bloodybottleTwilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries are just three of the newest examples of how vampires refuse to go dustily into that good night. And they’re also why I found myself researching and writing VampireSmarts (“The Question & Answer Game that makes learning about Vampires before dating them easy & fun!”) and digging up some of the wildest information about vampires a few years ago.

While sticking to an all black wardrobe might be the easiest way to hide unsightly red stains, vampires cannot live in black alone. If you do happen to spill any of your liquid refreshment on your clothes, here are some handy tips on how to deal with the blotches.

Pomegranate or Cranberry Juice

First, saturate the stain with cool water. Next, combine 1 quart cool water, 1 tablespoon of white vinegar, and 1/2 teaspoon liquid detergent.

Let the garment (cape, velvet doublet, silk ascot, etc.) soak in the solution for 15 minutes before sluicing out with water. If the stain isn’t exorcised, dab at it with rubbing alcohol and rinse again. Finally, put the garment through the laundry using cold water only.

Red Wine

Hands down, the best way to deal with any wine stain is by spraying it with Wine Away, a miracle product.

Tomato Juice

Immediately attack the stain with cold water and a sponge and then rub it with a wedge of lemon. Finally, douse the area with water, squeeze out as much liquid as possible, and spread the garment out to dry.


Okay, if you must have blood or just happened to slice open your finger while cutting open a fresh pomegranate, here’s a particularly savory way to deal with any resulting stain.

Rub the affected area with a paste made out of powdered meat tenderizer and water. Let the paste interact with the stain for about 30 minutes. Rinse out the garment in a solution of 2 quarts cold water and 1 teaspoon ammonia. Rinse again with just cold water and lay the garment out in the sun to dry. (To avoid any ashes-to-ashes action, ask a friend or family member to tag in for this last step.)

Vampire Fruit

Did you know your fruit carried vampiric properties? According to Romany folklore watermelons and pumpkins that weren’t consumed after ten days would develop streaks of blood on their surface. If that’s not bizarre enough, these same fruits would also become “noisy” and “annoying” around the house.

Tip: eat your fruits before they go bad. (Har, har, har.)

Admittedly, the following facts have nothing to do with food, but I just had to share them. You’ll thank me later.

Crazy Ass Twins

If you can find a set of brother and sister twins who were born on a Saturday, you might have a chance at using them to fight off a vampire. Wait — don’t get too excited yet. What cinches the deal is if said twins happen to make a habit of wearing their unmentionables inside out. Exactly.

Apparently, Romany folklore — gotta love folklore when doing vampire research — recounts that the mere glimpse of such a duo would send a vampire screaming for cover. Well, wouldn’t you do the same?

Sockholm Syndrome

Reputedly, vampires are curiously attached to their socks, which probably explains why they prefer not to use a dryer. Since they are also afraid of water, one way of ridding yourself of a troublesome bloodsucker is to take his left sock (no idea why it must be the left one), fill it with rocks taken from the vamp’s grave, and toss it in running water. The hapless vampire will wander around, desperately searching for his sock, fall into the water, and accidentally drown himself.

Stain Removal and Other Weird Vampire Facts 20 October,2013Stephanie Lucianovic


Stephanie Lucianovic

A former picky eater, Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic is a writer, editor, and lapsed cheesemonger in the San Francisco Bay Area. A culinary school grad with an English lit degree, she has written for,, Popular Science, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Boston Globe. Additionally, she has been writing for KQED’s Bay Area Bites since its inception and is the website editor for KQED’s Emmy-award winning show “Check, Please! Bay Area.”

Stephanie was an original recapper at Television Without Pity and worked on a line of cookbooks for William-Sonoma as well as in the back kitchen of a Jacques Pépin cooking show. Her first book, SUFFERING SUCCOTASH: A Picky Eater’s Quest To Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate (Perigee Books, 2012) is a non-fiction narrative and a heartfelt and humorous exposé on the inner lives of picky eaters that Scientific American called “hilarious” and “the perfect popular science book for a reader that doesn’t think he or she wants to read a popular science book.”

Stephanie lives in Menlo Park with her husband, three-year-old son, assorted cats, and has been blogging at The Grub Report for over a decade.

Follow her on Twitter at @grubreport

Sponsored by

Become a KQED sponsor