Talking to Family About Student Financial Aid Can Be Tough. Here's How to Start

Update, 10 a.m. Tuesday, March 26: The 2024–25 FAFSA is now online, and the deadline to submit the form to be eligible for California state financial aid has been extended to May 2, 2024. Additionally, students from mixed-status families — where a student has a Social Security number but a parent doesn’t — can now complete the FAFSA thanks to updates to the form in early March.

Original story continues:

This summer, Daniel Ortega, 22, will receive a bachelor’s degree in legal studies and sociology from UC Berkeley — becoming the first in his family to graduate from college.

This will be the conclusion of a journey that began when Ortega was a high school senior in Riverside County when he started his college applications. Back then, he had to figure out the college admissions process completely by himself.

His parents, who immigrated to the U.S. before Ortega was born, only completed elementary school and spoke limited English — meaning they were unfamiliar with the world of college applications. “I knew back then it was going to be a bit of a challenge,” Ortega said, “but I also knew that I had to do this.”

Introducing a family to FAFSA

As he hustled to complete his applications, Ortega learned that to qualify for financial aid — something he needed to afford a college education — he would need to complete the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, or FAFSA for short.

“I had literally never even taken a look at this application. I didn’t know what to expect, what was going to be required,” he said. As he scrolled through the online FAFSA portal, he learned that he would need to share personal family information, including specific questions about how much his parents earned and even their taxes.

“It was really the first time that I looked at my parents’ tax forms,” he said — adding that before FAFSA, he’d never had a reason to sit his parents down and ask them about how much money they made. “So that meant going through that process of figuring out, ‘Okay, what do these numbers [on their taxes] mean?’”

On top of that, Ortega had to figure this all out in two languages: English to complete the FAFSA and Spanish to talk to his parents and get the information he needed for the form. “But luckily, I was able to translate enough to where my parents had an idea of what it was that I was doing — and why I needed all their information,” he said.

When students take the lead on financial aid

Now, filling out the FAFSA comes naturally for Ortega: So much so that he’s helped his younger sister, who’s now at community college, and plans to support his youngest sister when she becomes a high school senior. There are countless stories similar to Ortega’s: students who can’t count on their parents’ help to fill out the FAFSA (and other necessary financial aid documents) for various reasons.

Every family situation is, of course, different. But being a high school senior or current college student and figuring out your family’s financial information — while you balance classes, jobs and personal responsibilities — is never easy. Especially if talking with family about financial matters is complicated.

That’s why KQED spoke to financial aid experts from universities across California and college access nonprofits to create this guide for students taking the lead on the financial aid part of the college application process.

Keep reading for more guidance, or jump to a specific question:

• I don’t usually talk about money with family. So, how can I talk to them about FAFSA?
• My family cannot (or will not) help me with FAFSA
• What if my family does not speak English?

How do I explain FAFSA — and why it matters — to my family?

If you are confused about what FAFSA is or what it does, it’s not going to be easy talking to your family about it. So, let’s unpack this together.

Rosanna Ferro is the chief of education at College Track, an Oakland-based nonprofit that helps first-generation and low-income high school students from across the country graduate college. She said that before they have the conversation with their family, students should first feel comfortable answering three questions:

1. “What is FAFSA?”
2. “What is the purpose of FAFSA?”
3. “What type of information will I need to share when completing FAFSA, and how is it going to be used?”

Before working at College Track, Ferro supported hundreds of first-generation and immigrant students at William College in Massachusetts and Ithaca College in New York. Ferro said that the questions she would get from students and their families were the same ones her family had when she applied to college. For her, this shows how the concerns families may have — and the misinformation they might be receiving about financial aid — often remain constant through time.”

• Tell us: What other financial topics do you need information about right now?

“Once you have the fundamentals down, you can then start figuring out what type of information you need and how to get that information,” she said.

1. “What is FAFSA?”

Here’s a one-sentence description of FAFSA you can share with your family: “FAFSA is a free online application from the Department of Education that helps students qualify for financial aid from the government and colleges.”

If your parents only speak Spanish, here is the description you can use: “FAFSA es una aplicación electrónica gratuita creada por el Departamento de Educación, la cual ayuda a estudiantes recibir ayuda financiera del gobierno y universidades.”

(KQED will be updating this description with more languages.)

In the past, students were required to fill out all of FAFSA, including the sections that asked about their family’s tax and financial information. But with the new FAFSA form, parents and students must fill out the form by creating their own FSA ID accounts. Learn more about the recent changes to FAFSA.

Filling out the FAFSA does not mean you will automatically get free money for college. It also is not a loan application. You don’t need perfect grades to complete FAFSA.

2. “What is the purpose of FAFSA?”

When you fill out FAFSA, you share your family’s financial information on a platform that the Department of Education can access. This government agency uses your information to decide which grants, loans and work-study programs you are eligible for. (Remember, being eligible for a pot of money does not mean you have already received this pot of money.)

The colleges you are applying for will also ask you to complete FAFSA. It doesn’t matter what type of schools you are applying for — public universities, private schools and community colleges all require FAFSA. With your FAFSA information, the financial aid office at these schools can calculate how much you or your family, will have to pay for your education and how much financial aid the school can give you.

If you are already in college, you are required to complete FAFSA each year so both your school and the federal government can stay updated on any changes to your family’s income. If your family’s income dropped from one year to the next, you can inform your school through the FAFSA — and potentially receive more financial aid.

3. “What information do I need for FAFSA, and where does it go?”

The good news: The new version of FAFSA released at the end of 2023 has fewer questions than before. But you should still set aside a couple of hours to finish this with your family.

If you live with both of your parents, ask them to have their tax information from the past few years ready (including their 1040 and W-2 forms) and their Social Security numbers. Read a complete list of the information you’ll need to complete FAFSA.

Obviously, not everyone lives with both of their parents or can depend on their parents’ help during the college process. Some families don’t have Social Security numbers or have their tax information readily available.

Something important to know up-front: The information you and your family share on FAFSA will only be shared with the Department of Education and the staff working at the financial aid offices of the schools you are applying to. It will not be shared with the IRS or other government agencies, like ICE.

Sonia Jethani, the director of the financial aid office at California State University East Bay, said she understands why some families worry about who can see their FAFSA form. “Their financial information is completely safe with us,” Jethani said. “The only reason why we’re asking for this information is to ensure that they get their financial aid package and nothing else.” Read more below about what to say if your family is reluctant to share their finances for FAFSA.

I’m not used to talking about finances with my family. So, how do I start a FAFSA conversation?

Even just raising anything related to money in some families could spark an uncomfortable situation.

College Track’s Ferro understands the anxiety students may feel in these situations. But parents and family members will usually do their best to help, she said — once they fully understand what FAFSA is.

“Let your parents know why this is important and how this is a major determining factor in terms of how you can actually fund your education,” Ferro said, adding that without FAFSA, there’s no way students will be able to receive money from schools or the federal government.

Don’t be vague about what you need when talking to your family about FAFSA, Ferro said. Be clear about what FAFSA is (see above) and which documents you’ll need, along with the deadlines. Use specific terms like: “Your 1040 form” and “Your W-2 form,” and always remind them you have limited time to send this information in.

Can’t remember what documents you need? Pull up the FAFSA documentation list when talking to your family. Is your family the type that you need to tell them something several times so they remember? You can set reminders for yourself on your phone every few days so you can check in with your parents about what’s missing. Try to think ahead about the obstacles you might encounter during these initial conversations and prepare for them accordingly.

My family still doesn’t want to share their financial information. What now?

In some cases, parents or guardians may push back when a student asks for tax documents.

Coleeta McElroy and Lucy Serrato-Lager, from the financial aid office at California State University, San José, said they’d seen this situation a lot. “A lot of times, parents may just be afraid of where their information is going,” Serrato-Lager said, adding this happens particularly with parents who are undocumented and are understandably afraid to share personal data with others.

“But once we explain to them that this information doesn’t go anywhere else, then they’re more willing to give the information,” she said.

In other instances, McElroy said, parents may think that if the student completes FAFSA alone — without mentioning their family’s income — they could qualify for more aid. This is called filing as an “independent student.”

“There are parents who feel their students have graduated from high school and therefore they are independent,” she said. “But how a parent may view ‘independence’ and how the federal government views’ independence’ are two different things,” she said.

The Department of Education will only consider you an “independent student” if you are at least 24 years old, married, a veteran, or already have your own children who depend on you, among a few other categories. If you don’t fit into any of those groups, you are a “dependent student” — and both you and your family will still have to complete the FAFSA together.

What if my parents are separated — and one of them is not in the picture at all?

The new FAFSA form will ask students to answer questions “about the parent with whom you lived more during the past 12 months.”

So if you’ve only lived with one parent this past year — let’s say it’s mom — you will only have to answer questions about mom, and you will only need to work with mom to obtain her financial information. Rest assured, you won’t need to track down an absent parent to complete FAFSA.

My family is flat-out refusing to help me with FAFSA

There are, unfortunately, some cases where a family will straight-up refuse to help out the student with the college process — even if the student explains how important going to college is for them.

“We know not everyone has a family situation where that conversation is actually productive,” said Ferro from College Track. She’s seen situations like these in the past, where students have a really complicated relationship with their family, but adds that there are “ways to support students who don’t have positive home lives.”

This kind of family dynamic, Ferro said, “should not be a reason why somebody decides not to go to college.”

If this is your situation, and you want to go to college, Ferro recommends looking for an ally you can trust as soon as you possibly can. If you are in high school, this can be a teacher from years past or perhaps a counselor. You can also ask staff at your school if they know of any after-school programs or nonprofits that help students through the college process. Find that somebody you can trust that can help you think of strategies to complete everything you need for college. There are folks out there who will want to help you.

Ferro affirms that there is nothing wrong with asking for help, and if a student is feeling anxious, she recommends seeing things this way: “This resource is here for a reason. It’s here to help me. There’s nothing wrong with me: I am entitled to this resource, and I deserve the help.”

Depending on your situation, you can complete FAFSA without your family’s financial information. But be aware that this only applies for particular circumstances — and you will need to first contact the financial aid offices of the schools you are applying to and explicitly ask for their “professional judgment.”

Paul Dieken, who heads the financial aid office at Pomona College in Southern California, said schools have to follow specific rules set by the federal government before they waive certain FAFSA requirements through “professional judgment.” This could include situations where the student is experiencing abuse or is afraid to contact their parents.

However, a student would need to provide the schools with some sort of documentation of their situation. “Maybe a letter from a third party, maybe a religious leader like a priest or a minister or somebody that knows the family,” Dieken said. “Sometimes, we can make a waiver in that case.”

If this is your situation, it’s best to contact the financial aid offices of the schools you’re applying to directly.

My family doesn’t speak English. How can I make sure our conversations about FAFSA are a success?

Over 65 million people in the U.S. speak another language at home that’s not English. And in many of those homes, it’s young people who are helping close language gaps.

“What a lot of our community experiences is that the student ends up being the translator,” said Catherine Marroquín, a senior director at Mission Graduates, a San Francisco-based organization that helps many immigrant and low-income students get to college. “They end up being the face for the family for the things that they need to do.”

Being a translator could be another (yet another) hat that a student has to wear during the admissions process. But there are tools out there that will make it easier to talk about college, financial aid and FAFSA with your family in your home language:

• The California Student Aid Commission, a state agency that helps connect students with financial aid, has helpful breakdowns of FAFSA and other California-specific grants and scholarships. At the top of the page, there’s a “Language” bar that will translate the whole website into any language you need.
• If your family only speaks Spanish, StudentAid.gov, the official government website for accessing the FAFSA application, is now completely available in Spanish. All you have to do is look for the “Español” tab on the upper right side of the website. Additionally, if there are very specific terms you need a translation for, the Department of Education and Cal State East Bay have created their own bilingual financial aid glossaries.
• For Tagalog speakers, the University of Guam created a video series in 2023 that explains in Tagalog the basics of financial aid and what type of questions are included in FAFSA.

KQED will be updating this list with more language-specific resources. But keep in mind that individual colleges may have someone in their financial aid team who can speak the same language as your family. Sometimes, this information is listed on the college’s financial aid website, and sometimes, it’s not, but it doesn’t hurt to ask the schools you are applying to. Many of the financial aid officers KQED spoke to confirmed that when parents hear about the college process in their own language, it makes it much easier for them to support their students.

Additionally, something that UC Berkeley senior Daniel Ortega found helpful when he was applying to college was reaching out to other young bilingual people in his community.

“I got a lot of help from my friends as well who were not new to this, who had siblings that had already gone to college and had to do the application,” he said. Older students may have already figured out smart ways to translate English terms.

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