Coffee, Tea, or Blood?: Vamp Up Your Drink

Twilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries are just three of the newest examples of how vampires refuse to go dustily into that good night. And they're also why I found myself researching and writing VampireSmarts ("The Question & Answer Game that makes learning about Vampires before dating them easy & fun!") and digging up some of the wildest information about vampires a few years ago.

According to Rosemary Ellen Guiley's book The Complete Vampire Companion, there is some guy named Damien Vanian who is living la vida muerte in London. Damien Vanian, aside from having a name that's the undead equivalent of Amelia Bedelia, is supposedly "London's most famous living vampire." I didn't learn a whole lot about the guy, but I did learn that he came up with a blood substitute recipe.

There Will NOT Be Blood*

1 part tomato juice
1 part orange juice

Additional tasting notes on this recipe are that you should drink this cocktail warm -- ideally 98.6°F, because that's body temperature. Also, Vanian believes this effectively mimics both the taste and appearance of clotting blood, so you get all the blood bang without the worries of coming down with the Black Plague. Oh, yeah, that's another fun fact I learned when researching vampires: don't drink human blood. Not only can it be bubbling with bacteria and diseases, it might also act as an emetic.

I should note that since my primary source was published about 16 years ago, I have no idea if this guy is still living (or still living-dead, as it were), so if this concoction makes you vomit, don't blame me.

(*Trademark me. Damien-Banana-Fanna-Fo-Vanian did not come up with that cool-ass name.)

Now, if you're totally grossed out by that drink, but still feel the need to ape the vampiric lifestyle, consider stocking your bar with these delicious blood-like beverages:

• Clamato, cranberry, and pomegranate juice: those health-improving antioxidents are very important, even to vampires.
• Red wine: try a bottle of something from Vampire Vineyards. Because it means "blood of Jove," I'm sad they no longer make a Sangiovese.
• Mineral water: helps thin out the tomato-based drinks and brings a little sparkle back into your life.
• Bloody Mary mix: duh.