(Image: "The Colbert Report")
(Image: “The Colbert Report”)

Eight hundred thousand workers furloughed, nutrition programs for women and children threatened, and our national panda cam blacked out. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, you’d have to have a heart of stone to read about our government shutdown without wanting a little comic relief.

And we’ve got that for you, right here, thanks first to NPR’s Two-Way news blog and its 8 Great ‘Shutdown Pickup Lines’:

— “You’re all the stimulus I need.”

— “I’m on furlough from the TSA. Want me to wand you?”

— “Do you work for the government? Because you shut. it. down.”

— “Where have you been sequestered all my life?”

— “Do you not carry health insurance? Because you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.”

— “My resolution continues ALL NIGHT.”

— “The IRS is suspending all audit activities. But I’ll still check you out.”

— “The only thing nonessential about you are those pants.”

And the best of the rest, starting with NPR’s Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me“:

We also discover that NASA’s pioneering Voyager 2, hurtling along near the edge of the solar system, has a little bit of an attitude about events back home:

Next: Stephen Colbert, who has kept us sane through many a political melodrama:

From “The Daily Show,” fake news with Jon Stewart. (Warning: Partisan political views are expressed here):

And finally  — not comic really, but illuminating and entertaining — CNN’s Piers Morgan discusses the shutdown and the Affordable Care Act with Tea Party leader Amy Kremer:

Tea Party’s Amy Kremer: “Harry Reid wants a shutdown because he believes it’s a political victory for the Democrats”As the clock struck midnight in Washington, D.C., officially shutting down the American government, Piers Morgan invited Amy Kremer to offer her specific perspective on, among other things, Obamacare, the very bill that sits at the center of the debate currently holding up business in the nation’s c…

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Dan Brekke

Dan Brekke (Twitter: @danbrekke) has worked in media ever since Nixon's first term, when newspapers were still using hot type. He had moved on to online news by the time Bill Clinton met Monica Lewinsky. He's been at KQED since 2007, is an enthusiastic practitioner of radio and online journalism and will talk to you about absolutely anything. Reach Dan Brekke at dbrekke@kqed.org.

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