There’s no definitive guidebook on how to raise a pre-teen, but Dr. Roxanne Almas discovered a helpful mentor in her garden.
I am reminded that our children are their own people with a fundamental need to grow. Just as a plant’s purpose is to flourish, so is a child’s.
I am a gardener and a parent. As a gardener, my role is to observe and learn from my plants. They become my teachers. I tweak conditions to help them grow but always allow the plant freedom to develop. Sometimes, the plant may wither, and I learn and try again. We move together through the seasons. I am a witness first, and then, a gentle guide. The plant does what it needs to do and I trust the process. If only parenting were that easy.
My eldest son recently told me he feels like a plant I have placed a thick glass jar over, allowing the sun to come in but not the much-needed air to breathe and the room to explore. Mothering a pre-teen has been an interesting new experience for me, one I thought I was prepared for, but some days I’m not so certain.
I thought for a moment, and then responded: “I feel like you are a passion fruit vine, growing incredibly fast in many directions with such vitality. I can’t keep up. I want to allow air and water, while also keeping you safe.” He looked at me with amusement, perhaps thinking of himself as a passion fruit vine.