It’s hard to be in your twenties. You graduate from college, or you don’t, but either way you don’t feel good about it. You date alcoholics or you become an alcoholic or you get married or all of the above. You work for minimum wage. You probably at some point move back in with your parents. And then, when you turn 27 or 28, you get hit with what astrologers call your “Saturn Return” or other, non-astrologers call “being 27 or 28 and thinking you know everything and then suddenly realizing you know absolutely nothing.” According to people who know about such things, these returns coincide with the time it takes Saturn to orbit the sun (29.4 years) and the first marks the transition between youth and adulthood (28-30). Everyone agrees that it’s pretty much the worst. But all you people who are struggling through your horrible, magical, angst-ridden twenties, I have news for you: if you can kick that drug habit now, and stop texting while crossing the street, you might make it to your thirties. Now, I’ve only been 30 for 2 weeks myself, but already things are looking great. First of all, I had at least 3 birthday parties. And all the choices I am making are very grown-up. And then I got this epic horoscope, in which Susan Miller says: “For nearly 3 years, since October 30, 2009, Saturn, the great teacher-taskmaster planet, has been poking and prodding you to meet tough challenges in an effort to evolve you into an even better version of yourself… As you see, you had layer upon layer of stress over recent years. That’s NOT the case anymore. If I were you, I would celebrate.”
You might not buy into star charts. I don’t really myself, except in a Douglas Adams-y way. But whatever your feelings on your moons and rising signs, turning 30 is definitely something to celebrate. Here are some songs to help you get the party started (secret: this party lasts the rest of your life):
The Avett Brothers — “I and Love and You”
First, yes, this will be a bitter sweet time. You are saying goodbye to your youth! And probably also getting divorced! But you are getting back to your truer self, that self that you haven’t seen since you were 10 years old, the one who knew who they were, what they wanted and how they planned on getting it. You are turning into a Zen master. Still, let yourself mourn a little. Also, maybe start thinking about moving to Brooklyn.
Stars — “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead”
You know what though? Even if it is sad, you’re going to get over it, I promise. You aren’t going to have regrets. Your scars are going to remind you of the good parts. You chose to feel it and now it’s time to set yourself on fire. Listen to this song. Listen to it a million times if you have to. Congratulations. Now it’s over (sign the divorce papers, start a book club). Don’t be sorry. You did the best you could.
