'It is Possible to Love People and Disagree': For These Two Friends, Hard Conversations Are Key Right Now

Several years ago, when pediatrician Dr. Lama Rimawi first joined the Palo Alto chapter of the Sisters of Salaam Shalom, a Jewish-Muslim interfaith organization, she was stunned.

“I was given a list of the covenants of the group, and one of them was to not talk about Israel or Palestine. I remember laughing and saying, ‘Well, that’s very difficult to do because I’m Palestinian,’” she recalled.

The interfaith organization’s current recommendation is that members “Avoid dialogue about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict until trust and respect has been established.” But this guidance still frustrated Rabbi Amy Eilberg, a fellow member of the Palo Alto chapter.

Over 20 years, Eilberg has been involved in Israeli-Palestinian peace dialogue efforts — the kind of work that has become heightened among interfaith groups following the Oct. 7 attack by Hamas on Israel that killed at least 1,200 people, according to the Israeli government, and Israel’s subsequent attacks on Gaza that have killed more than 11,000 people, according to the Health Ministry in Gaza. (Read more about the decades-long background from NPR in their ‘Middle East crisis — explained’ series.)

“It was Lama beginning to talk about what it was like for her to be a Palestinian, and I got to learn more from her story,” said Eilberg, who was the first woman ordained as a Conservative rabbi by the Jewish Theological Seminary of America. “That’s not to say it was easy. It’s probably still not easy for me, because there is something threatening about hearing a worldview that’s really very different from your own.”

Both Eilberg and Rimawi went on to become loving friends. They’ve disagreed, but both acknowledge that their relationship — based on trust and respectful listening — is reinforced in those contentious moments. The two women talked about this with KQED’s Brian Watt, in light of the ongoing violence in Gaza and as loved ones gather together this week for Thanksgiving.

This conversation has been edited for brevity and clarity and represents part of KQED’s ongoing coverage. 

Brian Watt: What was it like when you first met during a meeting of the Sisters of Salaam Shalom?

Dr. Lama Rimawi: I want to start by saying I love Amy. She’s an incredible person, and I’ve learned so much from her. I remember the first time we met, we had a session reviewing or talking about our personal stories. Some of my Jewish sisters talked about their parents or grandparents who were Holocaust survivors, and I had an opportunity to talk about my grandfather, who survived the Nakba in 1948.

It was so important to see that other people had experienced not the same thing, but what we had experienced was very similar. It helped see the compassion for each other and see beyond the differences.

Rabbi Amy Eilberg: For Lama and me, now that we’re friends, it was no question. Just because there’s a war in Israel and Gaza, nothing’s going to change the fact that we love each other and respect each other.

Watt: How have you stayed friends during this conflict and the unfolding humanitarian crisis in Gaza?

Rimawi: I think the vast majority of the world doesn’t want innocent children to die. It doesn’t matter where they come from or what religion they are. So I always hang on to that.

Eilberg: Maybe a couple of days after Oct. 7, Lama wrote to all the women in our in our Sisters of Salaam Shalom chapter in this beautiful lyrical way that she had been looking at some pictures of some of the children, in particular, who had been attacked and whose families had been attacked.

She invited us all to come to her house and to just talk and be together. I wasn’t surprised that Lama reached out in that way, but I was so moved. It was just so beautiful. This is what peace looks like.

Rimawi: It was wonderful because my sisters came, whether they were Jewish or Muslim. [They] just shared the intense pain that they were feeling, and how their families were being affected. I shared my feelings, as well.

And it’s important to see that the people on the other side are suffering as much as we are suffering. If you’re able to see that, then maybe we can work together to end the suffering for both our peoples, because I truly, in my heart, believe that there can be peace, and there will be peace.

Watt: When I want to talk about this conflict, I have a genuine fear of oversimplifying a situation that is very complicated. But when I hear you two talk, I feel like the people can see peace. They know it’s there. They know it’s possible.

Eilberg: I’ve always believed that. I know from the Israeli side that the level of trauma and horror and pain and fear is so enormously great, that for now — and I hope to God that it’s temporary — a lot of Israeli Jews must be feeling, “I used to think that peace was possible, but now I feel really shaken.”

Rimawi: I do think that the majority of people want to be able to give their kid a glass of water when they ask for it, and feed them and tuck them into their beds every night, and know that the next day they’re not going to be killed. So I think that is what we see happening when people all over this country are coming together to stand up for the innocent.

And that’s a very powerful thing. That’s why I see that there is a path toward peace.

Watt: As the holiday season approaches, people are getting together. Sometimes, current events come up at Thanksgiving tables. Have different takes on this conflict come up within your own families?

Rimawi: Absolutely. I have family in the West Bank who are basically hiding in their apartment because they’re afraid that they’re going to be attacked. And right now, it’s about survival for a lot of people. I certainly have family in other places, like Jordan, who can’t see peace because of the images they’re seeing of babies and children.

Eilberg: There are political and generational differences in my own family. And I’m listening to a lot of people in the Jewish community where families are riven with conflict. I’ve heard several cases in which parents and adult children are not speaking to one another, and that’s incredibly sad. But it is possible to love people and disagree, and to talk and to listen, and to feel our pain.

Rimawi: I still believe that it is humanity that’s going to win. It’s humanity that’s won every single time in the end — even if the path is long and difficult.