Have you tried getting a discount at a farmers market over a bag of tomatoes? Negotiated for a better — or cheaper — room at a hotel or resort? How about lowering your rent hikes by calling up your landlord? Or about getting your car fixed? Tried to charm the check-in desk for a nicer seat on the airplane?

You probably were haggling — that is, bargaining with someone on cost.

Some people have been coached on the art of asking for a discount since childhood. For others, it makes their skin crawl. But sparking a simple discussion on prices might save you some precious dollars in a time of high inflation. KQED Forum spoke to two experts for some advice on haggling, or bargaining, on prices:

Veronica Dagher, personal finance reporter for The Wall Street Journal, and author of Wall Street Journal e-book Resilience: How 20 Ambitious Women Used Obstacles to Fuel Their Success
Richard Shell, professor of legal studies and business ethics, and of management, at the Wharton School, and author of Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People and The Art of Woo: Using Strategic Persuasion to Sell Your Ideas

Negotiation doesn’t have to be adversarial

When some people think about haggling, they are often imagining going into the discussion forcefully. But the experts agree charm and playfulness can go a long way.

“It may be a bit [more] outspoken than some people are used to, but it’s not this nasty ‘toe-to-toe fighting’ that’s going to get you the best results,” Dagher said.

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“If they’re probably getting yelled at all day by disgruntled customers … you’re just another person yelling at them for something they probably have zero control over. Why are they going to be motivated to help you?” Dagher continued.

“They probably won’t. And then you’ll feel yucky afterward. And they will, too. So, I like that nicer approach.”

Ask questions — in the spirit of investigation

Shell says he has a list of stock questions for any sellers or clerks.

“Rather than say, ‘Can you get it to me for less?,’ it’s ‘Can you do better than that?'” said Shell, who advises asking questions like, “Is there any kind of deal that might apply?” and “Explain a little more why this is being charged the way it is?”

Then, said Shell, you can “investigate the reasons.”

“Very often, when you are good at asking questions, that tends to open up a little space,” said Shell. “And then you can sort of see if you fit in.”

Shift your perspective

For some, a transaction isn’t complete without haggling. For others, it makes them cringe.

But some KQED listeners called in to the show to say it’s sometimes a matter of changing one’s mindset. For example, haggling is simply expected in many other countries.

Shell adds that in a time of inflation, “just asking” is not a bad habit.

“Sometimes people say, ‘I feel terrible negotiating for myself. I feel greedy,'” said Shell. “I say, ‘Well, then don’t negotiate for yourself. Think of who you’re negotiating for.’ Is it your children? Is that their college education? Is it your future retirement fund?”

Ultimately, “it’s rare that someone has too much money to take care of their financial security, or their self-respect, later in life,” said Shell. “And so, again, it’s not what you ask for. It’s how you do it.”

Plus, addressing your discomfort with haggling can be personally and professionally beneficial in other ways, Shell notes. “It’s just interpersonal conflict,” he said, noting that, like many, he was also “anxious about it” as a younger person.

But, said Shell, “I knew that as I get to be a professional, you’re going to have to manage conflict of all kinds. … It’s just about people. It’s social psychology in a very interesting and amazing way because you can create a lot of value — if you know how to manage conflict constructively.”

Two hands with lighter skin exchange an apple over a fruit stand at a market. — When negotiating for a discount, connecting with the person you’re talking with is key. (Erik Scheel/Pexels)

Feel uncomfortable? You don’t have to do it

Some KQED Forum listeners called in and expressed their discomfort with haggling — especially with small businesses or when it appears the seller does not have the same financial background as them.

Shell emphasized that the key is to do it with respect. “You’re a human first,” he said.

Dagher expanded on this discomfort, saying that experts she talked to observed that women especially often have a hard time asking for lower prices. An example of an internal conflict, she says, is: “If I go to the farmers market and I’m negotiating with the person who’s the farmer, am I the jerk?”

On the contrary, said Dagher, “what I have found is actually so many people are expecting the negotiation.

“So instead of thinking, ‘Am I the jerk for asking for a better price?,’ it might be more like, ‘Am I the jerk for not asking for a better price?'”

“I think there’s a lot of shifting that needs to be done to get comfortable with this,” said Dagher. And remember: “[The] worst you can hear is ‘No’.”

Find more tips on haggling, discounts and negotiation by listening to the full KQED Forum show.

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