Santa Claus: Gift giver, elf employer and rotund hero to children who live around the world! He’s also the guy whose entire reason for existing revolves around breaking into houses — like, a lot of houses — on an annual basis.
With that in mind, it’s not all that surprising that Santa is also a hero to criminals of all stripes — many of whom have gotten their kicks impersonating him over the years.
Here are five very naughty Santa Clauses from Northern California history. (And, yes, of course one of them is naked.)
Fugitive Santa
What if the sack is full of stolen goods instead of gifts? (Gilaxia/Getty Images)
In 1954, a shifty salesman from a Modesto appliance store somehow managed to steal $12,000 — an astounding $134,000 in 2023 money — and hit the damn road. Herbert Vernon Caudell made it all the way to Louisville, Kentucky where he, for some reason, agreed to play Santa in a local department store. Somehow, despite his festive disguise, cops managed to track him down and nabbed him at his new place of work, charging him with forgery and embezzlement.
“Louisville police had to make their way through swarms of children being entertained by the robust Santa in order to arrest him,” the San Francisco Examiner reported.
Sponsored
No word on how many psychological issues this created for the kids who bore witness to the bust.
Drunk Santa
In fairness, if every child on Earth left you a glass of eggnog, you’d be drunk as well. (Bogdan Malizkiy/Getty Images)
On Christmas Eve 1934, one drunk Santa made headlines after getting arrested in San Francisco’s Richmond District. The Santa in question — a man named Charles H. Hayton — was so wasted that concerned residents called the cops on him. Even more bizarrely, the report in the Examiner that followed was awash with euphemisms to avoid saying so.
“He was arrested for carrying a package,” the paper reported. “In fact, it was a load, a terrific load that Santa Claus was packing. It was too much for the old man and he staggered under it, so that one foot went north and the other went south and Santa went around in circles. The inspectors led him away from an audience of interested youngsters. They took him, uniform and all, to the city prison and booked him on charges of overdoing the Christmas spirit.”
Okay, nerds.
Fraudulent Santa
Santa: Just in it for his damn self. (Bogdan Malizkiy/Getty Images)
You know those Santas that stand on the street, collecting money for charity? All the way back in 1911, a guy put on the magic red suit, got himself a box and hit a busy street corner in Oakland. A passing cop suspected he wasn’t there on behalf of a charity and was going to keep all the money for himself, so arrested him on the spot.
When word spread around the town that Santa was in jail, one little girl named Ada had a minor panic attack and immediately tried to reach Santa in lockup. She sent a letter to the chief of police to pass on, stating: “I am sorry you are in jail. I hope you will soon be out. I wrote to you before, but I don’t think you will get my letter. I asked you to bring me a big kid doll and a nice story book, a sleigh, a hair ribbon and Christmas crackers, and candy and oranges.”
Little bit desperate, Ada. Little bit desperate.
Naked Santa
You can picture the rest. (Adam Webb/Getty Images)
Predictably, bad Santas in Berkeley are cut from a different cloth than bad Santas everywhere else. And in 1995, one of them — wearing only his festive red hat — led a bizarre march through downtown Berkeley that resulted in three arrests.
“It was quite a scene,” Deputy Berkeley Chief Roy Meisner told the Oakland Tribune at the time. “There were people with no clothes, people with no clothes and mud all over them, people wearing masks and the usual punks and skinheads. One guy was surfing — or at least he was riding on a surfboard which was on top of a Volkswagen. We arrested the driver too, for $10,000 in outstanding warrants.”
Naked Santa wasn’t arrested on account of his, uh, candy cane being exposed in front of God and everyone. Rather, he was arrested for spraying red paint on a woman who had come out of a cafe on Bancroft Avenue to see what was going on. Not cool, naked Santa.
Counterfeit Santa
Nope. No, thank you. Nope. (Imagesbybarbara/Getty Images)
Picture if you will, a Hare Krishna monk, dressed in a Santa suit, impersonating a different (official!) Santa who’d been hired by Trans World Airlines to spread the joy (and give out candy) at SFO in 1975.
Then picture that Hare Krishna Santa running around the airport asking people for donations for “a hospital Christmas party.” Then picture those passengers figuring out the ruse, getting mad and reporting the 22-year-old. Sheriff’s deputies arrived quickly, removed the Krishna caperer and charged him with obtaining money under false pretenses and soliciting in a public place.
Why in God’s name was an ’80s teen comedy never made about this?
Happy holidays, everyone. Don’t forget to guard those chimneys…
lower waypoint
Care about what’s happening in Bay Area arts? Stay informed with one email every other week—right to your inbox.
