From the Marin Independent Journal:

According to new figures from the FBI, among 461 city police departments in California, Belvedere had the lowest violent crime rate last year: zero. Belvedere, population 2,050, was the only city of at least 2,000 people to report no violent crimes in 2010 according to the data, which is based on reports from local police agencies. It was Belvedere’s third straight year with no violent crimes after the city logged one ā€” an assault ā€” in 2007… Belvedere is not the only low-crime city in Marin, which consistently ranks among the state’s safest counties in federal and state crime indexes.

That low crime rate is what made the Indepenent Journal’s blog “The Underbelly” so funny. Written in mock police-blotter bureaucratese by Gary Klien, it chronicled the nefarious goings-on in towns like Novato, Lagunitas, and Mill Valley, cesspools of criminal depravity, all.

Take this entry from May 2, for instance, called “Jose’s laundry left in dryer, Part 1“:

Interpersonal conflict was reported at a multi-residential property off South Novato Boulevard. The complainant was identified as resident of the property. The complainant advised that his laundry was in the front portion of the residential property. The complainant advised that the occupant of the forward dwelling, a male subject identified as Jose, would not permit him to retrieve his clothes from the shared laundry apparatus. The complainant requested that units provide dispute mediation services to facilitate his retrieval of the garments. Units responded. Contact was made with the involved parties. Units ascertained that the disagreement appeared to be “a misunderstanding.” Units ascertained that the complainant had placed his clothing in the dryer with Jose’s clothing. The commingled clothing was separated in accordance with the rightful ownership of the garments. Negative additional conflict abatement procedures were requested of first responders. Units exited the residential property. The time of call was 22:14 hours. The date of response was April 26.

Coming Tuesday: Jose accused of hogging dryer.

Alas, the blog appears to be no longer active, its last entry dated Jul 13. Update 3:10 p.m. Gary says the blog has been on “hiatus” and is not sure yet when it’s coming back…

Belvedere’s Violent Crime Rate is Zero 26 September,2011Jon Brooks

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