5. Dress for their heyday.
Don’t over think it. You’re not that young anymore. Throw on a plain tee shirt or one of a relating band, Cat Power or Slowdive, and be done. Do not wear a Yo la Tengo shirt by any means. Forget what your parents say. It’s an unspoken rule. Jeans and a light flannel maybe to finish the look. Their heyday was arguably the 90s. Dress for that.

6. Eat a well-balanced meal.
The show is in the late afternoon. Have some brunch beforehand, eggs, sausage, toast, and fruit. Be sure all parts of your body are moving the way they should be moving. Bring a friend with you for support. This will also potentially lessen your creep factor.

7. Be there before the masses.
Arrive an hour or so early and secure a pretty sweet spot up near the stage, as close as you can get. The crowd is a mixed one, everyone from teenagers discovering the band for the first time to adults who’ve known the wonder all along. Ira, Georgia, and James walk on stage toward their respective instruments and begin promptly. They throw some niceties out at the crowd and begin. Immediately sense their veteran comfort with each other. Think about how if they needed a fourth member, like someone on keys or whatever, you could probably do it.

8. Rock out.
Dance in your personal space and dance loudly. Spin around maybe once or twice. Nod your head on beat as though your saying yes to them and yes to all they do. In six songs, the band plays hard, so much so your friend fashions earplugs out of Kleenex from her purse. But there are two floating songs that validate their All Time status in your eyes. Soft numbers, Ira and Georgia’s whispers, ambrosial sounds. Listen closely. The milky rhythms will calm your nerves and release the right hormones to prepare you for what’s to come.

9. Feel honored.
Imagine they are playing for you and only you. When it’s over, the emcee of the show gives directions to the audience on how to line up for the record signing and points at your head: “This will start with you. You’re number one. Everyone lines up behind you,” he says. It’s unbelievable, for sure. Be glad you arrived early. After about a minute, the band returns and sits at a table, Sharpies in hand. This is it. Your big day has come. You are the first person in a line of maybe 200. Step up the stairs slowly and approach the three of them.

10. Say hi.
And then say nothing. Nothing about a farmhouse or your future child or the Mojave Desert. Nothing about your broken spine or your heart or your heartbreaks. Just shake each of their hands, genuinely. And walk away, back out onto the street, and head for home.

Amoeba RecordsAmoeba Records

I Am Not Afraid of You & I Will Shake Your Hand: How to Meet Your Favorite Band of All Time