and administrators and parents and students can come together and really start with the question of what is the goal of this? Why do we have a dress code? What is the point? Is it achieving its goals? And if it’s not, do we need it? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> So it really ignited, I think, a long overdue issue in D.C. And we saw a lot of student and parent activism as a result of it. And some teachers and administrators listened. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> News of this report reached the principal at Zya’s former school – Alice Deal middle school. And when we get back from the break we’ll hear about what THE principal did when she took a closer look at her school’s dress code. Her reaction may surprise you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When I talked to Principal Diedre Neal from Alice Deal Middle School she said that moments ago there were three young women in her office. One was wearing ripped jeans, another was wearing a tube top, and another wearing a spaghetti strap tank top. Ordinarily, they all would have gotten dress coded, but something amazing happened: Principal Neal didn’t care. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And that’s significant because dress codes used to be a situation…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Diedre Neal:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Every spring when children wanted to shift from, you know, long pants to shorts and skirts, there would be either commentary or and I’m smiling because there was always a petition. It was always a petition. And I remember saying, “I can’t wait until we solve this issue, and then you can move on and give me a petition for something else.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> After reading the dress code report, Principal Neal recognized that it was probably time for dress codes to change.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Diedre Neal:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Over time, like enforcing it. I would say there was cognitive dissonance.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> People were being sent out of class to address what they had on. So they were in class , they had their work, they were engaging, they were learning, and so we took them away from their learning to have a conversation about what they were wearing. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She needed to figure out what it would take to make Alice Deal’s dress code work in favor of learning. To get started, Principal Neal partnered with a parent named Debb Zerwitz.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We announced that we were going to be creating a task force to review and update the dress code.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They created a little set up outside the school cafeteria .\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> We put up big poster boards with questions like.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> What changes would you make to the dress code? What do you think about school uniforms? And what should the consequences be for violating a dress code?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They had post-it notes in all these different colors so students could stick their ideas to the poster board. And they had 4 listening sessions where they would get feedback and input from students, administrators and parents. They had conversations with parents who wanted to keep the dress code for really valid reasons. For example, a lot of schools don’t let students wear hoodies. Black parents didn’t want their kids wearing hooded sweatshirts out the door because of Trayvon Martin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[News clip\u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reporter: Trayvon Martin was wearing a gray hoodie the night he was killed, a fact that caught the attention of neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman. \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good or he’s on drugs or something. \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dispatcher: Did you see what he was wearing? \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zimmerman: Yeah. A dark hoodie. Like a gray hoodie. \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reporter: A few minutes later Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin, he claims, in self defense.]\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> One Black parent in one of the listening sessions, said she liked having the support of the school dress code, to keep her child from wearing hoodies . \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She said I can point to the policy and say you’re going to get in trouble and you’re going to get you’re going to have to change your clothes and it’s going to be embarrassing that that helps me at home if there’s a policy. Who the hell am I to, like, dismiss this mother telling me like, I like the dress code? And this is one of the reasons why. Like, of course I hear you. You know I do.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another thing that surfaced in the listening sessions were some generational differences. In many cases it’s older Black adults telling younger black kids that they need to look more presentable. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In other words, they leaned into respectability politics, a way of trying to navigate prejudice and discrimination by making oneself match the visual standards set by those in power. . It’s basically saying, “Hey, look, we’re just like you, so you should respect us and treat us better!”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Nia — she’s the researcher who made the dress code report with students — noticed respectability politics in dress codes too.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You also have a deeper layer of Black teachers and young people and parents who love each other, who are really struggling with how to keep kids safe. And the same way the solution to sexual harassment isn’t to get girls to cover up. The solution to police violence and racist violence is not to punish black boys for wearing hoodies. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I don’t think you can dress your way out of racism and sexism. I don’t. And I also think that sometimes in wanting to protect our young people, we end up reinforcing the very inequalities that the world puts on them.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dress codes actually hold a lot of our values and fears and anxieties as a culture. It says a lot about how we want students and young people to move through the world, how we want to protect them, how we want to set them up for success and our baggage as a culture around race and gender and sexuality and different identities. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Based on what she learned from all the feedback , Principal Neal with the help of Deb and the National Women’s Law Center ended up changing their dress code to be more casual and gender nonspecific. Technically, students are required to wear clothing that covers the core of the student’s body including private areas and midriff, with opaque fabric. But no one really says anything about crop tops. Even if a student is in violation of the dress code they are not supposed to be taken out of class. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When the dress code changed, students had an enthusiastic response. All the clothing they couldn’t wear before was on display. Here’s Principal Neal again.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Principal Neal: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It was just on parade and then they ran out of the completely outrageous things and it leveled off.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> A student even mentioned in their graduation speech the way Alice Deal middle school’s student body had worked together to change the dress code. It was clear that being part of creating meaningful change at their school felt really empowering to students. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> To find out what Alice Deal Middle School Students are wearing these days we went straight to the source. These students may be walking down hallways instead of the red carpet, but I still wanted to know “Who are you wearing?” “How did you achieve this look?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 1: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I like to put on something that’ll make me comfortable and also make me feel good. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 2:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Jewelry is a really big part of like, what I wear. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 3: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I’m wearing leggings right now, but that’s kind of just because it’s kind of colder right now than it normally is.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 2:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I have a lot of bracelets on most of the time.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 1: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Right now I’m just wearing sweatpants and my Reeboks, which are the shoes that I like to wear because they’re comfortable.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 4: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I mostly wear crocs.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sweatpants. Crocs. Leggings. They sound pretty unburdened. And you know what else….they sound comfy.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I feel like, in a sense, we don’t really have a dress code like we’re allowed to wear what we want. But like to a certain point. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But not all teachers and administrators are fully on board. Some students mentioned that there are still teachers at the school who call them out for what they’re wearing.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s one thing to change a policy, but it’s another thing to change the hearts and minds of all the administrators and teachers. Here’s principal Neal talking about next steps.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Diedre Neal: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We’re still working with staff. I now know that I need to check with students and see if people are dress coding them. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some might call what Principal Neal did intellectual humility. It involves recognizing the limits of what you think you know. When Principal Neal learned more from students, parents and research, she realized the dress codes might be doing more harm than good. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>Alice Deal Middle School set out to re-evaluate their dress code and even though they’re still working with teachers on changing their mindsets, it is a step towards better reflecting the needs and identities of their students. It’s important to involve students in the process of creating policies that impact them. While it may not solve every problem, it is an essential step towards finding more equitable and inclusive solutions. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Thank you to Lawrence Lanahan, Zya Kinney, Leora Tanenbaum, Nia Evans, Debb Zerwitz, Principal Diedre Neal and students at Alice Deal Middle School\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The MindShift team includes Ki Sung, Kara Newhouse, Marlena Jackson Retondo and me, Nimah Gobir. Our editor is Chris Hambrick, Seth Samuel is our sound designer, Jen Chien is our head of podcasts, and Holly Kernan is KQED’s chief content officer.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MindShift’s intellectual humility series is supported by the Greater Good Science Center’s “Expanding Awareness of the Science of Intellectual Humility” project and the Templeton Foundation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MindShift is also supported in part by the generosity of the William & Flora Hewlett Foundation and members of KQED. Thank you for listening!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In response to student-led research, a Washington, D.C. school overhauled its dress code to be inclusive and respectful of all students.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1706031517,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":102,"wordCount":5041},"headData":{"title":"Are dress codes fair? How one middle school transformed its rules for what students wear | KQED","description":"In response to student-led research, a Washington, D.C. school overhauled its dress code to be inclusive and respectful of all students.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"In response to student-led research, a Washington, D.C. school overhauled its dress code to be inclusive and respectful of all students.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Are dress codes fair? How one middle school transformed its rules for what students wear","datePublished":"2023-08-15T10:30:41.000Z","dateModified":"2024-01-23T17:38:37.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"audioUrl":"https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/chrt.fm/track/G6C7C3/traffic.megaphone.fm/KQINC9608676364.mp3?updated=1691013157","sticky":false,"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62163/are-dress-codes-fair-how-one-middle-school-transformed-its-rules-for-what-students-wear","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View the full episode transcript.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In 2018, following the reveal of a new dress code, students enthusiastically showed up to Alice Deal Middle School in spaghetti straps, flip flops and short hemlines. “It was just on parade,” said Principal Diedre Neal about students’ attire. With time, the strappy, short outfits leveled off. Neal said that while \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59687/middle-schoolers-are-social-what-opportunity-does-that-create-for-learning\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescents revel in novelty\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, their desire to be comfortable won out in the end: “They ran out of completely outrageous things. The completely outrageous things are also not comfortable or feasible.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The decision to reevaluate the dress code arose from the realization that the existing policies were no longer aligned with the needs of the students at Alice Deal, a public middle school in Washington, D.C. Prior to the change, students were pulled out of class if their outfits violated the school dress code. “They had their work. They were engaging. They were learning,” said Neal. “And we took them away from their learning to have a conversation about what they were wearing.” For instance, Zya Kinney, now 23, remembered getting pulled out of class by a teacher and being asked to do the “fingertip test” — a practice where students put their hand by their sides to see if the hemline of their shorts or skirts pass their fingertips. When Kinney’s skirt did not pass her fingertips, she had to change into her gym shorts. “I had to go back to that classroom,” said Kinney, who described herself as an insecure middle schooler. “That is embarrassing.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To reshape the policy in a way that truly supported student learning and wellbeing, Neal embraced a school-wide approach. She knew that for an updated dress code to be successful and work for learners, it required the active involvement from the students and community members it would impact.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Identify the gaps\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The catalyst for changing the dress code at Alice Deal came in the form of a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nwlc.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/5.1web_Final_nwlc_DressCodeReport.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">dress code report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> written by Nia Evans from the National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) and a group of students in 2018. The report brought to light the discriminatory and harmful effects of dress code policies at schools in D.C. Evans’ research focused on school pushout — when schools use \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58817/how-changing-schools-culture-of-discipline-paves-the-way-for-inclusivity\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">exclusionary discipline practices\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that result in students leaving school altogether. “What we found in conversations with students, parents and teachers was that dress codes were consistently coming up as a massive contributor to school push out,” Evans said. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">She recruited over 20 young people ages 12 to 18 to research dress codes with her and produce a report on dress codes featuring the twelve schools they collectively attended in DC. Their findings exposed gender and race stereotypes within dress code policies. “They were using language saying girls need to cover up to avoid distracting boys or Black girls can’t wear head wraps because it’s unprofessional or it’s not neat,” said Evans.These policies resulted in harsh punishments ranging from disrupting classroom time to suspensions. According to a Government Accountability Office \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.gao.gov/products/gao-23-105348\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, 90% of dress codes have policies that dictate what girls can wear. The NWLC found that Black girls, who had the highest suspension rate in the country compared to white girls, were being unfairly targeted by school dress codes. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Uniforms, which are lauded as a way to reduce the appearance of economic disparity, proved to be an imperfect solution. Nearly 20% of the nation’s public schools and preschools require uniforms, according to the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d21/tables/dt21_233.60.asp\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">National Center for Education Statistics\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Over the course of their research, students found that uniforms, often sold at specific stores, can become a financial burden for many families. They can also be limiting from a developmental standpoint. “You’re taking an opportunity away from students to be able to express themselves,” Evans said. The student researchers found that uniforms can alienate non-binary students. “We are enforcing what we think girls should look like and what boys should look like. We’re not creating a lot of space for any type of spectrum,” Evans added.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The student researchers proposed solutions for school leaders looking to improve their dress codes. They recommended the creation of dress code task forces, made up of teachers, administrators, parents, and students, to discuss whether a school’s dress code achieved the intended goals. They emphasized the importance of, allowing students to express their authentic selves, including cultural representations like headwraps and Black hairstyles. Additionally, students called for gender-neutral dress codes that didn’t require students to have to wear specific clothes because of their gender identity. They also suggested taking out vague language such as ‘distracting’ or ‘inappropriate’ from dress code policies, as it often leaves room for teacher bias and subjective interpretation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Collaboration and communication\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Alice Deal, Principal Neal partnered with parent Deborah Zerwitz to get input from students and families before changing the dress code. Zerwitz drew insights from the NWLC report, as well as from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.today.com/style/high-school-changes-dress-code-promote-body-positivity-t115656\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">student-centered practices from Evanston Township High School in Illinois\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a school that had changed their dress code the year prior. Recognizing the need to foster a respectful and equitable learning environment, Evanston Township engaged in collaborative discussions involving students, parents, teachers, and administrators to redefine their dress code guidelines. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Neal let parents know in her weekly newsletter that they could attend four listening sessions for students, parents and administrators to voice their ideas and opinions on the dress code. Listening sessions were offered at various times and locations on and off the school campus to make them as accessible as possible. To gather even more student feedback, Zerwitz put up poster boards outside of the school cafeteria with questions like:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“What changes would you make to the dress code?”\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“What do you think about school uniforms?”\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“What should the consequences be for violating a dress code?”\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Students could stick post-it notes to the board with their answers or place anonymous ideas in a shoebox with a slot in it.. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Additionally, Neal and Zerwitz created a task force made up of student and parent volunteers. “Somebody’s got to put pen to paper at some point,” said Zerwitz. “We were trying to identify a core group of people that will actually take all this information and distill it.” The task force used the feedback from the listening sessions and posters to create the new dress code.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC9608676364&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003cbr>\n\u003cspan class=\"c-message__edited_label\" dir=\"ltr\" data-sk=\"tooltip_parent\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Empowering students and redefining dress code policies\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zerwitz and Neal received diverse feedback about the dress code, with students, particularly girls, expressing their desire to be heard and understood. “They wanted to say how it was making them feel. And they felt awkward. They felt like, ‘Why are these grown ups looking at me every morning and telling me something’s wrong?” Zerwitz said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The consensus from teachers was that they did not like spending time enforcing the dress code. However, some teachers — usually older teachers, Zerwitz said — tended to think the students should dress professionally for school and were in favor of a strict dress code. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Among parents, safety concerns surfaced. For example, a parent of two Black boys said that she likes using the dress code policies as a reason her son cannot wear hoodies to school. Citing concerns about stereotypes and racial profiling, especially considering incidents like the 2012 killing of Trayvon Martin, the parent explained that she could “breathe a little bit easier when my two Black sons leave the house and they’re not wearing a hood.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With support from the NWLC, Neal, Zerwitz and the task force members worked through these tensions. “Sometimes in wanting to protect our young people, we end up reinforcing the very inequalities that the world puts on them,” said Evans. “The solution to sexual harassment isn’t to get girls to cover up. The solution to police violence and racist violence is not to punish Black boys for wearing hoodies.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Long-term benefits and impact\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The results of the schoolwide effort to change the dress code came at the end of the 2017-18 school year when Alice Deal Middle School introduced a revised, gender non-specific and relaxed dress code. Students were required to cover the core of their bodies with opaque fabric, but there was greater flexibility with articles like crop tops and hoodies. Importantly, teachers were advised not to remove students from class if they violated the dress code. Principal Neal saw a decrease in dress code-related disciplinary actions. Students reported feeling more comfortable expressing their identities, which is\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59008/5-strategies-for-developing-a-school-wide-culture-of-healing\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> associated with overall well-being\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Despite the positive changes, in interviews last year, some students reported that certain staff members still commented on what they wore. “We’re still working with staff,” said Neal. “I need to check with students and see if people are dress coding them.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The journey to a new dress code was a source of pride for students. In a graduation shortly after the revised dress code was implemented, Zerwitz listened to a student speaker talk about how the class collectively achieved this transformation. It was evident to Zerwitz that the students understood the power of their voices and felt empowered by the impact they had at their school. “Those kids — all of the ones that came to the listening sessions or wrote a note in the little box or whatever — all of them contributed in some way to this,” said Zerwitz. “And, hopefully, [they went to high school] knowing that their voice matters.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This is a computer-generated transcript. While our team has reviewed it, there may be errors.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Welcome to MindShift. Where we explore the future of learning and how we raise our kids. I’m Nimah Gobir.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Every day, when students get ready in the morning, they are faced with a challenge: [dramatic music] deciding what to wear to school that day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They have to weigh a lot of factors. Like…What makes me feel comfortable? What’s the weather outside? And maybe even What will my crush in 3rd period think about my fit?\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In 7th grade, when Zya Kinney was in her favorite outfit, you couldn’t tell her nothing.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I wore my red skirt with a spaghetti strap kind of tank top – And I had no leggings on. I was feeling myself! \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Zya’s twenty-three now. She was talking about when she was a student at Alice Deal Middle School in Washington, DC. It was ten years ago, but she remembers how putting on the perfect outfit could make her feel good about herself.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I would just put on whatever was comfortable and whatever was like kind of cute. And i would have my little pop out moments here and there.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> One of the reasons Zya remembers the outfit she wore is because it was the day she got dress coded. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That means she was in violation of the school’s rules that dictate what students should and should not wear. There’s usually language about visible skin, footwear and even hair in some cases. Most schools have them, but they can be flawed.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Leora Tanenbaum:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The big irony, of course, that lies at the heart of school dress codes is that they are drafted with the intention of eliminating distraction and helping learners. But the opposite actually happens in the end because learners themselves are targeted and therefore they are unable to focus on learning. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That’s writer and researcher Leora Tanenbaum. She also calls out dress code incidents on her Instagram. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Leora Tanenbaum:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Where they go wrong is when they are gendered. When the codes are created with a presupposition that girls’ bodies pose a distraction to other learners and therefore girls’ bodies need to be covered up in a specific way. And therefore the dress code is drafted in a way that has different language and different rules depending on one’s gender.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> If you violate the dress code, a teacher might call you over to talk with you privately about your clothes or you’ll be sent to the principal’s office. You might have to do the fingertip test where you put your hands by your sides and see if your skirt or shorts go past your fingertips.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Leora Tanenbaum:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> It embarrasses the student. It makes her all of a sudden very aware of her physicality in a way that she may not have been at all. The teacher might assume she was aware of her physicality but you can’t assume that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zya was in class when she got dress coded. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">My teacher gave us some work to do. Like just busy work or whatever. And she’s like, ‘Can I talk to you, you know, outside the classroom?’ You know, I think I’m not even thinking it has something to do with my outfit. She said ” Your skirt is too short.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When Zya put her hands at her sides, her middle fingertips were just barely past her skirt!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and, do you know, they made me change it to my gym shorts? I’m walking around here, cute up top, gym down, down…down below, like I’m not looking the same. And I remember being so upset about it because it’s like, Why are you sexualizing a seventh grader? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> To her, it was so much more than having to change clothes. She was trying to fit in and be confident and her school basically told her that she was doing it wrong.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I can’t lie and tell you that the popular girls weren’t wearing the skirts and had all the new things. They had the accessories. They had like three different book bags in rotation when I had just the one backpack. And I definitely remember seeing the difference in attention that they would get from guys and stuff like that, and then even their girlfriends. Like I felt like they were always the ones that you chose for stuff or, you know, they were like the most likable people and everything. And while I was, I was okay with myself, but I was also really insecure too. [00:07:01][19.3]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Zya, who’s Black, also noticed something else about the dress codes… \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Zya Kinney: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It wasn’t until I started wearing skirts and dresses and I noticed how my white friends wouldn’t have anything said to them about what they have on. And I realized, okay, if I wear a skirt and she wears a skirt, we have on two different skirts.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And Zya was on to something. Here’s researcher and writer Nia Evans.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I’m basically a Black girl who grew up in D.C. And when I was working at the National Women’s Law Center, we were doing a lot of research about what we call school push out.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> School push out is basically when schools use disciplinary actions that exclude students. These discipline practices often end up forcing students out of school altogether.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">What we found was that dress codes were consistently coming up as a massive contributor to school push out. That black girls in particular were being unfairly targeted by school dress codes. But not only were they being treated differently in school, they were being removed from schools.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> At the time she was doing this research – around 2018. Black girls had some of the highest suspension rates in the country. So high that the obama administration opened investigations into school discipline policies. back then black girls were 20 times more likely to be suspended than white girls. And to be clear, it was not because Black girls were misbehaving more, it’s because they were being targeted by harsher rules.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We decided to partner with the experts when it comes to dress codes, which is students. We recruited over 20 young people, ages 12 to 18 from 12 different high schools in Washington, D.C., to be our co-researchers. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Nia worked with them to produce a report about their experiences with dress codes and how they’re enforced. What they found confirmed Zya’s suspicions: for black students, dress codes hit different.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dress codes often are steeped in race and gender stereotypes. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They were using language saying, you know, girls need to cover up to avoid from distracting boys or black girls can’t wear head wraps because it’s unprofessional or it’s not neat. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At a high level, a lot of these rules are sort of remnants of racist, sexist ideas and are invested in and are a mechanism to sort of keep students in line and to communicate a certain narrative around what it means to be professional, what it means to be neat, what it means to be successful. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Many schools will defend their dress code saying that they want their students to be prepared to dress for jobs as an adult, but that’s open to interpretation. Different jobs require different clothes. Zya, the 23 year old I spoke to dresses pretty casually for her job at ABC studios because she’s running around delivering scripts to producers all day. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When dress codes come into question, sometimes the response is to put kids in uniforms – almost half of schools and preschools use uniforms now. It makes sense… If everyone has to wear the same thing that means no more problems right? Well… not necessarily. Here’s Nia again.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">From a growth standpoint, you’re taking an opportunity away from students to be able to express themselves. Uniforms are often gender specific, which means, again, we are enforcing what we think girls should look like, boys should look like. We’re not creating a lot of space for any in between any type of spectrum. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The students that Nia worked with offered a few solutions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A lot of them recommended that schools create dress code task force forces, where teachers and administrators and parents and students can come together and really start with the question of what is the goal of this? Why do we have a dress code? What is the point? Is it achieving its goals? And if it’s not, do we need it? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> So it really ignited, I think, a long overdue issue in D.C. And we saw a lot of student and parent activism as a result of it. And some teachers and administrators listened. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> News of this report reached the principal at Zya’s former school – Alice Deal middle school. And when we get back from the break we’ll hear about what THE principal did when she took a closer look at her school’s dress code. Her reaction may surprise you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When I talked to Principal Diedre Neal from Alice Deal Middle School she said that moments ago there were three young women in her office. One was wearing ripped jeans, another was wearing a tube top, and another wearing a spaghetti strap tank top. Ordinarily, they all would have gotten dress coded, but something amazing happened: Principal Neal didn’t care. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And that’s significant because dress codes used to be a situation…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Diedre Neal:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Every spring when children wanted to shift from, you know, long pants to shorts and skirts, there would be either commentary or and I’m smiling because there was always a petition. It was always a petition. And I remember saying, “I can’t wait until we solve this issue, and then you can move on and give me a petition for something else.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> After reading the dress code report, Principal Neal recognized that it was probably time for dress codes to change.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Diedre Neal:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Over time, like enforcing it. I would say there was cognitive dissonance.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> People were being sent out of class to address what they had on. So they were in class , they had their work, they were engaging, they were learning, and so we took them away from their learning to have a conversation about what they were wearing. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She needed to figure out what it would take to make Alice Deal’s dress code work in favor of learning. To get started, Principal Neal partnered with a parent named Debb Zerwitz.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We announced that we were going to be creating a task force to review and update the dress code.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They created a little set up outside the school cafeteria .\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> We put up big poster boards with questions like.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> What changes would you make to the dress code? What do you think about school uniforms? And what should the consequences be for violating a dress code?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They had post-it notes in all these different colors so students could stick their ideas to the poster board. And they had 4 listening sessions where they would get feedback and input from students, administrators and parents. They had conversations with parents who wanted to keep the dress code for really valid reasons. For example, a lot of schools don’t let students wear hoodies. Black parents didn’t want their kids wearing hooded sweatshirts out the door because of Trayvon Martin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[News clip\u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reporter: Trayvon Martin was wearing a gray hoodie the night he was killed, a fact that caught the attention of neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman. \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good or he’s on drugs or something. \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dispatcher: Did you see what he was wearing? \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Zimmerman: Yeah. A dark hoodie. Like a gray hoodie. \u003c/span>\u003c/i> \u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reporter: A few minutes later Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin, he claims, in self defense.]\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> One Black parent in one of the listening sessions, said she liked having the support of the school dress code, to keep her child from wearing hoodies . \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Debb Zerwitz:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She said I can point to the policy and say you’re going to get in trouble and you’re going to get you’re going to have to change your clothes and it’s going to be embarrassing that that helps me at home if there’s a policy. Who the hell am I to, like, dismiss this mother telling me like, I like the dress code? And this is one of the reasons why. Like, of course I hear you. You know I do.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another thing that surfaced in the listening sessions were some generational differences. In many cases it’s older Black adults telling younger black kids that they need to look more presentable. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In other words, they leaned into respectability politics, a way of trying to navigate prejudice and discrimination by making oneself match the visual standards set by those in power. . It’s basically saying, “Hey, look, we’re just like you, so you should respect us and treat us better!”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Nia — she’s the researcher who made the dress code report with students — noticed respectability politics in dress codes too.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You also have a deeper layer of Black teachers and young people and parents who love each other, who are really struggling with how to keep kids safe. And the same way the solution to sexual harassment isn’t to get girls to cover up. The solution to police violence and racist violence is not to punish black boys for wearing hoodies. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I don’t think you can dress your way out of racism and sexism. I don’t. And I also think that sometimes in wanting to protect our young people, we end up reinforcing the very inequalities that the world puts on them.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nia Evans:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dress codes actually hold a lot of our values and fears and anxieties as a culture. It says a lot about how we want students and young people to move through the world, how we want to protect them, how we want to set them up for success and our baggage as a culture around race and gender and sexuality and different identities. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Based on what she learned from all the feedback , Principal Neal with the help of Deb and the National Women’s Law Center ended up changing their dress code to be more casual and gender nonspecific. Technically, students are required to wear clothing that covers the core of the student’s body including private areas and midriff, with opaque fabric. But no one really says anything about crop tops. Even if a student is in violation of the dress code they are not supposed to be taken out of class. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When the dress code changed, students had an enthusiastic response. All the clothing they couldn’t wear before was on display. Here’s Principal Neal again.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Principal Neal: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It was just on parade and then they ran out of the completely outrageous things and it leveled off.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> A student even mentioned in their graduation speech the way Alice Deal middle school’s student body had worked together to change the dress code. It was clear that being part of creating meaningful change at their school felt really empowering to students. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> To find out what Alice Deal Middle School Students are wearing these days we went straight to the source. These students may be walking down hallways instead of the red carpet, but I still wanted to know “Who are you wearing?” “How did you achieve this look?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 1: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I like to put on something that’ll make me comfortable and also make me feel good. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 2:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Jewelry is a really big part of like, what I wear. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 3: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I’m wearing leggings right now, but that’s kind of just because it’s kind of colder right now than it normally is.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 2:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I have a lot of bracelets on most of the time.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 1: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Right now I’m just wearing sweatpants and my Reeboks, which are the shoes that I like to wear because they’re comfortable.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student 4: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I mostly wear crocs.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sweatpants. Crocs. Leggings. They sound pretty unburdened. And you know what else….they sound comfy.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Student: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I feel like, in a sense, we don’t really have a dress code like we’re allowed to wear what we want. But like to a certain point. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But not all teachers and administrators are fully on board. Some students mentioned that there are still teachers at the school who call them out for what they’re wearing.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s one thing to change a policy, but it’s another thing to change the hearts and minds of all the administrators and teachers. Here’s principal Neal talking about next steps.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Diedre Neal: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We’re still working with staff. I now know that I need to check with students and see if people are dress coding them. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some might call what Principal Neal did intellectual humility. It involves recognizing the limits of what you think you know. When Principal Neal learned more from students, parents and research, she realized the dress codes might be doing more harm than good. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>Alice Deal Middle School set out to re-evaluate their dress code and even though they’re still working with teachers on changing their mindsets, it is a step towards better reflecting the needs and identities of their students. It’s important to involve students in the process of creating policies that impact them. While it may not solve every problem, it is an essential step towards finding more equitable and inclusive solutions. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Thank you to Lawrence Lanahan, Zya Kinney, Leora Tanenbaum, Nia Evans, Debb Zerwitz, Principal Diedre Neal and students at Alice Deal Middle School\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The MindShift team includes Ki Sung, Kara Newhouse, Marlena Jackson Retondo and me, Nimah Gobir. Our editor is Chris Hambrick, Seth Samuel is our sound designer, Jen Chien is our head of podcasts, and Holly Kernan is KQED’s chief content officer.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MindShift’s intellectual humility series is supported by the Greater Good Science Center’s “Expanding Awareness of the Science of Intellectual Humility” project and the Templeton Foundation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MindShift is also supported in part by the generosity of the William & Flora Hewlett Foundation and members of KQED. Thank you for listening!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62163/are-dress-codes-fair-how-one-middle-school-transformed-its-rules-for-what-students-wear","authors":["11721"],"programs":["mindshift_21847"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_21357","mindshift_21512","mindshift_194","mindshift_21280","mindshift_21130","mindshift_21848","mindshift_21579","mindshift_20874"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_21250","mindshift_20794","mindshift_21473","mindshift_21660","mindshift_21015","mindshift_21777","mindshift_21278","mindshift_21395","mindshift_219","mindshift_220","mindshift_20779","mindshift_20795"],"featImg":"mindshift_62176","label":"mindshift_21847"},"mindshift_61888":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_61888","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"61888","score":null,"sort":[1687744821000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide","title":"4 parenting priorities to prevent mental health 'summer slide'","publishDate":1687744821,"format":"standard","headTitle":"4 parenting priorities to prevent mental health ‘summer slide’ | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With school on break, along with all the homework, tests and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59625/three-reasons-teens-need-later-school-start-times\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">early start times\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that come with it, parents often assume that young people’s stress and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">anxiety\u003c/a> will take a pause as well. However, that’s not always the case, especially as the novelty of summer dwindles. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Without the daily structure of school and extracurricular activities, kids may struggle with boredom or restlessness. “Summer for many of us can feel like this nebulous thing because it is just this endless free time. Additionally, the pressure to make the most of the summer break and fear of missing out on experiences can contribute to feelings of anxiety. That ambiguity spikes a lot of fear and concern,” said Miriam Stevenson, who is an executive director at \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.caresolace.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Care Solace\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a company that helps schools connect families with mental health services. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Previously she worked as the director of student services for health and wellness in the Palo Alto Unified School District.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Stevenson said that while Care Solace receives fewer summertime referrals, it’s not because there is less need. It’s because students aren’t at school with extra adult eyes and ears to check in on them. “There’s one less node in our safety net,” she said. When schools succeed at creating \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61775/how-important-was-your-favorite-teacher-to-your-success-researchers-have-done-the-math\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a sense of belonging\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, they can be a comforting routine for students or a safe place where they feel socially connected. Stevenson offered advice for \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">parents looking to support their kids’ mental health\u003c/a> over the summer and equip them with the tools to embrace joy, conquer challenges and flourish.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>More free time doesn’t have to mean more screen time\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With more free time on their hands, it’s easy for kids to get sucked into endless hours of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59094/does-my-kid-have-a-tech-addiction\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">screen usage\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, especially because kids are also using their devices to connect with friends that they’re no longer seeing at school everyday. An advisory from the U.S. Surgeon General \u003ca href=\"https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/news/juvjust/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-social-media-and-youth-mental-health\">recently warned\u003c/a> that “frequent social media use can contribute to poor mental health.” One study cited in the \u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf\">advisory \u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">found that adolescents who spent over three hours per day on social media were twice as likely to have \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60788/3-reasons-why-seattle-schools-are-suing-big-tech-over-a-youth-mental-health-crisis\">negative mental health outcomes\u003c/a>, such as depression and anxiety symptoms. “Not all young people are good at setting their own boundaries and they might need you to be the bad guy,” said Stevenson.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The first thing parents can do to limit screen time is to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60436/when-parents-practice-good-screen-habits-it-rubs-off-on-the-whole-family\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">lead by example with their own devices\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “They’re going to do what we do, not what we tell them to do,” added Stevenson. By modeling moderation and offering alternatives that get kids moving and exploring, parents can make a well-rounded summer seem more attainable. Summer is an opportunity to be present with one another as a family, said Stevenson. “Have technology-free times together or meals together — moments where there isn’t a screen that’s interfering with your ability to connect,” she suggested. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Additionally, parents can give their children a screen time budget. “They get to decide how they want to use the amount of screen time that they have,” said Stevenson. “That gives them some autonomy and choice.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>The power of a summer schedule\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Maintaining a routine during the summer can be a powerful tool for supporting children’s mental health, and parents can play a crucial role in establishing and reinforcing this structure. Stevenson encouraged parents to proactively determine a schedule with kids, including \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60543/what-parents-need-to-monitor-about-teens-sleep-beyond-the-hour-count\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">bedtimes and wake-up times\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “There’s great freedom in the summer to allow us to go to our natural circadian rhythms. And unfortunately, as lovely as that might be, it’s going to make waking up early harder when they come back [to school],” said Stevenson. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Consistent sleep patterns\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> can improve sleep health, which is closely \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/news/13792?autologincheck=redirected\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">linked to children’s mental health and wellbeing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “If you don’t have morning routines or evening routines as a family, the summer is a good time to experiment,” Stevenson said. Creating a daily schedule that includes dedicated time for physical activity, reading, hobbies and socializing can provide a sense of stability and purpose.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Just because school’s out doesn’t mean learning stops. In fact, it’s the best time to learn because you have the sole choice over what you get to be curious, pursue or inquire about,” she added. Outside of the hustle and bustle of the school year, parents can encourage kids to think about how they’re contributing to their community, which can look like setting the table each night, visiting older relatives or volunteering locally. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Open communication can help parents recognize warning signs\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It can be difficult to identify signs that a kid is struggling with mental health, especially if they are older. Although resources with lists of warning signs exist, they can often read like teenagers being teenagers, Stevenson said. “They’re emotional. They’re volatile. They’re withdrawn. They like to sleep all day.” Instead of scrutinizing every potential symptom, Stevenson suggested parents keep an eye on significant changes in behavior, mood, eating and sleep habits. “Trust that you know your kid,” she said. “You know what their baseline is.” Additionally, parents can establish a daily check-in with their child, such as a text asking how they’re doing or a designated time in the evening to share highs and lows from the day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If parents notice warning signs of poor mental health, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">open and honest communication\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> is vital. Engaging in supportive conversations with their child, expressing concern and actively listening without judgment can create a safe space for them to share their feelings. “Listen and stay in that moment and just let them express themselves. Show them that you can hold very difficult feelings,” said Stevenson. If parents feel out of their depth, they can seek professional help from a pediatrician, therapist or counselor. “Summer can present a lot of great opportunities for intensive mental health support or starting with a therapist,” she added.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Knowledge is power when it comes to school-year fear\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At the beginning of the summer, going back to school may be the farthest thing from kids’ minds. But as the school start date gets closer, parents might start to see anxiety levels rise, said Stevenson. “Anytime you’re going to have \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58462/how-to-help-anxious-students-re-adjust-to-social-settings\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a transition or there’s an unknown\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, there’s going to be an increase in worry. And if you’re already predisposed or struggling with anxiety, it’s going to exacerbate the challenges that you’re facing,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents can work with kids to find out as much information about the next school year as possible in order to dispel any fear of the future. This is especially helpful when kids are starting at a new school either because of a grade change or a recent move. Parents may encourage students to visit school and see where their classes will be or talk to their friends to see if they will be in the same classes. “As much information as they can have about what their day is going to look like and who they’re going to be with is really helpful,” said Stevenson. Additionally, parents can identify any orientation programs that the school may provide.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Kids’ mental health needs persist past the end of the school year and through the summer. Embracing this opportunity to reset and focus on mental well-being can set the stage for a fulfilling summer experience and confident start to the new school year.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"While many kids look forward to summer break, it can also be a time when signs of anxiety and depression go unnoticed. Screen time limits and open communication can help.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1687663688,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":15,"wordCount":1327},"headData":{"title":"4 parenting priorities to prevent mental health 'summer slide' | KQED","description":"While many kids look forward to summer break, it can also be a time when signs of emotional distress go unnoticed. Screen time limits and open communication can help.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"While many kids look forward to summer break, it can also be a time when signs of emotional distress go unnoticed. Screen time limits and open communication can help.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"4 parenting priorities to prevent mental health 'summer slide'","datePublished":"2023-06-26T02:00:21.000Z","dateModified":"2023-06-25T03:28:08.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/61888/4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With school on break, along with all the homework, tests and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59625/three-reasons-teens-need-later-school-start-times\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">early start times\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that come with it, parents often assume that young people’s stress and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">anxiety\u003c/a> will take a pause as well. However, that’s not always the case, especially as the novelty of summer dwindles. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Without the daily structure of school and extracurricular activities, kids may struggle with boredom or restlessness. “Summer for many of us can feel like this nebulous thing because it is just this endless free time. Additionally, the pressure to make the most of the summer break and fear of missing out on experiences can contribute to feelings of anxiety. That ambiguity spikes a lot of fear and concern,” said Miriam Stevenson, who is an executive director at \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.caresolace.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Care Solace\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a company that helps schools connect families with mental health services. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Previously she worked as the director of student services for health and wellness in the Palo Alto Unified School District.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Stevenson said that while Care Solace receives fewer summertime referrals, it’s not because there is less need. It’s because students aren’t at school with extra adult eyes and ears to check in on them. “There’s one less node in our safety net,” she said. When schools succeed at creating \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61775/how-important-was-your-favorite-teacher-to-your-success-researchers-have-done-the-math\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a sense of belonging\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, they can be a comforting routine for students or a safe place where they feel socially connected. Stevenson offered advice for \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">parents looking to support their kids’ mental health\u003c/a> over the summer and equip them with the tools to embrace joy, conquer challenges and flourish.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>More free time doesn’t have to mean more screen time\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With more free time on their hands, it’s easy for kids to get sucked into endless hours of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59094/does-my-kid-have-a-tech-addiction\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">screen usage\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, especially because kids are also using their devices to connect with friends that they’re no longer seeing at school everyday. An advisory from the U.S. Surgeon General \u003ca href=\"https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/news/juvjust/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-social-media-and-youth-mental-health\">recently warned\u003c/a> that “frequent social media use can contribute to poor mental health.” One study cited in the \u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf\">advisory \u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">found that adolescents who spent over three hours per day on social media were twice as likely to have \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60788/3-reasons-why-seattle-schools-are-suing-big-tech-over-a-youth-mental-health-crisis\">negative mental health outcomes\u003c/a>, such as depression and anxiety symptoms. “Not all young people are good at setting their own boundaries and they might need you to be the bad guy,” said Stevenson.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The first thing parents can do to limit screen time is to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60436/when-parents-practice-good-screen-habits-it-rubs-off-on-the-whole-family\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">lead by example with their own devices\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “They’re going to do what we do, not what we tell them to do,” added Stevenson. By modeling moderation and offering alternatives that get kids moving and exploring, parents can make a well-rounded summer seem more attainable. Summer is an opportunity to be present with one another as a family, said Stevenson. “Have technology-free times together or meals together — moments where there isn’t a screen that’s interfering with your ability to connect,” she suggested. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Additionally, parents can give their children a screen time budget. “They get to decide how they want to use the amount of screen time that they have,” said Stevenson. “That gives them some autonomy and choice.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>The power of a summer schedule\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Maintaining a routine during the summer can be a powerful tool for supporting children’s mental health, and parents can play a crucial role in establishing and reinforcing this structure. Stevenson encouraged parents to proactively determine a schedule with kids, including \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60543/what-parents-need-to-monitor-about-teens-sleep-beyond-the-hour-count\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">bedtimes and wake-up times\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “There’s great freedom in the summer to allow us to go to our natural circadian rhythms. And unfortunately, as lovely as that might be, it’s going to make waking up early harder when they come back [to school],” said Stevenson. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Consistent sleep patterns\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> can improve sleep health, which is closely \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/news/13792?autologincheck=redirected\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">linked to children’s mental health and wellbeing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “If you don’t have morning routines or evening routines as a family, the summer is a good time to experiment,” Stevenson said. Creating a daily schedule that includes dedicated time for physical activity, reading, hobbies and socializing can provide a sense of stability and purpose.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Just because school’s out doesn’t mean learning stops. In fact, it’s the best time to learn because you have the sole choice over what you get to be curious, pursue or inquire about,” she added. Outside of the hustle and bustle of the school year, parents can encourage kids to think about how they’re contributing to their community, which can look like setting the table each night, visiting older relatives or volunteering locally. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Open communication can help parents recognize warning signs\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It can be difficult to identify signs that a kid is struggling with mental health, especially if they are older. Although resources with lists of warning signs exist, they can often read like teenagers being teenagers, Stevenson said. “They’re emotional. They’re volatile. They’re withdrawn. They like to sleep all day.” Instead of scrutinizing every potential symptom, Stevenson suggested parents keep an eye on significant changes in behavior, mood, eating and sleep habits. “Trust that you know your kid,” she said. “You know what their baseline is.” Additionally, parents can establish a daily check-in with their child, such as a text asking how they’re doing or a designated time in the evening to share highs and lows from the day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If parents notice warning signs of poor mental health, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">open and honest communication\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> is vital. Engaging in supportive conversations with their child, expressing concern and actively listening without judgment can create a safe space for them to share their feelings. “Listen and stay in that moment and just let them express themselves. Show them that you can hold very difficult feelings,” said Stevenson. If parents feel out of their depth, they can seek professional help from a pediatrician, therapist or counselor. “Summer can present a lot of great opportunities for intensive mental health support or starting with a therapist,” she added.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Knowledge is power when it comes to school-year fear\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At the beginning of the summer, going back to school may be the farthest thing from kids’ minds. But as the school start date gets closer, parents might start to see anxiety levels rise, said Stevenson. “Anytime you’re going to have \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58462/how-to-help-anxious-students-re-adjust-to-social-settings\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a transition or there’s an unknown\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, there’s going to be an increase in worry. And if you’re already predisposed or struggling with anxiety, it’s going to exacerbate the challenges that you’re facing,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents can work with kids to find out as much information about the next school year as possible in order to dispel any fear of the future. This is especially helpful when kids are starting at a new school either because of a grade change or a recent move. Parents may encourage students to visit school and see where their classes will be or talk to their friends to see if they will be in the same classes. “As much information as they can have about what their day is going to look like and who they’re going to be with is really helpful,” said Stevenson. Additionally, parents can identify any orientation programs that the school may provide.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Kids’ mental health needs persist past the end of the school year and through the summer. Embracing this opportunity to reset and focus on mental well-being can set the stage for a fulfilling summer experience and confident start to the new school year.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/61888/4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide","authors":["11721"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_20729","mindshift_21280","mindshift_21385","mindshift_20697"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_20589","mindshift_21070","mindshift_21100","mindshift_20865","mindshift_20568","mindshift_290","mindshift_20816","mindshift_634","mindshift_21083","mindshift_514","mindshift_21159","mindshift_1038"],"featImg":"mindshift_61890","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_61126":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_61126","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"61126","score":null,"sort":[1677437594000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-to-help-young-people-limit-screen-time-and-improve-their-body-image","title":"How to help young people limit screen time — and improve their body image","publishDate":1677437594,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>U.S. teens spend more than \u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/8-18-census-integrated-report-final-web_0.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">eight hours a day\u003c/a> on screens, and there's \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2023/02/16/1157180971/10-things-to-know-about-how-social-media-affects-teens-brains\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">growing concern\u003c/a> over how social media may affect their mental health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, \u003ca href=\"https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/ppm-ppm0000460.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">a new study, published Thursday\u003c/a> by the American Psychological Association, validates what some parents have experienced when their teenagers cut back: They seem to feel better about themselves. I've seen this in my own kids when they return from summer camp, where phones are not allowed. They seem more at ease and less moody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social media can feel like a comparison trap, says study author \u003ca href=\"https://mccallmacbainscholars.org/bio/helen-thai/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Helen Thai\u003c/a>, a doctoral student in psychology at McGill University. Her research found that limiting screen time to about one hour a day helped anxious teens and young adults feel better about their body image and their appearance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her research arose from her own personal experiences.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"What I noticed when I was engaging in social media was that I couldn't help but compare myself,\" Thai says. Scrolling through posts from celebrities and influencers, as well as peers and people in her own social network, led to feelings of inferiority.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They looked prettier, healthier, more fit,\" Thai says. She was well aware that social media posts often feature polished, airbrushed or filtered images that can alter appearances in an unrealistic way, but it still affected her negatively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, Thai and a team of researchers decided to test whether slashing time on social media platforms including Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat would improve body image. They recruited a few hundred volunteers, aged 17-25, all of whom had experienced symptoms of anxiety or depression — which could make them vulnerable to the effects of social media.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Half of the participants were asked to reduce their social media to 60 minutes a day for three weeks, Thai says. The other half continued to use social media with no restrictions, which averaged about three hours per day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The researchers gave the participants surveys at the beginning and end of the study, that included statements such as \"I'm pretty happy about the way I look,\" and \"I am satisfied with my weight.\" Among the group that cut social media use, the overall score on appearance improved from 2.95 to 3.15 on a 5-point scale. This may seem like a small change, but any shift in such a short period of time is striking, the authors say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"This randomized controlled trial showed promising results that weight and appearance esteem can improve when people cut back on social media use,\" wrote psychologist \u003ca href=\"https://www.feinberg.northwestern.edu/faculty-profiles/az/profile.html?xid=41225\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Andrea Graham\u003c/a>, co-director of the\u003ca href=\"https://cbits.northwestern.edu/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> Center for Behavioral Intervention at Northwestern University\u003c/a>, who reviewed the results for NPR.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Graham says it's encouraging that college students were willing to cut back screen time, even for three weeks. \"This provides some evidence that it may be feasible to engage this age group in reducing social media use,\" she says. Though this study included people who had symptoms of anxiety or depression, Graham says it's worth evaluating this approach with other groups, such as people with or at risk of eating disorders. It's also possible the benefits of cutting back could extend more broadly to anyone in this age group.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social media platforms are always evolving and \u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/8-18-census-integrated-report-final-web_0.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">attracting young users\u003c/a>. \"The digital world is here to stay,\" says Thai. So, she says, the question becomes, \"how do we adapt to this new world in a way where it wouldn't negatively impact us or control us?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here are some ideas to try:\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>1. Curate your social media feed to limit content that makes you feel bad\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Instagram and TikTok are filled with idealized images of bodies. Filters can help people appear slimmer, more tan or wrinkle-free. \"The algorithm is pushing body-centric content to you because that's what sells,\" says Lexie Kite, co-author with her twin sister of \u003ca href=\"https://www.morethanabody.org/\">\u003cem>More Than a Body: Your Body is an Instrument, Not an Ornament\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. She says social media platforms can amplify harmful cultural messages — especially for girls and women — that they are most valued for their beauty and sex appeal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, it's up to the user to push back. \"Be incredibly mindful, as you scroll, of how each creator, each image, each account makes you feel,\" Kite says. If a post or story makes you feel uncomfortable or \u003cem>less-than\u003c/em>, make a choice to mute or unfollow. \"That's what I do,\" Kite says. \"You are the only one who can curate your feed.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>2. Schedule a one-day break from devices each week\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Artist and film-maker Tiffany Shlain says there's a power to unplugging one day a week. She turns off her devices every Friday evening, and takes a 24-hour break, that she now refers to as \"Tech Shabbat.\" She and her family started this tradition 13 years ago when her children were young.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's something about that full day off each week that really resets me and each member of my family in a deep way,\" she says. And the irony of disconnecting from social media: \"It's the day I feel most connected to my family.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's the author of \u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https:/www.tiffanyshlain.com/24-6book__;!!Iwwt!WABsxQ05HTG7-7eHxrEVMQ3SUt0rlovbn8SkdmW6hMmkKVDY7hzMMjxwsxIblHnhLqcMMei3F40%24\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cem>24/6: Giving up Screens One Day a Week to Get More Time, Creativity, and Connection\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and is currently working on a film about the adolescent brain. For teens, the weekend can result in fear of missing out – or FOMO. On social media, everyone can appear happy and popular, so it's hard not to compare. \"Comparison is the thief of joy,\" says Shlain — a quote she recently saw displayed by an artist friend. So Friday night can be a good time to turn it off.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>3. Turn off notifications and set limits on use of social media apps\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>If your intention is to limit social media to an hour a day, start by tracking your time on each app. The iPhone has a \u003ca href=\"https://support.apple.com/guide/iphone/view-your-screen-time-summary-iph24dcd4fb8/ios\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">screen time tracker\u003c/a> that lets you know how much time you spend on apps and websites, as well as how often you pick up your device.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Smartphones allow you to set limits for individual apps to help with managing use,\" Thai says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also, you can turn off your social media notifications so they don't show up on your home screen. And set a daily downtime in your device settings. Thai says it comes down to goal setting, and then tracking your behavior to help keep yourself accountable.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>4. Use the time you were giving to social media to invest in real-life activities instead\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>This may sound obvious, but seeing your friends on social media is not the same as spending time with them. So, make some plans to connect with friends in real life. The same goes for self-care. Thai says she's been taking a break from social media, which began as a New Year's resolution. \"I noticed less screen time meant more time for me to fit in other aspects of my life that I wanted to keep more consistent, like physical activity, reading, [and] listening to podcasts,\" says Thai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Northwestern University's Graham has the same advice. Doing something fun can help improve your mental health, \"so cutting back on social media use \u003cem>and\u003c/em> doing something enjoyable may lead to a bonus benefit,\" Graham says.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>5. Connect with people who share your interests and values\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>The world is filled with interesting people doing remarkable things. Social media can be a more positive place for teens or adults when you connect with people who share your interests and post inspiring ideas or stories. Kite says she unfollows people who make her feel uncomfortable, \"and I replace them with activists.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's curated her feed to be a blend of humor and advocacy – connecting with like-minded people \"who are making fun of the sexist, objectifying media landscape we all live in,\" she says. \"It makes social media fun to use.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kite likes content creators who are willing to show up on screen without a filter \"I love seeing that in my social media feed,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2023 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=How+to+help+young+people+limit+screen+time+%E2%80%94+and+feel+better+about+how+they+look&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"New research found teens and young adults who even briefly cut time on social media gained self-esteem. Try these 5 tips to help them — and yourself — improve screen-life balance.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1677510164,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":28,"wordCount":1367},"headData":{"title":"How to help young people limit screen time — and improve their body image | KQED","description":"New research found teens and young adults who even briefly cut time on social media gained self-esteem.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How to help young people limit screen time — and improve their body image","datePublished":"2023-02-26T18:53:14.000Z","dateModified":"2023-02-27T15:02:44.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"nprImageCredit":"LA Johnson","nprByline":"Allison Aubrey","nprImageAgency":"NPR","nprStoryId":"1159099629","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1159099629&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/02/26/1159099629/teens-social-media-body-image?ft=nprml&f=1159099629","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Mon, 27 Feb 2023 08:12:00 -0500","nprStoryDate":"Sun, 26 Feb 2023 05:01:10 -0500","nprLastModifiedDate":"Mon, 27 Feb 2023 05:42:42 -0500","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2023/02/20230227_me_how_to_help_young_people_limit_screen_time_and_feel_better_about_how_they_look.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1128&d=265&p=3&story=1159099629&ft=nprml&f=1159099629","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/11159630299-46266f.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1128&d=265&p=3&story=1159099629&ft=nprml&f=1159099629","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/61126/how-to-help-young-people-limit-screen-time-and-improve-their-body-image","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2023/02/20230227_me_how_to_help_young_people_limit_screen_time_and_feel_better_about_how_they_look.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1128&d=265&p=3&story=1159099629&ft=nprml&f=1159099629","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>U.S. teens spend more than \u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/8-18-census-integrated-report-final-web_0.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">eight hours a day\u003c/a> on screens, and there's \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2023/02/16/1157180971/10-things-to-know-about-how-social-media-affects-teens-brains\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">growing concern\u003c/a> over how social media may affect their mental health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, \u003ca href=\"https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/ppm-ppm0000460.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">a new study, published Thursday\u003c/a> by the American Psychological Association, validates what some parents have experienced when their teenagers cut back: They seem to feel better about themselves. I've seen this in my own kids when they return from summer camp, where phones are not allowed. They seem more at ease and less moody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social media can feel like a comparison trap, says study author \u003ca href=\"https://mccallmacbainscholars.org/bio/helen-thai/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Helen Thai\u003c/a>, a doctoral student in psychology at McGill University. Her research found that limiting screen time to about one hour a day helped anxious teens and young adults feel better about their body image and their appearance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her research arose from her own personal experiences.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"What I noticed when I was engaging in social media was that I couldn't help but compare myself,\" Thai says. Scrolling through posts from celebrities and influencers, as well as peers and people in her own social network, led to feelings of inferiority.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They looked prettier, healthier, more fit,\" Thai says. She was well aware that social media posts often feature polished, airbrushed or filtered images that can alter appearances in an unrealistic way, but it still affected her negatively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, Thai and a team of researchers decided to test whether slashing time on social media platforms including Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat would improve body image. They recruited a few hundred volunteers, aged 17-25, all of whom had experienced symptoms of anxiety or depression — which could make them vulnerable to the effects of social media.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Half of the participants were asked to reduce their social media to 60 minutes a day for three weeks, Thai says. The other half continued to use social media with no restrictions, which averaged about three hours per day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The researchers gave the participants surveys at the beginning and end of the study, that included statements such as \"I'm pretty happy about the way I look,\" and \"I am satisfied with my weight.\" Among the group that cut social media use, the overall score on appearance improved from 2.95 to 3.15 on a 5-point scale. This may seem like a small change, but any shift in such a short period of time is striking, the authors say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"This randomized controlled trial showed promising results that weight and appearance esteem can improve when people cut back on social media use,\" wrote psychologist \u003ca href=\"https://www.feinberg.northwestern.edu/faculty-profiles/az/profile.html?xid=41225\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Andrea Graham\u003c/a>, co-director of the\u003ca href=\"https://cbits.northwestern.edu/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> Center for Behavioral Intervention at Northwestern University\u003c/a>, who reviewed the results for NPR.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Graham says it's encouraging that college students were willing to cut back screen time, even for three weeks. \"This provides some evidence that it may be feasible to engage this age group in reducing social media use,\" she says. Though this study included people who had symptoms of anxiety or depression, Graham says it's worth evaluating this approach with other groups, such as people with or at risk of eating disorders. It's also possible the benefits of cutting back could extend more broadly to anyone in this age group.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social media platforms are always evolving and \u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/8-18-census-integrated-report-final-web_0.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">attracting young users\u003c/a>. \"The digital world is here to stay,\" says Thai. So, she says, the question becomes, \"how do we adapt to this new world in a way where it wouldn't negatively impact us or control us?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here are some ideas to try:\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>1. Curate your social media feed to limit content that makes you feel bad\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Instagram and TikTok are filled with idealized images of bodies. Filters can help people appear slimmer, more tan or wrinkle-free. \"The algorithm is pushing body-centric content to you because that's what sells,\" says Lexie Kite, co-author with her twin sister of \u003ca href=\"https://www.morethanabody.org/\">\u003cem>More Than a Body: Your Body is an Instrument, Not an Ornament\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. She says social media platforms can amplify harmful cultural messages — especially for girls and women — that they are most valued for their beauty and sex appeal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, it's up to the user to push back. \"Be incredibly mindful, as you scroll, of how each creator, each image, each account makes you feel,\" Kite says. If a post or story makes you feel uncomfortable or \u003cem>less-than\u003c/em>, make a choice to mute or unfollow. \"That's what I do,\" Kite says. \"You are the only one who can curate your feed.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>2. Schedule a one-day break from devices each week\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Artist and film-maker Tiffany Shlain says there's a power to unplugging one day a week. She turns off her devices every Friday evening, and takes a 24-hour break, that she now refers to as \"Tech Shabbat.\" She and her family started this tradition 13 years ago when her children were young.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's something about that full day off each week that really resets me and each member of my family in a deep way,\" she says. And the irony of disconnecting from social media: \"It's the day I feel most connected to my family.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's the author of \u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https:/www.tiffanyshlain.com/24-6book__;!!Iwwt!WABsxQ05HTG7-7eHxrEVMQ3SUt0rlovbn8SkdmW6hMmkKVDY7hzMMjxwsxIblHnhLqcMMei3F40%24\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cem>24/6: Giving up Screens One Day a Week to Get More Time, Creativity, and Connection\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and is currently working on a film about the adolescent brain. For teens, the weekend can result in fear of missing out – or FOMO. On social media, everyone can appear happy and popular, so it's hard not to compare. \"Comparison is the thief of joy,\" says Shlain — a quote she recently saw displayed by an artist friend. So Friday night can be a good time to turn it off.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>3. Turn off notifications and set limits on use of social media apps\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>If your intention is to limit social media to an hour a day, start by tracking your time on each app. The iPhone has a \u003ca href=\"https://support.apple.com/guide/iphone/view-your-screen-time-summary-iph24dcd4fb8/ios\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">screen time tracker\u003c/a> that lets you know how much time you spend on apps and websites, as well as how often you pick up your device.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Smartphones allow you to set limits for individual apps to help with managing use,\" Thai says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also, you can turn off your social media notifications so they don't show up on your home screen. And set a daily downtime in your device settings. Thai says it comes down to goal setting, and then tracking your behavior to help keep yourself accountable.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>4. Use the time you were giving to social media to invest in real-life activities instead\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>This may sound obvious, but seeing your friends on social media is not the same as spending time with them. So, make some plans to connect with friends in real life. The same goes for self-care. Thai says she's been taking a break from social media, which began as a New Year's resolution. \"I noticed less screen time meant more time for me to fit in other aspects of my life that I wanted to keep more consistent, like physical activity, reading, [and] listening to podcasts,\" says Thai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Northwestern University's Graham has the same advice. Doing something fun can help improve your mental health, \"so cutting back on social media use \u003cem>and\u003c/em> doing something enjoyable may lead to a bonus benefit,\" Graham says.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>5. Connect with people who share your interests and values\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>The world is filled with interesting people doing remarkable things. Social media can be a more positive place for teens or adults when you connect with people who share your interests and post inspiring ideas or stories. Kite says she unfollows people who make her feel uncomfortable, \"and I replace them with activists.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's curated her feed to be a blend of humor and advocacy – connecting with like-minded people \"who are making fun of the sexist, objectifying media landscape we all live in,\" she says. \"It makes social media fun to use.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kite likes content creators who are willing to show up on screen without a filter \"I love seeing that in my social media feed,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2023 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=How+to+help+young+people+limit+screen+time+%E2%80%94+and+feel+better+about+how+they+look&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/61126/how-to-help-young-people-limit-screen-time-and-improve-their-body-image","authors":["byline_mindshift_61126"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_21561","mindshift_21473","mindshift_20865","mindshift_20816","mindshift_21562","mindshift_30","mindshift_21159","mindshift_1038"],"featImg":"mindshift_61127","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_58577":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_58577","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"58577","score":null,"sort":[1633333888000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"making-sense-of-the-pandemics-effects-on-adolescents-minds","title":"Making sense of the pandemic's effects on adolescents' minds","publishDate":1633333888,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>Isabella Juma turned 13 on February 19, 2020, just weeks before Covid-19 changed the world forever. The first year of teenagerhood would have been a milestone any year, but for Isabella and her peers, a global pandemic, a contentious election and racial conflict forced them out of childhood abruptly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gone were the days when she could be just “happy” and “jolly,” she said. She matured, became cautious and started worrying about the years ahead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_58585\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-58585\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"277\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248.jpeg 1612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-800x1108.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-1020x1413.jpeg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-160x222.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-768x1064.jpeg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-1109x1536.jpeg 1109w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-1478x2048.jpeg 1478w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Isabella Juma and her peers are trying to make sense of the events of the last two years while navigating one of the most complex and frustrating times in anyone’s life: middle school. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Andrea Juma )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“For my friends and me, I feel like it will just change the future. It will just change, really, our perspectives about life. We can’t always really be so carefree,” said Isabella, who attended a public middle school in Brooklyn last spring. “We really have to enjoy every second we have, because one day can be easily taken away by something small, like an illness, or something big, like a gunshot.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Young people like Isabella, who headed to high school this fall, have had to try to make sense of the events of the last two years while navigating one of the most complex and frustrating times in anyone’s life — middle school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Middle school is one of the most formative and sometimes chaotic periods of development, when adolescents begin to grapple seriously with who they are and their place in the world, all while dealing with hormonal and physical changes. Multiple crises that have left the nation reflecting on its own identity — as conversations around race, freedom, health, wokeness and death flood the news — have deepened the usual challenges for a generation of 10-to-14-year-olds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teenagers like Isabella feel not only more frustrated, depressed and hopeless than teenagers in past years, but also energized and optimistic about the future (according to a new \u003ca href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/interactive/2021/teen-poll-racism-covid-politics/\">Washington Post\u003c/a> poll). No one has a crystal ball about how this generation of young people will be affected by these last two years — and race, class and other factors ensure that all tweens and teens have experienced the last few months differently.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/middle-school-is-often-difficult-try-experiencing-it-under-quarantine/\">Studies\u003c/a> have found that young teens are being challenged with mental health issues, social isolation and slipping grades now more than ever. They’ve also been exposed to more debates about diversity, racism and sexuality, while sickness and death surrounds them. Can history, science, and stories from young adolescents themselves give us insight about how all this might add up to shape this impressionable population?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Steven Mintz, a historian at the University of Texas at Austin and author of “Huck’s Raft: A History of American Childhood,” says that big traumatic events like the Great Depression leave “invisible scars” that can shape the character of a generation, even if individuals have different life circumstances. For example, the children that lived through the Great Depression worried about money as adults, he said. And before that, after World War I and the 1918 pandemic, there was a “revolution in morals and manners,” he said, in which many young women in particular defied their elders by bobbing their hair, wearing short skirts, taking up smoking and playing tennis as ways to assert their independence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That was really a reaction to this traumatic set of experiences of the ‘war to end all wars’ [and] this terrible pandemic that they went through,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think there’s a real possibility that young people might, I can’t predict, but they might be more hedonistic and more risk-taking and more rebellious in a hundred different ways because they’ve had enough of this lockdown,” said Mintz. “It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re a little like the kids of the 1920s who, you know, they just, they want to be wild and rebellious ’cause they’ve had enough of this and their adults let them down.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Judith Warner, author of “And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School,” says the huge upheaval that typically marks middle school was exacerbated by the health and racial crises over the last few years, and likely traumatized and toughened kids. “It’s a moment when we are separating ourselves from our families of origin. We are becoming more independent at that point. That’s a very insecure moment of trying to figure out who you are and where you fit,” she said. “There was just a hardening, you know, on every level that we saw that was playing out with kids that age too.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the same time, loss and isolation “pulled them out of what has to be most important to people at that age, which is their social lives and their social world,” Warner said. “All of that was stunted.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_58578\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-58578\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"358\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216.jpg 1164w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-800x1434.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-1020x1828.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-160x287.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-768x1376.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-857x1536.jpg 857w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-1143x2048.jpg 1143w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The crises over the last two years have made Myra Thrasher feel scared. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of David Thrasher )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Amy Oelsner, who runs Girls Rock Bloomington, a music camp for girls and gender nonconforming preteens in Indiana, says she’s seen negative and positives among kids who attend her camp. “It just felt like they weren’t, you know, as carefree kids as much, which was kind of sad,” she said. “But at the same time, I felt that they were very resilient and very adaptable.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Of course, the very notion of a “carefree” childhood reflects a more Westernized attitude, which doesn’t acknowledge the fact that young people often “grow up with heavy stuff that does not fit within the notion of childhood as being a ‘carefree’ existence,” said Kate Cairns, a childhood studies expert at Rutgers University-Camden. She cautions against making too many comparisons to past generations or predictions about what might become of this one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If anything, she said, the experience of the last two years shows how systematic inequality impacts young people differently.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Warner, however, believes that it’s safe to predict that this group of middle schoolers will become more committed to social issues. “I feel like there’s the potential for this generation as a result of everything that they witnessed to become much more compassionate and socially engaged and empathetic,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The experiences of several young people reflected this sentiment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My dad watches a lot of CNN, so I see a lot of what’s happening, and it makes me really sad. Even though my skin is really white, I still felt really scared,” said 12-year-old Myra Thrasher who attended Girls Rock Bloomington. “I considered myself to be kind of like, at least a little empathetic, but also I was scared. I’m not really sure why\u003cem>, \u003c/em>but I kind of was. I didn’t really know what to expect because no one has ever been in anything like this. The whole world was basically chaos the entire time.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fadzai Gides, 11, lives in Bloomington and attends the same camp. The last year was hard, she said. She struggled to stay motivated in remote school and missed her friends. She began to become more cautious about people hugging her. George Floyd’s death and the flood of news showing people of color brutalized by police shook her, especially, as a person that identifies as biracial. “I was just really nervous. Even to, maybe, like go outside, to go to the pool,” said Gides. “I was like, I could, I could be like a victim of police brutality and that’s really scary.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isabella found herself exploring new career paths. Before, she said, “I just didn’t really know what career path I was going to choose. Now I want to go into the medical field, because I know that sometimes during protests there could be a couple of violent shootings. People do get hurt, and I do want to help those people,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Last year I probably would have done something with the arts, like something to do with animation or drawing,” she added. “But now that I really kind of know more a bit about myself and about the world, I changed my mindset about that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_58581\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-58581\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming2-credit-tbd-e1633332794626-160x253.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"316\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming2-credit-tbd-e1633332794626-160x253.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming2-credit-tbd-e1633332794626.jpg 676w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">George Floyd’s death and the flood of news showing people of color brutalized by police have shaken Fadzai Gides, 11. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Anna Powell Denton)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Fadzai said that she too has begun to change her approach to life. “Before this, the world just seemed a lot smaller,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fadzai said she confronts things that previously would have made her uncomfortable. “Now, I just like, instead of just like standing back, and not trying, not like taking a stand and trying to help a community ... I just want to jump into action and try to help people more.” This year, for example, she started a group with her friends that challenged her school’s curriculum around the teaching of sexual abuse because she did not believe that students were getting adequate information about the topic and how to report it. She believes she made a difference: Other young people got involved, and school administrators listened to their complaints and committed to making a change in the way the issue is taught.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isabella also decided to become an activist for the first time after being frustrated by the presidential election. She said she became the youngest member of Teens Take Charge, a group that advocates for more educational equity in New York City. It helped give her a way to voice her frustrations. She understands that she can’t “just force the world to change automatically,” but learned that even incremental change is progress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Both Isabella and Fadzai said that the pandemic taught them that they had to learn how to pay more attention to their mental health, something that remains important to them since the adults in their lives have sometimes checked out. “We really had to learn how to be there for each other when adults aren’t,” Fadzai said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In April, Warner wrote an \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/11/health/pandemic-middle-school-mental-health.html\">article\u003c/a> arguing that middle schoolers will essentially be okay, and that the trials they’ve faced should be kept in perspective. In an interview, she argued that students who were home with their parents and were online with their friends and teachers were not suffering like those who are in solitary confinement or jail. She admits that, with learning at home, things were not the same for these kids in the last two years — “it’s not as good, it’s just not — [but] that’s not a comparable level of deprivation that would cause neural pathways not to be built,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Resilience is likely to be a shared characteristic of kids going through middle school now, said Mitchell Prinstein, chief scientist for the American Medical Association. “Middle school is a time when kids are trying on these new adult brains and learning how to use them,” he said. Middle schoolers don’t need our worry, he suggests, in fact, they might teach us all something about dealing with stress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They didn’t lose a year, they just lived a year in a world unlike most kids have to live in,” he said. “That could be good as well.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fadzai thinks this last year will have a “mixed impact” on her future. She discovered new passions like baking and playing the ukulele and guitar, but also had to worry about how things were impacting her friends and family — some of whom had never dealt with this kind of trauma.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of things that make me happy happened because of the pandemic, but also bad things,” she said. “So it’s also kind of made me a stronger person, although it’s brought a lot of bad things.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the end, Myra said, she is not worried about what kind of adults she and her friends may become. Instead, she is focused on the present. “I don’t know if anyone understood what was going on,” she said. “Most of us are still alive. I think that’s kind of what matters.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This story about \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/middle-school-minds-figuring-out-who-you-are-in-the-midst-of-global-turmoil/\">\u003cem>middle schoolers\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> was produced by \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://hechingerreport.org/\">\u003cem>The Hechinger Report\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://eepurl.com/c36ixT\">\u003cem>Hechinger’s newsletter\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Middle schoolers are trying to make sense of the events of the last two years while navigating one of the most complex and frustrating times in anyone’s life.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1633333888,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":34,"wordCount":2174},"headData":{"title":"Making sense of the pandemic's effects on adolescents' minds - MindShift","description":"Middle schoolers are trying to make sense of the events of the last two years while navigating one of the most complex and frustrating times in anyone’s life.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Making sense of the pandemic's effects on adolescents' minds","datePublished":"2021-10-04T07:51:28.000Z","dateModified":"2021-10-04T07:51:28.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"58577 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=58577","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2021/10/04/making-sense-of-the-pandemics-effects-on-adolescents-minds/","disqusTitle":"Making sense of the pandemic's effects on adolescents' minds","nprByline":"Reniqua Allen-Lamphere, \u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/a>","path":"/mindshift/58577/making-sense-of-the-pandemics-effects-on-adolescents-minds","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Isabella Juma turned 13 on February 19, 2020, just weeks before Covid-19 changed the world forever. The first year of teenagerhood would have been a milestone any year, but for Isabella and her peers, a global pandemic, a contentious election and racial conflict forced them out of childhood abruptly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gone were the days when she could be just “happy” and “jolly,” she said. She matured, became cautious and started worrying about the years ahead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_58585\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-58585\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"277\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248.jpeg 1612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-800x1108.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-1020x1413.jpeg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-160x222.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-768x1064.jpeg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-1109x1536.jpeg 1109w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming-credit-Andrea-Juma-scaled-e1633333168248-1478x2048.jpeg 1478w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Isabella Juma and her peers are trying to make sense of the events of the last two years while navigating one of the most complex and frustrating times in anyone’s life: middle school. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Andrea Juma )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“For my friends and me, I feel like it will just change the future. It will just change, really, our perspectives about life. We can’t always really be so carefree,” said Isabella, who attended a public middle school in Brooklyn last spring. “We really have to enjoy every second we have, because one day can be easily taken away by something small, like an illness, or something big, like a gunshot.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Young people like Isabella, who headed to high school this fall, have had to try to make sense of the events of the last two years while navigating one of the most complex and frustrating times in anyone’s life — middle school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Middle school is one of the most formative and sometimes chaotic periods of development, when adolescents begin to grapple seriously with who they are and their place in the world, all while dealing with hormonal and physical changes. Multiple crises that have left the nation reflecting on its own identity — as conversations around race, freedom, health, wokeness and death flood the news — have deepened the usual challenges for a generation of 10-to-14-year-olds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teenagers like Isabella feel not only more frustrated, depressed and hopeless than teenagers in past years, but also energized and optimistic about the future (according to a new \u003ca href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/interactive/2021/teen-poll-racism-covid-politics/\">Washington Post\u003c/a> poll). No one has a crystal ball about how this generation of young people will be affected by these last two years — and race, class and other factors ensure that all tweens and teens have experienced the last few months differently.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/middle-school-is-often-difficult-try-experiencing-it-under-quarantine/\">Studies\u003c/a> have found that young teens are being challenged with mental health issues, social isolation and slipping grades now more than ever. They’ve also been exposed to more debates about diversity, racism and sexuality, while sickness and death surrounds them. Can history, science, and stories from young adolescents themselves give us insight about how all this might add up to shape this impressionable population?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Steven Mintz, a historian at the University of Texas at Austin and author of “Huck’s Raft: A History of American Childhood,” says that big traumatic events like the Great Depression leave “invisible scars” that can shape the character of a generation, even if individuals have different life circumstances. For example, the children that lived through the Great Depression worried about money as adults, he said. And before that, after World War I and the 1918 pandemic, there was a “revolution in morals and manners,” he said, in which many young women in particular defied their elders by bobbing their hair, wearing short skirts, taking up smoking and playing tennis as ways to assert their independence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That was really a reaction to this traumatic set of experiences of the ‘war to end all wars’ [and] this terrible pandemic that they went through,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think there’s a real possibility that young people might, I can’t predict, but they might be more hedonistic and more risk-taking and more rebellious in a hundred different ways because they’ve had enough of this lockdown,” said Mintz. “It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re a little like the kids of the 1920s who, you know, they just, they want to be wild and rebellious ’cause they’ve had enough of this and their adults let them down.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Judith Warner, author of “And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School,” says the huge upheaval that typically marks middle school was exacerbated by the health and racial crises over the last few years, and likely traumatized and toughened kids. “It’s a moment when we are separating ourselves from our families of origin. We are becoming more independent at that point. That’s a very insecure moment of trying to figure out who you are and where you fit,” she said. “There was just a hardening, you know, on every level that we saw that was playing out with kids that age too.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the same time, loss and isolation “pulled them out of what has to be most important to people at that age, which is their social lives and their social world,” Warner said. “All of that was stunted.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_58578\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-58578\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"358\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216.jpg 1164w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-800x1434.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-1020x1828.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-160x287.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-768x1376.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-857x1536.jpg 857w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming1-credit-David-Thrasher-scaled-e1633332919216-1143x2048.jpg 1143w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The crises over the last two years have made Myra Thrasher feel scared. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of David Thrasher )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Amy Oelsner, who runs Girls Rock Bloomington, a music camp for girls and gender nonconforming preteens in Indiana, says she’s seen negative and positives among kids who attend her camp. “It just felt like they weren’t, you know, as carefree kids as much, which was kind of sad,” she said. “But at the same time, I felt that they were very resilient and very adaptable.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Of course, the very notion of a “carefree” childhood reflects a more Westernized attitude, which doesn’t acknowledge the fact that young people often “grow up with heavy stuff that does not fit within the notion of childhood as being a ‘carefree’ existence,” said Kate Cairns, a childhood studies expert at Rutgers University-Camden. She cautions against making too many comparisons to past generations or predictions about what might become of this one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If anything, she said, the experience of the last two years shows how systematic inequality impacts young people differently.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Warner, however, believes that it’s safe to predict that this group of middle schoolers will become more committed to social issues. “I feel like there’s the potential for this generation as a result of everything that they witnessed to become much more compassionate and socially engaged and empathetic,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The experiences of several young people reflected this sentiment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My dad watches a lot of CNN, so I see a lot of what’s happening, and it makes me really sad. Even though my skin is really white, I still felt really scared,” said 12-year-old Myra Thrasher who attended Girls Rock Bloomington. “I considered myself to be kind of like, at least a little empathetic, but also I was scared. I’m not really sure why\u003cem>, \u003c/em>but I kind of was. I didn’t really know what to expect because no one has ever been in anything like this. The whole world was basically chaos the entire time.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fadzai Gides, 11, lives in Bloomington and attends the same camp. The last year was hard, she said. She struggled to stay motivated in remote school and missed her friends. She began to become more cautious about people hugging her. George Floyd’s death and the flood of news showing people of color brutalized by police shook her, especially, as a person that identifies as biracial. “I was just really nervous. Even to, maybe, like go outside, to go to the pool,” said Gides. “I was like, I could, I could be like a victim of police brutality and that’s really scary.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isabella found herself exploring new career paths. Before, she said, “I just didn’t really know what career path I was going to choose. Now I want to go into the medical field, because I know that sometimes during protests there could be a couple of violent shootings. People do get hurt, and I do want to help those people,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Last year I probably would have done something with the arts, like something to do with animation or drawing,” she added. “But now that I really kind of know more a bit about myself and about the world, I changed my mindset about that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_58581\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-58581\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming2-credit-tbd-e1633332794626-160x253.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"316\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming2-credit-tbd-e1633332794626-160x253.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/10/Reniqua-Allen-Lamphere-Allen-Becoming2-credit-tbd-e1633332794626.jpg 676w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">George Floyd’s death and the flood of news showing people of color brutalized by police have shaken Fadzai Gides, 11. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Anna Powell Denton)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Fadzai said that she too has begun to change her approach to life. “Before this, the world just seemed a lot smaller,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fadzai said she confronts things that previously would have made her uncomfortable. “Now, I just like, instead of just like standing back, and not trying, not like taking a stand and trying to help a community ... I just want to jump into action and try to help people more.” This year, for example, she started a group with her friends that challenged her school’s curriculum around the teaching of sexual abuse because she did not believe that students were getting adequate information about the topic and how to report it. She believes she made a difference: Other young people got involved, and school administrators listened to their complaints and committed to making a change in the way the issue is taught.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isabella also decided to become an activist for the first time after being frustrated by the presidential election. She said she became the youngest member of Teens Take Charge, a group that advocates for more educational equity in New York City. It helped give her a way to voice her frustrations. She understands that she can’t “just force the world to change automatically,” but learned that even incremental change is progress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Both Isabella and Fadzai said that the pandemic taught them that they had to learn how to pay more attention to their mental health, something that remains important to them since the adults in their lives have sometimes checked out. “We really had to learn how to be there for each other when adults aren’t,” Fadzai said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In April, Warner wrote an \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/11/health/pandemic-middle-school-mental-health.html\">article\u003c/a> arguing that middle schoolers will essentially be okay, and that the trials they’ve faced should be kept in perspective. In an interview, she argued that students who were home with their parents and were online with their friends and teachers were not suffering like those who are in solitary confinement or jail. She admits that, with learning at home, things were not the same for these kids in the last two years — “it’s not as good, it’s just not — [but] that’s not a comparable level of deprivation that would cause neural pathways not to be built,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Resilience is likely to be a shared characteristic of kids going through middle school now, said Mitchell Prinstein, chief scientist for the American Medical Association. “Middle school is a time when kids are trying on these new adult brains and learning how to use them,” he said. Middle schoolers don’t need our worry, he suggests, in fact, they might teach us all something about dealing with stress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They didn’t lose a year, they just lived a year in a world unlike most kids have to live in,” he said. “That could be good as well.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fadzai thinks this last year will have a “mixed impact” on her future. She discovered new passions like baking and playing the ukulele and guitar, but also had to worry about how things were impacting her friends and family — some of whom had never dealt with this kind of trauma.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of things that make me happy happened because of the pandemic, but also bad things,” she said. “So it’s also kind of made me a stronger person, although it’s brought a lot of bad things.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the end, Myra said, she is not worried about what kind of adults she and her friends may become. Instead, she is focused on the present. “I don’t know if anyone understood what was going on,” she said. “Most of us are still alive. I think that’s kind of what matters.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This story about \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/middle-school-minds-figuring-out-who-you-are-in-the-midst-of-global-turmoil/\">\u003cem>middle schoolers\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem> was produced by \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://hechingerreport.org/\">\u003cem>The Hechinger Report\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://eepurl.com/c36ixT\">\u003cem>Hechinger’s newsletter\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/58577/making-sense-of-the-pandemics-effects-on-adolescents-minds","authors":["byline_mindshift_58577"],"categories":["mindshift_21445"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_767","mindshift_20865","mindshift_145"],"featImg":"mindshift_58582","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57424":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57424","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57424","score":null,"sort":[1614067831000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"the-two-types-of-independence-growing-tweens-need-to-practice","title":"The Two Types of Independence Growing Tweens Need to Practice","publishDate":1614067831,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/623740/fourteen-talks-by-age-fourteen-by-michelle-icard/\">FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN\u003c/a> \u003cem>copyright © 2021 by Michelle Icard. Used by permission of Harmony Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.\u003c/em>\u003cem> \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Two Types of Independence\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In my work, I see two primary ways kids assert their independence after elementary school: 1) by isolating themselves from their family at home, and 2) by separating from their family to explore the world. Both of these cause parents a great deal of worry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before I help you launch into how to talk about independence with your child, it may help to first understand a bit about isolation versus exploration, so you’ll have a sense of what’s normal and safe, or if you might need to be more concerned.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Independence Through Isolation\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Why do tweens spend a colossal amount of time in their rooms? Why do they stop (willingly) participating in family movie or game night? Why do family dinners feel like a timed race to the finish line, so your kid can hop up and rush back to their room? You used to be close, but these days it probably feels like you’re being ghosted by your kid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Don’t worry. It’s not you. It’s them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Adolescents need to cocoon. Cocooning is a term coined in the early 1980s by Faith Popcorn, a social trend analyst with a bizarre and compelling name. (That’s neither here nor there, but it can’t go unsaid.) Popcorn describes cocooning as “the impulse to stay inside when the outside gets too tough and scary.” Since its introduction to our lexicon, it has come to be used regularly to describe adolescents and their relationship to their rooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tweens and teens cocoon because at a time when most things in their lives are changing—their bodies, brains, emotions, friends, and even their self-concepts—bedrooms are safe havens. There, they can think about any and all things ad nauseam, or push them aside and take a break from the mental turmoil of their busy minds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Most kids take cocooning so seriously they will, if allowed, suddenly redecorate or rearrange their preteen rooms to reflect a new sense of self. They want to establish that this space is more theirs, and definitely not moms or dads. Due to financial constraints, I wasn’t allowed to redecorate my room when I was a teenager, so I covered the 1775 colonial-themed wallpaper I inherited when we moved in with floor-to-ceiling black-and-white ads I collected from old magazines. This décor wouldn’t have been my first choice, but it sent a clear message: this is my space, not yours. Eventually, kids emerge from their cocoons with a better-formed sense of self. It may feel like mindless sequestering to parents, but it serves as a safe place to grow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When cocooning goes well, kids feel a sense of independence and autonomy right in the safety of your own home. When cocooning doesn’t go well, kids become overly self-indulgent, forgetting that they are still members of a family unit and they must still do chores, engage in pleasant conversation, and balance their own needs with what’s best for the group. As you talk with your tween about their cocooning habits, you’ll want to keep in mind that not all isolation is bad. Seek a compromise on balancing their needs with those of the family.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Independence Through Exploration\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://michelleicard.com/books/\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57425\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks.jpeg 842w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks-800x1216.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks-160x243.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks-768x1168.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>In contrast to isolating at home, sometimes your tween will want to assert their independence by venturing out into the world without you. However, because of our constant exposure to news showing us how seemingly every kid is in mortal danger from guns, drugs, and sexual trafficking, parents accordingly react by limiting those freedoms. Lenore Skenazy has written an incredible book about the perils of this crack-down phenomenon: Free-Range Kids. If you are nervous about letting your kids explore your neighborhood, town, or city, I urge you to read it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Exploring the world in middle school might look like doing one of these things without parental supervision: going to the mall with a friend, meeting up with classmates at a roller rink or trampoline park, riding a bike to the gas station to buy a candy bar, taking public transportation, or being dropped off at the movies or a sub shop for lunch. All of these are fairly typical middle school explorations.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In any of these scenarios there are three kinds of learning happening for tweens:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Learning how to navigate traffic, strangers, and public spaces safely.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Learning how to assert themselves by asking for directions or help (as in, “What do I do? The soda machine is broken and I already paid.”), ordering for themselves, figuring out a tip, or trying not to get yelled at by grumpy people who don’t like kids milling around.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Learning how to think for themselves, by themselves, and becoming okay with the sound of their own thoughts. It’s about tuning in to that inner voice tweens may not yet be familiar with, if all they have ever heard is an adult’s voice telling them what to do.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>When exploration goes well, kids develop confidence in their abilities to overcome obstacles and solve their own problems. Giving kids a chance to earn this confidence actually makes them safer, because if someone is going to target your kid, whether that’s a manipulative friend, bully at school, older teens at the mall, or god forbid, stranger with bad intentions, you want your child to be confident and street smart enough to speak up, get loud if necessary, and get help. People who do bad things at any level don’t like an audience.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When exploration goes wrong, it can go wrong in a broad range of ways. Like me when my parents left me home alone, kids may ask for more than they can handle. An experience like this can leave a kid emotionally drained, but it’s not likely to have any long-term effects (other than being useful one day when writing a book). I’d be more concerned about kids who are sent out before they’re taught how to explore safely. They may run the risk of getting hit by a car, or getting seriously lost, or as mentioned above, not knowing how to speak up for themselves or get help if approached by someone with the intention of testing your kid’s boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tweens exploring their world also run the risk of making dumb decisions. Maybe they’ll get kicked out of a store for being too rowdy, or get yelled at by a server for leaving a bad tip or making a mess. Maybe they’ll decide to see what happens if they pocket a golf ball from the sporting goods store without paying for it. Think ahead about what choices you want your kid to make when you aren’t there, and have those conversations ahead of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_57426\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 160px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-57426 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/c-Kate-Weaver-Photography-e1614028376829-160x206.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"206\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/c-Kate-Weaver-Photography-e1614028376829-160x206.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/c-Kate-Weaver-Photography-e1614028376829.jpg 245w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Michelle Icard \u003ccite>(Kate Weaver)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/michelleicard\">Michelle Icard\u003c/a> is a member of the Today show parenting team and NBC News Learn. The author of Middle School Makeover, her work has been featured in the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, The Christian Science Monitor, Redbook, Time, and People. Her leadership curriculum for middle schoolers, Athena's Path and Hero's Pursuit, have been implemented at schools across the U.S., and her summer camp curriculum is offered at more than twenty camps each summer. She lives with her family in Charlotte, North Carolina.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Being alone coccooning in their rooms or breaking away from one's families are just some ways tweens and teens exercise independence in developmentally appropriate ways. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1614366836,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":18,"wordCount":1329},"headData":{"title":"The Two Types of Independence Growing Tweens Need to Practice - MindShift","description":"Being alone coccooning in their rooms or breaking away from one's families are just some ways tweens and teens excercise independence in developmentally appropriate ways.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"The Two Types of Independence Growing Tweens Need to Practice","datePublished":"2021-02-23T08:10:31.000Z","dateModified":"2021-02-26T19:13:56.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57424 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57424","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2021/02/23/the-two-types-of-independence-growing-tweens-need-to-practice/","disqusTitle":"The Two Types of Independence Growing Tweens Need to Practice","path":"/mindshift/57424/the-two-types-of-independence-growing-tweens-need-to-practice","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/623740/fourteen-talks-by-age-fourteen-by-michelle-icard/\">FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN\u003c/a> \u003cem>copyright © 2021 by Michelle Icard. Used by permission of Harmony Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.\u003c/em>\u003cem> \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Two Types of Independence\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In my work, I see two primary ways kids assert their independence after elementary school: 1) by isolating themselves from their family at home, and 2) by separating from their family to explore the world. Both of these cause parents a great deal of worry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before I help you launch into how to talk about independence with your child, it may help to first understand a bit about isolation versus exploration, so you’ll have a sense of what’s normal and safe, or if you might need to be more concerned.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Independence Through Isolation\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Why do tweens spend a colossal amount of time in their rooms? Why do they stop (willingly) participating in family movie or game night? Why do family dinners feel like a timed race to the finish line, so your kid can hop up and rush back to their room? You used to be close, but these days it probably feels like you’re being ghosted by your kid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Don’t worry. It’s not you. It’s them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Adolescents need to cocoon. Cocooning is a term coined in the early 1980s by Faith Popcorn, a social trend analyst with a bizarre and compelling name. (That’s neither here nor there, but it can’t go unsaid.) Popcorn describes cocooning as “the impulse to stay inside when the outside gets too tough and scary.” Since its introduction to our lexicon, it has come to be used regularly to describe adolescents and their relationship to their rooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tweens and teens cocoon because at a time when most things in their lives are changing—their bodies, brains, emotions, friends, and even their self-concepts—bedrooms are safe havens. There, they can think about any and all things ad nauseam, or push them aside and take a break from the mental turmoil of their busy minds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Most kids take cocooning so seriously they will, if allowed, suddenly redecorate or rearrange their preteen rooms to reflect a new sense of self. They want to establish that this space is more theirs, and definitely not moms or dads. Due to financial constraints, I wasn’t allowed to redecorate my room when I was a teenager, so I covered the 1775 colonial-themed wallpaper I inherited when we moved in with floor-to-ceiling black-and-white ads I collected from old magazines. This décor wouldn’t have been my first choice, but it sent a clear message: this is my space, not yours. Eventually, kids emerge from their cocoons with a better-formed sense of self. It may feel like mindless sequestering to parents, but it serves as a safe place to grow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When cocooning goes well, kids feel a sense of independence and autonomy right in the safety of your own home. When cocooning doesn’t go well, kids become overly self-indulgent, forgetting that they are still members of a family unit and they must still do chores, engage in pleasant conversation, and balance their own needs with what’s best for the group. As you talk with your tween about their cocooning habits, you’ll want to keep in mind that not all isolation is bad. Seek a compromise on balancing their needs with those of the family.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Independence Through Exploration\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://michelleicard.com/books/\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57425\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks.jpeg 842w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks-800x1216.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks-160x243.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/Fourteen-Talks-768x1168.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>In contrast to isolating at home, sometimes your tween will want to assert their independence by venturing out into the world without you. However, because of our constant exposure to news showing us how seemingly every kid is in mortal danger from guns, drugs, and sexual trafficking, parents accordingly react by limiting those freedoms. Lenore Skenazy has written an incredible book about the perils of this crack-down phenomenon: Free-Range Kids. If you are nervous about letting your kids explore your neighborhood, town, or city, I urge you to read it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Exploring the world in middle school might look like doing one of these things without parental supervision: going to the mall with a friend, meeting up with classmates at a roller rink or trampoline park, riding a bike to the gas station to buy a candy bar, taking public transportation, or being dropped off at the movies or a sub shop for lunch. All of these are fairly typical middle school explorations.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In any of these scenarios there are three kinds of learning happening for tweens:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Learning how to navigate traffic, strangers, and public spaces safely.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Learning how to assert themselves by asking for directions or help (as in, “What do I do? The soda machine is broken and I already paid.”), ordering for themselves, figuring out a tip, or trying not to get yelled at by grumpy people who don’t like kids milling around.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Learning how to think for themselves, by themselves, and becoming okay with the sound of their own thoughts. It’s about tuning in to that inner voice tweens may not yet be familiar with, if all they have ever heard is an adult’s voice telling them what to do.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>When exploration goes well, kids develop confidence in their abilities to overcome obstacles and solve their own problems. Giving kids a chance to earn this confidence actually makes them safer, because if someone is going to target your kid, whether that’s a manipulative friend, bully at school, older teens at the mall, or god forbid, stranger with bad intentions, you want your child to be confident and street smart enough to speak up, get loud if necessary, and get help. People who do bad things at any level don’t like an audience.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When exploration goes wrong, it can go wrong in a broad range of ways. Like me when my parents left me home alone, kids may ask for more than they can handle. An experience like this can leave a kid emotionally drained, but it’s not likely to have any long-term effects (other than being useful one day when writing a book). I’d be more concerned about kids who are sent out before they’re taught how to explore safely. They may run the risk of getting hit by a car, or getting seriously lost, or as mentioned above, not knowing how to speak up for themselves or get help if approached by someone with the intention of testing your kid’s boundaries.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tweens exploring their world also run the risk of making dumb decisions. Maybe they’ll get kicked out of a store for being too rowdy, or get yelled at by a server for leaving a bad tip or making a mess. Maybe they’ll decide to see what happens if they pocket a golf ball from the sporting goods store without paying for it. Think ahead about what choices you want your kid to make when you aren’t there, and have those conversations ahead of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_57426\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 160px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-57426 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/c-Kate-Weaver-Photography-e1614028376829-160x206.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"206\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/c-Kate-Weaver-Photography-e1614028376829-160x206.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/02/c-Kate-Weaver-Photography-e1614028376829.jpg 245w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Michelle Icard \u003ccite>(Kate Weaver)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/michelleicard\">Michelle Icard\u003c/a> is a member of the Today show parenting team and NBC News Learn. The author of Middle School Makeover, her work has been featured in the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, The Christian Science Monitor, Redbook, Time, and People. Her leadership curriculum for middle schoolers, Athena's Path and Hero's Pursuit, have been implemented at schools across the U.S., and her summer camp curriculum is offered at more than twenty camps each summer. She lives with her family in Charlotte, North Carolina.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57424/the-two-types-of-independence-growing-tweens-need-to-practice","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_20955","mindshift_20865","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21417","mindshift_21159","mindshift_1038"],"featImg":"mindshift_57429","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57108":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57108","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57108","score":null,"sort":[1607933873000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"listen-and-connect-how-parents-can-support-teens-mental-health-right-now","title":"Listen and Connect: How Parents Can Support Teens’ Mental Health Right Now","publishDate":1607933873,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s no handbook for how to raise teenagers during a pandemic. Adolescents are struggling for valid reasons and many parents are grappling with how to support their teens while also navigating their own pressing concerns. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Katie Hurley, an \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescent psychotherapist and author of the new book, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Year-Positive-Thinking-Teens-Motivation/dp/1647396409\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“A Year Of Positive Thinking For Teens,” \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">says that in her practice, she has seen the toll\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of these last several months. What do teens need most right now, from her perspective? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It sounds really simple, but the thing that teenagers are craving the most is connection and listening because this is hard for everyone,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Take Your Own Emotional Temperature\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With so much of school and social life occurring over screens, parents offer their children a vital physical presence. But this can also feel daunting as parents feel the pressure of meeting their family’s physical and emotional needs while also assuming greater responsibility for their children’s schooling.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hurley encourages adults to check their own emotional thermometer throughout the day. Our children are watching how we react and our responses matter, says Hurley. “Children take their cues first from us, always. We are their people.” But adults do not need to be paragons of positivity. We don’t have to pretend it’s easy, says Hurley. Instead, we can talk about how we are feeling with teens “so that they know that, right now, feeling like you're on a roller coaster every day is normal.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">No single strategy, like deep breathing, will magically make our worries disappear. That said, “having coping strategies in your back pocket is super important,” says Hurley. “It helps us know what to do when our stress levels rise, but it doesn't fix everything.” It also takes consistent practice to hone these skills so that you can apply them when you feel your temperature rise. With both adults and kids experiencing challenges right now, it’s a powerful time for families to practice being open about emotions and making self-care a family affair. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Whether it is taking that daily walk or doing an online yoga class or some sort of exercise to get the endorphins going, we have to think about our own coping strategies,” says Hurley. She also strongly recommends meditation apps because mindfulness is a proven way to reduce the acute stress response. “When we use it, it works.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Check-In Without Interviewing\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Teens need adults to keep an eye on them right now, but sometimes how we check-in can inadvertently increase anxiety. “We have to practice checking in with them in non-threatening ways,” says Hurley. That means putting a stop to “constantly interviewing kids about what homework they’ve done, what they’ve sent in and what's still outstanding.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Right now, there’s a lot of media chatter about “lost learning and how kids are falling behind,” says Hurley. \"And it's translating to pressure within the home.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s hard to see our children struggle with remote or hybrid schooling, so “we keep interviewing them to try to get information so that we can know how to fix it. We can't fix this. But what we can do is we can step back and say, ‘Hey, this is hard academically and emotionally. It's exceptionally difficult to learn math online right now.’ What we need to do more of is just listening and asking, ‘How are you doing? How are you feeling?’\" \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hurley said the most common response she’s hearing from kids right now is that they are lonely. They miss their friends, and they miss “a teacher leaning over their desk to point something out on their paper. Teachers have this magical way of connecting with kids in small ways and they can't get that over Zoom, no matter how hard they try.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Meet Them Where They Are\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents often report that their teens are not coming to them for support. But they are, Hurley says. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“They're just doing it in a way that you don't like. When they're venting or sniping at you over little things – there it is! They are trying to hand you their feelings. They're projecting outward because those feelings are uncomfortable and they don't know what to do with them.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sometimes teens seek to connect over play through video games, cards, basketball, jigsaw puzzles, etc. “Play is how kids connect at all ages,” says Hurley. “It's a reason teenagers will say, ‘Dad, would you shoot hoops with me?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As Harvard psychologist Nancy Hill \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/40845/as-teens-push-away-what-can-parents-do-to-support-success\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">once noted\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “Parenting teens is like hugging a cactus. Even as the ‘warm fuzzies’ are not often reciprocated, teens still need them, still need to know they are loved unconditionally.” According to a study she \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.gse.harvard.edu/file/parental-involvementwang-hill-hofkens-2014pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">authored\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, parental warmth amplifies all other parenting strategies, even when teens distance themselves from parents.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Listen Your Way Through Their Problems\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The best thing parents and caregivers can give teens right now is the undivided attention of listening, empathizing and compassion, says Hurley. When teens do share their worries, resist the urge to either minimize them or solve the problem for them. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“They want you to listen your way through their problems so that they have somebody to vent to and bounce ideas off of,” says Hurley. Practice being a sounding board – a calm presence who offers short, empathetic responses such as: \"Wow, that's hard. I feel for you. I'm heartbroken for you. This seems really difficult.\" \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In the face of this empathetic listening, teens often start to solve their own problems. “They shift from what feels like a litany of complaints to a little bit of, ‘Maybe I should do this or that.’ They start coming up with ideas,” says Hurley. The hardest part for parents is to just listen and not share our own ideas because we know what's worked for us. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hurley offered this example of how adult language can support teen problem-solving: When teens share what bothers them, first validate their emotions with \"That sounds really hard” or “That stinks.\" And then ask something like, “Is this a problem that you think you can solve or is this a problem that we need to endure? Are you looking for an answer or do you want help riding out the storm by talking you through it, guiding you through it or just listening you through it?” Nine times out of ten, says Hurley, they want someone to “listen through it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If teens struggle to come up with their own next steps, adults can reaffirm that “there's no easy answer,” says Hurley, and perhaps ask, “What are some things that give you little bits of hope right now? What would help you feel one percent better?” These “little bits of hope” can become small steps for moving forward.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Drowning Doesn’t Build Resilience\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In the last 20 years, the term “helicopter parenting” became shorthand for parents who are overly involved in their children’s lives and whose “hovering” interferes with children’s ability to develop independence. But, like any other parenting conundrum, the desire to avoid becoming a “helicopter parent” can be taken to extremes. When teens are in distress, sometimes parents think, \"I need to step away from you. You have to figure it out all by yourself.\" And while adolescents are highly capable problem-solvers, we don’t need to leave them to go it alone. “That's not resilience. That's loneliness,” says Hurley. “We know from years and years of research that human beings need each other. We are supposed to help each other out. We aren't supposed to be drowning in a stormy sea without a life ring.” Rather, she says, teens need adults to be the anchors to hold them steady.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In fact, the science around resilience – or the capacity to recover from difficulties – highlights the need for adults to support children in developing this character strength. According to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/15/03/science-resilience\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> out of Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child, “Resilience can be built; it’s not an innate trait . . . [It] is shaped throughout life by the accumulation of experiences — both good and bad — and the continuing development of adaptive coping skills connected to those experiences.” Hurley says, “If there were awards for your soft skills, resilience would be a lifetime achievement award. It’s something that’s accrued over time, as we learn that we can work through hard things, we can solve problems and we can cope. But it’s not reasonable to expect teenagers to be able to do this independently a hundred percent of the time because their brains are not even fully formed until they’re 25 years old.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And here’s more good news for adults worried about their own capacity to help their adolescents right now. According to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/supportive-relationships-and-active-skill-building-strengthen-the-foundations-of-resilience/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “children who do well despite serious hardship have had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.” In other words, in tough times, a parent or caregiver’s very presence can be a protective factor. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Practice Zooming Out & Finding Purpose\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As humans, we tend to zoom in to hyperfocus on what we think is important. For parents of teens, that often includes grades, test scores and the college process. But what if those aren’t the right places to focus our lenses right now? Hurley says, “We have to hit pause, zoom out and say, ‘What other things can our kids learn during this time?’ Can they learn the value of pulling in the trash cans for an elderly neighbor? Can they learn how to help a younger child by reading them stories over Zoom? Yes, they can. There are all sorts of different ways that we can channel this stressful energy into positive outcomes.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And if a teen has a hard time thinking outside of themselves right now – beyond what they are feeling and missing – that doesn’t mean they are selfish. It just means that they're human and they're struggling. Meet them there and say, \"I get this. This is hard. What else can you do?\" says Hurley. “We have to help kids find some purpose, anything. Because when we have purpose, we are optimistic and we feel like we can get through hard things.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Look for Small Pieces of Happiness\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For parents who are struggling to find their own equilibrium, Hurley suggests looking for small pieces of happiness and hope each day. “We have this tendency to kind of hitch our wagons to big ideas and big things. But right now, we need to dial that back and look for the small things. So, if siblings who have been fighting for six months straight are not fighting as much anymore, that's kind of a big thing.” Likewise, if a teen who is struggling in school finds a new interest – from birdwatching to cooking to Garageband compositions – “that's a big win right there; we have to look for these little, big things.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Similarly, we can acknowledge all the ways teens are coping and growing and giving and express our awe at how well they are doing in an unnerving time. Recently, Hurley found herself saying to her own kids, “‘I think you guys are remarkable. This has been a really difficult time. And it hasn't always been easy for you, but you're weathering the storm with us, and you're doing what you need to do. And you're coming to us when it's too hard. And you're asking to play a game or walk the dog together if you need to connect.’ Those things are important and we have to call those out.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"There's a lot for parents to be anxious about during distance learning and that's rubbing off on teens. Parents can help teens by listening and putting their well-being beyond academics at the center. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1607933873,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":29,"wordCount":2105},"headData":{"title":"Listen and Connect: How Parents Can Support Teens’ Mental Health Right Now - MindShift","description":"There's a lot for parents to be anxious about during distance learning and that's rubbing off on teens. Parents can help teens by listening and putting their well-being beyond academics at the center. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Listen and Connect: How Parents Can Support Teens’ Mental Health Right Now","datePublished":"2020-12-14T08:17:53.000Z","dateModified":"2020-12-14T08:17:53.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57108 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57108","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2020/12/14/listen-and-connect-how-parents-can-support-teens-mental-health-right-now/","disqusTitle":"Listen and Connect: How Parents Can Support Teens’ Mental Health Right Now","path":"/mindshift/57108/listen-and-connect-how-parents-can-support-teens-mental-health-right-now","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s no handbook for how to raise teenagers during a pandemic. Adolescents are struggling for valid reasons and many parents are grappling with how to support their teens while also navigating their own pressing concerns. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Katie Hurley, an \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescent psychotherapist and author of the new book, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Year-Positive-Thinking-Teens-Motivation/dp/1647396409\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“A Year Of Positive Thinking For Teens,” \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">says that in her practice, she has seen the toll\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of these last several months. What do teens need most right now, from her perspective? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It sounds really simple, but the thing that teenagers are craving the most is connection and listening because this is hard for everyone,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Take Your Own Emotional Temperature\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With so much of school and social life occurring over screens, parents offer their children a vital physical presence. But this can also feel daunting as parents feel the pressure of meeting their family’s physical and emotional needs while also assuming greater responsibility for their children’s schooling.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hurley encourages adults to check their own emotional thermometer throughout the day. Our children are watching how we react and our responses matter, says Hurley. “Children take their cues first from us, always. We are their people.” But adults do not need to be paragons of positivity. We don’t have to pretend it’s easy, says Hurley. Instead, we can talk about how we are feeling with teens “so that they know that, right now, feeling like you're on a roller coaster every day is normal.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">No single strategy, like deep breathing, will magically make our worries disappear. That said, “having coping strategies in your back pocket is super important,” says Hurley. “It helps us know what to do when our stress levels rise, but it doesn't fix everything.” It also takes consistent practice to hone these skills so that you can apply them when you feel your temperature rise. With both adults and kids experiencing challenges right now, it’s a powerful time for families to practice being open about emotions and making self-care a family affair. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Whether it is taking that daily walk or doing an online yoga class or some sort of exercise to get the endorphins going, we have to think about our own coping strategies,” says Hurley. She also strongly recommends meditation apps because mindfulness is a proven way to reduce the acute stress response. “When we use it, it works.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Check-In Without Interviewing\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Teens need adults to keep an eye on them right now, but sometimes how we check-in can inadvertently increase anxiety. “We have to practice checking in with them in non-threatening ways,” says Hurley. That means putting a stop to “constantly interviewing kids about what homework they’ve done, what they’ve sent in and what's still outstanding.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Right now, there’s a lot of media chatter about “lost learning and how kids are falling behind,” says Hurley. \"And it's translating to pressure within the home.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s hard to see our children struggle with remote or hybrid schooling, so “we keep interviewing them to try to get information so that we can know how to fix it. We can't fix this. But what we can do is we can step back and say, ‘Hey, this is hard academically and emotionally. It's exceptionally difficult to learn math online right now.’ What we need to do more of is just listening and asking, ‘How are you doing? How are you feeling?’\" \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hurley said the most common response she’s hearing from kids right now is that they are lonely. They miss their friends, and they miss “a teacher leaning over their desk to point something out on their paper. Teachers have this magical way of connecting with kids in small ways and they can't get that over Zoom, no matter how hard they try.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Meet Them Where They Are\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents often report that their teens are not coming to them for support. But they are, Hurley says. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“They're just doing it in a way that you don't like. When they're venting or sniping at you over little things – there it is! They are trying to hand you their feelings. They're projecting outward because those feelings are uncomfortable and they don't know what to do with them.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sometimes teens seek to connect over play through video games, cards, basketball, jigsaw puzzles, etc. “Play is how kids connect at all ages,” says Hurley. “It's a reason teenagers will say, ‘Dad, would you shoot hoops with me?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As Harvard psychologist Nancy Hill \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/40845/as-teens-push-away-what-can-parents-do-to-support-success\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">once noted\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “Parenting teens is like hugging a cactus. Even as the ‘warm fuzzies’ are not often reciprocated, teens still need them, still need to know they are loved unconditionally.” According to a study she \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.gse.harvard.edu/file/parental-involvementwang-hill-hofkens-2014pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">authored\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, parental warmth amplifies all other parenting strategies, even when teens distance themselves from parents.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Listen Your Way Through Their Problems\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The best thing parents and caregivers can give teens right now is the undivided attention of listening, empathizing and compassion, says Hurley. When teens do share their worries, resist the urge to either minimize them or solve the problem for them. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“They want you to listen your way through their problems so that they have somebody to vent to and bounce ideas off of,” says Hurley. Practice being a sounding board – a calm presence who offers short, empathetic responses such as: \"Wow, that's hard. I feel for you. I'm heartbroken for you. This seems really difficult.\" \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In the face of this empathetic listening, teens often start to solve their own problems. “They shift from what feels like a litany of complaints to a little bit of, ‘Maybe I should do this or that.’ They start coming up with ideas,” says Hurley. The hardest part for parents is to just listen and not share our own ideas because we know what's worked for us. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hurley offered this example of how adult language can support teen problem-solving: When teens share what bothers them, first validate their emotions with \"That sounds really hard” or “That stinks.\" And then ask something like, “Is this a problem that you think you can solve or is this a problem that we need to endure? Are you looking for an answer or do you want help riding out the storm by talking you through it, guiding you through it or just listening you through it?” Nine times out of ten, says Hurley, they want someone to “listen through it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If teens struggle to come up with their own next steps, adults can reaffirm that “there's no easy answer,” says Hurley, and perhaps ask, “What are some things that give you little bits of hope right now? What would help you feel one percent better?” These “little bits of hope” can become small steps for moving forward.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Drowning Doesn’t Build Resilience\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In the last 20 years, the term “helicopter parenting” became shorthand for parents who are overly involved in their children’s lives and whose “hovering” interferes with children’s ability to develop independence. But, like any other parenting conundrum, the desire to avoid becoming a “helicopter parent” can be taken to extremes. When teens are in distress, sometimes parents think, \"I need to step away from you. You have to figure it out all by yourself.\" And while adolescents are highly capable problem-solvers, we don’t need to leave them to go it alone. “That's not resilience. That's loneliness,” says Hurley. “We know from years and years of research that human beings need each other. We are supposed to help each other out. We aren't supposed to be drowning in a stormy sea without a life ring.” Rather, she says, teens need adults to be the anchors to hold them steady.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In fact, the science around resilience – or the capacity to recover from difficulties – highlights the need for adults to support children in developing this character strength. According to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/15/03/science-resilience\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> out of Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child, “Resilience can be built; it’s not an innate trait . . . [It] is shaped throughout life by the accumulation of experiences — both good and bad — and the continuing development of adaptive coping skills connected to those experiences.” Hurley says, “If there were awards for your soft skills, resilience would be a lifetime achievement award. It’s something that’s accrued over time, as we learn that we can work through hard things, we can solve problems and we can cope. But it’s not reasonable to expect teenagers to be able to do this independently a hundred percent of the time because their brains are not even fully formed until they’re 25 years old.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And here’s more good news for adults worried about their own capacity to help their adolescents right now. According to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/supportive-relationships-and-active-skill-building-strengthen-the-foundations-of-resilience/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “children who do well despite serious hardship have had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.” In other words, in tough times, a parent or caregiver’s very presence can be a protective factor. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Practice Zooming Out & Finding Purpose\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As humans, we tend to zoom in to hyperfocus on what we think is important. For parents of teens, that often includes grades, test scores and the college process. But what if those aren’t the right places to focus our lenses right now? Hurley says, “We have to hit pause, zoom out and say, ‘What other things can our kids learn during this time?’ Can they learn the value of pulling in the trash cans for an elderly neighbor? Can they learn how to help a younger child by reading them stories over Zoom? Yes, they can. There are all sorts of different ways that we can channel this stressful energy into positive outcomes.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And if a teen has a hard time thinking outside of themselves right now – beyond what they are feeling and missing – that doesn’t mean they are selfish. It just means that they're human and they're struggling. Meet them there and say, \"I get this. This is hard. What else can you do?\" says Hurley. “We have to help kids find some purpose, anything. Because when we have purpose, we are optimistic and we feel like we can get through hard things.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Look for Small Pieces of Happiness\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For parents who are struggling to find their own equilibrium, Hurley suggests looking for small pieces of happiness and hope each day. “We have this tendency to kind of hitch our wagons to big ideas and big things. But right now, we need to dial that back and look for the small things. So, if siblings who have been fighting for six months straight are not fighting as much anymore, that's kind of a big thing.” Likewise, if a teen who is struggling in school finds a new interest – from birdwatching to cooking to Garageband compositions – “that's a big win right there; we have to look for these little, big things.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Similarly, we can acknowledge all the ways teens are coping and growing and giving and express our awe at how well they are doing in an unnerving time. Recently, Hurley found herself saying to her own kids, “‘I think you guys are remarkable. This has been a really difficult time. And it hasn't always been easy for you, but you're weathering the storm with us, and you're doing what you need to do. And you're coming to us when it's too hard. And you're asking to play a game or walk the dog together if you need to connect.’ Those things are important and we have to call those out.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57108/listen-and-connect-how-parents-can-support-teens-mental-health-right-now","authors":["11087"],"categories":["mindshift_20874"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_20589","mindshift_21344","mindshift_21343","mindshift_358","mindshift_20865","mindshift_20870","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21359","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_57113","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57082":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57082","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57082","score":null,"sort":[1607588644000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-friends-influence-one-another-for-better-or-worse-in-high-school","title":"How Friends Influence One Another–For Better or Worse–in High School","publishDate":1607588644,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">High school students face many of the same friendship dynamics as \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">elementary \u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students\">middle school \u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">students, yet friendship operates in distinct ways in these later adolescence years. The buffering effect friends provided in earlier childhood, for example, seems to disappear. “Not only did the presence of friends not reduce stress,” \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/01/friendship-crucial-adolescent-brain/605638/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">writes\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Lydia Denworth in the 2020 book \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://lydiadenworth.com/books/friendship/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Friendship\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: “It made things worse. Cortisol levels went up.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time students reach high school, friendships become more stable. \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“In middle school, it’s unusual for an individual to maintain the same group of close friends over the space of 18 months,” says \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://edpsych.education.wisc.edu/staff/brown-b-bradford/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">B. Bradford Brown, \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> an educational psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison: “In high school, that is no longer the case.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Likely because \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/YmT-Co2OEkuD8p3Ei18ymG?domain=psycnet.apa.org\">\u003cspan class=\"s2\">individual identities are more solidified\u003c/span>\u003c/a>, older teens \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/po4jCpYzGli9yE3mtDSq8h?domain=srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com\">\u003cspan class=\"s2\">tolerate greater dissimilarity\u003c/span>\u003c/a> in one another. As a result, compromise and collaboration increasingly take the place of conformity.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Like friendship churn, concern over one’s reputation in broader groups peaks in middle school (and early high school). That leaves most high school students\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> relatively less worried about their larger reputation and more focused on the social dynamics within their chosen peer groups, Brown says. It’s a much more adult-like approach. Though we care about being popular our whole lives, many of us begin to focus more on the likeability aspect of popularity than the status side of things as we age, says \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://mitch.web.unc.edu/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina and author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.mitchprinstein.com/books/popular-book/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Popular\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">A shift in the primacy of romantic partners vis-a-vis friends takes place as well. Over the course of mid-to-late adolescence, romantic partners “increasingly rival and eventually surpass friends in terms of closeness,” says \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/AeRyCqx2Jms1R6jZUQ_NWC?domain=psy.fau.edu\">\u003cspan class=\"s2\">Brett Laursen\u003c/span>\u003c/a>, a child psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">By the tenth grade, teens \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-010\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">tend to\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> interact more with romantic partners than anyone else, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26595356/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research Laursen has been part of\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> shows that as adolescents become involved in romantic relationships, their drinking increasingly mirrors that of their partners rather than their friends.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Peer influence as a positive?\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As a predictable corollary, romantic partners begin to exert more influence than friends in high school, and friend groups more than larger crowds.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Most educators know the basics of peer pressure. One \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1984.9924535\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">famous study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> showed that the number of one’s friends using drugs is the biggest determinant of drug use. We also know that when peers are present, adolescents take more risks (for example, teenage males \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">drive faster\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in the presence of other teenage boys). \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But recent research reveals a twist: It’s not necessarily because of any direct egging on. Just presence is enough, because \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1467-7687.2010.01035.x?referrer_access_token=K09nMQ8q3wZ19cgm97vVqYta6bR2k8jH0KrdpFOxC65pt-xzvuAaJZ2k-ByuzkBqs1VdEr2WPrYfTh_Z9o8EG23A0JPdi6h9e6O4K4GL0Qw1VPBJJ4UKbLB-MXHDJawexP0TYngb635esVu0-r69PmTBZ6ED615Z2vqawwCsfhM%3D\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">the reward centers of adolescents’ brains\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are more active with peers than when alone, according to the research of Temple University’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.laurencesteinberg.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Laurence Steinberg\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. For her book, Denworth tracked him down as well as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sites.google.com/site/blakemorelab/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sarah-Jayne Blakemore\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a professor of psychology and cognitive neuroscience at University of Cambridge, who explained the academic upside: “Risk taking in an educational context is a vital skill that enables progress and creativity.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That’s just one \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">positive lens on peer influence\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://curry.virginia.edu/scott-gest\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Scott Gest\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a University of Virginia professor, says: “People talk about negative peer influence … but they neglect the pretty substantial literature that shows a lot of negative behavior of high school kids is discouraged by friends. There is a lot of very positive pressure that peers apply, like, ‘No man, that’s stupid.’” This “obstructing” is one of the many underreported modes of peer influence, Brown says. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-002\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s also\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> teasing, reinforcement such as laughing or nodding, and creating situations that facilitate a certain type of behavior, like throwing an unchaperoned party. None of these modes is inherently good or bad, Brown points out. A teen could just as easily create a situation conducive to altruism, like asking a friend to meet them at the food pantry before a concert, knowing full well they’ll end up handing out meals for a few minutes—or cracking a joke about tongue brushing that reinforces oral hygiene.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Behavioral display,” or modeling that leads to emulation, is another type of peer influence. In one 2018 study of college freshmen, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/ecin.12730\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">researchers found\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> “having friends with higher propensities to study is predictive of receiving higher freshman grades.” Because the study looked at both assigned roommate pairings and chosen friend groups, the researchers were able to show the effect wasn’t just a reflection of “selection bias,” with studious kids having already chosen to befriend each other. Hanging out with someone studious, they concluded, \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">caused \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescents to study for more hours and post higher grades. The findings confirm \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0272431610384487\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">previous\u003c/span>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-00748-008\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> showing a correlation between how a child views the importance of doing well in school and how their friends do. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Similar effects have been demonstrated for volunteer work and health-promotive behaviors, such as exercise, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.mitchprinstein.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Prinstein\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> says. Positive change has also \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-010\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">been documented\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in high school students dating high-functioning peers.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">What does all this mean for educators? Influential students can be explicitly tapped to improve classroom dynamics. In \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/publication/289366010_Changing_climates_of_conflict_A_social_network_experiment_in_56_schools\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">one program\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, kids were trained to publicly encourage anti-conflict norms. Disciplinary reports of student conflict dropped 30% over one year. This success may be owed in part to the fact that the program enlisted kids’ help. Efforts that engage teens in actual, real-life tasks \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">have been the most promising\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> when it comes to changing the content of the values transmitted within adolescent peer groups. Other successful efforts to “benevolently exploit peer influence,” as Prinstein puts it, include using small group discussions to combat bullying and drinking.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Why meddling can backfire\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ready for another twist? In the anti-conflict norms study, the effect among kids was stronger when the messengers were popular, but were popular for their likeabaility, not status. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Laursen, who is also editor in chief of the \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">International Journal of Behavioral Development\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, helps explain why: “Influence within friend pairings is unilateral and unidirectional, flowing to the child who has the potential to have more friends outside the relationship.” That means, “if I’m better liked, and I drink less than you, your rate of increasing drinking is going to slow down,” he says. But it \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdep.12246\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cuts both ways\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Delinquency, for example, tends to increase when a less-accepted child befriends someone more delinquent. When it comes to academic improvement, Laursen says, “if it’s the less-liked peer doing better in school, forget about it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For this same reason, he says adults must “tread carefully” in trying to manipulate friendships. It’s just very hard from the outside to know what a kid is and isn’t getting from interactions with a peer: “Let’s say you are a parent and you have a child who’s hanging around with somebody you think isn’t the most desirable friend in terms of their attributes. But perhaps in this friendship your child is the one holding all the cards; everybody is trying to be like your child. If you disrupt that friendship, there’s going to be another in its place, and now you may have put your child in a position where they are the susceptible one. You can make them more vulnerable to negative peer influence than they were before.” (Add on top of that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research showing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that teens who are alienated from their close friends become more aggressive.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Even greater benefits of cooperation\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A cousin of peer influence is \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">collaboration\u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and high school students get unique benefits from it. Carefully structured cooperative learning experiences \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ888657\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">have been tied to\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> students exerting greater effort and using higher-level reasoning strategies more frequently, ultimately boosting achievement and decreasing problematic behaviors, according to the research of Michigan State University’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://croseth.educ.msu.edu/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Cary Roseth.\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> What’s more, “in a study of high school seniors,” he reports, “a predisposition to work with peers cooperatively was found to be highly correlated with psychological health.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The promise of boosted academic and social-emotional learning \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50960/how-being-part-of-a-house-within-a-school-helps-students-gain-a-sense-of-belonging\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">doesn’t always have to mean\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> group assignments though. Laursen says by high school “many kids hate these sort of paired activities when a grade is riding on the product.” On the other hand, they appreciate the opportunity to work alongside a peer on their own work. Friends are distributed over classes so the bump students see from working with someone they like and trust may be easier to get in a study hall setting where students undertake, in toddler parlance, “parallel play” or “being with.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Both logistical benefits and moral support can also be fostered in a high school class with no preexisting friendships. One \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://unistars.org/papers/STARS2017/08A.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">small Australian study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of first-year university students showed that when students discussed class content outside of class, they were more likely to progress to second year. Friends provided feedback, reassurance, and encouragement that “increased students’ emotional engagement, their enthusiasm and interest in the course content and in the classroom.” The study’s authors ultimately encouraged teachers to instruct students to talk to each other during breaks, exchange contact information, and consider arranging study sessions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">During distance learning this fall, Mira Debs, executive director of Yale’s education studies program, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/mira_debs/status/1302632659856785411\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">had students\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> write introductions. She hosted a weekly virtual lunch. One student set up an optional group text message chain for the class. Each of these actions increases a sense of belonging—which in turn \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a33608758/virtual-learning-tips-for-parents/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">boosts motivation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—and also provides students with tangible resources. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://my.vanderbilt.edu/elizabethself/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Elizabeth Self\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, an assistant professor at Vanderbilt University, explains how these college-level findings relate to teens: “If you think about an AP class—high workload, high stress—the way that kids can come together to study, the way they come together to share notes, the way they come together to figure out an assignment …. For those that do, it’s a huge advantage.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Growing importance of race\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“And if you are left out of those groups,” Self continues, “the effect that has for you is not just social but also academic.” She reminds us \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">as kids age\u003c/a>, they increasingly “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://blogs.brown.edu/amst-2220j-s01-2017-fall/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">experience the world from a race perspective\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.” Whether or not they “can be resilient and sustain themselves within systems of oppression in schooling,” she says, “comes down to who their friends are. Do I have a friend that when I feel like a teacher is being racist toward me can affirm that ‘yes, this is happening,’ versus gaslighting me?” Teenagers who have that kind of affirmation “can feel good and whole in the classroom and be successful.” That’s why Beverly Daniel Tatum concludes in \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.beverlydanieltatum.com/published-works/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that as counterintuitive as it may seem, allowing Black students “the psychological safety of their own group” can actually increase the likelihood that they form friendships outside it, benefitting fully from collaborative opportunities.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Technology\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> a\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">nd\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> distance\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With schools across the country closed, child development experts worry most about the future of our youngest learners. After all, high school students already had mechanisms in place for connecting at a distance, practices like exchanging Snapchat videos about the parts of the homework that don’t make sense. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But Denworth \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-waves/202007/why-zoom-fatigue-is-real-and-what-you-can-do-about-it\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">says\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> we can’t discount “Zoom fatigue.” In a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-waves/202007/why-zoom-fatigue-is-real-and-what-you-can-do-about-it\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">recent article\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Psychology Today\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, she describes a book called \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Relating Through Technology \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">by Jeffrey Hall, a professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas. He told Denworth, “Compared to face to face, texting and using social media, energy use during a Zoom call is higher.” Disruptions like your own image, delays, and cross-talk make video calls more intense. They also heighten loneliness: “Zoom is exhausting and lonely because you have to be so much more attentive and so much more aware of what’s going on than you do on phone calls.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And even though teens can socialize virtually, Brown says, “the intensity of seeing close friends and romantic partners in person is difficult to give up, so the lack of those face-to-face opportunities is going to create anxiety.” Their developmentally appropriate craving for intimacy is what drives “the way that individuals \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cnn.com/videos/entertainment/2020/09/15/paul-rudd-masks-psa-orig-jk.cnn\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">18 to 25\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are behaving right now,” he says, “having real difficulty engaging in social distancing, wearing a face covering, and staying feet apart.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While distance learning may \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.statesman.com/opinion/20200728/opinion-when-itrsquos-safe-offer-in-person-learning-to-youngest-kids-first\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">work best for teenagers\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, everything we know about friendship in late adolescence suggests they too would benefit from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a33434758/homeschooling-pods/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">in-person learning experiences\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> at the earliest safe opportunity.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This article is part of the “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/friendships\">Friendship in Schools\u003c/a>” series, which explores the complexities of friendship at various stages of learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/gailcornwall\">Gail Cornwall\u003c/a> works as a mother and writer in San Francisco.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"The influence of friends vary according to a child's developmental period. In later adolescence, that can pull a student up or down depending on who's around. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1607622713,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":25,"wordCount":2231},"headData":{"title":"How Friends Influence One Another–For Better or Worse–in High School - MindShift","description":"The influence of friends vary according to a child's developmental period. In later adolescence, that can pull a student up or down depending on who's around. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Friends Influence One Another–For Better or Worse–in High School","datePublished":"2020-12-10T08:24:04.000Z","dateModified":"2020-12-10T17:51:53.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57082 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57082","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2020/12/10/how-friends-influence-one-another-for-better-or-worse-in-high-school/","disqusTitle":"How Friends Influence One Another–For Better or Worse–in High School","nprByline":"Gail Cornwall","path":"/mindshift/57082/how-friends-influence-one-another-for-better-or-worse-in-high-school","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">High school students face many of the same friendship dynamics as \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">elementary \u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students\">middle school \u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">students, yet friendship operates in distinct ways in these later adolescence years. The buffering effect friends provided in earlier childhood, for example, seems to disappear. “Not only did the presence of friends not reduce stress,” \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/01/friendship-crucial-adolescent-brain/605638/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">writes\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Lydia Denworth in the 2020 book \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://lydiadenworth.com/books/friendship/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Friendship\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: “It made things worse. Cortisol levels went up.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time students reach high school, friendships become more stable. \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“In middle school, it’s unusual for an individual to maintain the same group of close friends over the space of 18 months,” says \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://edpsych.education.wisc.edu/staff/brown-b-bradford/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">B. Bradford Brown, \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> an educational psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison: “In high school, that is no longer the case.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Likely because \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/YmT-Co2OEkuD8p3Ei18ymG?domain=psycnet.apa.org\">\u003cspan class=\"s2\">individual identities are more solidified\u003c/span>\u003c/a>, older teens \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/po4jCpYzGli9yE3mtDSq8h?domain=srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com\">\u003cspan class=\"s2\">tolerate greater dissimilarity\u003c/span>\u003c/a> in one another. As a result, compromise and collaboration increasingly take the place of conformity.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Like friendship churn, concern over one’s reputation in broader groups peaks in middle school (and early high school). That leaves most high school students\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> relatively less worried about their larger reputation and more focused on the social dynamics within their chosen peer groups, Brown says. It’s a much more adult-like approach. Though we care about being popular our whole lives, many of us begin to focus more on the likeability aspect of popularity than the status side of things as we age, says \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://mitch.web.unc.edu/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina and author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.mitchprinstein.com/books/popular-book/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Popular\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cspan class=\"s1\">A shift in the primacy of romantic partners vis-a-vis friends takes place as well. Over the course of mid-to-late adolescence, romantic partners “increasingly rival and eventually surpass friends in terms of closeness,” says \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/AeRyCqx2Jms1R6jZUQ_NWC?domain=psy.fau.edu\">\u003cspan class=\"s2\">Brett Laursen\u003c/span>\u003c/a>, a child psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">By the tenth grade, teens \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-010\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">tend to\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> interact more with romantic partners than anyone else, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26595356/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research Laursen has been part of\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> shows that as adolescents become involved in romantic relationships, their drinking increasingly mirrors that of their partners rather than their friends.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Peer influence as a positive?\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As a predictable corollary, romantic partners begin to exert more influence than friends in high school, and friend groups more than larger crowds.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Most educators know the basics of peer pressure. One \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1984.9924535\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">famous study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> showed that the number of one’s friends using drugs is the biggest determinant of drug use. We also know that when peers are present, adolescents take more risks (for example, teenage males \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">drive faster\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in the presence of other teenage boys). \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But recent research reveals a twist: It’s not necessarily because of any direct egging on. Just presence is enough, because \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1467-7687.2010.01035.x?referrer_access_token=K09nMQ8q3wZ19cgm97vVqYta6bR2k8jH0KrdpFOxC65pt-xzvuAaJZ2k-ByuzkBqs1VdEr2WPrYfTh_Z9o8EG23A0JPdi6h9e6O4K4GL0Qw1VPBJJ4UKbLB-MXHDJawexP0TYngb635esVu0-r69PmTBZ6ED615Z2vqawwCsfhM%3D\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">the reward centers of adolescents’ brains\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are more active with peers than when alone, according to the research of Temple University’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.laurencesteinberg.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Laurence Steinberg\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. For her book, Denworth tracked him down as well as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sites.google.com/site/blakemorelab/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sarah-Jayne Blakemore\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a professor of psychology and cognitive neuroscience at University of Cambridge, who explained the academic upside: “Risk taking in an educational context is a vital skill that enables progress and creativity.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That’s just one \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">positive lens on peer influence\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://curry.virginia.edu/scott-gest\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Scott Gest\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a University of Virginia professor, says: “People talk about negative peer influence … but they neglect the pretty substantial literature that shows a lot of negative behavior of high school kids is discouraged by friends. There is a lot of very positive pressure that peers apply, like, ‘No man, that’s stupid.’” This “obstructing” is one of the many underreported modes of peer influence, Brown says. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-002\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s also\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> teasing, reinforcement such as laughing or nodding, and creating situations that facilitate a certain type of behavior, like throwing an unchaperoned party. None of these modes is inherently good or bad, Brown points out. A teen could just as easily create a situation conducive to altruism, like asking a friend to meet them at the food pantry before a concert, knowing full well they’ll end up handing out meals for a few minutes—or cracking a joke about tongue brushing that reinforces oral hygiene.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Behavioral display,” or modeling that leads to emulation, is another type of peer influence. In one 2018 study of college freshmen, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/ecin.12730\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">researchers found\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> “having friends with higher propensities to study is predictive of receiving higher freshman grades.” Because the study looked at both assigned roommate pairings and chosen friend groups, the researchers were able to show the effect wasn’t just a reflection of “selection bias,” with studious kids having already chosen to befriend each other. Hanging out with someone studious, they concluded, \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">caused \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescents to study for more hours and post higher grades. The findings confirm \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0272431610384487\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">previous\u003c/span>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-00748-008\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> showing a correlation between how a child views the importance of doing well in school and how their friends do. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Similar effects have been demonstrated for volunteer work and health-promotive behaviors, such as exercise, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.mitchprinstein.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Prinstein\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> says. Positive change has also \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-010\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">been documented\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in high school students dating high-functioning peers.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">What does all this mean for educators? Influential students can be explicitly tapped to improve classroom dynamics. In \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/publication/289366010_Changing_climates_of_conflict_A_social_network_experiment_in_56_schools\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">one program\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, kids were trained to publicly encourage anti-conflict norms. Disciplinary reports of student conflict dropped 30% over one year. This success may be owed in part to the fact that the program enlisted kids’ help. Efforts that engage teens in actual, real-life tasks \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">have been the most promising\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> when it comes to changing the content of the values transmitted within adolescent peer groups. Other successful efforts to “benevolently exploit peer influence,” as Prinstein puts it, include using small group discussions to combat bullying and drinking.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Why meddling can backfire\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ready for another twist? In the anti-conflict norms study, the effect among kids was stronger when the messengers were popular, but were popular for their likeabaility, not status. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Laursen, who is also editor in chief of the \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">International Journal of Behavioral Development\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, helps explain why: “Influence within friend pairings is unilateral and unidirectional, flowing to the child who has the potential to have more friends outside the relationship.” That means, “if I’m better liked, and I drink less than you, your rate of increasing drinking is going to slow down,” he says. But it \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdep.12246\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cuts both ways\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Delinquency, for example, tends to increase when a less-accepted child befriends someone more delinquent. When it comes to academic improvement, Laursen says, “if it’s the less-liked peer doing better in school, forget about it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For this same reason, he says adults must “tread carefully” in trying to manipulate friendships. It’s just very hard from the outside to know what a kid is and isn’t getting from interactions with a peer: “Let’s say you are a parent and you have a child who’s hanging around with somebody you think isn’t the most desirable friend in terms of their attributes. But perhaps in this friendship your child is the one holding all the cards; everybody is trying to be like your child. If you disrupt that friendship, there’s going to be another in its place, and now you may have put your child in a position where they are the susceptible one. You can make them more vulnerable to negative peer influence than they were before.” (Add on top of that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-007\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research showing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that teens who are alienated from their close friends become more aggressive.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Even greater benefits of cooperation\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A cousin of peer influence is \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">collaboration\u003c/a>\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and high school students get unique benefits from it. Carefully structured cooperative learning experiences \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ888657\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">have been tied to\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> students exerting greater effort and using higher-level reasoning strategies more frequently, ultimately boosting achievement and decreasing problematic behaviors, according to the research of Michigan State University’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://croseth.educ.msu.edu/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Cary Roseth.\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> What’s more, “in a study of high school seniors,” he reports, “a predisposition to work with peers cooperatively was found to be highly correlated with psychological health.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The promise of boosted academic and social-emotional learning \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50960/how-being-part-of-a-house-within-a-school-helps-students-gain-a-sense-of-belonging\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">doesn’t always have to mean\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> group assignments though. Laursen says by high school “many kids hate these sort of paired activities when a grade is riding on the product.” On the other hand, they appreciate the opportunity to work alongside a peer on their own work. Friends are distributed over classes so the bump students see from working with someone they like and trust may be easier to get in a study hall setting where students undertake, in toddler parlance, “parallel play” or “being with.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Both logistical benefits and moral support can also be fostered in a high school class with no preexisting friendships. One \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://unistars.org/papers/STARS2017/08A.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">small Australian study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of first-year university students showed that when students discussed class content outside of class, they were more likely to progress to second year. Friends provided feedback, reassurance, and encouragement that “increased students’ emotional engagement, their enthusiasm and interest in the course content and in the classroom.” The study’s authors ultimately encouraged teachers to instruct students to talk to each other during breaks, exchange contact information, and consider arranging study sessions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">During distance learning this fall, Mira Debs, executive director of Yale’s education studies program, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/mira_debs/status/1302632659856785411\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">had students\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> write introductions. She hosted a weekly virtual lunch. One student set up an optional group text message chain for the class. Each of these actions increases a sense of belonging—which in turn \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a33608758/virtual-learning-tips-for-parents/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">boosts motivation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—and also provides students with tangible resources. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://my.vanderbilt.edu/elizabethself/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Elizabeth Self\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, an assistant professor at Vanderbilt University, explains how these college-level findings relate to teens: “If you think about an AP class—high workload, high stress—the way that kids can come together to study, the way they come together to share notes, the way they come together to figure out an assignment …. For those that do, it’s a huge advantage.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Growing importance of race\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“And if you are left out of those groups,” Self continues, “the effect that has for you is not just social but also academic.” She reminds us \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">as kids age\u003c/a>, they increasingly “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://blogs.brown.edu/amst-2220j-s01-2017-fall/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">experience the world from a race perspective\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.” Whether or not they “can be resilient and sustain themselves within systems of oppression in schooling,” she says, “comes down to who their friends are. Do I have a friend that when I feel like a teacher is being racist toward me can affirm that ‘yes, this is happening,’ versus gaslighting me?” Teenagers who have that kind of affirmation “can feel good and whole in the classroom and be successful.” That’s why Beverly Daniel Tatum concludes in \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.beverlydanieltatum.com/published-works/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that as counterintuitive as it may seem, allowing Black students “the psychological safety of their own group” can actually increase the likelihood that they form friendships outside it, benefitting fully from collaborative opportunities.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Technology\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> a\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">nd\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> distance\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">With schools across the country closed, child development experts worry most about the future of our youngest learners. After all, high school students already had mechanisms in place for connecting at a distance, practices like exchanging Snapchat videos about the parts of the homework that don’t make sense. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But Denworth \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-waves/202007/why-zoom-fatigue-is-real-and-what-you-can-do-about-it\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">says\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> we can’t discount “Zoom fatigue.” In a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-waves/202007/why-zoom-fatigue-is-real-and-what-you-can-do-about-it\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">recent article\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Psychology Today\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, she describes a book called \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Relating Through Technology \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">by Jeffrey Hall, a professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas. He told Denworth, “Compared to face to face, texting and using social media, energy use during a Zoom call is higher.” Disruptions like your own image, delays, and cross-talk make video calls more intense. They also heighten loneliness: “Zoom is exhausting and lonely because you have to be so much more attentive and so much more aware of what’s going on than you do on phone calls.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And even though teens can socialize virtually, Brown says, “the intensity of seeing close friends and romantic partners in person is difficult to give up, so the lack of those face-to-face opportunities is going to create anxiety.” Their developmentally appropriate craving for intimacy is what drives “the way that individuals \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cnn.com/videos/entertainment/2020/09/15/paul-rudd-masks-psa-orig-jk.cnn\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">18 to 25\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are behaving right now,” he says, “having real difficulty engaging in social distancing, wearing a face covering, and staying feet apart.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While distance learning may \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.statesman.com/opinion/20200728/opinion-when-itrsquos-safe-offer-in-person-learning-to-youngest-kids-first\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">work best for teenagers\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, everything we know about friendship in late adolescence suggests they too would benefit from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a33434758/homeschooling-pods/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">in-person learning experiences\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> at the earliest safe opportunity.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This article is part of the “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/friendships\">Friendship in Schools\u003c/a>” series, which explores the complexities of friendship at various stages of learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/gailcornwall\">Gail Cornwall\u003c/a> works as a mother and writer in San Francisco.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57082/how-friends-influence-one-another-for-better-or-worse-in-high-school","authors":["byline_mindshift_57082"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_21343","mindshift_358","mindshift_21396","mindshift_21336","mindshift_20865","mindshift_21213","mindshift_21359","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_57095","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57024":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57024","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57024","score":null,"sort":[1607071982000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections","title":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections","publishDate":1607071982,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Relational Capabilities and Vulnerability\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The truth about boys is that, like all human beings, they have relational capabilities and they are vulnerable. Boys’ relational capabilities include their capacity for thoughtful self-reflection, empathy, and compassion, which researchers have observed in boys as young as four years old and throughout adolescence. When we consider that boys, too, are emotional and relational as well as social beings, we gain insight into their vulnerability. For instance, we see that, because boys also crave personal relationships characterized by trust, understanding, and care, they are emotionally vulnerable to the pain of being ridiculed and rejected, just as they are physically vulnerable to the pain of bodily harm. On some level, we knew this already. Most of us have met boys who are self-aware, considerate of others, and responsive in their relationships. However, we are likely to view these “sensitive” boys to be exceptions rather than representative of boys as a group. As a society, we still tend to overlook boys’ relational capabilities and underestimate their vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that we do not expect to see them. We live in a society that associates emotions and relationships with femininity and conceptualizes masculinity and femininity as mutually exclusive opposites. To the extent that these gender stereotypes influence our assumptions about what boys are like and our expectations for how boys should act, we may be apt to acknowledge girls (but not boys) who are observant of emotions, invested in relationships, and attuned to social dynamics. Likewise, gender stereotypes lead us to regard vulnerability as socially permissible for girls but a weakness for boys. In turn, when boys glean that their vulnerability is considered a liability, they learn to hide and deny it. As neuroscientist Lise Eliot observes, “Kids rise or fall according to what we believe about them, and the more we dwell on the differences between boys and girls, the likelier such stereotypes are to crystallize into children’s self-perceptions and self-fulfilling prophecies.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that they are not always apparent. Although boys may be cognizant of their relational capabilities, they seem inclined to view these qualities and skills as setting them apart from, rather than enabling them to identify with and relate to, other boys. For instance, James, a seventh grader attending a private all-boys school, finds:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Most of the kids, they don’t, like, think about other people and, like, their feelings. They just think about themselves. But I’m different that way. I think about other people, and, uh, their feelings. So it’s kind of hard for me to talk to other people about what I’m feeling ’cause they don’t understand.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Andy, an eighth grader at the same school, similarly perceives his relational capabilities to distinguish him from his peers. As he reflects on his sensitivity to people’s feelings, Andy alternates between doubting himself and worrying that he will appear presumptuous when he shares his insights with others. As Andy explains:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I feel like I can sort of sense when somebody’s upset by what someone [else] said........... I sometimes feel like I am more aware than other people are........... I’ll confront them later about it and say, “Why did you say that? He’s really angry.” And they won’t notice [that the person is upset]. And I’m wondering if I’m wrong............ I’ve seen people with God complexes, and I don’t want to come across like that.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Boys are also cognizant of their vulnerability to being judged by others. As Max, a twelfth grader attending a private all-boys school, describes what he feels comfortable sharing about himself, he explains, “I don’t want to put my whole personality on the table for someone to understand, just ’cause I don’t want to be vulnerable like that.” Boys’ belief that their relational capabilities are an anomaly, combined with their fear of being misunderstood (and consequently ridiculed and/or rejected), makes them cautious about what they reveal. So, despite their desire for relationships in which they can feel truly known and accepted, boys refrain from sharing their personal thoughts and feelings, which may help them to fit in and make a good impression but can also compromise their presence in relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Gender Socialization\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>This process by which boys become self-conscious and selective about their self-expression reflects how they are actively reading and responding to their cultural and social contexts. Boys learn early and often that there are rules for how they ought to behave. Even if their parents manage to shield them from gender stereotypes, most children nevertheless encounter them through media and in their interactions with other adults and peers, especially once they enter school. Messages about what it means to be a boy or man and \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57057\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg 1707w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-800x1200.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1020x1530.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-160x240.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-768x1152.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1365x2048.jpg 1365w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>pressures to conform to masculine norms are sometimes conveyed explicitly, as when adults say, “boys don’t cry,” or instruct boys to “man up” or “take it like a man.” Socialization messages and pressures are also conveyed implicitly, as when peers punish boys who deviate from masculine norms by degrading or excluding them. Of course, girls also experience this kind of gender-policing. However, because our society generally values masculinity over femininity, deviating from gender norms can have more dire consequences for boys—in the sense that being called a “sissy” or “mama’s boy” usually is intended as an insult, whereas being called a “tomboy” can nowadays be intended as a compliment—at least until adolescence, when the sexualization of girls presents a new set of social expectations and risks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the main themes in boys’ gender socialization is that they must prove their masculinity and thereby their worth. Moreover, they must do so continually because anyone, at any time, can call their masculinity into question. In societies like ours that define masculinity in contrast to femininity, proving masculinity involves not only aligning with norms of masculine behavior but also eschewing anything deemed feminine. For instance, boys learn through their gender socialization to project a “masculine” image of physical toughness, emotional stoicism, and self-sufficiency and, perhaps more importantly, not to reveal their “feminine” vulnerability, sensitivity, and reliance on others for companionship and support. In essence, boys are taught that, to show that they are “big boys” (and not girls or babies), they must relinquish their “feminine” and “infantile” qualities—including their capacity and desire for emotionally close relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whereas the content of boys’ gender socialization informs their understanding of how they can gain social acceptance, the contexts in which boys encounter gender-specific expectations influence the extent to which they feel pressure to conform and the ways they choose to present themselves in their social interactions. Even if individual boys are supported elsewhere to express themselves openly and honestly, they may find it difficult (and unwise) to do so within, for instance, contexts that they perceive to be hierarchical, competitive, and antagonistic. Seth, a ninth grader attending a public high school, explains how the risk of being betrayed and targeted for harassment can make it unsafe to reveal personal feelings:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>If they know the way you feel and stuff, it’s sort of like they have an edge on you or something. They can, like, throw you down anytime they want—like, make fun of you if they want to or whatever.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Under such circumstances, boys who dare to reveal their relational capabilities and vulnerability risk not only their ability to be “one of the guys” but also their sense of security and control. Keen to avoid these risks (physical risks are another matter for concern), boys may put up a front, so to speak, and feign indifference by claiming, “I don’t care,” especially when they actually do. It is therefore likely, or at least possible, that boys’ alleged emotional and relational shortcomings do not reflect their nature but rather their accommodation to cultures of boyhood that—through gender-policing and shaming—lead them to cover up their relational capabilities and vulnerability for the sake of proving masculinity and protecting vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' (Adaptive But Costly) Masculine Posturing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Within potentially hostile contexts, the decision to adopt a defensive stance and conform to group and cultural norms of masculinity (e.g., to avoid standing out and drawing unwanted attention) could be considered socially adaptive. Nevertheless, there is a sense of loss when—as a result of their masculine posturing and other self-protective strategies—it becomes harder for boys to engage with others and vice versa. Although Andy explains that “[boys] want [people] to think that when we’re acting masculine, that’s just our normal way,” he finds that maintaining this public persona is not effortless and can interfere with his ability to be himself and feel at ease in his relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I really want to keep friends no matter what, but I don’t feel right when.....I have to act crazy around them just to keep that......I don’t think many people know me, like the way that I usually am. Most of them just see me joking around most of the time.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Other boys similarly struggle to develop the close relationships they seek when, in trying to be what they think other people expect of them, their pretense overshadows their presence. Maharth, an eleventh grader attending a private all-boys school, offers a case in point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Tom, you know, he’s my best friend......... Kids will come up to me and be like, “How can you hang out with Tom all the time?.......... That kid is so annoying. All he does is make wisecracks all day.”........ In school, [Tom] feels that he needs to fit in and this is what people recognize him for, like the jokes. And he thinks that’s what people appreciate. But the truth is . . . he’s not [like that] in real life....... If [kids] ever realized, like, who he really [is]....... I’m sure they’d like [him].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Through their gender socialization, boys are led to feel that it is not enough for them just to be themselves, so they must become something more or something else in order to be valued. Although their desire to maintain friendships and to have a place among their peers motivates their masculine posturing (e.g., acting crazy, joking around, making wisecracks), this approach often prevents other people from seeing and knowing who they really are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys continue throughout their lives to seek connections and resist disconnections, but their alignment with conventions of masculinity can lead them to suppress the very qualities and skills that enable them to relate to others in meaningful ways. For instance, whereas boys in their early childhood demonstrate the ability to be articulate, direct, authentic, and attentive in their relationships, they begin to appear inarticulate, indirect, inauthentic, and inattentive as they become adept at projecting an image of masculinity that is familiar (because it is consistent with gender stereotypes) but misrepresents them. Moreover, when boys wear the mask of masculinity, don a tough guise, or assume a cool pose, they not only hide their relational capabilities and vulnerability from view, but also display attitudes and behaviors that tend to keep others at a distance. Ironically, boys’ conformity to masculine norms that are supposed to ensure social acceptance and a sense of belonging may inadvertently sabotage their chances of developing the emotionally close relationships they need and want, leaving them feeling isolated and lonely instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to having implications for their relationships, boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity has also been linked to psychological and social indicators of decreased well-being. For instance, adolescent boys who believe it is important for boys and men to adhere to traditional norms of masculinity tend to report lower self-esteem and a sense of insecurity. These boys are also more likely to use alcohol and drugs, engage in delinquent activity, be suspended from school, and engage in risky sexual behaviors. In the extreme, boys’ internalization of masculine norms—particularly the denial of sadness and pain, the unchecked sense of entitlement, and the need to project bravado—can contribute to violent behaviors with devastating consequences.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity can also influence their engagement at school and educational outcomes. For instance, boys who conform to masculine norms tend to be less engaged at school, less likely to enjoy school, and more likely to avoid school. They also tend to score lower on their math exams. Raj, an eighth grader attending a public middle school, explains how masculine aloofness, or being “cool,” can conflict with making an effort in school:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>A lot of people who are cool do not do as well in school as they should. . . . I don’t think it’s uncool [to do well in school], but it’s uncool to try hard. I mean, like, you can be smart, but to do extra . . . and to worry about school, to worry about getting good grades, to worry, to study for the test [is not cool].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>A boy who is disengaged might act as though he neither needs nor cares about anything having to do with school, except maybe sports. Additionally, societal expectations for boys to appear coolly disengaged can prevent those who are struggling from admitting it, particularly if they have been socialized to view such vulnerability as emasculating and to associate seeking help with weakness and shame. Thus, a boy’s disengagement at school may not necessarily reflect an inability to learn or a lack of interest in learning, but a socially imposed need for boys to abide by rules of masculinity that are not conducive to school achievement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://judyychu.wordpress.com\">Judy Y. Chu, Ed.D.\u003c/a> is a Lecturer in the Program in Human Biology at Stanford University, where she teaches a course on Boys’ Psychosocial Development. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Social expectations around being masculine can interfere with a boy's ability to make genuine friends, know oneself and do well in school, especially during adolescence. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1607071982,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":27,"wordCount":2517},"headData":{"title":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections - MindShift","description":"Social expectations around being masculine can interfere with a boy's ability to make genuine friends, know oneself and do well in school, especially during adolescence. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections","datePublished":"2020-12-04T08:53:02.000Z","dateModified":"2020-12-04T08:53:02.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57024 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57024","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2020/12/04/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections/","disqusTitle":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections","path":"/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Relational Capabilities and Vulnerability\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The truth about boys is that, like all human beings, they have relational capabilities and they are vulnerable. Boys’ relational capabilities include their capacity for thoughtful self-reflection, empathy, and compassion, which researchers have observed in boys as young as four years old and throughout adolescence. When we consider that boys, too, are emotional and relational as well as social beings, we gain insight into their vulnerability. For instance, we see that, because boys also crave personal relationships characterized by trust, understanding, and care, they are emotionally vulnerable to the pain of being ridiculed and rejected, just as they are physically vulnerable to the pain of bodily harm. On some level, we knew this already. Most of us have met boys who are self-aware, considerate of others, and responsive in their relationships. However, we are likely to view these “sensitive” boys to be exceptions rather than representative of boys as a group. As a society, we still tend to overlook boys’ relational capabilities and underestimate their vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that we do not expect to see them. We live in a society that associates emotions and relationships with femininity and conceptualizes masculinity and femininity as mutually exclusive opposites. To the extent that these gender stereotypes influence our assumptions about what boys are like and our expectations for how boys should act, we may be apt to acknowledge girls (but not boys) who are observant of emotions, invested in relationships, and attuned to social dynamics. Likewise, gender stereotypes lead us to regard vulnerability as socially permissible for girls but a weakness for boys. In turn, when boys glean that their vulnerability is considered a liability, they learn to hide and deny it. As neuroscientist Lise Eliot observes, “Kids rise or fall according to what we believe about them, and the more we dwell on the differences between boys and girls, the likelier such stereotypes are to crystallize into children’s self-perceptions and self-fulfilling prophecies.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that they are not always apparent. Although boys may be cognizant of their relational capabilities, they seem inclined to view these qualities and skills as setting them apart from, rather than enabling them to identify with and relate to, other boys. For instance, James, a seventh grader attending a private all-boys school, finds:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Most of the kids, they don’t, like, think about other people and, like, their feelings. They just think about themselves. But I’m different that way. I think about other people, and, uh, their feelings. So it’s kind of hard for me to talk to other people about what I’m feeling ’cause they don’t understand.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Andy, an eighth grader at the same school, similarly perceives his relational capabilities to distinguish him from his peers. As he reflects on his sensitivity to people’s feelings, Andy alternates between doubting himself and worrying that he will appear presumptuous when he shares his insights with others. As Andy explains:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I feel like I can sort of sense when somebody’s upset by what someone [else] said........... I sometimes feel like I am more aware than other people are........... I’ll confront them later about it and say, “Why did you say that? He’s really angry.” And they won’t notice [that the person is upset]. And I’m wondering if I’m wrong............ I’ve seen people with God complexes, and I don’t want to come across like that.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Boys are also cognizant of their vulnerability to being judged by others. As Max, a twelfth grader attending a private all-boys school, describes what he feels comfortable sharing about himself, he explains, “I don’t want to put my whole personality on the table for someone to understand, just ’cause I don’t want to be vulnerable like that.” Boys’ belief that their relational capabilities are an anomaly, combined with their fear of being misunderstood (and consequently ridiculed and/or rejected), makes them cautious about what they reveal. So, despite their desire for relationships in which they can feel truly known and accepted, boys refrain from sharing their personal thoughts and feelings, which may help them to fit in and make a good impression but can also compromise their presence in relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Gender Socialization\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>This process by which boys become self-conscious and selective about their self-expression reflects how they are actively reading and responding to their cultural and social contexts. Boys learn early and often that there are rules for how they ought to behave. Even if their parents manage to shield them from gender stereotypes, most children nevertheless encounter them through media and in their interactions with other adults and peers, especially once they enter school. Messages about what it means to be a boy or man and \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57057\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg 1707w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-800x1200.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1020x1530.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-160x240.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-768x1152.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1365x2048.jpg 1365w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>pressures to conform to masculine norms are sometimes conveyed explicitly, as when adults say, “boys don’t cry,” or instruct boys to “man up” or “take it like a man.” Socialization messages and pressures are also conveyed implicitly, as when peers punish boys who deviate from masculine norms by degrading or excluding them. Of course, girls also experience this kind of gender-policing. However, because our society generally values masculinity over femininity, deviating from gender norms can have more dire consequences for boys—in the sense that being called a “sissy” or “mama’s boy” usually is intended as an insult, whereas being called a “tomboy” can nowadays be intended as a compliment—at least until adolescence, when the sexualization of girls presents a new set of social expectations and risks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the main themes in boys’ gender socialization is that they must prove their masculinity and thereby their worth. Moreover, they must do so continually because anyone, at any time, can call their masculinity into question. In societies like ours that define masculinity in contrast to femininity, proving masculinity involves not only aligning with norms of masculine behavior but also eschewing anything deemed feminine. For instance, boys learn through their gender socialization to project a “masculine” image of physical toughness, emotional stoicism, and self-sufficiency and, perhaps more importantly, not to reveal their “feminine” vulnerability, sensitivity, and reliance on others for companionship and support. In essence, boys are taught that, to show that they are “big boys” (and not girls or babies), they must relinquish their “feminine” and “infantile” qualities—including their capacity and desire for emotionally close relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whereas the content of boys’ gender socialization informs their understanding of how they can gain social acceptance, the contexts in which boys encounter gender-specific expectations influence the extent to which they feel pressure to conform and the ways they choose to present themselves in their social interactions. Even if individual boys are supported elsewhere to express themselves openly and honestly, they may find it difficult (and unwise) to do so within, for instance, contexts that they perceive to be hierarchical, competitive, and antagonistic. Seth, a ninth grader attending a public high school, explains how the risk of being betrayed and targeted for harassment can make it unsafe to reveal personal feelings:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>If they know the way you feel and stuff, it’s sort of like they have an edge on you or something. They can, like, throw you down anytime they want—like, make fun of you if they want to or whatever.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Under such circumstances, boys who dare to reveal their relational capabilities and vulnerability risk not only their ability to be “one of the guys” but also their sense of security and control. Keen to avoid these risks (physical risks are another matter for concern), boys may put up a front, so to speak, and feign indifference by claiming, “I don’t care,” especially when they actually do. It is therefore likely, or at least possible, that boys’ alleged emotional and relational shortcomings do not reflect their nature but rather their accommodation to cultures of boyhood that—through gender-policing and shaming—lead them to cover up their relational capabilities and vulnerability for the sake of proving masculinity and protecting vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' (Adaptive But Costly) Masculine Posturing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Within potentially hostile contexts, the decision to adopt a defensive stance and conform to group and cultural norms of masculinity (e.g., to avoid standing out and drawing unwanted attention) could be considered socially adaptive. Nevertheless, there is a sense of loss when—as a result of their masculine posturing and other self-protective strategies—it becomes harder for boys to engage with others and vice versa. Although Andy explains that “[boys] want [people] to think that when we’re acting masculine, that’s just our normal way,” he finds that maintaining this public persona is not effortless and can interfere with his ability to be himself and feel at ease in his relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I really want to keep friends no matter what, but I don’t feel right when.....I have to act crazy around them just to keep that......I don’t think many people know me, like the way that I usually am. Most of them just see me joking around most of the time.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Other boys similarly struggle to develop the close relationships they seek when, in trying to be what they think other people expect of them, their pretense overshadows their presence. Maharth, an eleventh grader attending a private all-boys school, offers a case in point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Tom, you know, he’s my best friend......... Kids will come up to me and be like, “How can you hang out with Tom all the time?.......... That kid is so annoying. All he does is make wisecracks all day.”........ In school, [Tom] feels that he needs to fit in and this is what people recognize him for, like the jokes. And he thinks that’s what people appreciate. But the truth is . . . he’s not [like that] in real life....... If [kids] ever realized, like, who he really [is]....... I’m sure they’d like [him].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Through their gender socialization, boys are led to feel that it is not enough for them just to be themselves, so they must become something more or something else in order to be valued. Although their desire to maintain friendships and to have a place among their peers motivates their masculine posturing (e.g., acting crazy, joking around, making wisecracks), this approach often prevents other people from seeing and knowing who they really are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys continue throughout their lives to seek connections and resist disconnections, but their alignment with conventions of masculinity can lead them to suppress the very qualities and skills that enable them to relate to others in meaningful ways. For instance, whereas boys in their early childhood demonstrate the ability to be articulate, direct, authentic, and attentive in their relationships, they begin to appear inarticulate, indirect, inauthentic, and inattentive as they become adept at projecting an image of masculinity that is familiar (because it is consistent with gender stereotypes) but misrepresents them. Moreover, when boys wear the mask of masculinity, don a tough guise, or assume a cool pose, they not only hide their relational capabilities and vulnerability from view, but also display attitudes and behaviors that tend to keep others at a distance. Ironically, boys’ conformity to masculine norms that are supposed to ensure social acceptance and a sense of belonging may inadvertently sabotage their chances of developing the emotionally close relationships they need and want, leaving them feeling isolated and lonely instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to having implications for their relationships, boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity has also been linked to psychological and social indicators of decreased well-being. For instance, adolescent boys who believe it is important for boys and men to adhere to traditional norms of masculinity tend to report lower self-esteem and a sense of insecurity. These boys are also more likely to use alcohol and drugs, engage in delinquent activity, be suspended from school, and engage in risky sexual behaviors. In the extreme, boys’ internalization of masculine norms—particularly the denial of sadness and pain, the unchecked sense of entitlement, and the need to project bravado—can contribute to violent behaviors with devastating consequences.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity can also influence their engagement at school and educational outcomes. For instance, boys who conform to masculine norms tend to be less engaged at school, less likely to enjoy school, and more likely to avoid school. They also tend to score lower on their math exams. Raj, an eighth grader attending a public middle school, explains how masculine aloofness, or being “cool,” can conflict with making an effort in school:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>A lot of people who are cool do not do as well in school as they should. . . . I don’t think it’s uncool [to do well in school], but it’s uncool to try hard. I mean, like, you can be smart, but to do extra . . . and to worry about school, to worry about getting good grades, to worry, to study for the test [is not cool].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>A boy who is disengaged might act as though he neither needs nor cares about anything having to do with school, except maybe sports. Additionally, societal expectations for boys to appear coolly disengaged can prevent those who are struggling from admitting it, particularly if they have been socialized to view such vulnerability as emasculating and to associate seeking help with weakness and shame. Thus, a boy’s disengagement at school may not necessarily reflect an inability to learn or a lack of interest in learning, but a socially imposed need for boys to abide by rules of masculinity that are not conducive to school achievement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://judyychu.wordpress.com\">Judy Y. Chu, Ed.D.\u003c/a> is a Lecturer in the Program in Human Biology at Stanford University, where she teaches a course on Boys’ Psychosocial Development. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_20698","mindshift_21330","mindshift_145","mindshift_21331","mindshift_21213","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_57059","label":"mindshift"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. 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But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"13"},"link":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"}},"baycurious":{"id":"baycurious","title":"Bay Curious","tagline":"Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time","info":"KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"\"KQED Bay Curious","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/baycurious","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"4"},"link":"/podcasts/baycurious","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bay-curious/id1172473406","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/500557090/bay-curious","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/category/bay-curious-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvbmV3cy9jYXRlZ29yeS9iYXktY3VyaW91cy1wb2RjYXN0L2ZlZWQvcG9kY2FzdA","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/bay-curious","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/6O76IdmhixfijmhTZLIJ8k"}},"bbc-world-service":{"id":"bbc-world-service","title":"BBC World Service","info":"The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service","meta":{"site":"news","source":"BBC World Service"},"link":"/radio/program/bbc-world-service","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/global-news-podcast/id135067274?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/BBC-World-Service-p455581/","rss":"https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"}},"code-switch-life-kit":{"id":"code-switch-life-kit","title":"Code Switch / Life Kit","info":"\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />","airtime":"SUN 9pm-10pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Code-Switch-Life-Kit-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/1112190608?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3bExJ9JQpkwNhoHvaIIuyV","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510312/podcast.xml"}},"commonwealth-club":{"id":"commonwealth-club","title":"Commonwealth Club of California Podcast","info":"The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.","airtime":"THU 10pm, FRI 1am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.commonwealthclub.org/podcasts","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Commonwealth Club of California"},"link":"/radio/program/commonwealth-club","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/commonwealth-club-of-california-podcast/id976334034?mt=2","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Commonwealth-Club-of-California-p1060/"}},"considerthis":{"id":"considerthis","title":"Consider This","tagline":"Make sense of the day","info":"Make sense of the day. Every weekday afternoon, Consider This helps you consider the major stories of the day in less than 15 minutes, featuring the reporting and storytelling resources of NPR. 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