Cable TV news. Newspaper comics. Scarlet Johansson singing Tom Waits. There are certain things I avoid because I know they will only dissapoint and/or infuriate me. I now add another activity to that list: watching Lost. The “Stranger in a Strange Land” episode promised us answers to three big questions, delivered maybe one, and left me with a whole new set of burning mysteries. When exactly did this show become so terrible? How many more times will we have to suffer through new characters with tedious flashbacks and vaguely distracted facial expressions? How many more episodes will the writers prop up on the same Jack-Kate-Sawyer love triangle that peaked a year ago? (You know it’s bad when even creepy, obsessive fansites stop updating.) At this point, the only thing I’d be shocked to see on Lost is a relevant plot.
The February 21st episode was the final straw for me. I seriously begrudge the writers for that hour of my life wasted on stomach churning, sappy dialogue and pointless plot meandering. In the words of my friend Jon, “Let’s hope they get fired.” Yes, let’s. Not only did they make us slog through yet another predictable flashback, but it was more fake drama with boring old Jack. Jack used to be one of my favorite castaways. Although he got pegged as “the nice guy” next to Sawyer, he was dark and brooding, which made me wonder what he was really like when he wasn’t being forced to take charge of all the lame soggy people around him.
But the answer to that question came as we were forced to watch Jack make an ass out of himself in Thailand. I haven’t a clue why this backstory needed to happen, or what “big questions” it was supposed to have answered. Apparently, Jack has a weakness for women with thick accents and cartoonishly “dangerous” fashion. We found out what Jack’s tattoo meant, but it was hardly a revelation. Jack’s tragic hero complex has been written all over his mournful brown eyes since Season One. And to learn about it, we had to cringe through some of the most awkward dialogue ever written: “Put it on me!”
Even away from Jack, it became clear how flimsy all the characters really are at this point. Kate can’t make up her mind about anything, and the writers push her between extremes of crying and acting tough under the guise of “pretty = interesting.” Sawyer is clearly a robot or alien trying his damnedest to imitate a laidback Southern bad boy. He seems to have an endless supply of forced, cutesy names for everyone he meets, though it seems like he could save himself the effort and refer to everyone with, “Hey there, Grimy.” The pair’s ill-fated rescue mission to save Jack is pretty much inevitable, with the only question being how much bickering over who comes along, and stiff, wooden colloquialisms will pop up on the way. The Kate and Sawyer dynamic has always struck me as more sibling rivalry than sexual tension, so I find their whole romance plot pretty unbearable and forced.
And for the record, I just don’t have the capacity to care about the plight of The Others. Juliet is probably evil, and she almost certainly will lead Jack and his soft, stupid heart into some kind of trouble. Maybe the musical scenes of Jack herding The Others into boats against a beautiful sunset will actually have meaning beyond making me laugh, and Jack will end up becoming their new leader. My only concern is over how excruciatingly long this will take. The show’s writers haven’t given us nearly enough to go on with our beloved first set of castaways, and then they introduced and slowly killed off all the interesting Tailies. Now, there’s further stalling as they slowly reveal which of The Others will turn out to maybe be good people, as shown through moony/grungy teenagers gazing up at stars. Meanwhile, I still just want to know why Hurley saw Libby in the mental hospital, or if there was any point at all to Mr. Eko.
