About a year ago, I wrote an article for MSNBC musing who would be the next Martha Stewart. Alton baby, as much as I love you, I must retract my conclusions. Martha doesn't need a replacement. Martha, in her shiny gold clogs, is back.
As I begin my sixth year writing for Television Without Pity, released from my Star Trek Enterprise bonds, I have been assigned to recap The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. In the spirit of research, I TiVo'd Martha's new talk show, Martha, and settled down to watch the premiere episode yesterday.
Despite the media blitz Martha has received in recent days, weeks, months, hours, as of 2:59 PM this afternoon, I still had no idea what to expect from this show. Whatever predictions I could have made, I certainly didn't anticipate laughing as much as I did.
After the first few segments, it becomes very clear that Martha intends to show the viewership that she has a sense of humor. Not just a sense of humor, mind you, a sense of humor about herself. Hell, that much was clear just from the show's opening! Following Martha's old baby, modeling, and Miss America photographs, the opening sequence additionally flashes the now-famous photos of her being led away to prison, as well as one of her ponchoed prison release.
The first guest segment with Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross (formerly the wig-ripping Kimberly on Melrose Place) had me rolling the most. Not only is her character, Bree Van De Kamp, supposed to be a psychotic-Martha-Stewart-Stepford-wife knock off, but Martha and her producer Mark Burnett (the man behind far too many reality shows) open the segment with a famously risqué clip from the nouveau nighttime soap. Before airing the clip, Burnett makes a comment about Bree being modeled after Martha. Then we view the clip of Bree tossing off a fur coat to expose her perfectly toned body clad only in a matching set of scarlet bra and panties. After the clip, Martha snorts over Burnett's previous statement before looking straight into the camera, a lock of blond bangs sassily shading one eye, to say, "You know what? You're right. That's totally me."